A/N: This chapter came about because a friend of mine and I were having a conversation about numerous times when the Daleks had a chance to kill the Doctor and he would just stand there and talk to them and they would never fire a shot, only listen to him like a bunch of idiots.
Chapter Fourteen
The Doctor and Jack lay in his living room swigging a couple of bottles of Coke while they talked. They had examined the Rosebot from top to bottom but hadn't come up with any good ideas for revenge so they decided to go watch some quiz shows in the hopes that a good idea would pop into their heads.
"You know, it's a shame, Doctor," Jack said while he lay on the floor.
"Shame about what?" the Doctor said while he lay on the sofa.
"That you've spent most of your lives being terrorized by space squids in pepper pot armor."
He chuckled.
"Yeah, that is pretty pathetic when you put it that way. Yup, the space squids are the bane of my existences."
"How long have they been chasing you?"
"Since my first life."
"And you've managed to survive this long?"
He shrugged.
"Luck, I guess."
"Yeah, but there has to be something more to it than that. I mean, is there some kind of strategy you used or secret defense?"
"Not really."
"Well, what do you usually do when you see them?"
"I see them and confront them and usually we talk and..."
"Talk? What do you talk about?" Jack said.
"Oh, mostly about how I will defeat them and they'll never get away with their plans and things along those lines."
"And they let you talk?"
"Oh yeah. They always let me talk."
"You mean, they just stand there and don't shoot you?"
"Nope."
"Even if they have a clear shot at you?"
"Yup. They just let me rabbit on while they listen. They're very polite that way, I guess."
"Always?" Jack said.
He thought.
"Yeah. Even Davros will listen to me. I guess I have a pleasant voice and they just love to hear it."
"Care to put it to the test?" Jack said grinning.
The Doctor stared at him.
"What'd ya mean?"
"I wanna see if you can go among the Daleks and risk getting shot while you talk to them the whole time."
The Doctor considered that and a slow smile spread across his face and he snickered.
"Just don't tell Rose I'm doing this because she's already pissed off that we keep doing this."
"My lips are sealed," Jack said.
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They waited until Rose was taking a nap before they snuck into the console and set a course for Skaro.
"I hope we're right about this. I think Rose would be pissed if you came back in here in a different body," Jack said.
"Um…Jack, if a Dalek shoots me point blank, I won't be coming back in here, full stop. I'll be dead."
"Oh! Um, should I be doing this then?"
"Can you talk to the Daleks and keep them from shooting you?"
"Dunno, never really tried. The one time they did I shut up and let them shoot me. I suppose if I kept talking they wouldn't have, but then again…"
"In that case, I better do this since I have a proven track record of getting them to listen to me."
"I just hope you know what you're doin', buddy. Because if you do die, Rose will throw me in your grave and bury me with you.
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Good luck, Doc," Jack said as the Doctor walked out the door.
"Thanks! Just stay in here and be ready to open the door if need be."
"Gotcha!"
He closed the door back and the Doctor walked over a large hill towards New Skaro.
As he approached the guard at the entrance noticed him.
"IT IS THE DOC-TOR, EX-TER-MIN…"
He trailed off when the Doctor calmly walked past him with his hands in his pockets. The Dalek stared at him for a moment and then followed him. Meanwhile, all the other Daleks in the city were noticing him and yelling out that it was him but so far no one shot him. Instead they followed him to the center of the city with their lasers trained on him. The Doctor stopped and stood in the middle of a circle of Daleks five rows deep, all of them with their laser guns directed right at his body.
"IT IS THE DOC-TOR," the yelled in unison. "EX-TER-MIN…"
"WAIT! I HAVE SOMETHING I NEED TO SAY!" the Doctor screamed, throwing up his hands.
He lowered his hands and looked around at the Daleks. Not a one of them moved or shot him or made as much as a peep.
"Well, I'll be damned, it works," the Doctor muttered.
He looked at the Daleks who were still waiting on him to say something.
"Yes, um…thank you for listening to me. First off, I want to say that you won't get away with what you're doing because I am the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm and I always defeat you. Secondly, if you shoot me, you'll end up shooting each other which defeats the purpose of killing me. Thirdly, I am going to recite to you all of Hamlet's soliloquies. So, here goes…to be or not to be…"
The Doctor talked on and on. After doing the soliloquies, he discussed, the weather, sport, maths problems, who Brad Pitt was dating, the problems with keeping his hair looking fabulous, how a pimple on his nose was growing bigger by the second and soon he'd have an unsightly pockmark. On and on and on he talked and the Daleks listened patiently. Then…the Doctor had another idea. While he rambled on, he began to wander around the city. Even though he was defenseless and his back was to the Daleks, they still didn't shoot him, just wandered around with him waiting for him to finish what he was saying so they could shoot him. At one point, the Doctor turned and walked right through him and to his surprise, the Daleks make a gap for him. He walked through and they turned and just followed him while he walked the other way. He strolled through the city while the attentive Daleks just listened.
Eventually, one of them got frustrated.
"HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP TALKING DOC-TOR? WE WANT TO KILL YOU!"
"Nearly to the end, just keep your metal knickers on!" he snapped at him.
He glared at the rude Dalek who backed up several feet and lowered his eyestalk to the ground in shame for daring to interrupt the Oncoming Storm. He turned back around and went back to talking about how Rose's breasts were simply fabulous while the Daleks continued to listen and follow obediently.
On and on and on, the expert rambler rambled while the angry Daleks followed along behind him. He talked and talked while he led them out of the city, up over the hill and back to his TARDIS. He kept up the constant stream of chatter while he knocked on the door.
"Well, it's been marvelous chatting with you," he said when Jack opened the door. "I got so much off of my chest and I feel 100 percent better now. So all of you have a fabulous day and I'll see you some other time, cheers!"
He quickly hurried in the door and Jack slammed it before the Daleks could shoot him. The Daleks let out enraged yells and tried to shoot the TARDIS which naturally had the extrapolator shielding on it and so the idiot space squids weren't able to make a dent in it. The last thing they heard before the TARDIS dematerialized was their nemesis on his tannoy system laughing hysterically at them and then he was gone leaving the angered Daleks to figure out what just happened and why they let him get away once again when they had a clear shot.