Stuck

He came home from work and was saddened to realize that she still hadn't moved. He'd thought (or maybe hoped) that by some miracle or other maybe, just maybe, she would have finally moved from the room she'd been in for days, her eyes bloodshot, her hair messy and tangled, her clothes dirty.

He heaved a sigh and headed upstairs to the second floor. The door to his son's room creaked open slowly, revealing his wife on the bed, holding the small brown teddy bear to her chest like a lifeline. She was crying. He hated it when she cried.

She gave no indication that she had become aware of his presence, merely clutching the bear and crying. She looked so pitiful that he wanted nothing more than to hold her until the world stopped hurting her. He knew he couldn't, but that didn't stop him from wanting to.

And at the same time he wanted to tell her to pull herself together. He loved her with all of his heart, and he wanted to ensure she got the time she needed to mourn, but he also knew it wasn't healthy for her to dwell on the events that had recently taken plaice in their little family.

Flashback

She had been playing outside in the front of the house with their three year old son Tyler. He remembered watching them with a huge grin on his face, happy to see the two people he loved most in the world enjoying the day. He remembered thinking he couldn't possibly ask for more out of his life.

She told their son that she'd be right back, that she just had to go check on how dinner was coming. He heard Tyler reply and then his son went back to the soccer ball he'd been playing with. He went back to repairing the motorcycle he was working on, glancing up at Tyler every now and then.

She called him then for a taste test, and he washed his hands and obliged. Then they'd gone to collect Tyler just as the horrible accident happened.

"Oh God!" she'd screamed, dashing off the front porch to the scene. "Oh God. My baby, my baby," she wailed, clutching their dying child to her chest. She looked up at the driver of the car. "How could you do this?"

The man slurred something about Tyler running out in front of him, but she was inconsolable. He took out his cell phone from its pocket on his waist, punching in 911. "Hold on little buddy," he'd whispered, kneeling beside his wife and son. "Just hold on. They're coming. They'll make you all better. Daddy promises."

End Flashback

She looked up at her husband with tear filled eyes. "I miss him so much," she whispered. A few more tears filtered out of her eyes and he crossed the room to her, sinking down on the bed beside her.

"I know." He put his arm around her shoulders and she leaned in close to him, sniffling. He took her hair out of its messy ponytail and ran his hand through the silky dark locks. "I know."

"It's not fair," she said, hiding her pretty face in his chest. He felt her tremble against him, and he wrapped her in a tight bear hug. He knew exactly what she was feeling because he had the same emotions she did. He was just doing his best to get them both through it.

"No it's not," he agreed softly. "It really isn't." He rocked her back and forth slowly.

"We weren't there for two seconds and he gets killed. It's so horribly wrong." Her voice was muffled but he could understand her words perfectly.

"Shh. It's all right. We'll get through this, baby. We'll get through it."

She drew away from him then, anger in her eyes. She picked up the abandoned teddy bear again, still staring at him. "I will never get through this," she seethed. "Never will this ever stop hurting me, and if you really loved him then you would never get over it either."

Her words stung as badly as if she had slapped him across the face. "That's not true," he murmured. "I loved that little boy. I would have done anything for him, and if I could have been in his place I would have done it, no questions asked. So don't ever tell me how I feel. I miss Tyler just as much as you do. I'm just trying to hold us together so we can pick up the pieces and move forward. Not yet, but eventually."

"I don't want to move forward. Don't you get that?" She hissed the question.

"One day you'll have to," he pointed out. He got up and crossed the room again. "I love you, Madison. I'll always be here for you. It's just a matter of you wanting me."