Triptych
Part One: The Green Eyed Monster
She hit him! She threw him into the lake and he insulted her and she screamed at him! I have never, would never hit my darling or scream at him like some vulgar trollop. He deserves better. He deserves me. So why is it that when she jumps off of the rock and sits down to cry he rushes over to hold her? Why is it that he holds her up while we're walking to the inn? And why, by all that's holy, does she let him? Why does she take for granted what I would give my soul for? She can't.
She mustn't.
She won't.
Not anymore. If Lina had disappeared into the chaos, Gourry would be holding me. I can make Gourry happy. Lina has to be taken out of the picture.
"You can feel it, can't you?" A dark voice crept into my ear, the whisper of breath on my neck making me shiver. I had not expected anyone to be in the garden, and indeed had deliberately chosen it so that I could be alone. I turned to see Xellos, but a different Xellos than the normal one. His usual smirk was noticeably absent from his face, making him seem more mysterious... Alien. Almost monstrous.
"The jealousy? The hatred? They're burning inside of you." I licked my lips, wondering if he was reading my mind, my emotions or just randomly guessing. "Don't try to deny it. I can feel them." A smile tugged at Xellos' lips. "I am a Mazoku after all."
" Stay away from me!" I cried. "Can't you just leave me alone?!"
"Oh, no, my dear." Xellos shook his head, the smile turning a shade darker. "For the first time in your life, you're feeling anger. Rage, even. Am I correct?"
I wanted to shout at him, rail against the invisible barrier the trickster priest had always surrounded himself with, but I knew the truth of what he said. Somehow this monster knew what was in my heart.
"You want to hurt something, don't you?" Xellos's smirk returned, but with a hard edge. One eye opened, his amethyst iris glinting with a coldness so sharp it burned. "Or should I say, you want to hurt some ONE. The shrine maiden is losing her innocence."
I shook my head sharply, trying to deny what he said, what I felt. I had devoted my life to believing that life is sacred and that my duty was to always preserve it. How could I contemplate anything different? How could I consider betraying the ideals of my father, of my youth?
"You want to feel something else feel your pain, isn't that right?" Xellos pressed on relentlessly. " You want to destroy what hurts you. You want to KILL."
"NO!" I shouted. "I don't want that, I don't!" I can't want that, I thought desperately.
"Then why is that dagger in your hands?" His voice glided like rose petals, but the petals concealed a nest of thorns. Thorns I could not escape or avoid, for the Trickster spoke the truth. I sank to my knees and sobbed, mourning for my innocence, my faith, for my father and for me. He watched impassively, silent as a stone as I cried an ocean of tears.
Finally, exhausted, I reached down and touched the earth. The last of my useless, bitter tears fell on the barren earth as I trembled and retched. I looked up to note that Xellos's gloved hands were clenched tightly on the ruby tipped staff and he leaned against it for support like an ancient and palsied man. He looked for all the world like he had been the one to suffer the paroxysms of emotion that had torn apart my psyche. His apparent weakness somehow comforted me.
I stood, fully in control of myself and firm in purpose and determination. Gourry was to be mine. Lina was to be gone. So it was I wished it, and so it would be done. "Begone."
Xellos blinked out of existence at my command and I started towards the inn. I had much to plan and I would have to take pains to appear normal. After all, when the time comes, no one must suspect I had a hand in arranging the death of Lina Inverse.
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"We've got to do something." Amelia looked at her fellow conspirators, all of them huddled close to the campfire, their faces reflecting concern and a vital need for secrecy. "This can't be allowed to go on!"
Zelgadis held a finger to his lips, shooting a warning glance at the little princess. "Yes but what can we do? We can't even speak openly, let alone make a change in the way things are."
Amelia looked mutinous but it was Gourry who spoke. "Look, even if she doesn't like it, we have to do something. Every day for the past two weeks there's been at least one thing that goes wrong and Lina almost gets killed."
"But what can we do? Lina refuses to believe that it's anything other than random bad luck and I for one don't want to push the issue with Little-Miss-Instant-Dragon-Slave." Zel took another sip of coffee, only the slight tightening around his lips betraying his air of nonchalance.
"Maybe if we talk to her...."
"No, Sylphiel. Amelia tried talking to her. Remember, you cast the healing spell on her split lip." Zelgadis stood up, dumping the dregs of his coffee into the fire. "No, all we can do is to try to keep her alive until she admits that there's a problem." With that, he stalked off towards his bedroll.
"I'm afraid he's right, Mr. Gourry." Amelia heaved a deep sigh. "Still, she'll be all right, because Justice will prevail." Too tired to pose, Amelia slunk towards the women's tent. "Are you coming, Miss Sylphiel?"
"In a minute."
Gourry stared into the fire, not speaking. After a few minutes I sidled closer, laying my hand over one of his. "Is there anything I can do for you Gourry dear?"
He looked up, a smile spreading across his face like sunshine breaking through the clouds. It would have made my heart sing if I hadn't noticed that it did not touch his eyes at all. "It's okay Sylphiel. Why don't you go get some rest?"
Deliberately, I let my hand brush his thigh. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do to make you feel better?"
His smile never wavered, and it might have been an accident that he brushed my hand off of him as he leaned forward to stir the embers back to life. "No, I'm fine. I'll just get some more firewood and then turn in myself."
It might have been an accident. But it wasn't. And I knew damn well that he had no intention of turning in, as I had heard him arrange with Zelgadis to take turns standing watch. My priority, however, was to avoid seeming out of place, so I smiled and yawned hugely as I walked towards my bedroll. There would be time enough for him to notice me once Lina was gone. She had been extremely lucky every day for fifteen miserably long and Lina-filled days, but her luck only needed to fail once. The convenient accidents I kept arranging weren't even a strain as I drew on magical resources I had not known I possessed.
I don't know what awoke me. Maybe there was a noise, or maybe it had something to do with the feeling of a dark voice breathing in my ear. Regardless of the cause, I realized I could only hear one other person breathing. Creeping silently, I moved past the sleeping princess and inched the tent flap open enough to see, but not enough to be seen.
There she was, the high and mighty Miss Inverse, sitting in my dear Gourry's lap. Her cheeks showed signs of recent tears, but there were no tears now. No, she was too busy running her hands through his corn silk hair and kissing him to cry. My hands clenched as he ran one hand over her legs as the other held her close against his broad chest. I gritted my teeth and promised myself that tomorrow, tomorrow would be the day that Lina Inverse would die. In the meantime, I cast a quiet spell, working slowly so as to muffle the feeling of power being built up. Once I was ready, I released the spell and the log Gourry was sitting on went through ten years' worth of rotting in an instant. Both fell to the ground and I crept back to my bed, satisfied that there would be no more closeness between Lina and my Gourry on this night.
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The next day, I saw my chance. Xellos appeared and while everyone was distracted by his usual behavior, I moved into position behind him. He was complaining to Lina about how his power was diminishing when I funneled a great deal of power over and around him. The red and black nimbus around him made it appear that he was casting a powerful spell, and the full force of a Dragon Slave was headed directly for Lina. Gourry screamed and tried to intercept it with his Sword of Light but he was too far away, and I had to bow my head to hide a most inappropriate smirk.
I still don't understand how she survived. At the last second, Xellos stepped close to her and held her, whispering into her ear. There wasn't have been enough time for her to cast a shield spell but it turned out she didn't need to. She held her wrists so that all four of her talismans were aligned and the spell and all the power I was expending were absorbed into them, making them glow and flicker like living flame instead of cold gems.
Cursing silently, I dropped the spell, wobbling slightly. I moved my hands as if I was dropping a protective barrier and drew my face into lines of shock, horror and relief. That little witch has more lives than a cat!
The time had come for more direct methods. I bided my time, waiting for the right opportunity, forming and dismissing hundreds of plans. Oh, there were still "accidents", but that was more out of habit than a belief that anything would come of it. I had insisted on magically sealing the tent at night, for Lina's protection, of course, so I was assured that there would be no more midnight tete a tetes.
Then one day the perfect situation presented itself, gift wrapped and with a big red bow on top. Zelgadis had heard a rumor about an ancient library that we chased to the city of Vija. I very hesitantly suggested we stay at an inn overnight. Scraping my eye with a fingernail produced watering eyes when the chimera objected. I stumbled through a semi-coherent well rehearsed speech about being exhausted, needing food and the famous all you can eat buffet I thought everyone would enjoy. For a purely artistic touch, I trailed off on a plaintive note, bemoaning the possibility of missing out on the hot springs that served as that town's claim to fame.
Hook, line and sinker. Zelgadis didn't even offer more than a token protest as Lina and Amelia pulled him by the wrists and Gourry pushed from behind, all moving at top speed towards the promised wonders.
After a brief meal, I excused myself on the basis of exhaustion and retired to my bedroom. I napped briefly, but woke well before they had exhausted the buffet's resources. Once I was sure they were all in their beds, I crept from the inn. I had a sleep spell at the ready, but I managed to get out to the ancient library without being seen.
I surveyed the old stone building, pleased with the possibilities. It was would be phenomenally simple to rearrange the traps and add a bit more power. The first person to enter the library would be instantly and simultaneously crushed and fried. And since Lina always insists on going first... Well satisfied with the night's work, I made my stealthy way back to my bed where I dreamed delightful dreams of Gourry holding me while I cried over Lina's untimely demise.
Imagine my horror when, just as Lina's foot was about to trigger her one-way ticket to crispy pancake land, Gourry threw his arm in front of her and insisted he would go first in case any dangers lurked. Running as fast as I could, I managed to prevent the worst of the damage, but my poor darling suffered three broken ribs, one of which punctured a lung, a concussion, a fractured collarbone and quite a few nasty burns on his legs and feet. It took a lot out of me to protect him even that far and I fainted when I tried to help Lina and Amelia heal him.
It must have been hours later when I awoke, for the sun was setting as I rose. I looked around the room I had slept in for parts of the previous night and felt a small jolt when I saw Lina sitting calmly in a chair by my bedside. I smiled at her and started to thank her for sitting with me. It was when she shook her head sorrowfully that the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I wondered how much she knew, how much they all knew.
"I think you should know, Sylphiel, that I've sealed your magic. There are no knives in here, no convenient rocks or bandits or any assorted other potentially fatal mishaps that can happen." Her voice was curiously flat as she spoke and I knew she, at least, has tumbled onto the truth.
My eyes flickered to follow her hand as it tucked a long ringlet behind her ear. Unlike the rest of her hair, this lock was a pure golden yellow, blazing brightly against the fiery red of her normal hair. "How is my dear Gourry?"
Her lips twisted into a bitter grin. "MY dear Gourry has a hell of a headache. Other than that he's safe and sound."
I closed my eyes and silently gave thanks to whatever power had saved his life. "Does... Does he..."
"Does he know it's you who has been trying to kill me and almost killed him?" She idly picked a piece of lint from her arm and stretched back in her chair. "No. I see no reason to hurt him with the knowledge."
I breathed a sigh of relief. Even if Lina killed me for my attempts on her life, Gourry would never know what I had done. He would never hate me.
The silence stretched on and I couldn't bear to feel her eyes on me, showing none of her feelings. "Don't you want to know why?"
"I know why, Sylphiel." She sat up and rubbed her face with both hands, her expression one of pure weariness. "I felt the same sort of hate and desperation when I saw Gourry paying attention to you, holding your hands and treating you like the rarest of delicate flowers."
She stood and started to pace as I tried to internalize this new information. I realized she was still speaking and sat up, listening intently. "He remembered you. He likes your cooking. You're perfect wife and mother material and you have an actual set of boobs, not two little bumps. I wanted to pull all your hair out and then poke your eyeballs out for looking at my property."
She stopped, crossing her arms over her stomach as she looked out the window. "I didn't. I tried to be extra nice to you because you were sweet and kind and if Gourry didn't love me back, I couldn't think of anyone who would be better for him or who deserved him more."
I felt hollow. I saw a tear trickle down her cheek and felt like I was completely disconnected from the scene, a stranger watching a play.
She swiped at her tears with the back of her hand and attempted a more characteristic smirk. She almost succeeded. "I can even understand why your cheese slipped the cracker. First that copy of Rezo destroyed your home and almost everything you loved. Then you lost Flagoon and Fibrizzo put you through hell on earth." She'd resumed pacing, ticking off each of my traumas on her fingers. "It's no wonder you cracked. If arranging accidents for me made you feel better, I was willing to play along."
I couldn't disguise my shock. "You KNEW? All along?!?"
She shrugged. "Not all along. Just since that night you made the log rot." This time her smile was genuine, with a wink thrown in for good measure. "No one else would've cared that Gourry was holding me. And since you were being careful to just target me, I figured I'd look on it as exercise, mental training. Pretty tame stuff after you've survived the worst Luna Inverse can dish out."
I sat back, stunned. THIS was Lina Inverse, the Dragon Spooker, the Bandit Killer? How could this be the same Lina who used the Dragon Slave on anyone who mentioned her lack of chest size. I'd tried to KILL her.... I should be ashes at the bottom of a crater by now. I deserved her fury and she was being calm and patient and understanding. What had happened to her?
It was then that I noticed the bandage on her collarbone and the way she was being very careful with her legs. She was sitting uncomfortably and being very careful not to rest her back against the chair. Symptoms of someone who had suffered injuries like Gourry's, not of someone who hadn't even been bruised. But it was her eyes... Her eyes looked like my eyes had looked when I first had to accept that Sairaag was gone and my father was dead. I had put that grief there. By betraying her trust, I had broken Lina Inverse. I had made the Enemy of all Who Live cry.
"I can't let you do this anymore." Her voice strengthened, showing the iron clad will that allowed Lina to face down monsters and dark lords. "You don't even know what you did. You hurt Gourry, but you were there to save his life." Her hands clenched into fists as she stood. "Do you realize that it's been a game for the local children to go up there and thread through the traps for hundreds of years? By changing the traps from their existing configuration, you made their playground a killing field. And what would have happened if it had been a kid who set your trap off? You wouldn't have been there to save him."
I hadn't known. I didn't check. I could have killed a completely innocent child. I was overwhelmed by grief and horror as I realized what I monster I had become. "I deserve to die."
She slapped me, hard. Her eyes flared and gold glints appeared in her crimson eyes. "No, Sylphiel that'd be too easy. _I_ decide what you deserve and if I thought it was death, you _would_ be dead."
I shrank back, terrified of this glimpse of her consuming rage. I wanted to speak, to ask what would become of me, but the words shriveled in my throat and refused to venture into the red hot nimbus of tension surrounding the sorceress. This was something beyond anger, beyond hate.
Abruptly, she seized her control back and sat down. The only remaining sign of her anger was the flashing of her ruby eyes. "You will live, Sylphiel." I shuddered at her ice cold tone. "You will live because I will not take your life and no one else has the right to. And in so living you will suffer more than any damage I could inflict."
I felt like a mouse caught in the stare of a snake. I couldn't look away. I was frozen in place, barely able to breathe through the feeling of a great weight on my chest.
"You will stay here, in the Temple of Ceipheed. You will tend their gardens and their sick, relying on knowledge and skill rather than magic." My sentence was delivered in a staccato monotone, their cadences ripping into my heart. But there was one arrow left to fire.
She leaned forward until her nose almost touched mine and spoke in a low, threatening tone. "You will have no contact whatsoever with Gourry, Zelgadis or Amelia. If you attempt so much as to have someone say hello to them for you, I will tell them everything. You will not contact me, but I will return in five years. If I die before I visit, I have made arrangements for Gourry to be informed of your actions." A wry grin pulled at the corner of her mouth as the impact of her words sank in. "It's kinda funny that instead of trying to kill me you'll be praying for my safety."
She stood and brushed her hands against each other. "If, in five years, I think I can trust you, I'll give you your powers back." She made to leave but stopped with her hand on the doorknob, her head bowed as she spoke softly. "I'm sorry I have to do this, Sylphiel. Maybe someday we can be friends again."
She left and shut the door quietly behind her. As I heard her steps retreating down the hallway, I realized what a fool I had been. No romantic love, from Gourry or anyone else, would equal the love of friendship that I had thrown away. By chasing an illusion of love I had destroyed the reality. I felt the strength and anger of madness finally drain away, leaving me with nothing but shame and sorrow.
It has been many months since that day. The gardens of Ceipheed's temple bloom magnificently and I have trained many in the knowledge of plants and how to heal with them. I've learned to accept the friendship of others and to return it. And yet...
And yet there is not a day that goes by that I do not feel afresh the horror of my madness, of my actions. There is no relief for me in crying; there have been no tears since that day I spoke to Xellos in another garden, far away and long ago. My pain and my grief are with me constantly and I grow weary or their company.
End Part One
Part One: The Green Eyed Monster
She hit him! She threw him into the lake and he insulted her and she screamed at him! I have never, would never hit my darling or scream at him like some vulgar trollop. He deserves better. He deserves me. So why is it that when she jumps off of the rock and sits down to cry he rushes over to hold her? Why is it that he holds her up while we're walking to the inn? And why, by all that's holy, does she let him? Why does she take for granted what I would give my soul for? She can't.
She mustn't.
She won't.
Not anymore. If Lina had disappeared into the chaos, Gourry would be holding me. I can make Gourry happy. Lina has to be taken out of the picture.
"You can feel it, can't you?" A dark voice crept into my ear, the whisper of breath on my neck making me shiver. I had not expected anyone to be in the garden, and indeed had deliberately chosen it so that I could be alone. I turned to see Xellos, but a different Xellos than the normal one. His usual smirk was noticeably absent from his face, making him seem more mysterious... Alien. Almost monstrous.
"The jealousy? The hatred? They're burning inside of you." I licked my lips, wondering if he was reading my mind, my emotions or just randomly guessing. "Don't try to deny it. I can feel them." A smile tugged at Xellos' lips. "I am a Mazoku after all."
" Stay away from me!" I cried. "Can't you just leave me alone?!"
"Oh, no, my dear." Xellos shook his head, the smile turning a shade darker. "For the first time in your life, you're feeling anger. Rage, even. Am I correct?"
I wanted to shout at him, rail against the invisible barrier the trickster priest had always surrounded himself with, but I knew the truth of what he said. Somehow this monster knew what was in my heart.
"You want to hurt something, don't you?" Xellos's smirk returned, but with a hard edge. One eye opened, his amethyst iris glinting with a coldness so sharp it burned. "Or should I say, you want to hurt some ONE. The shrine maiden is losing her innocence."
I shook my head sharply, trying to deny what he said, what I felt. I had devoted my life to believing that life is sacred and that my duty was to always preserve it. How could I contemplate anything different? How could I consider betraying the ideals of my father, of my youth?
"You want to feel something else feel your pain, isn't that right?" Xellos pressed on relentlessly. " You want to destroy what hurts you. You want to KILL."
"NO!" I shouted. "I don't want that, I don't!" I can't want that, I thought desperately.
"Then why is that dagger in your hands?" His voice glided like rose petals, but the petals concealed a nest of thorns. Thorns I could not escape or avoid, for the Trickster spoke the truth. I sank to my knees and sobbed, mourning for my innocence, my faith, for my father and for me. He watched impassively, silent as a stone as I cried an ocean of tears.
Finally, exhausted, I reached down and touched the earth. The last of my useless, bitter tears fell on the barren earth as I trembled and retched. I looked up to note that Xellos's gloved hands were clenched tightly on the ruby tipped staff and he leaned against it for support like an ancient and palsied man. He looked for all the world like he had been the one to suffer the paroxysms of emotion that had torn apart my psyche. His apparent weakness somehow comforted me.
I stood, fully in control of myself and firm in purpose and determination. Gourry was to be mine. Lina was to be gone. So it was I wished it, and so it would be done. "Begone."
Xellos blinked out of existence at my command and I started towards the inn. I had much to plan and I would have to take pains to appear normal. After all, when the time comes, no one must suspect I had a hand in arranging the death of Lina Inverse.
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"We've got to do something." Amelia looked at her fellow conspirators, all of them huddled close to the campfire, their faces reflecting concern and a vital need for secrecy. "This can't be allowed to go on!"
Zelgadis held a finger to his lips, shooting a warning glance at the little princess. "Yes but what can we do? We can't even speak openly, let alone make a change in the way things are."
Amelia looked mutinous but it was Gourry who spoke. "Look, even if she doesn't like it, we have to do something. Every day for the past two weeks there's been at least one thing that goes wrong and Lina almost gets killed."
"But what can we do? Lina refuses to believe that it's anything other than random bad luck and I for one don't want to push the issue with Little-Miss-Instant-Dragon-Slave." Zel took another sip of coffee, only the slight tightening around his lips betraying his air of nonchalance.
"Maybe if we talk to her...."
"No, Sylphiel. Amelia tried talking to her. Remember, you cast the healing spell on her split lip." Zelgadis stood up, dumping the dregs of his coffee into the fire. "No, all we can do is to try to keep her alive until she admits that there's a problem." With that, he stalked off towards his bedroll.
"I'm afraid he's right, Mr. Gourry." Amelia heaved a deep sigh. "Still, she'll be all right, because Justice will prevail." Too tired to pose, Amelia slunk towards the women's tent. "Are you coming, Miss Sylphiel?"
"In a minute."
Gourry stared into the fire, not speaking. After a few minutes I sidled closer, laying my hand over one of his. "Is there anything I can do for you Gourry dear?"
He looked up, a smile spreading across his face like sunshine breaking through the clouds. It would have made my heart sing if I hadn't noticed that it did not touch his eyes at all. "It's okay Sylphiel. Why don't you go get some rest?"
Deliberately, I let my hand brush his thigh. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do to make you feel better?"
His smile never wavered, and it might have been an accident that he brushed my hand off of him as he leaned forward to stir the embers back to life. "No, I'm fine. I'll just get some more firewood and then turn in myself."
It might have been an accident. But it wasn't. And I knew damn well that he had no intention of turning in, as I had heard him arrange with Zelgadis to take turns standing watch. My priority, however, was to avoid seeming out of place, so I smiled and yawned hugely as I walked towards my bedroll. There would be time enough for him to notice me once Lina was gone. She had been extremely lucky every day for fifteen miserably long and Lina-filled days, but her luck only needed to fail once. The convenient accidents I kept arranging weren't even a strain as I drew on magical resources I had not known I possessed.
I don't know what awoke me. Maybe there was a noise, or maybe it had something to do with the feeling of a dark voice breathing in my ear. Regardless of the cause, I realized I could only hear one other person breathing. Creeping silently, I moved past the sleeping princess and inched the tent flap open enough to see, but not enough to be seen.
There she was, the high and mighty Miss Inverse, sitting in my dear Gourry's lap. Her cheeks showed signs of recent tears, but there were no tears now. No, she was too busy running her hands through his corn silk hair and kissing him to cry. My hands clenched as he ran one hand over her legs as the other held her close against his broad chest. I gritted my teeth and promised myself that tomorrow, tomorrow would be the day that Lina Inverse would die. In the meantime, I cast a quiet spell, working slowly so as to muffle the feeling of power being built up. Once I was ready, I released the spell and the log Gourry was sitting on went through ten years' worth of rotting in an instant. Both fell to the ground and I crept back to my bed, satisfied that there would be no more closeness between Lina and my Gourry on this night.
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The next day, I saw my chance. Xellos appeared and while everyone was distracted by his usual behavior, I moved into position behind him. He was complaining to Lina about how his power was diminishing when I funneled a great deal of power over and around him. The red and black nimbus around him made it appear that he was casting a powerful spell, and the full force of a Dragon Slave was headed directly for Lina. Gourry screamed and tried to intercept it with his Sword of Light but he was too far away, and I had to bow my head to hide a most inappropriate smirk.
I still don't understand how she survived. At the last second, Xellos stepped close to her and held her, whispering into her ear. There wasn't have been enough time for her to cast a shield spell but it turned out she didn't need to. She held her wrists so that all four of her talismans were aligned and the spell and all the power I was expending were absorbed into them, making them glow and flicker like living flame instead of cold gems.
Cursing silently, I dropped the spell, wobbling slightly. I moved my hands as if I was dropping a protective barrier and drew my face into lines of shock, horror and relief. That little witch has more lives than a cat!
The time had come for more direct methods. I bided my time, waiting for the right opportunity, forming and dismissing hundreds of plans. Oh, there were still "accidents", but that was more out of habit than a belief that anything would come of it. I had insisted on magically sealing the tent at night, for Lina's protection, of course, so I was assured that there would be no more midnight tete a tetes.
Then one day the perfect situation presented itself, gift wrapped and with a big red bow on top. Zelgadis had heard a rumor about an ancient library that we chased to the city of Vija. I very hesitantly suggested we stay at an inn overnight. Scraping my eye with a fingernail produced watering eyes when the chimera objected. I stumbled through a semi-coherent well rehearsed speech about being exhausted, needing food and the famous all you can eat buffet I thought everyone would enjoy. For a purely artistic touch, I trailed off on a plaintive note, bemoaning the possibility of missing out on the hot springs that served as that town's claim to fame.
Hook, line and sinker. Zelgadis didn't even offer more than a token protest as Lina and Amelia pulled him by the wrists and Gourry pushed from behind, all moving at top speed towards the promised wonders.
After a brief meal, I excused myself on the basis of exhaustion and retired to my bedroom. I napped briefly, but woke well before they had exhausted the buffet's resources. Once I was sure they were all in their beds, I crept from the inn. I had a sleep spell at the ready, but I managed to get out to the ancient library without being seen.
I surveyed the old stone building, pleased with the possibilities. It was would be phenomenally simple to rearrange the traps and add a bit more power. The first person to enter the library would be instantly and simultaneously crushed and fried. And since Lina always insists on going first... Well satisfied with the night's work, I made my stealthy way back to my bed where I dreamed delightful dreams of Gourry holding me while I cried over Lina's untimely demise.
Imagine my horror when, just as Lina's foot was about to trigger her one-way ticket to crispy pancake land, Gourry threw his arm in front of her and insisted he would go first in case any dangers lurked. Running as fast as I could, I managed to prevent the worst of the damage, but my poor darling suffered three broken ribs, one of which punctured a lung, a concussion, a fractured collarbone and quite a few nasty burns on his legs and feet. It took a lot out of me to protect him even that far and I fainted when I tried to help Lina and Amelia heal him.
It must have been hours later when I awoke, for the sun was setting as I rose. I looked around the room I had slept in for parts of the previous night and felt a small jolt when I saw Lina sitting calmly in a chair by my bedside. I smiled at her and started to thank her for sitting with me. It was when she shook her head sorrowfully that the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I wondered how much she knew, how much they all knew.
"I think you should know, Sylphiel, that I've sealed your magic. There are no knives in here, no convenient rocks or bandits or any assorted other potentially fatal mishaps that can happen." Her voice was curiously flat as she spoke and I knew she, at least, has tumbled onto the truth.
My eyes flickered to follow her hand as it tucked a long ringlet behind her ear. Unlike the rest of her hair, this lock was a pure golden yellow, blazing brightly against the fiery red of her normal hair. "How is my dear Gourry?"
Her lips twisted into a bitter grin. "MY dear Gourry has a hell of a headache. Other than that he's safe and sound."
I closed my eyes and silently gave thanks to whatever power had saved his life. "Does... Does he..."
"Does he know it's you who has been trying to kill me and almost killed him?" She idly picked a piece of lint from her arm and stretched back in her chair. "No. I see no reason to hurt him with the knowledge."
I breathed a sigh of relief. Even if Lina killed me for my attempts on her life, Gourry would never know what I had done. He would never hate me.
The silence stretched on and I couldn't bear to feel her eyes on me, showing none of her feelings. "Don't you want to know why?"
"I know why, Sylphiel." She sat up and rubbed her face with both hands, her expression one of pure weariness. "I felt the same sort of hate and desperation when I saw Gourry paying attention to you, holding your hands and treating you like the rarest of delicate flowers."
She stood and started to pace as I tried to internalize this new information. I realized she was still speaking and sat up, listening intently. "He remembered you. He likes your cooking. You're perfect wife and mother material and you have an actual set of boobs, not two little bumps. I wanted to pull all your hair out and then poke your eyeballs out for looking at my property."
She stopped, crossing her arms over her stomach as she looked out the window. "I didn't. I tried to be extra nice to you because you were sweet and kind and if Gourry didn't love me back, I couldn't think of anyone who would be better for him or who deserved him more."
I felt hollow. I saw a tear trickle down her cheek and felt like I was completely disconnected from the scene, a stranger watching a play.
She swiped at her tears with the back of her hand and attempted a more characteristic smirk. She almost succeeded. "I can even understand why your cheese slipped the cracker. First that copy of Rezo destroyed your home and almost everything you loved. Then you lost Flagoon and Fibrizzo put you through hell on earth." She'd resumed pacing, ticking off each of my traumas on her fingers. "It's no wonder you cracked. If arranging accidents for me made you feel better, I was willing to play along."
I couldn't disguise my shock. "You KNEW? All along?!?"
She shrugged. "Not all along. Just since that night you made the log rot." This time her smile was genuine, with a wink thrown in for good measure. "No one else would've cared that Gourry was holding me. And since you were being careful to just target me, I figured I'd look on it as exercise, mental training. Pretty tame stuff after you've survived the worst Luna Inverse can dish out."
I sat back, stunned. THIS was Lina Inverse, the Dragon Spooker, the Bandit Killer? How could this be the same Lina who used the Dragon Slave on anyone who mentioned her lack of chest size. I'd tried to KILL her.... I should be ashes at the bottom of a crater by now. I deserved her fury and she was being calm and patient and understanding. What had happened to her?
It was then that I noticed the bandage on her collarbone and the way she was being very careful with her legs. She was sitting uncomfortably and being very careful not to rest her back against the chair. Symptoms of someone who had suffered injuries like Gourry's, not of someone who hadn't even been bruised. But it was her eyes... Her eyes looked like my eyes had looked when I first had to accept that Sairaag was gone and my father was dead. I had put that grief there. By betraying her trust, I had broken Lina Inverse. I had made the Enemy of all Who Live cry.
"I can't let you do this anymore." Her voice strengthened, showing the iron clad will that allowed Lina to face down monsters and dark lords. "You don't even know what you did. You hurt Gourry, but you were there to save his life." Her hands clenched into fists as she stood. "Do you realize that it's been a game for the local children to go up there and thread through the traps for hundreds of years? By changing the traps from their existing configuration, you made their playground a killing field. And what would have happened if it had been a kid who set your trap off? You wouldn't have been there to save him."
I hadn't known. I didn't check. I could have killed a completely innocent child. I was overwhelmed by grief and horror as I realized what I monster I had become. "I deserve to die."
She slapped me, hard. Her eyes flared and gold glints appeared in her crimson eyes. "No, Sylphiel that'd be too easy. _I_ decide what you deserve and if I thought it was death, you _would_ be dead."
I shrank back, terrified of this glimpse of her consuming rage. I wanted to speak, to ask what would become of me, but the words shriveled in my throat and refused to venture into the red hot nimbus of tension surrounding the sorceress. This was something beyond anger, beyond hate.
Abruptly, she seized her control back and sat down. The only remaining sign of her anger was the flashing of her ruby eyes. "You will live, Sylphiel." I shuddered at her ice cold tone. "You will live because I will not take your life and no one else has the right to. And in so living you will suffer more than any damage I could inflict."
I felt like a mouse caught in the stare of a snake. I couldn't look away. I was frozen in place, barely able to breathe through the feeling of a great weight on my chest.
"You will stay here, in the Temple of Ceipheed. You will tend their gardens and their sick, relying on knowledge and skill rather than magic." My sentence was delivered in a staccato monotone, their cadences ripping into my heart. But there was one arrow left to fire.
She leaned forward until her nose almost touched mine and spoke in a low, threatening tone. "You will have no contact whatsoever with Gourry, Zelgadis or Amelia. If you attempt so much as to have someone say hello to them for you, I will tell them everything. You will not contact me, but I will return in five years. If I die before I visit, I have made arrangements for Gourry to be informed of your actions." A wry grin pulled at the corner of her mouth as the impact of her words sank in. "It's kinda funny that instead of trying to kill me you'll be praying for my safety."
She stood and brushed her hands against each other. "If, in five years, I think I can trust you, I'll give you your powers back." She made to leave but stopped with her hand on the doorknob, her head bowed as she spoke softly. "I'm sorry I have to do this, Sylphiel. Maybe someday we can be friends again."
She left and shut the door quietly behind her. As I heard her steps retreating down the hallway, I realized what a fool I had been. No romantic love, from Gourry or anyone else, would equal the love of friendship that I had thrown away. By chasing an illusion of love I had destroyed the reality. I felt the strength and anger of madness finally drain away, leaving me with nothing but shame and sorrow.
It has been many months since that day. The gardens of Ceipheed's temple bloom magnificently and I have trained many in the knowledge of plants and how to heal with them. I've learned to accept the friendship of others and to return it. And yet...
And yet there is not a day that goes by that I do not feel afresh the horror of my madness, of my actions. There is no relief for me in crying; there have been no tears since that day I spoke to Xellos in another garden, far away and long ago. My pain and my grief are with me constantly and I grow weary or their company.
End Part One