Summary: Sanji and Nami have been going out, and now he wants to propose to her. However, a certain swordsman is terrible at keeping secrets. Oh my. What will all this lead to? SaNa
Disclaimer: -hysterical sobbing in background-
"You're what?"
Sanji narrowed his eyes at the swordsman, clearly vexed at his disbelieving tone. Irritated, he ran his fingers through his hair and repeated very slowly, "I'm…going…to…propose…to—"
"Yeah, yeah. I heard that." Zoro cut him off, and dismissed Sanji's annoyed growl with a breezy wave of his hand. He began to pace around the deck like an anxious cat, his thumb rhythmically snapping his topmost sword in and out of its case. The blonde, trying his hardest not to snap out at him, watched him move, recognizing his nervous gait as an old habit of expressing worry. However, his willpower was tested to its limits when Zoro burst out, "Are you completely out of your mind?"
"Yes." He could not resist the sarcasm in his tone. "I'm mentally unstable for wanting to share the rest of my life with my girlfriend."
Zoro stopped moving then, to frown at him. "Be serious! Think about this, Sanji. This is big…this is huge!"
"Oh really? How so?" Sanji rolled the cigarette in his mouth as he spoke, and blew a neat puff of smoke into the other's face. Impatiently, Zoro waved the fumes away and opened his mouth wide to answer, but ended up jerking his arm to his mouth to starting a fit of coughing instead.
"It's just—" he growled between coughs, pausing to clear his throat. "I think that—"
The man in front of him sighed as Zoro fell into another lapse of silence and sent another stream towards him, continuing to gaze at him with that light air of boredom even as his condition worsened. Sanji was awarded a few precious moments of peace while Zoro hacked all to his life's worth, and he made sure to relish in it while he could. No doubt the swordsman would start trying to argue his way across as soon as he was in the state to.
Sure enough, he began to sputter when his coughing ceased, quite forgetting to contradict the blonde in his haste.
"It'll be the death of you!" Zoro said, raising a dramatic finger to point at his forehead. Sanji looked up at it and scowled, cigarette hanging rather loosely in his mouth. "It's always the death of all men!"
"What is? Commitment?"
"No, you dimwit!" His voice had taken an almost desperate edge to it. "It'll be like…it'll throw off the natural balance of things!"
Sanji raised a skeptical brow, though his lips quirked in faint amusement. "The natural balance of things?" he mocked, drawing forward and obtaining an exaggerated version of Zoro's tone.
The swordsman made a face at him. But did not make any means to retort than that, clearly wanting to knock some sense into him as fast as possible.
"Idiot! I mean that you won't be Sanji anymore! She'll kill you if you even eye another girl from that point on."
"Aw, Nami? She wouldn't do—well, actually she would," Sanji said dryly. "But that's not the point! I love her, and I want her to be with me. She's the only one I would ever actually eye, because, you know…she's special to me. I'm special to her too. Sure I flirt with girls a lot, but ever since I've been with her, I've been feeling different. And even a fool would be able to tell that it's love. I love her, Zoro. I love her very much. You get that?"
As if he didn't already know. They seemed to spend all their extra time making out in the corner…or locked up in her bedroom. Seriously, he hadn't had a decent sleep in weeks.
The green-haired had blinked once as Sanji started off, and had gradually hooded his eyes lower and lower until they were almost closed, placing a hand on his head as though regretting a lost cause. At last, a solid three minute after the finished speech, he responded with, "That all very lovely. Now excuse me while I go hurl."
Sanji groaned. "Zoro! I love—"
"If you freakin' say 'love' again..."
"But Zoro…don't you want me to be happy?" Sanji asked him. To unnerve the swordsman further, he gazed at him intently from the eye not covered the strand of blonde hair.
Very much flustered, Zoro stepped back. "I…well. That's not—of course! But…" Suddenly, he broke off with a cough as he remembered that as a male friend, he was strictly forbidden to show the slightest form of affection towards him; and began to ramble on about the weather.
Sanji took that as a full agreement, and continued, "And I'll be happy with Nami."
Zoro struggled inwardly, trying to find a way to get out of the tight trap he had been placed in. Upon finding none, yet desperately trying to think up something, his face began to flush.
Sanji used that time to quickly wrap it all up. "So, please, Zoro. Don't tell anyone."
Zoro gazed at him with wariness, unsure whether that was made out to be a genuine plea, or a warning threat. Though, a lifted leg, ready to beat the hell out of him indicated the latter. As the cook glowered at him, he let out a long breath and raked fingers through his hair.
But then a sudden, startling notion hit him.
The green-haired blinked, ending his train of thought and looked quite taken aback. "I was the first one you told?"
"Well, you did catch me with the ring, right?" His voice was between a little bitter and a little irked. And Zoro remembered what had happened just a while before, scratching his cheek with sheepish apology as the memory returned.
Indeed just a few minutes before, he had stepped outside after lunch to find Sanji fingering a gold-banded ring near the orange groves. When confronted, the cook had denied it was his, claiming that he had found it dropped among a pile of leaves. Naturally, a quick struggle was issued soon after that. Of where Zoro had snatched the ring from him, assuming that he had stolen it on the island they had just left, and demanding to know why he had it in his possession. He had held it just out of his reach, taunting him until it led to a full-blown confession where an irate Sanji managed to retrieve the ring from an open-mouthed Zoro.
Which led them to this situation now.
"Anyways, keep quiet about this, okay?"
Sanji slipped his hands into their usual place in his pockets, and shot a nasty glare at the swordsman as if to say, 'or else.'
"Fine then!" Zoro snapped, throwing his arms to the sky in exasperation. "Do as you want. Go for it. So be it. See if I care. Keep straight ahead. Don't come crying to me when she's got you trapped in her claws." When the blonde continued to appear unfazed, and even began to walk away, he yelled after him for emphasis, "You idiot!"
But he didn't look back, and Zoro was left watching his retreating back with frustration. And it was only when Sanji had left, that the man remembered a serious piece of information he had quite forgotten.
He froze and swallowed uneasily, parting his mouth to run his tongue over lips. "Shit," he muttered.
The Rononoa Zoro was terrible at keeping secrets.
"Zoro!"
Dark eyes widened, and he started to curse under his breath with passion. In an attempt to be unnoticed, the swordsman hunched over the railing of the ship, trying to shrink himself down.
Kami-sama wouldn't be so cruel. It couldn't be her. It just couldn't be! Please, please, please let it be anyone but—
"Hey Zoro! Do you have any idea where Sanji-kun is?" The bright and cheerful voice of Nami reached his ears like a proclamation of his doom. He groaned, and remained slouched as the light padding of feet against wood loomed closer and closer towards him.
Silence. He could only hear the distant splashing of waves in the background.
"Zoro?"
Maybe if he shut his eyes, she would go away.
"Zo-oro." He could hear the impatient note to her voice, but didn't move. Already, he was freaking out and beginning to sweat at the prospect of breaking a promise.
Well, it should be okay, right? As long as the subject didn't come up, all he had to do was act natural.
"Zoro you BAKA! Answer me!"
A sharp whap to his head gave him just enough steel to spin around, a very forced grin on his face. "Y-yo, Nami!" Zoro winced, noting that his voice had raised several pitches in his pressured state. The navigator furrowed her brows, and he scrambled to regain some of his old composure. "What'd you want?" he demanded more gruffly. "I'm busy."
Nami gazed at him, her angry expression fading into one of puzzlement. Then she gave her head a slight shake as if dismissing his odd behavior, and continued, "So, have you seen Sanji? I've been looking all around. But he's not in the kitchens or anywhere…"
Unfortunately for the swordsman, the word 'Sanji' began to level his already panicked condition.
Could she already know? Could she? Could she? Maybe she did! Oh damn. Why else would she mention Sanji? But why come to him? To make sure? Was that it? Was it his fault? Had he been somehow acting with guilt? Oh no. Ohnononono.
"Zoro?" She looked concerned now. "Are you okay? Your face is kind of funny."
He gulped, and tugged at his collar. When Nami continued to look at him with that unwavering stare of hers, his resolve almost crumbled.
Taking a deep intake of air, Zoro said in one breath, "No-I-haven't-seen-that-stupid-cook-anywhere-since-lunch-so-maybe-that-really-big-dolphin-came-back-and-ate-him-you-know-so-there's-really-no-point-in-asking-me-I-don't-know-why-you-would-because-it's-totally-useless-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
Nami drew back in alarm, eyes widening.
But very slowly, they narrowed into catlike slits as he head tilted to the side. "You're hiding something," the navigator accused, her suspicious tone causing him to flinch. "I know you are."
He attempted to walk away then, before he said something else he would regret. But Zoro found that a pair of clutched hands were pulling him back. And so, he was forced to turn back again, managing to plaster on a grin to convince her.
"N-no!" he burst out, too quickly in her opinion. "What makes you think that?"
Nami's grip tightened, and Zoro swallowed uneasily.
"You're too flustered…you never act this way."
He strongly suspected that his grin was more of an ugly grimace now. To cover it up, he burst out in nervous laugher. "Bwa ha ha ha ha! What makes you think that Sanji and I do anything? Ha ha ha—"
"I never said you and Sanji did anything."
"—ha…ha…ha…Erk."
"…"
"…"
Zoro took off running, and she sprung after him with surprising speed. "Zoro!" Nami bellowed. "What the hell did you do…to…my…BOYFRIEND?!" He yelped as her wooden pole came swinging down close by his ear, narrowly missing him and splintering the ground instead.
He dropped to avoid a particular frightening blow, and rolled to his feet again in a complex pattern of movement, somehow having whipped out his three katana in their usual places before he straightened. But like she had been planning the whole situation out, Nami stealthily veered to the side to cut him off, sticking out a foot when he tried to go in another direction; Zoro tripped and landed facedown with a painful-sounding thump, his swords clattering in a heap by his side.
"Tell me!" she roared, smashing down the pole a centimeter from his nose.
Despite this life-and-death situation, Zoro was a stubborn man. He was not about to give in to a girl, or Nami, more less. He twisted and got up again, the navigator hot on his heels.
"No! Ne-e-ver!" he cried somewhat stupidly, seeing as that she had the complete upper hand.
"Tell ME!"
Zoro found himself tackled to the floor. "No way! I promised!" he gasped, trying to loosen her grip from his throat.
But the more he tried to keep it in, the harder it was to keep his mouth shut. The swordsman was literally biting his tongue hard to fight the urge to just freakin' tell her, and be relieved of the amount of stress and effort it took to stay quiet. Of course, it wasn't like he wanted to. But it getting harder and harder to struggle against her and her continued insistence. Especially now that she was burying her knuckles into her head.
"Tell…me…now!"
"I—I—"
He didn't want to tell her. As idiotic as the cook could get, telling her would completely crush him. And besides…he had promised.
But it was so hard.
"S-Sanji is…Sa-Sanji is—" Dammit. He was cracking.
Not that Nami sticking her fingers into his mouth to pull the corners back helped much. "Yes?" she pressed. "My boyfriend is what? What is he hiding from me? And why the hell would he tell you first?!" When he didn't answer right away, she started to tug so fiercely, he was certain that the spot would be sore for months afterwards.
Sheesh. Women in love were so forceful.
Going to propose…going to propose. If he could just keep away from those three words, he'd be safe no matter—
"SANJI IS GAY!"
—what?
Oh fuck.
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