CHAPTER ONE

Sunday September 27

My room

11 am

Sitting in my bed, reflecting on life. I feel like an ancient Greek philosopher.

Except for the part about being ancient. And Greek.

One minute later

God, philosophy is boring. What is the point of it anyway?

30 seconds later

All this thinking is making my head hurt. I must feed my soul.

2 minutes later

Mmmmmm cheesy snacks… Amazingly I can still taste with all my tragicosity. Why does life have to be so utterly crap?

Just when life is good, and I'm about to be the girlfriend of a luuuuurve god, Robbie must show up, like a guitar plucking showy-up thing. I must never think of that night again. It will be a secret I will conceal beyond the grave.

One minute later

Well since you insist, I guess I will tell you. Seeing as I will become a lesbian outcast who lives in the monastery singing crap songs like "The hills are alive," it won't matter anyway whether I keep it a secret or not.

It went like this:

Masimo, the luuuuurve god asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course my answer was yes, yes, and thrice yes! Then I would rush into his arms and he would say "Oh Caro! You have made me so happy!" or something romantic like that and we would live happily ever after!

But ohhh no. Robbie has to make a surprise appearance. He was smiling and looking all sex-goddy like. I had forgotten how gorgey he was. Masimo turned and said "Ciao." Robbie said "Ciao." Then he turned to me and said, "Hey Georgia," in his dreamy voice. It was then that my brain fell out and I just stood there paralyzed. And then, out of Robbie's car comes a really gorgey blonde model. I can't even deny it – she was really, really beautiful. Then Robbie said, "Georgia, I'd like you to meet…"

And then I said, "Would you excuse me? I have to go feed my llama," and ran all the way home.

In a skirt, which believe me, was not easy.

11:15 am

Llama?!

11:17 am

Libby burst into my room, nearly knocking the door over. What I mean to say is the dresser, chair and lamp (that I purposefully used to block the door) along with the door itself nearly came crashing on top of me. I was sure it was the end.

"Heggo Gingey! It's me Libbbbbyyyyyy!!! I have a pwesent for you!!"

"Libsy, Georgia has a head ache… Why don't you go play with Angus –"

"Shhh! Bad boy!"

I must say, she is very strong for a toddler. Then she gave me her "pwesent" which turned out to be Gordy tied up in a plastic bag. When she gave him to me he went ballistic. He jumped off the bed, nearly taking my hand off with him, and went crazy trying to get out of the bag. Which I imagine is quite difficult with crosseyedithimus.

"Bibsy, Gordy doesn't like —"

"Shh! Move over, bad boy!" and she got into bed with me.

11:30 am

Phone rang. I'm not answering it. In fact, I may never go anywhere again if Libby has anything to do with it.

5 seconds later

Phone rang again. Stop ringing!!

15 seconds later

I have just heard a thump from my mutti and vati's bedroom, followed by vati swearing and using language not fit for my ears. That is in fact what I told him.

"Vati, that language is not fit for my sister Liberty and me."

He said, "Bugger off. I wouldn't have hurt myself getting out of bed rushing to the phone if SOMEBODY would move their lazy arse!!" Which I thought was a bit harsh, seeing as I am full of tragicosity. And happen to be pinned to my bed by Libby. Well, let him say what he will. Rave on, old portly one.

12 pm

Doorbell rang. I'm not answering it.

30 seconds later

It doesn't appear to matter, for Jas has let herself in, along with the Ace Gang. They pulled me out of bed, along with Libby who was still clinging to me.

"We're calling an emergency Ace Gang meeting," said Rosie.

"Okay – but does Sven have to come too?"