Why I Wish I Didn't Love You...

By: DemonSaya

Chapter 1: Beer and Whiskey

"When I was a child, I used to read fairy tales. You know the ones. Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White." She closed her gray eyes and smiled faintly. Her face was tilted towards the ceiling just a bit, the camera trained on her face showing all that natural beauty. "Stories that spoke of Prince Charming showing up and rescuing the princess; them living happily ever after." She looked back at the camera. "I used to dream and wish that I was one of those princesses and that my Prince Charming would come and take me away."

The host laughed. "Most women had those dreams. Since we're on the subject and I'm sure the male viewers are wondering, did you ever find your prince?"

Her laughter was warm, rich. However, it was just slightly tainted with bitterness. "No, Tetsu, I didn't. You see, like most little girls, I grew up. Growing up I learned that there really is no happily ever after. Those princesses ran off to the first member of the opposite sex that was attractive and attracted to them. I'm sure ten or fifteen years down the road, Cinderella was looking at an overweight prince who had grown accustomed to her kindness and had begun to take advantage of it. He was probably having an affair with her ugly stepsister, had his lawyer digging dirt on her so that when he divorced her, she was left penniless, heartbroken and alone. Not so Charming anymore, is he?"

"That's a rather cynical view on love, Miss Higurashi." He tugged at his collar, his smile becoming awkward.

Those gray eyes shone. "I didn't say that was my view on love. Just on the 'happily ever after' in a story book." She lowered her eyes, looking at her hands. "Those are not the same things, Tetsu. Storybooks have 'love at first sight', which gives people the impression that the exterior of a person shows their true value. If a woman has a beautiful face, tiny waist, big breasts, she is more capable of being loved than someone who looks more average."

She shook her head. "No, that's not love. Love would have to be when two people have such a deep emotional attachment that their outsides have little effect on it. When he's forty, going gray prematurely, and she has stretch marks from being pregnant and her breasts aren't as perky as when she was twenty, but they still kiss like when they were teenagers or take afternoons to make love by a lake...That's love."

"A lovely sentiment. Unfortunately, that's all we have time for today. Thank you for coming Miss Higurashi."

Kagome saw the artifice in the mans smile as she shook his hand. Yes, in this day and age where people believed the outsides were more important than nurturing the insides, her words would be hard to swallow. She left the stage and pulled the microphone off her shirt, dropping it into a tray and adjusting her collar. It didn't matter. Six years ago, when she'd first went to college, she'd been one of them.

She smiled sadly as she left the studio. She'd been on the fast track to becoming a lawyer. She'd been a year away from graduation, working as an intern in a law office when she came to realize that everyone she knew was about making a bigger buck. That she too was falling into that trap. So she packed her things and left school, never looking back. She used what was left of her money and bought a small apartment in Kobe, transferred to Konan Private University, studying something she hadn't done in years.

Writing.

Now, she made a meager living on her stories, selling them to the resident dime-store romance publisher. She lived alone, with a cat and wrote ROMANCE. The irony made her chuckle a bit. She was neighbor to the rather eccentric, old woman named Kaede, and a lecherous monk named Miroku. The small one bedroom had a small bathroom, a decent kitchenette, and a small living room. It was a comfortable space, not so large that she felt uncomfortable.

As she stood, waiting for the bus, she unpinned her uncomfortably tight, sensible hair and sighed in relief as it fell down her back, and pulled her tennis shoes out of her back pack which doubled as a purse. She slipped her aching feet out of the uncomfortable, ill-fitting Payless heals, and into the comfortable sneakers.

She could feel the eyes of several people on her and ignored them. The Japanese had a saying, 'the nail which sticks out is hammered down hardest'. Her grandfather had quoted that saying to her when she went home and told her family what she'd done before moving to Kobe. Her grandfather had tried to convince her to move back in with her family, that a woman on her own would be taken advantage of with no men to take care of her.

She snorted softly, climbing onto the bus as it arrived, slipping her hand through one of the straps that hung from the ceiling. Her unfashionable suit itched uncomfortably against her skin, and she frowned faintly. She made a mental note to spend a little on a decent one after she got paid for this quack interview.

The trip took longer than normal, due to several accidents, but within an hour, she was standing in front of her apartment building, a sigh escaping her. She glanced down at her watch. She had twenty seven minutes to get ready for work. She used her card key to open the door and slipped in, walking to the stairs and jogging up them two at a time. She slipped into her apartment just seconds before one of her neighbors peeked out into the hallway.

She practically tore the suit off, dropping it onto the pile of clothing that needed dry cleaned and found a crisp white shirt hanging in the closet. The pants that went with it were still laying on the ironing board. She snatched those as well and ran into the bathroom, showering in the small stall. If there was anything she missed about her old home, her old way of life was a bathtub. She was just hopping out when the phone rang. She answered it, as she found her most comfortable bra and slipped into it. "City Morgue, you stab 'em; we slab 'em." She answered evenly.

"Kagome Higurashi!"

She sighed. Her mother. Someone else she'd disappointed by leaving school. To her mother it should have been school as a lawyer, or a husband. She'd even attempted to arrange a marriage. "Hi mama." She said, pulling on some lace underwear. She didn't often wear things that were more expensive than sensible, but lace underwear made her feel pretty. "I don't have a lot of time, I'm getting ready for work."

"I saw your interview today." The older woman's voice was a bit tight, sounding angry. "You could at least not embarrass us when you're talking to eight million people."

Kagome scoffed. "Trust me, mom, I'm less worried about embarrassing you than I am about being able to live with myself and the things I say." She began to apply her make up, using a chocolate brown to accent her eyes, applying black mascara and a hint of peach blush. She topped off with a nice sheer peach lipstick. Then she grabbed the curling iron.

The phone was silent for a long time. "Kagome, Hojo called today. He'd like to speak to you."

"No." Fury was beginning to fill her. "No, mom. I don't think so." She took a steadying breath and began styling her hair. "I've gotta go. Bye." She hung up before her mother had a chance to object. She closed her eyes, and tied the messy mass of curls into a banana clip. She rested her hands on the sink and took an unsteady breath.

Hojo. Her 'Prince Charming'. To avoid that subject, she glanced at her watch and quickly dressed. Her twenty minutes had dwindled down to eight. She found her favorite black sneakers and pulled them on, snatching up her purse and ran to the door. She took the stairs down to t he lobby and broke into a jog. She reached the restaurant and punched her card, just as the clock hit five o'clock. She skidded to a halt with the rest of the waiters and waitresses.

"Glad you could join us, Higurashi." The sound of her boss caused her to cringe. "You'll be working the VIP room today. We're expecting some important guests for a business meeting. Be on your best behavior. Go now, they should be here in about ten minutes."

Kagome took a steadying breath and walked out to the main part of the restaurant. Her best friend, Ayumi was already there. Ayumi was the one friend from high school she'd kept in touch with. All the others had stopped talking to her when she and Hojo broke up. She gave the girl a weak smile and stretched. "So, any big tippers tonight?"

"Hm? Oh...no..." Ayumi sighed, looking at her. "I'm thinking of quitting, Kagome. I can't take this anymore." She said softly. "Mom and dad say they've found a nice boy from a good family. They say he makes enough to support a wife and children." She sighed, looking towards Kagome, wringing her hands. "I just don't know if I can take this forever..."

Kagome rested a comforting hand on her friends shoulder. "Do what you have to, Ayumi. You deserve to be happy." She said, ruffling her friends hair. "Marc wont like it, you're one of his best waitresses." A sly grin formed on her lips when she saw the blush on Ayumi's face. "You wouldn't have feelings for Marc would you?" She whispered.

"Yeah, but he's also my boss." She sighed. "I don't want an arranged marriage. But...I'm so tired of being alone."

That thought returned Kagome's thoughts to the one's she'd been fighting all evening. "Remember the motto." Kagome said, raising her hand. When Ayumi mimicked her, she continued. "I will not stay with anyone who doesn't truly love me, and I will not marry anyone I don't love."

A small smile formed on Ayumi's lips. "Thanks, Kagome, I needed that." She saw Kikyou, the hostess seating someone in her section and smiled at her. "That's my cue. Looks like your group's here too. Good luck."

Kagome slipped unnoticed into the VIP dinning room and glanced over the nights menu. Two new items. She'd practice when she was getting the beverages. She straightened just as they began filtering into the small space. The tall one was Sesshoumaru Kurokawa, white hair gold eyes, dressed in a no nonsense charcoal grey suit and a cream shirt. Martini or wine drinker. The next one was Naraku Ishihara, Black hair, black eyes. Dressed in a black suit and purple and black striped tie. Water. No tip.

After that was a short, pinch faced man, she didn't recognize him, but he was following very closely to Mr. Kurokawa. He was dressed in a plain cheap suit. Probably would order soda. Following him was a medium height young woman dressed in a chocolate colored pantsuit and rose colored shirt. Her clothing screamed wine, while her eyes begged for a beer.

A few others came after, the woman with the elegant dress was probably a exotic mixed drinker, the short, fat, bald man in the khaki's bottled water or perrier.

Just as everyone was seated, one last person came in. Kagome was presenting the wine list to Sesshoumaru and glanced up to get an estimate on this one. Her breath caught in her throat. He was dressed like a bad influence, from the exquisitely tailored suit pants to the dark red shirt and black tie. Over his shoulder he had a black leather jacket and under his other arm was a motorcycle helmet. His hair was long and silver, his eyes golden, and above that delicious silver hair were two triangles of fur that she had to fist her hands to keep from reaching for. His appearance was such a contradiction, she couldn't guess how he would order.

Quickly she tore her eyes away. A table full of demons, two of which were known for their gift of scent. She turned her attention to the man at the head of the table and found him staring at her in curiosity.

The bad influence sat down at the opposite end, but she put her attention on the order of this person. "Merlot." He said calmly, as though he hadn't noticed the subtle shift in scents as she noticed his brother walking in late. "You're late, Inuyasha."

"I'm always late, why should I make tonight a special occasion?" The younger demon asked, smirking.

Kagome tuned out their chatter, taking everyone's drink order. The woman in the suit stared longingly at the beer list then ordered a glass of merlot as well. Each ordered as she'd predicted, until she reached the one at the end of the table. When she reached him, he grinned. "Whiskey sour." He said evenly, and she noticed that the man at the head of the table cringed. Kagome smiled politely and headed towards the kitchen and bar to place their drink orders. Leaning over the bar, she slipped the tender a ten, and asked him to slip in a long neck stout as well, and to hold one of the glasses of merlot for a minute.

When she returned, they had settled into their business discussion, and she listened with half of her attention while serving the beverages with the other. She intentionally held off serving the woman until the end. She set down the beer next to the woman and saw her startled expression. Kagome folded her tray under her arm and stepped back into the corner when the woman didn't object.

Unfortunately, the kinda slimy Mr. Ishihara noticed. "Didn't you order a merlot, Sango-san?"

Kagome tensed and stepped forward. "I'm so sorry-"

Sango grinned at her. "No, don't worry about it."

Kagome bowed. "I'll see that the cost of the beer is not on the bill." She promised. When she straightened she noticed two pair of golden eyes on her, wearing appraising expressions. She had been waitressing for the past two years and had learned she had an innate talent for reading people. It had served her well during that time, making her one of Chez Marc's best waitresses.

A few minutes passed and they put in their dinner order. She logged them away in her long term memory not surprised when Mr. Ishihara ordered the cheapest thing on the menu. She delivered the order to the kitchen, then took a five minute break before returning to check and see if they needed anything else. She found Kikyou standing at the door to the VIP room, about to enter. "Kikyou, that's my table." She said evenly, seeing the woman's face darken.

"Like you deserve to serve the wealthy. You don't have any aspirations. If I can get in good with them, I'll be set for life. They come in every couple of days and leave huge tips for their waitress!" She sighed. "Oh, to be rich..."

"Did you ever think..." Kagome began coldly. "That the reason I'm serving them tonight is because Marc knows you think like that and because I 'have no aspirations'?" She slipped through the door, putting on her polite face. After taking a moment to calm down, she addressed the table. "Would anyone like some more to drink?" She asked calmly.

Everyone placed their drink orders once again and she went to fill them. When she returned with the beverages, Kikyou was back at the hostess station. She handed out the drinks, then went back to stand in the corner.

"Naraku, you're such an idiot."

The conversation opener caused her to start, and she glanced towards the end of the table where the bad influence sat.

"Excuse me?"

Sesshoumaru put his hands to his face, sighing heavily. He pointed at his brother. "Inuyasha, you're the idiot. Mr. Ishihara makes an excellent point. The merger of these two companies would be beneficial. By merging, we would be able to keep the competition from growing, and we would be still following the monopoly laws."

Inuyasha scoffed. "Yeah, right. EVERYONE who would be affected would benefit, right. You're an idiot, too, Fluffy." He snapped. "And if you think I'm signing a third of MY stock over to this daffy bastard, you're nuts."

Kagome fought the urge to smile. His language was crude, but he enunciated every syllable, still making him sound like a gentleman. She felt her beeper vibrate, the signal that the food was done, and she quietly and quickly ducked out of the room. She picked up the two heavily laden trays and flagged Ayumi down. "Hey, girl, any big tippers?" She asked, grinning.

She grinned. "One or two. How's the VIP room?"

She paused, considering how to answer that question. Kagome had been around business men before, yet this group was unlike anything she'd ever seen. "Well, it's the most interesting group I've served in about two weeks." She swept out of the room, and then into the VIP room, setting the trays down on a small side bar, then began scooping up the plates, setting them on her arm. She passed them out quietly, and when she was done, she bowed formally. "Enjoy your meal." She said, then left the room once again. With a sigh, she walked to the bar and rested against it, taking another break. The tender had changed shifts, and now Kouga was on duty.

"Hey, beautiful!" He said, leaning over and kissing her cheek lightly. Kouga was a decent friend, dating a lovely young wolf demon named Ayame. They'd been together for roughly three years and he had told her recently that he was going to marry her. "How's your night been?

She smiled back and stretched. "Murder. I've got a business dinner in the VIP room, featuring Naraku Ishihara, Sesshoumaru Kurokawa, and a few other's that I can't name-"

"Is that bad influence one of them?" Kouga gestured towards the door.

"Go Fuck yourselves!" The man called Inuyasha shouted back into the room.

Kagome snorted faintly. She expected him to head for the door, but instead, he walked right up to the bar and slammed down both hands. "Jack on the rocks." He snarled. "Put it on Fluffy's tab."

Kagome pretended to be interested in the magazine that someone had left sitting there. It was an issue of Lifestyle magazine. She rolled her eyes, until she skimmed past a picture of the bad influence who sat three seats away from her at the bar. Inuyasha Kurokawa. She blinked, startled, just noticing the family resemblance.

"Um, who's fluffy?" Kouga asked evenly, frowning faintly.

"He's referring to Sesshoumaru Kurokawa." She said evenly, flipping the magazine closed. She stood and pushed a stubborn strand of hair behind her ear. "Talk to you later, Kouga. I'll be back in fifteen to get refills." She calmly walked back to the VIP room, ducking in to ask if she could do anything for them.

Inuyasha blinked, watching the girl go. He glanced at the blue-eyed bartender. He picked up his drink and sipped it. "What's her story?" He grumbled. The girl never looked ruffled. She took orders without using a paper to jot notes down on and with the exception of Sango's merlot, hadn't made a single error.

Kouga glanced towards the dog demon and snorted. "Ask her yourself." He grumbled. Kagome was his co-worker and a good friend. He wasn't going to be the one who told this rich bastard a thing about someone as kind and good as Kagome.

"Does she ever get ruffled? She didn't even flinch when she screwed up one of the drinks." The hanyou watched the girl disappear into the kitchen and return two minutes later with the drink tray.

"Two coffees, a dirty martini, lady godiva stranded on an island, Vitamin C,D,E and F in a blender." She said evenly, then paused, slipping Kouga a five. "And another long neck." She said grinned. Then she was gone.

Inuyasha blinked. "Sango had asked for a Merlot, and got a Stout. Wasn't that a mistake?"

Kouga snorted. "That girl doesn't make mistakes. She reads people. She's never gotten penalized for her assumptions because usually people are more pleased with her decision than their initial choice. She's our best damn waitress."

Kagome returned moments later, and sat down for a moment, looking rather frustrated. "They had me pull out that damn desert tray for nothing. Long neck wanted a slice of the chocolate delight, but that slime ball disguised as a businessman opened his mouth before she got a chance." She rested the tray down as Kouga began loading up the drinks. She felt eyes on her and saw Inuyasha looking at her with distinct interest. "What?"

"How did you know Sango wanted a beer?"

Kagome blushed, standing and taking her tray, now laden with drinks. "She dresses like a wine and martini girl, but she's got the eyes of a beer drinker." She looked back at Kouga. "Thanks, Kouga. I'm off when this the table clears out. Give Ayame my love." She turned and headed back towards the room.

Inuyasha huffed, almost grinning. "Does she work here every night?"

"Most weeks. Unless she's behind on a story." The bartender arched an eyebrow. "Why, you interested?"

He scoffed. "What's it matter to you? You her boyfriend or something?" The bartender's expression darkened. He finished his drink and stood, pulling on his jacket. "In my line of work, people like her are non-existent. I'm curious. That's all." He said simply, straightening his collar.

Kouga frowned. He reached across the counter and caught Inuyasha's arm. "Look, that girl has a purity that is untainted. If you damage her in anyway, I know at least half a dozen people who'd be more than willing to kill you." He looked at him dead in the face. "Get it?"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "I just want to talk to her." He said calmly. "So get out of my face." He shrugged of the bartender's grip and headed towards the door.

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Kagome sighed softly, gently patting her purse, feeling the comforting weight of her 9mm semi automatic pistol. It had been a bitch of a day all around. 4 am till 10 pm was not her idea of a good time. That coupled with her mother's mention of Hojo...

She bit her lip viciously hard, the pain dulling the memory and the hurt that accompanied it. She couldn't afford to be distracted. The walk from the restaurant was well lit, and not particularly crime filled, but a girl could never be too safe.

She rubbed her neck with one hand, her feet aching, and a splitting headache developing behind her eyes. She sighed softly when she reached the entrance to the apartment building in which she lived. Miroku was standing at the mail boxes, waiting up on her. She gave him a weak smile. "Hey Miroku. How you doing?"

"Better than you, obviously." He sighed, shaking his head. "Come on, darling, let's get you upstairs and some food in your stomach."

She let her best male friend lead her upstairs and smelled the scent of Kaede's cooking permeating the hallway. "Kaede made soup for the floor again didn't she." She said, smiling slightly. Kaede was eccentric, but she took care of all of her floor like they were her kids. Sometimes she felt that Kaede treated her better than her own family.

Except her brother. Her brother was a gem.

She was led into the common area, where Kaede was already spooning up a dish of food. "You're an angel." She said, taking the bowl and sitting down with a ceramic spoon.

"How was work, Kagome?" The old woman asked, a small smile widening her thin lips.

"Busy. They put me in the VIP room for a business dinner. Bunch of bureaucrats. Kurokawa family." She sighed, shaking her head. "Naraku Ishihara was there too. Drank water, ate chicken, and didn't leave a tip."

"That stiff..." Miroku complained.

Kagome shrugged. "I only work that job to cover rent, so it's not like it matters. My writing handles the other bills, and I'm left with sufficient spending money for things I want." She shrugged. Besides, I got about $100 dollars in tips from the others. Especially Ms. Long Neck."

"Long Neck?" Kaede arched an eyebrow.

"She asked for a merlot, but wanted a beer. I brought her a Long Neck Stout. Don't know her name so, I call her by the drink." She chuckled, then sobered as her mind began to wander. Two hands began gently working the stiffness out of her shoulders and she glanced back, seeing Miroku wearing a concerned expression on his face. "Sorry, did you say something?"

"Your mother called."

Kagome's breath left her in a rush. Yes, that would concern them. "Hojo wants to get back together I guess." She said calmly, ignoring the pain pricking in her chest. It was an old wound but it still hurt. "More of the usual. Don't worry about it, I can handle my mother."

"Next time she calls, come get me. I'll tell her I'm your boyfriend." Miroku joked.

Kagome chuckled. "She'd have a coronary. Starving author and starving musician. Yeah, that'll stop her." She patted her friends hands. "Don't worry so much. It Hojo is just a little whiny brat."

"So, you still game for tomorrow night?"

"You've bought every last one of my cheesy little dime-store romances. I think it's the least I could do to come to your show." She grinned at him. "Just remember, though, when you make it big, new apartments for everybody!"

Everyone in the room laughed at their own private joke. Kagome stood, lifting her water glass and held it high. "To the Building of the Starving Artists and all those starving inside it! May Ramen and Easy Mac forever be in our cabinets and may our hearts be light with the pleasure from doing what we truly love!"

"And to jobs that pay the bills!" Miroku added, grinning as the rooms occupants toasted their glasses.

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AN: Yeah, so I'm back for a little while. Dunno for how long. My darling daughter decided to give me a day of rest by sleeping between feedings, so I've managed to get a whole chapter done. Oooooo. Anyways, love it hate it, tell me what you think. This started as a free writing exercise, that just reflected my past feelings a little too well. So that's all from me. Review if you made it this far through my ramblings. Critique is welcome. Flames are not. TTFN. DS