Clood's mind brings you yet another atrocity!

What now?

Yes, another atrocity! This is basically set after the deaths of Hidan and Kakuzus, pretty much just as Sasuke is getting Hebi together, having 'killed' Oro. He's not dead, though! I swear!

"Touch the fox, and be remade."

Or, so they said.

It has been remarked in the past, that those who come into contact with the nine tailed fox change. The nine tailed fox demon has been said to possess the power to alter peoples' forms and their ways of thinking. That had been disproved, apparently. After all, what came from the Kyuubi but suffering and death in its wake? No modifications of appearances, no considerable alterations of the mind.

So, what had been said before was passed off as a myth. Ignored, up until things did start to change.

Ignored until the Kyuubi itself changed.

It could not have been far from tea time as Naruto trudged wearily into Ichiraku ramen, hair dripping, rain water rolling down his skin, a disgruntled expression settled on his face.

"Isn't this the fourth time you've been here today, Naruto-kun?"

Ayame was met with no response, as Naruto flopped down upon a stool, exhaling heavily as he went.

"Naruto-kun?"

Still, the blonde refused to speak. He waved his left arm a little, vaguely creating a small cup shape in his hand. Ayame supposed this was his ramen signal, albeit a new one. Not wishing to interrogate the ostensibly grouchy boy, she turned her back to him, and began to prepare the ramen. That was when Naruto finally spoke again.

"Ayame-san. Is it normal to experience… another puberty?" The blonde muttered, eyes fixed on the chopstick holder in front of him, refusing to look up at the ramen girl's back.

Ayame snickered slightly, before silencing herself immediately. She whipped around almost immediately, a ladle in one hand, half full with the ramen soup base. The other half had been sprayed across the stand as she spun.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"…Well… I remember what it was like when I first hit puberty…" Naruto's voice was becoming muffled, his cheeks taking on a slightly pink tinge. "With Ero Sennin, y'know? And… It's like it's happening… 'gain. But… I thought it stopped coz… I was getting over the mood swings…" He suddenly yanked his head up to meet Ayame's gaze, and leapt to his feet, flailing one arm, slamming the other upon the counter. "I don't fucking like it! Make it go away! Now!" The stool he had been sitting on clattered to the floor behind him.

The ramen girl had never taken Naruto to be a scary boy, up until this point. Now she had to feel ever so slightly inclined to run away. "Well, Perhaps… Maybe you should… go talk to another guy about it?" Strange behaviour, even by Naruto's standards… She could not help but think to herself.

Once again, Naruto changed dramatically. He grinned sheepishly, and pulled his frog purse out from his pockets. "Oh, right, thanks, Ayame-san! Here, take my purse, I'm sure it'll come in handy. Sorry for knocking over the stool!" He bent down quickly, propped the stool up hurriedly, and sprinted out of the shop into the downpour, hurling his money-containing frog at the poor girl, who systematically dropped her ladle in order to catch Naruto's gift.

"Wait, Naruto-kun, your ramen…!"

Strange behaviour indeed.

"Tsunade-sama, how old would you say the Kyuubi is?" Shizune inquired, nonchalantly as she filed various important papers, not really paying attention to her task.

The Godaime Hokage thought on it a little, before shrugging. "I dunno. Old. Why'd you ask?"

"I had a funny dream last night. It was…" Shizune giggled. "It was a dream about the Kyuubi going through puberty. I found it hilarious."

Tsunade snorted, not sure whether she found the stupidity of Shizune's reverie to be amusing, or the actual subject of it. "Doubtless, it's already experienced that time, if concentrated masses of chakra can even go through such a period…"

"I wonde--"

That was when Naruto skipped into the office, carrying a tray laden with cookies. Something was wrong. Naruto never ate cookies. Especially not the raspberry variety he seemed to be carrying.

"Tsunade-sama!" He chortled, raising his cookie platter on high. "I brought you some goodies!" Naruto was met with two stares, however, he ignored them, and then slammed the tray on to Tsunade's desk, a malicious smile crossing his slightly pursed lips. "I hope you eat them. And you will enjoy them." Naruto beamed once more, and skipped out of the Hokage's office without another word, Shizune and Tsunade too stunned to speak.

Eventually, the Hokage managed a few words. "… What was up with that?"

"Did he just call you… 'Tsunade-sama'?"

News of Naruto's increasingly erratic behaviour began to spread. Very quickly.

Soon, most of Konoha was prepared for a blonde haired youth frantically hopping past them on their way back from dinner. They were prepared for him as he hit his 'talk to strangers' phase. However, they weren't quite prepared for random on the spot seductions. Nor was this a particularly easy idea to adjust to.

Some brushed it off as foolish adolescence. Others marked his deeds as down to a malevolent spirit possessing him. The odd eccentric few blamed it on an adolescent, malevolent spirit inhabiting him. 'The odd eccentric' being Kakashi. Shizune had thought the same, but she really didn't want to say it, just in case Tsunade thought she'd finally lost her mind.

It was in this state of affairs that the great sharingan wielder Kakashi came marching through the Hokage building, dragging an angsting Naruto along behind him by the ear.

He burst into the Hokage's office, startling an almost, but not quite drunk Tsunade, as she clutched a bottle of sake to her chest.

"The Kyuubi is going through adolescence. It's… changing Naruto."

"Shizune's been relating her dreams to you, I see."

"No. I'm absolutely positive of it. The Kyuubi is either going through adolescence, or going through some form of transformation, and it's making Naruto act strangely." There was a pause. "Why else would he burst into tears and hug me?"

In that moment, Tsunade had to ward off several amusing mental images, utilizing all the ninja self control he had ever been taught. Absolutely all of it. "Do you have any solid evidence?"

"Surely you must have heard that old folk law?"

"What, 'Touch the Fox and be remade.'?"

"Yes. That one."

Behind them, Naruto had sat down, and was now fiddling with the tassels on the newly placed down rug.

Tsunade peered over her desk at the supposedly more mature boy, as he giggled at some inanimate pieces of wool. Kakashi did the same, and they stared at the boy for the longest time, until Naruto noticed this, looked up, snarled at the adults, and lay down upon the carpet, looking very sorry for himself.

"I don't like you. Either of you."

"We know, Naruto." The Hokage replied, before she reclined back into her chair, and took another swig of sake. There was another pause as the three of them refused to speak. Kakashi broke the silence.

"Well? Your verdict…?"

"If something's going on with the Kyuubi, I'm sure Neji and Sakura can work it out between them. Neji, he can monitor the fox's chakra for abnormalities…"

Kakashi nodded, utterly satisfied. "Sakura can observe Naruto's physical state, and ensure that nothing… obscure is occurring."

As Tsunade wrote out summons for her student and the Hyuuga prodigy, Kakashi began to observe Naruto, who had started rolling across the floor, stretched out, batting his thick eyelashes.

…Thick eyelashes? "Tsunade-sama… Has Naruto… always had such effeminate eyes?"

The Hokage looked up from her papers. "I've never noted anything remotely girly about the---" Her eyes met Naruto's, and she found herself staring into deeply womanly, quite large eyes, long eyelashes flashing down over them every few seconds. "Yeah, okay, that's not normal."

"I didn't think so."

Naruto stood up, girl-eyes swirling curiously. "Tsunade-san, are your breasts… smaller than they were yesterday?"

Kakashi's eyes wandered to Tsunade's chest, and he found himself suppressing a gasp. "I think they may be…" He uttered.

There was yet another silence. Such quiet intervals had become far too common recently. "Since when have you had such large hips, Kakashi?" The slug sannin replied, as she folded her arms over her blatantly smaller breasts.

"I'm not so sure… I noticed that this morning…"

"It's like we're all changing genders!" Naruto cried, spinning around, singing a little.

Immediately, Tsunade upgraded her summon necessity to 'urgent'. Sakura and Neji had never run so fast to Hokage Tower in their lives, having both received various death threats in a message from their village leader.

Kakashi, Tsunade, Sakura and Neji all stood around Naruto, who was lying on a medical bed, looking very unhappy. Every so often, the blonde's face would change completely, going from sheer bliss to utter depression in seconds.

"His chakra is abnormal. The same as it was when I faced him in the chuunin exam." Neji stated, Byakugan activated. "It's pulsing abnormally. The foreign chakra appeared orange back in the exam, but now, it's more of a red… which lapses back to orange occasionally."

Tsunade shifted uncomfortably under Kakashi's unwavering 'I-told-you-so' gaze. "What does that have to do with Naruto's mood changes, then?"

Neji sighed. "It's hard to say. It seems that whenever the red lapses to orange, Naruto's mood changes. As you may have noticed, his face has been conveying… several different emotions since you first showed him to me."

Sakura attempted to swallow a lump in her throat, but failed. "May I, shishou?"

"Go ahead, Sakura."

Sakura approached her team mate cautiously, as he hummed a little tune to himself. Kakashi, catching on from her body language, held down Naruto's left arm, and Neji dealt with the right. Naruto, now sprawled out across the medical room table in a satisfactory manner, was now fit to approach, or so Sakura assumed, her hand glowing a warm green.

She placed it upon Naruto's torso, covered by a plain black t-shirt. Almost instantly, she gasped, and pulled back her hand.

"Sakura, what is it?" Tsunade demanded.

"I…" The pink haired girl took a few horrified steps back, before she felt her behind up against a wall. She slid down it, and shook slightly on the ground.

Kakashi, Neji and Tsunade exchanged worried glances before the Hokage herself began to examine Naruto. What she found was terrible. Really, it was absolutely horrifying.

"He…" Tsunade pulled her hand back from Naruto. The blonde had fallen asleep at this point. "His insides… They're…"

Sakura shuddered.

"His gentiles are…" Tsunade glanced left and right nervously. "Well, to put it bluntly, Naruto is turning into a girl."

Kakashi instantly released Naruto's arm, no longer seeing a need to restrain the sleeping boy. "Me? What about me? You said my hips looked bigger!" Urgency flashed in his one visible eye.

Tsunade nodded, and quickly did a scan of Kakashi's body. Her face convulsed. "You, too… You're… becoming a girl, too…" Realization hit her. "Oh, fuck! Me! My shrinking breasts!"

Neji blushed, not having noticed.

Tsunade sat herself down upon the edge of the medical bed, and searched herself. Her shrill scream echoed throughout the entire Hokage building for some while afterwards.

"…And me?" Neji muttered in a barely audible voice.

His results weren't particularly great, either. Neither were Sakura's.

All in all, the four of them had never been so traumatized. Sakura, still on the ground, began to stammer. "W…w…what's going on?!"

"I … don't know." Tsunade replied. "But… whatever is going on… Naruto is the source of it. Or, more, the Kyuubi is."

The Hyuuga's eyes widened. "The… Nine tails?"

"Naruto is the Kyuubi's jinchuuriki. It hasn't been made public, because, well… It's fairly obvious, no?" Kakashi replied, having regained a small shred of composure. Neji nodded in response, before flopping down beside Sakura.

"But why… why would the Kyuubi influence us this way?"

"… 'Touch the Fox and be remade'. All of us have come into contact with the Kyuubi's prison, or it's chakra at some point, no?" The Hokage started. "Me, it must have been when I was healing him after he rasengan-ed Kabuto. Somehow, my chakra must have come into contact with the seal. Neji…"

"The chuunin exams." Neji replied. "It was definitely then."

Sakura had also restored herself to a coherent state. "For me, obviously just after he fought Orochimaru, when I ran up to him to quell the Kyuubi, its chakra touched my arm…"

"Definitely when I had to re-seal its chakra after he fought the Deidara fellow. The chakra must have brushed me as I did so." The four of them looked to the floor, silently contemplating their doom.

"Hold on…" Sakura said. "We're definitely not the only ones who have come into contact with the Kyuubi's chakra." The realization swept the room in a deadly wave. "Think on it…"

"Sasuke." Kakashi stated. "I'm certain Sasuke will have come into contact with it when he fought Naruto at the Valley of the End… Deidara… Gaara… Jiraiya… Orochimaru… So many others…"

"They're all going to… change genders!" Neji spluttered. "This is… awful!"

"This is… an unprecedented catastrophe!" Tsunade cried. "I'm going to lose my breasts!"

"I'm going to gain breasts! Kakashi almost yelled, motioning frantically.

And as the four of them panicked about their own predicaments, across the world, the Kyuubi's victims began to notice 'differences' with themselves one by one.

The ninja world was in grave, grave, danger of becoming one massive sex change, and there was barely anything anyone could do to stop it.

Or was there?

Oh dear. This is most certainly the most… cracky crack fic I've ever written.

And it shall be continued in a suitably melodramatic fashion.

How shall our heroes cope with their descents to other genderdom? Are the effects reversible? Will Naruto ever return to normal? Precisely how long does the Kyuubi's puberty last? How will Sasuke react to his newly obtained womanhood?

Find out next chapter 8D

Review, please. It makes me feel arrogant and special. Oh, happy, too, but definitely arrogant.