Crossover Three: The Slayers/MortalKombat (movieverse)

(AN: this is pretty crackfic…..)

They hadn't exactly planned on another world-saving adventure. Officially, they were looking for Zelgadis's cure, as usual. Unofficially, they were wandering around the countryside, beating up bandits, checking out any restaurant or inn with a halfway decent reputation, and occasionally finding interesting or embarrassing random bits of spells or treasure.

So when a swirling sucking Vortex of Doom ™ opened suddenly before Lina, Gourry, Zelgadis, and Amelia, they went along with the flow. After all, they were pretty much used to any and all random world-threatening sudden upheavals.

"Why do I always end up on the bottom of these piles?" Zelgadis asked, patiently for once waiting for Gourry, Lina, and Amelia to get off him.

"You weigh the most," Lina absently answered. "It would really suck if you landed on, say, Amelia, after a fall like that." Both Amelia and Zelgadis blushed at Lina's comment.

They'd landed in a very unfamiliar place. Although it appeared to be outdoors, the sky was dark and gloomy. The whole landscape looked like a city AFTER Lina had Dragonslaved it.

"All right, WHAT'S GOING ON??" Lina shrieked, reaching the end of her already-short patience.

"Well well, you mean to say you've never heard of the Outworld?" Xellos asked, appearing from nowhere as is his wont. Both Lina and Amelia yelped in surprise and punched the Mazoku, giving him a tasty snack. Only momentarily phased, Xellos assumed his usual floating-in-air teaching position, his Big Book Of Everything on his lap. "The Outworld: a universe randomly connected to at least 13 other worlds. Currently ruled by the evil and utterly corrupt Emperor, whose pastimes include torturing the rightful rulers of any conquered dimension, destroying worlds, fathering mutant monsters on unwilling wives, and playing ice hockey. Portal access to any new world is limited and cannot be exploited until the minions of the Emperor succeed in beating the new world's Champions in ten consecutive Mortal Kombat tournaments."

"Let me guess," Zelgadis interrupted. "We've been drawn here to compete in this tournament, which is always to the death, our world has lost nine times, and this is the tenth and therefore vital Mortal Kombat our world has faced?"

Xellos beamed. "Why, that's absolutely correct, Zelgadis!"

Lina smacked her forehead in exasperation.

"I've never heard of this Mortal Kombat thing," Amelia said hesitantly. "I mean, we'd all heard of other worlds, like Dark Star's, before. I've never heard of the Outworld or this Mortal Kombat."

"Me either, and I'm like twenty times as well read as Amelia, so fess up, Xellos! What's the deal here?" Lina snapped.

"The deal…" started Xellos.

"If you say it's a secret, I'll kill you myself," Zelgadis interrupted, again.

Xellos stuck out his tongue at the chimera before continuing. "The deal is that usually, the Shinzoku take care of all this. But they've been losing, and frankly, we Mazoku want to destroy our world OURSELVES. So to ensure we get a chance, and no competition from the Emperor, we're taking an interest this time."

A sudden mysterious voice boomed from behind them all. "AND NOW, IT IS TIME!" They all turned to see a giant monstrous figure leering over them, surrounded by his monster army and at least a few human-looking ninja types.

"Hey!" Gourry suddenly said, "Isn't that that Zomel-guy that Princess What-her-name used to worship?"

Everyone else took a moment to blink and think, wow, the Emperor really does kinda look like how Martina used to describe her "patron monster".

"It is sort of surprising," Amelia agreed, accepting a cup of tea from Xellos. "Thank you Mister Xellos. So, do you think it's possible that Martina might have somehow tapped into this whole Mortal Kombat thing long before us?"

"I wouldn't have thought she'd have the ability to peer across Dimensions," Lina observed, eating a petit-four. "Zel? You worked for them. Did Martina have any abilities we weren't aware of?"

"None whatsoever." Zelgadis replied after a sip of tea. "In fact, I was a little surprised by her imagination. She simply didn't seem smart enough to be creative."

"HEY!" The giant Emperor boomed. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TERRIFIED HERE."

"So sorry. Would you like some tea?" Amelia offered politely.

"GAH! STOP THAT! LET'S GET GOING, HERE. SHANG TSUNG!!"

Immediately obedient to the summons of his Emperor, the evil asian wizard guy who probably hasn't ever played a good guy appeared before them.

"Now," he hissed, waving faceless evil minions forward, "Let the Mortal Kombat begin!"

Immediately serious, Lina and her friends assumed battle poses. Zelgadis particularly looked forward to the eminent stress-relief of killing bad guys by smirking coolly and drawing his sword with a twist and a grind. Amelia powered up some unnamed spell, while Lina tossed her hair smugly and Gourry drew his Sword of Light in his traditional and oft-seen move, crying, as always, "Light Come Forth!"

"Hold!" ordered Shang Tsung. "Weapons are not allowed in Mortal Kombat! You must fight hand to hand."

Xellos frowned as the rest of the gang looked surprised. But before anyone could protest, a lightening bolt struck the ground between Our Heroes and the Horde Of Evil Minions. The brilliant light faded to reveal a quintet of warriors.

The leader, a man dressed all in white, wagged his finger at Shang Tsung, looking uncannily like Xellos for a moment. "Ah-ah-ah! Now you know that's not true, Shang Tsung. Each warrior fights according to his or her own traditions." His voice was soft and had a really cool accent.

"Raiden! You and your pathetic meddling Earthlings are not wanted here!" Shang Tsung hissed, his face getting all twisted and nasty. "Attack!"

The evil minions leapt forward to attack the newcomers, who fought them off perfectly as each minion carefully waited his turn to get beat up. Lina and company simply watched, occasionally making an admiring comment about this move or that.

At one point, one of the Earth warriors, a young asian guy looking almost as cool as Zelgadis, was kicked in the chest and stumbled backwards. An aura of righteous fury surrounded him (making Amelia get all starry-eyed), and he drew his hands together in a fancy gesture and yelled "FIREBALL!"

The resultant blast knocked his opponent down and out.

"Hey!" Lina said, giving the guy an enthusiastic slap on the back. "Not bad, not bad at all. But you've gotta go for a wider range. Like this! FIREBALL!" Almost a dozen Bad Guys collapsed in smoking ruin.

The Earth warriors all paused and went "Whoa!" Everyone hesitated a moment.

"What?" Lina asked.

Xellos's smile turned feral. "In the past, those stupid Shinzoku played by the rules, even though the Emperor's people never did."

"So the Shinzoku always made the champions fight hand to hand? Even if they could do magic?" Zelgadis asked.

"That's right," Xellos affirmed.

"Idiots." muttered the blond Earth warrior woman.

"Pretty much," Xellos agreed affably.

"In that case," Zelgadis said, "ASTRAL VINE!" Sword glowing red, Zel kicked in the demon speed, and quite literally cut a swath through the enemy forces. Everyone paused a moment to go "eeewww" at the mess, but then Gourry followed quickly, while Lina and Amelia tossed spells in every direction. Sensing an easy victory, Lina and all started tossing out the really cool spells and moves. After all, this had quickly devolved to a 'workout' for them.

Their superior firepower reduced the Emperor's minions to charred lumps. The Earth warriors stood by and watched in amazement.

Shang Tsung beat a hasty retreat when Lina started after him. The Emperor gathered his remaining people to him, and disappeared with a frustrated howl.

"You've won Mortal Kombat! Yay!" Xellos with purple and gold pom-poms was a very disturbing sight, but everyone ignored him for their own sanity's sake.

"Congratulations," said Raiden, cool accent still firmly in place. "The Emperor must begin again and try to win ten Mortal Kombats in a row before invading your world."

"Unless he cheats," interjected the brunette warrior woman.

"Yeah, and you get stuck in a crappy sequel," agreed the young asian guy.

"Which I don't even get to appear in!" complained the blond Earth guy to the blonde woman.

"Give it up, Johnny," said Raiden.

Introductions were quickly performed. Lina tried to explain some magic to Liu Kang, but Raiden told them it wouldn't work on Earth. Gourry smiled stupidly at Kitana and Sonya, while Amelia tried to talk shop with Kitana about being princesses. Zelgadis calmly cleaned his sword, confident that he was way cooler than either Liu Kang or Johnny Cage. Xellos produced tea and snacks, and a good time was had by all, until Raiden sensed some new plot by the Emperor and took his people off to thwart it, with a promise to Xellos to "do lunch" sometime.

Xellos waved his staff and opened another Swirling Vortex of Doom ™ so Lina and the rest could get back home before Lina took it into her head to start looting this dimension of treasure too….