Disclaimer: Shockingly, this story is actually ABOUT Wicked- which I don't own- and not crappy angst poetry written by some illiterate emo kid who wishes he was as cool as Roger Davies. (Must not update "Service to Wicked Community", ignore it Pixie ignore…)

A/N: This story is dedicated to anyone currently taking exams/finals/any form of standardized testing. Take a break, get a laugh from this, and be grateful that your test does not start ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, like mine.

At the sight before her, Galinda allowed her already radiant face to twist into its most flattering pose:

A smile.

It really is fabulous, she thought as she and Fiyero waded through the din of students, to be so loved and needed by my peers. I don't know how all the little people who aren't stand it!

She had been out on a date with the prince- if your definition of "date" is having a male companion join you for dinner, only to have him boredly stare at his food all night while you prattle on about nothing, as Galinda's apparently was- and now he was walking her back to her room.

That task would soon prove difficult, she noted gleefully, for a large crowd had formed outside her dorm. Those in the front were banging on the door as though their very lives depended on getting inside.

"Okay, people!" Galinda called cheerily, waving her arms in a calming fashion. "I'm back! Relaxify! What do you want?"

Milla whirled on her, bug-eyed. "We not waiting for you, idiot!" she snapped shrilly. "We need the Artichoke!"

"Greenie!" Pfannee cried, trying to gloss her voice over with false sweetness. "Greenie? Come on, now, Greenie, open up! Please?! Gree-ney! Green-" she dropped the act "-dammit, what's her real name again??? Oh screw it- GREENIE!!!! SHIZKIN, GREENIE, JUST ONE VOCAB DRILL, THAT'S ALL I'M ASKING!!!!"

"What in Oz?" Fiyero muttered, eyeing the bob scene uncertainly. He turned towards Galinda, the expression on his face urging her to let them inside, but the Belle of the Uplands seemed frozen, still staring at Miss Milla with a stunned look on her face.

Fiyero swore. He pried the room key out of the petite blonde's hand and tugged her in behind him once he got the door open, slamming it shut again as quickly as possible.

The crowd screamed with outrage, some of them even beginning to hurl themselves at the door. Fiyero flattened himself against the woodwork, still huffing for breath while Galinda stood dumbly somewhere to the right of him.

"ELPHABA!!!" he screamed, kicking off his shoes and digging his princely toes into the carpet to brace himself, "WHAT IN THE WONDERFUL WIZARD'S WIKIPEDIA DID YOU DO TO PISS THEM OFF SO BAD??? EL-pha…ba…?"

He trailed off blankly, blinking at the sight in front of him. A large mound of books- it must have been the size of an average munchkin- lay stacked on the floor, pages half-ripped out of their bindings, loose leaf papers in which every note scribbled was highlighted, and- in the very center- a green hand poking out.

"Um, Elphaba?" he asked tentatively.

No response. Yero narrowed his eyes, and then poked Galinda, hard.

"Hey, you," he said, waving a hand over her face. "Blonde stocker chick. Help."

Fortunately for Yero, this seemed to snap Galindy out of her daze (although she didn't seem to register that last comment, unfortunately.)

"Ow, Yero!" she squeaked. "What was that for?!"

"I think some textbooks tried to eat your little green friend," he replied, pointing.

Galinda gasped audibly at the sight. "Oh, Elphie!" she cried, dropping to her knees and flinging aside the books that were swamping her roommate. "I knew this would happen someday! When are you going to learn that magazines are the only safe reading material there is???"

She threw a few more books over her shoulder before grabbing one that did not seem like it wanted to move. The harder Galinda pulled on it, the less it would budge. Biting her lip with a determined air, she yanked it with such vigor that she fell backwards, revealing:

"Oh, Elphaba," she said, gazing at her friend in horror. "What's happened to you?"

Elphaba did not answer. She lay, unmoving, in the same position Galinda had dragged her out in, an extremely thick book titled The Oziad pressed so close to her face it almost looked as if she were trying to shove it up her nose. Her long black hair was matted with grease, as though she had not oiled herself in days.

Worst of all, she did not even seem to register the other two's presence. Her eyes were scanning the book at double time while she muttered to herself, flipping pages far too quickly for her to have actually read anything.

"ELPHIE!!!" shouted Galinda, now looking truly frightened, "ANSWER ME!!!"

Fiyero came up behind her, narrowing his eyes determinedly. He bent down, slowly prying the book out of the girl's green hand.

"NO!!!" she cried wildly, wrenching it back from him. She began flipping through the pages again. "Pixie dust, toadstools, where do you find…?"

"You find it at the liquor store, next to the stoli," Fiyero said sardonically, yanking the book away again. "Now what is wrong with you?"

Elphaba eyed him fearfully. "Give it back," she pleaded, pulling herself up and sitting cross-legged. She began to rock. "Need to study…have to pass… TOTOs…tomorrow…the TOTOs….no future, no future…"

Fiyero blinked. "Toto?" he asked blankly, looking at Galinda for an explanation.

The blonde went pale. "Oh…my…Oz…" she breathed, looking petrified. "Those are TOMORROW???"

Elphie nodded in her stupor, still rocking.

"SHIZKIN!!!" Galinda swore, beginning to hyperventilate. "WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME??? I'M NEVER GOING TO PASS SORCERY!!!"

She grabbed several books out of Elphaba's and darted into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her and locking it with an audible click.

This seemed to wake Elphaba up some; she jumped, blinking dazedly, and turned toward the source of the noise. Fiyero glared at her, steering her chin back over to look at him.

"What the Quox is a toto?!" he demanded.

She goggled at him as though he had said, "You know, if you put purple highlights in your hair and wore maroon more often, you and Galinda could pass for twins."

"Not toto," she said slowly. "TOTO- Tests of Terrible Ominousness? They're worth ninety-five percent of your overall grade! And if I you don't get at least a 6,000 on the written part, you have to spend the first twenty years after you graduate laying yellow bricks!!! 5,000 and you don't even get out of school and have to lay the red bricks!!!"

"I always wondered why those were so uneven," Fiyero mused. He shook his head, getting back to the issue at hand. "But come on, Elphie. Relaxify. You're the smartest person at Shiz, you don't have to-"

"DON'T USE YOUR OUTDATED OZIAN SLANG ON ME!!!" roared Elphaba, looking truly deranged now. "IF I DON'T GET A 15,999 OR MORE IN SORCERY I CAN'T BE THE WIZARD'S GRAND FIZZER!!!"

"Um, don't you mean 'vizier?" Fiyero asked uncertainly.

Elphie looked as though she swallowed a lemon. "DAMMIT, GLINDA, GIVE ME MY BOOK ON SORCERY TERMS BACK, I NEED TO LOOK SOMETHING UP!!!" she shouted suddenly, darting over to the restroom and beating violently against the doorknob with her green knuckles.

"IT'S GALINDA, CELERY SLUT!!!!"

Fiyero hurried to the green girl as she started to claw the door like a rabid animal, screaming like Boq after he saw a spider. "Have you people gone insane???" he- Fiyero, not the spider- shouted, grabbing Elphaba by her emerald wrists. "What happened to Dancing Through Life? What happened to corrupting our fellow students? What about knowing nothing matters but-"

"But knowing what year the first Ozma fell, I know!" cried Elphaba, as he dragged her back over to the center of the room. "But she took my Ozmotology book too, so I can't-"

"ELPHIE!!!" he shouted, slapping her across the face, "GET A GRIP!!!"

She gazed at him, wide eyes filled with hurt. Fiyero sucked in his breath sharply, realizing what he had done.

"E-Elphie," he said shakily. She tried her best to turn away, head bowed, despite his firm hold on her. "Elphaba, I…I didn't mean…"

"It's fine," she whispered, not meeting his eyes.

"It's not." He let go of one of her arms, using his freed hand to cradle the cheek he had glazed. "Elphaba, I'm sorry I yelled, but…I just didn't want you to hurt yourself. This isn't like you, and I mean…I care about you."

This statement caused something to stir inside the green girl, something that took her mind off the excruciating pain of the tears that were welling in her eyes. "I care about you too," she whispered. "That's why I want you to take this seriously- I mean, according to Galinda's copy of Ozmopolitan, you're brother is first in line for the-"

"You read Ozmo?" Fiyero asked teasingly.

"Galinda had me transferred into her cosmetology class, I had to study," she replied defensively. "But the point is, Fiyero-"

"Call me Yero."

Elphaba felt herself flush, but would not be deterred. "Yero- the point is, Willharry is first in line for the throne- that means unless he dies prematurely, you'll have to get some other job."

Fiyero smiled at her amusedly. "What, like in the real world?"

"Um, yes."

Yero blinked.

"OH MY OZ!!!!" he cried, diving into the pile of literature that still littered the floor. "QUICK, QUIZ ME SMART GIRL QUIZ ME!!!"

A/N: Not my best, I know, but cut me some slack: I wrote this in the midst of panic attack to try to calm me down. Reviews make EXCELLENT birthday presents, and if I get enough I might just continue this (AFTER I go cram, of course.)

Oh, and by the way? Any flames received claiming that nobody cares about my birthday/ I ought to being having a panic attack due to my obvious stupidity from this fic will be deleted and mocked for sheer predictability.