(insert standard disclaimer here)

I know it's probably not perfect. The characters are difficult to write. And of course, it was really hard to decide who should win. But I just thought it was an interesting idea.

II(:

The game

When Queen Magrat the First of Lancre came with an official visit to Ankh-Morpork, it didn't take Lord Vetinari a long time to figure out it was, in fact, the two elderly women who had come with her that would be doing the real diplomacy. He would have to keep an eye on them. Right now one of them had just made it easier by walking into his office.

'What is it you wanted, young man?' Mistress Weatherwax asked. It wasn't the most appropriate way to address the ruler of the city, but, well, he had heard about witches. You had to let them think they were more important than you. Witches were only polite when they wanted to be. And they never, ever followed orders. That was why he had asked her to come here instead of telling her to.

'Mistress Weatherwax,' he acknowledged her 'Fancy a game?' he said indicating the board.

The woman looked down at the miniature trolls and even tinier dwarfs. She looked at them for a long while, considering it.

'Hmm…' she said 'You're an expert I s'pose. And I don't even know how to play,' she stared at the board for a few more seconds 'Hm… Yes, why not,' she finally said.

She sat down.

'So, how do these little buggers move?' she asked, pointing at a dwarf.

Granny Weatherwax liked a challenge. This was mostly because in her long life she had never lost one. Granny Weatherwax never lost. The thing that could make this game really interesting, though, was that neither did Lord Vetinari.

XXX

'So what this game's really about is what I'd do if I were my enemy?' Mistress Weatherwax said.

'Very good, Mistress Weatherwax.'

'Well, I wouldn't have annoyed me in the first place,' she said.

'Very wise,' he admitted 'Very good advice. Do you think you're ready?'

'Yes.'

'Pick a side then.'

'Trolls,' she said without hesitation. This surprised the Patrician a little.

'Are you sure, Mistress Weatherwax?' he asked 'Most beginners find it easier to play the Dwarfs.'

'Well, I get to play 'em later anyway, don't I?'

XXX

The witch acted as though she had no idea what to do, but her moves on the board were surprisingly good ones. Had he not been expecting this, Vetinari would have let her win just by his own carelessness. But he noticed things. After all, as far as he was concerned, this was the point of the game. She wasn't letting him distract her. At first she was defending her own pieces rather than trying to take his. After a while the first troll left the board and this seemed to remind her that this was a game, and she didn't have to worry about each piece. She knew that there were times when you did and times when you didn't. And she was playing to win. Simply not losing wouldn't be good enough.

XXX

The last troll on the board took out a few more dwarfs. The witch was losing, but not by much. And she was desperate to win. Vetinari considered letting her. But he never let anyone win! Was she doing something to his mind?

I believe this is cheating, Mistress Weatherwax, he thought.

So? he found himself thinking.

Ah. He should have expected this. Witches expected other people to follow the rules.

XXX

'It was a pleasure,' Vetinari said as the witch left. It had been. It had been an interesting experience to play against someone who, like him, never lost. And, yes, Mistress Weatherwax had won, but it could still be said that Lord Vetinari never lost. Not at the game he was playing.