It was getting colder in the garage as night set in, and Sean knew he had to go. He stood up and so did Craig, and Craig was so much taller than he was. He looked up and Craig tilted his head down to him and kissed him again.

"Bye," he said, his voice thick, and he let himself out into the cool night, walked home with his hands shoved in his pockets.

In his apartment, watching T.V. but not really seeing it, not comprehending it, he thought about what he would do now. It was like it had been a secret from himself, how much he had missed Craig and wanted what he wanted. Now that secret was out. Now he knew why he had felt so pulled toward him in grade eight, why he had wanted to go to British Columbia with him when he asked.

He shifted his weight on the couch, pushed aside the empty bowls of macaroni and cheese. He felt like it would only be these secret kisses with Craig, these clandestine moments. He wouldn't really let him in, the same way he had excluded him in grade eight after while. When he didn't need him anymore. Maybe he wasn't so much okay with that anymore. He wasn't just a savior, a superhero who swooped in for a time of need. He wanted to be there when there was no need, when days were normal and laid back, when there was no crisis.

It was weird. Why was it only Craig that he responded to this way? The thought of any other guy was repulsive to him, but not Craig. There was something about that pleading, desperate look in his eyes, something about the silkiness of his hair, the color of his eyes, the timbre of his voice.

He fell asleep in front of the T.V. still puzzling over it, and he wasn't even aware that his thoughts had shifted from consciousness to the subconscious of his dreams.

In school the next day he felt quiet, almost expectant. He wanted to see Craig, and he saw him in the morning, his baggy faded jeans dragging on the ground around the converse sneakers, his bag slung over his shoulder. He felt nervous, felt his stomach fluttering, felt his mouth watering. He saw his lips, luscious and full, and he licked his own.

"Dude, what is with you?" Jay said, snapping him out of his hazy daydream.

"Huh? Uh, nothing,"

"Really?" Jay said, smirking. Jay was much smarter than his grades would indicate, than his behavior would indicate. Sean knew this about him. He knew how insightful Jay could be, how he could pick up in an instant if something was preoccupying you.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Sean said, and shook his head as if that could help clear it. He saw Craig heading inside, saw the back of his leather jacket and the bottom of his sneakers as he walked away, swallowed by the school, and all that was left was the shine of the glass door, reflecting the sky back to him.

He had shop to look forward to, and that was it. This wasn't working so well for him. His infatuation with Craig was like a shiny ball for his mind to roll around out of boredom. A few kisses didn't mean anything. He followed Jay inside and up to their lockers, the scowl deepening on his face. What were they doing? They were hardly talking to each other at school. What was this leading to? Or away from? It was starting to make his head hurt and he wanted to stop thinking about it. What could he do about it, anyway?

Shop class time, the one class that he felt comfortable in, where there were no tricks. It seemed that English class was just tricks, the characters in the books and stories saying one thing but meaning another. In shop class an engine would act and react the same way every time. There were different conditions that could change the reaction, but that had rules, physics, science. It was predictable, as opposed to everything else.

"Hey, man," Craig said from behind him, putting his hand on his shoulder. Sean could feel his touch burning through the material of his work overalls. His breath caught in his throat and his scowl deepened.

"Hi," he said.