"Talking"

'Thinking and Jutsus' Also Used For Emphasis

"Demons + Summons Talking" Also Used For Emphasis

'Demons + Summons Thinking' Also Used For Emphasis

'Dark Naruto Thinking'

"Dark Naruto Talking"

'Inner Somebody Talking' Also Used For Emphasis

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto

Deciding he would worry about Naruto 2 later, they Kyuubi once again started to write.

"After graduating from the academy, a shinobi must pass a test given to them by their sensei. The test varies from sensei to sensei, ranging from a simple spar to a rather complicated test, such as the bell test in which the students are required to get the bells from their teacher."

In a rather dimly lit room sat an old man whose body housed an impressive number of scars and seemed to be missing an arm. In front of him was a kneeling masked ninja.

"What have you come to tell me, Koga?" The masked nin looked upward towards his leader.

"Danzo-sama, information tells me that Orochimaru is attempting to form alliances with a number of different villages." Danzo didn't outwardly show it, but this news surprised him.

'Damn, that snake is making his move already?'

"Also," spoke the nin, breaking the one armed man from his thoughts, "it seems that Uzumaki Naruto has returned." At this Danzo's one eye widened before a grin spread across his face.

"You don't say," said the man, "Koga, gather your squad, I have a mission for you."

Naruto had Ino against a tree. They were kissing. In public.

Such a summary was the best one that any of the nins present to witness this event would ever be able to give should they be asked to testify where Naruto and Ino had been on this day. As for Naruto and Ino? Well let us just say that their telling of the event would be much more thorough.

'Damn it! Move body!' Ino yelled to herself as she used all the willpower she could muster to simply form a coherent thought. To say she was not enjoying the kiss would be a sin that no god could ever forgive. In fact had Ino been on the more promiscuous side of the female scale she would have more than likely have had both herself and Naruto out of their clothes by now. However due to the fact that she wasn't, Ino was obviously frustrated at her body for acting the way it was.

'Damn this…'

'…isn't good,' thought Naruto as he simply couldn't stop his body from giving Ino the first MWO kiss. Whenever Naruto would try to stop himself, his body would just intensify the kiss. So to this dilemma, Naruto thought it wise to simply stop trying to not kiss the female blonde. This however resulted in another problem; if Naruto wasn't trying to stop himself, when would he stop?

'What the…'

Kyuubi's Cage

'…hell is this,' thought Naruto 2. Sure, he was the one who wanted his other half to kiss Ino, but not for this long. And just as his fellow personality had found out, no matter how hard he tried, he simply couldn't stop orally attacking the blonde kunoichi.

"This isn't good…" spoke the darker persona of the jinchuuriki; after all, kissing Ino until he died wasn't exactly part of his plan. All the while the Kyuubi was analyzing the situation until, using all of his wisdom; he came up with a solution.

"Oy, evil brat," spoke the demon, gaining Naruto 2's attention, "lights out". With this said the Kyuubi simply made a chakra tail and hit the blonde with it, knocking him out.

'Like I thought, he's still pretty weak in here and easy to control.' With the crisis solved, the fox went back to his book.

Real World

Just as Naruto began to accept the fact that he may very well be stuck kissing Ino against a tree for the rest of eternity, he found that he had regained control of his body. Feeling relief spread throughout his body the blonde quickly pulled away from the female's mouth and gently but swiftly let go of her.

Ino for her part found herself panting hard as she tried to fill her lungs with oxygen. All the while she was trying to eliminate the blush that had found its way to her face.

'Damn he is a good kisser,' thought inner Ino. The kunoichi couldn't help but agree and was incredibly thankful for the tree behind her; for she doubted that she could hold herself up on her own. Meanwhile Naruto, who while just as dazed as Ino, found himself remembering why he had kissed the young kunoichi in the first place. Quickly composing himself Naruto looking toward the other nin and spoke.

"If you guys don't mind me and Ino-chan are going to find somewhere more private," declared Naruto with a foxy grin plastered to his face. With that said Naruto picked up Ino and the two blondes vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Well that was interesting," concluded one Copy Ninja Kakashi, "and now that it's over, we can begin testing the rest of you guys." With that said Kakashi nodded to Kurenai who returned the gesture before gathering chakra in her hand until it glowed green.

"Ok girls line up so I can test you." The kunoichis followed the instruction and lined up horizontally so they were side to side. All the while the males looked on with amazed and teary eyes. Was Kurenai really going to test for the females' virginity right out here in the open? It was too good to be true… and sadly it was. For you see it seemed that the fairer sex had found out that by simply swiping their hands across their most private areas they could see if one was a virgin if the green chakra turned white. So once the genjutsu mistress tested all the girls, each exam ending with white chakra, she just nodded toward Kakashi signaling that all the girls were eligible for the challenge.

"Well since all the girls are okay," spoke Yamato while doing hand seals, "it's time to test the guys." Seemingly done preparing for the jutsu the wood user slammed his right palm into the ground, producing a rather small shack like structure.

"Thank you Yamato," Kakashi then took out a hammer, an almost agonizingly dull kunai, and some duct tape, "which one of you guys want to go first?" The male shinobi looked like they had just seen Orochimaru naked as they started to slowly back away from the silver haired Sharingan user.

'What the fuck!?' was the single thought rushing through all the males' heads. The group of ninjas simply all kept hoping that the Jounin would for some reason simply forget to test them. Then just as it seemed that hell would sooner freeze over, the never fearful Lee decided to step up to bat.

"GAI-SENSEI!" the spandex wearing ninja turned to his teacher giving him the nice guy pose, "WATCH AS I CONQUER THIS TEST USING ALL OF THE YOUTH I HAVE ACCUMULATED UNDER YOUR TUTELAGE!!"

"THAT'S THAT SPIRIT LEE!" shouted the second beast of Konoha as his student entered the shack with his rival.

10 Minutes (and many, many high-pitched girly screams) Later…

"Lee are you ok?" questioned Gai.

"FUCK OFF YOU FREAKING BAG OF YOUTFUL, SPANDEX WEARING SHIT!" shouted Lee from his fetal position on the ground while holding his family jewels. Gai simply sweat dropped as he looked toward Neji.

"NEJI, WHY DON'T YOU GO TEST YOUR YOUTHFULNESS NOW THAT YOUR TEAMATE HAS DONE SO," the Byakugan wielder answered by throwing a rather sizeable rock at his teacher, hitting him in the head and knocking him out. Taking this as a signal the rest of the shinobi gathered chakra to their feet and tried to run as far away from the training ground as possible. However before they could accomplish their task they found that their feet were bound to the ground (that rhymed) by wooden roots.

"Sorry guys, but you have to be tested," with that said Yamato decided to pick Kiba as the next patient.

"NO!" came the uncharacteristic yell of the Inuzuka as the roots began dragging him toward the shack, "There's no need to see if I'm a virgin I mean think about it, I have fucking fleas! What kind of girl would want to sleep with me!?" hollered the dog nin as he publicly degraded himself in hopes of persuading Yamato. The ANBU captain was not moved however and Kiba was thrown into the shack, Kakashi following closely afterwards.

"Well then while they're in there, do any of you wish to volunteer to go next?" asked Kurenai. Needless to say no one volunteered…

A few hours later…

'My god I swear it's at least two inches smaller,' was the unified opinion of all the younger male ninja, all of whom had joined Lee, clasping their balls while in the fetal position. Even the group of Sasuke, Neji, and Shino, who were more or less the living embodiments of the phrase Cool, Calm, and Collected, could be seen rocking themselves in the dirt.

"Seeing as the tests are over," started Kakashi as he walked toward Sasuke and motioned for Sakura to follow him, "let the challenge begin!" he yelled as he disappeared in a puff of smoke, taking hold of the Uchiha as the two Sharingan users puffed away with the Haruno reluctantly trailing behind. The rest of the challengers followed suit, disappearing from the clearing along with their students. This left Temari and Kankuro alone, however both soon decided on heading to the Hokage Tower to wait for Gaara to finish up his meeting.

With Naruto and Ino

"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!?" screamed Ino as she continued stomping Naruto's head into the ground. The jinchuuriki simply apologized again as he ate dirt. The two blondes were currently atop the Hokage Monument and needless to say Ino was pissed.

"I can't even fathom how people can even think I had sex with you!" yelled out a frustrated Ino as she finished abusing the male and proceeded to sit on a nearby log. Naruto for his part struggled to spit out the soil in his mouth before turning to grin at Ino.

"Maybe it's because they know you can't resist how sexy I am," answered Naruto. This reply resulted in a rather large Naruto-shaped crater forming on top of the Nidaime's head. Once Naruto once again pulled himself off the ground he put on an apologetic smile.

"Seriously though Ino-chan, I'm sorry it was the only thing I could think to do." Ino looked at Naruto as her angry look gradually softened until it ceased to exist, for whatever reason it was impossible for anyone to stay angry at the jinchuuriki.

"Just try not to do something like that without asking next time idiot," sighed Ino. Then just before she was about to suggest they get something to eat Ino realized where exactly they were.

"Naruto follow me," spoke the female as she motioned for Naruto to follow her. He did so and the two were off to venture into the woods that were located on top of and beyond the Hokage Monument. A few minutes later Naruto had found that Ino had led them into a clearing much like the one at Team 7's training ground, save for one major fact. The entire clearing was covered in what appeared to be bamboo sticks, all of which were at least 5 feet tall. They were spaced in a manner that each one was a good couple of steps away from the other.

"Naruto, this is the Medical Nins' Training Ground." Ino jumped on top of two bamboo sticks. Naruto took this as an invitation to do the same and jumped up onto two as well. Two different amounts of chakra coursed though his body before the sticks gave way to his weight and he fell to the ground face first. Ino giggled as the blonde pushed himself of the ground and unto his butt.

"What the fuck?" asked Naruto. Ino giggled some more as she leapt down toward Naruto and helped pull him off the earth.

"Naruto you felt something weird when you landed on the bamboo sticks right?"

"Yea it was like chakra."

"Well you see," Ino once again jumped and landed onto the wooden rods, "these bamboo sticks are special, as you need to use chakra to stay on top of them. The thing is…" Ino began but couldn't finish as Naruto once again leapt unto the sticks, this time putting chakra into his feet. Once he landed the blonde managed to stay on for about half a second before being blasted off by his own chakra. Once he landed Ino looked on with amused eyes as she shook her head at him.

"As I was saying the thing about the sticks is that each of them requires a different amount of chakra to stick too. This is the reason you felt chakra being sent into your body. The amount of chakra the stick sends to you, you have to match it perfectly and maintain it to stand. Too much and you'll be blasted off, too little and the stick won't be strong enough to carry your weight and it will bend over." Naruto analyzed this info before looking at the sticks.

'What kind of dick made these things?' thought Naruto. The blonde then cautiously proceeded to jump onto the rods and felt the strange chakra sensations run through him. Quickly adjusting the chakra in his feet Naruto managed to actually stand, albeit not perfectly balanced as he was required to wave his arms this way and that to keep from eating dirt. When the shinobi finally managed to stabilize himself he looked toward Ino and gave her a foxy grin.

"I'm kickass," stated Naruto as if he were telling her that 2+2 was equal to 4. The female could only smile as she gathered kunai in her hand before throwing them at her male counterpart. Naruto looked on with wide eyes as he just barely managed to dodge the projectiles by hopping to the right onto two more of the sticks. However due to the fact that his attention was on living and not his chakra, Naruto once again felt the rods yield to his weight before falling onto the ground.

"Kickass, eh Naruto?" asked Ino with a mocking grin. Naruto cursed as he rubbed his back before he looked at the female blonde with a frown.

"That wasn't nice, Ino-chan."

"Whoever said I would be nice?" questioned Ino with a face that feigned cluelessness as she once again threw kunai at Naruto. Naruto quickly evaded by jumping onto the forest of bamboo sticks. Managing to at least stand up, the blonde quickly made 10 clones before looking back toward Ino with a foxy grin.

"Bring it, Ino-chan."

--

Meanwhile, at the Batca… I mean with the others…

Team 7

As Team 7 arrived at their training grounds, Sakura took a seat on one of the tree stumps while Sasuke leaned on another one while grasping his manhood. Looking toward their sensei, the two could see that the man was in deep thought, if his closed eyes were any indication. After around a minute or two of silence, the silence was finally broken when Kakashi put his hand to his mouth and coughed to get his students' attention.

"After much thought I have realized that you, Sakura are female, and that Sasuke, you are male…,"

'No shit,' thought both the Haruno and the Uchiha.

"…and thusly you two are should follow your biological destiny and start making babies!" happily exclaimed the silver haired Jounin with an eye smile while Sakura immediately hopped off the stump with her fists at her side and a scarlet blush on her face.

"Kakashi-sensei you can't be serious!" hollered the pink haired medic.

"Oh but I am Sakura," stated Kakashi nodding his head with his eyes closed as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Just as Sakura was about to send her teacher to another dimension a thought popped into her head.

"Kakashi-sensei correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't there a rule that forbade against forcing your students to have sex?" Kakashi's smile dropped as he cursed at whatever force gave him one of the smartest kunoichi to grace Konoha as a student.

"Well that's true," answered Kakashi before sitting cross legged on the ground, his fingers stroking his chin.

15 Minutes Later

Sakura fidgeted atop the tree stump she was sitting on as Kakashi remained in his state of unfathomable thought. Looking to her right she could see that Sasuke seemed to be back to normal and was now simply sitting on the ground while leaning against a tree stump. The Uchiha seemed to keep himself busy via using his Sharingan to control a small snake he summoned around 10 minutes ago. Then just as Sakura decided she had wasted enough time sitting around doing nothing, Kakashi deftly got himself off the ground and onto his feet, radiating all the aura of one who had just found the meaning of creation.

"After much thought…" started Kakashi as both Sakura and Sasuke gave their sensei their upmost attention, "I have decided that…" at this point a puff of smoke indicated that Sasuke had dispersed the snake he had summoned, "…if I cannot force you to have sex," Sakura started becoming rather impatient, "I'll bribe you!" finished Kakashi with an eye smile as he took out two Icha Icha Collector's Edition books. Sasuke for his part raised his eyebrow in mild interest while Sakura sweat dropped before she hit her sensei hard enough to send him across Konoha.

'Kami were you busy when you were supposed to give sensei a brain?' questioned the Haruno in her mind. Turning on her heel to face her teammate, Sakura gave Sasuke a pleasant smile before asking him if he wanted to get something to eat as she walked past him. Sasuke, who was slightly disappointed that he wouldn't be getting to see the Icha Icha Collector's Edition books, simply shrugged his shoulders as he slowly got up with his hands in his pockets before walking closely behind his pink haired comrade.

Team 8

'Seeing as I have two males and one female, I'm not going to be able to complete this challenge without finding one more girl,' thought Kurenai as she stared at her team, 'unless…'

"Hinata, as you know, women are capable of taking up to three or mo…?" Hinata, who was shy but not naïve, blushed furiously at this point as she immediately hopped onto her feet.

"Sensei!" Kurenai could only put on an apologetic smile as she held her hands up in defense.

'Her dad would probably kill me if I got them to do that anyway.' It was then that another thought of how to take out everyone on her team using only the beings present popped into the genjutsu specialist's head.

"Kiba, just how close are you and Akamaru?"

Team Gai

"LEE, NEJI, TENTEN IF WE ARE TO WIN THIS CHALLENGE THE THREE OF YOU MUST COMBINE YOUR YOUTHFULNESS AT ONCE!" yelled out Gai as Lee, who by this time had managed to push aside the emotional scars inflicted on him, stood up as straight as possible as he saluted his teacher.

"YOSH, I WILL MAKE YOU PROUD GAI-SENSEI!" answered Lee as he took hold of his spandex uniform before ripping it off, revealing that the beast wore green Speedos. Both Neji and TenTen were barely able to hold back the ramen they ate earlier that day as looked at their teammate.

"GOOD JOB LEE, NOW NEJI AND TENTEN YOU TWO MUST NOW…" however before the taijutsu master could continue both he and Lee fell to the ground unconscious courtesy of two senbon needles hitting pressure points. Neji could only sigh as he and his female teammate turned around and started walking away. TenTen had a much shorter temper than most would give her credit for.

Team 10

"So…" started Yamato as he attempted to break the awkward silence that filled Team 10's training ground.

"Yea…" replied Choji as he looked uncomfortably at the ground. It wasn't as if both he and Shikamaru disliked the man in front of him. Rather it was that they simply weren't anywhere near close enough with one another to even attempt to talk about their sex lives.

"……………"

"……………"

"……………"

"So, have you guys ever wondered how it would feel to have gay sex?" questioned the wood user, hoping he could be able win the challenge in one fell swoop. However this wish was not to be granted as both the younger males simply started to walk away. Yamato sweat dropped as he realized that this challenge would be harder than he thought.

Naruto and Ino

"Fuck," cursed Naruto as he lay on the ground. After 30 minutes of training Naruto was still not one bit better at staying on the bamboo sticks than when he started.

"It's hard to believe you manage to walk on land, seeing how bad your chakra control is," said Ino mockingly as she hopped of the rods and toward Naruto, extending her hand. Naruto could only grumble under his breath as he took the female's hand as she helped him off the ground.

"Let's go get something to eat, the only thing I ate today was that bowl of ramen and I didn't even get to finish it," ordered Ino as Naruto nodded his approval. As the two were making their way down the Hokage Monument Naruto's ninja senses kicked in as he swiftly swept Ino off her feet before leaping far away from their current spot.

"Naruto what…" started Ino, but her question was answered when some sort of object fell from the sky and down onto the ground they were just standing on, resulting in a small, smoking crater. However before long the two ninjas watched as the object bounced off the ground from the sheer force of its fall as well as the downward angle of the mountain, skyrocketing back into the sky before beginning its descent towards the two blondes. Naruto quickly evaded the yet to be identified entity, only to have it rebound back into the sky and plummet towards them a third time.

"What is this thing?" asked Naruto as he continued his downward trek down the mountain, all the while evading the UBO (Unidentified Bouncing Object). Ino could give no reply as she wrapped her arms around Naruto's neck as securely as possible as the male blonde and the UBO began moving faster. After a good while of dodging the pair of blondes had finally reached the base of the mountain, all the while staring at the UBO. The aforementioned article was currently ascending higher into the sky than at any other time during its unintentional chase of the male and female duo, and as it reached the apex of its ascent Naruto quickly leapt as deep into the village as possible. Landing near Choji's favorite barbeque restaurant, the two blondes watched as the object landed near the base of the Hokage Monument, resulting in a miniature earthquake as well as a large cloud of smoke.

"Glad to see it wasn't a one night stand." Naruto turned around, enabling both him and Ino to set their sights on one Haruno Sakura as well as the younger of the Uchiha brothers. Naruto and Ino simply put on slightly awkward grins at this, realizing that if they didn't answer in an affirmative that they would be found out and thus be forced into a particular challenge.

"Well obviously forehead, I mean come on what kind of man wouldn't want this?" answered Ino in an as honest answer as she could give as Naruto put her down.

"Don't you mean what kind of woman could resist this, Ino-chan?" questioned Naruto as he pointed to himself. Before Ino could reply she realized that both she and Naruto had yet to figure out what exactly they were running from just moments ago.

"As much as I would like to hit you, I would rather find out was chasing us, Naruto," Ino said. As Naruto was about to answer yes, Sakura intervened.

"Don't bother, that was Kakashi-sensei," stated the pink haired medic. Deciding it better to go over the events that transpired that resulted in the silver haired Jounin turning into a UBO of death over something to eat, Ino suggested they go inside the eating establishment in front of them. Just as the four were about to do so, they heard a female voice call out to them.

"Hey guys, wait up!" Team 7 plus Ino turned around to see Team 8, the rest of Team 10, and Neji and TenTen walking towards them. Even Temari and Kankuro, who after being told that their brother's meeting would last another 30 something minutes, were with them. Smiling Naruto waved towards the larger group as they closed the distance between themselves and the four nin. Once the two factions met up, they all decided to eat together.

Gaara sighed. It wasn't as if he didn't enjoy being Kazekage, but simply that he loathed all the political aspects that holding such a title brought. Staring out at the council members, Gaara deduced that half of the people were shinobi while the other half was civilians. The half of the assembly that were nin was composed of shinobi (not necessarily the leader) representing their clan, the Hokage, her two advisors, and a number of veteran Jounin. The civilian half was made up of business owners, diplomats, and pretty much anybody who influenced the economy of Konoha.

"And thusly I propose that Konoha lend 10 percent of its missions to Suna," finished an unnamed member of the council. Once said every member looked toward the young Kazekage who was currently using his right hand to hold his face up. The only reaction they got was that of the former jinchuuriki nodding his head lazily before looking toward the clock.

'Did they really need three hours to ask me that one question?' thought the young man, 'I honestly couldn't care less about all those economic statistics.' Tsunade looked on with an amused smirk as she witnessed Gaara try his best to not just get up and leave the meeting altogether.

'If Gaara can hardly stay awake at these meetings, I can only imagine what Naruto will do when he becomes Hokage,' thought the blonde before speaking, "Thank you Gaara, you have done Konoha a great favor."

The redhead nodded his head in acknowledgement before getting up, "If you don't mind, I believe my business here is finished." The members of the council nodded as one of the guards in the room helped to escort Gaara to the door.

"Our next order of business, what is to be done about Uzumaki Naruto," declared a particularly hefty council member. At this the Kazekage halted his slow progress toward the door before speaking up.

"And why, exactly, must something be done about Uzumaki Naruto?" inquired the sand user. Looking toward the Kazekage the man spoke up.

"Well as you may or may not remember Kazekage-sama, Uzumaki has been banished for three years," at this the redhead frowned. Yeah he recalled that event. He also recalled that right after that event that it took an inconceivable amount of coaxing from both his siblings and the blonde jinchuuriki himself to not cut all ties with Konoha.

"Yes, I do."

"Well you see Uzumaki Naruto arrived yesterday, despite still being banned for three more days," when the man finished this statement, he found that the air in the room got a lot heavier as the Kazekage was now clenching his fists.

"Blasphemy," was the sarcastic reply of Gaara.

"Wait it gets worse," told the man who hadn't pick up the sand users sarcasm, "he even had the nerve to blast around a couple of innocent villagers who wanted nothing more than to talk peacefully and explain to him that he had three more days of banishment!" Gaara could find himself hard-pressed to not simply squash the insect of a man that was speaking, for Shikamaru had a very different rendition of Naruto's meeting with these villagers.

"So what do you propose?" asked Gaara in a low tone. The obese male held his head up high as he stood up.

"I propose we revoke his ninja status and keep him under house arrest until that day that Kami takes this burden off of our shoulders!" At this all the civilians and most of the shinobi that were alive when the Kyuubi struck roared in agreement. Only Tsunade, her advisors, and the ninjas who's children had ties with Naruto stayed quite. When Tsunade had enough, the Hokage got ready to shoot down the idea and hit the one who suggested it with such force that he would not be able to tell if he male or female, had not Gaara intervened.

"Is that so?" asked Gaara before looking over his shoulder at the council, "Well as fair warning, let me just say that should you go through with this plan of yours, Suna will suddenly find itself unable to carry the workload that comes with having to take on 10 percent of Konoha's missions." Everyone at the meeting could feel their jaws drop once this was announced.

"Surely you can't be serious…" one member spoke. Gaara looked away as he once again began his amble toward the door.

"With all due respect, the only loyalty I have for this village is directed towards this burden, as you call him." Pausing once more at the doorway, the Kazekage took one last glance at the people gathered, "Where Uzumaki Naruto goes, so does Suna's alliance." Turning his head away once more, the former jinchuuriki spoke one last time before disappearing in a whirl of sand.

"What made him decline the Tsuchikage's offer is beyond me."

"She wanted me to have sex with Akamaru!" yelled out a certain Inuzuka, who was currently telling the group of his team's experience with its sensei, causing those that currently had food in their mouth to spit it out in laughter.

"At least you didn't have to see Lee in his Speedos," told TenTen, resulting in every member of the table shuddering at the thought. The shinobi each then went on to tell of how their first day of the challenge had gone so far. Finally when each tale was the told, the Konoha nin went on to eat their meals in a relatively comfortable silence. That was until the only blonde at the table not from Konoha decided to speak up.

"So, are you and Naruto a couple now Ino-chan?" asked Temari as she took a bite of her food. The rest of the shinobi looked at the female blonde in question, even Hinata who had just gotten reasonable control over her crush for the jinchuuriki this past year.

"Yea we have been one for a while actually," stated the Yamanka. 'There is no way in hell I'm going to let them think I let Naruto have sex with me without having to chase me first.' This statement caused surprise in everyone of the nin, even Naruto although he managed to keep his expression much more tame than the others.

Looking up and seeing all the surprised looks, Ino flushed, "What? You guys don't think I would just have sex with Naruto after not seeing him in three years?"

At this accusation many members of the table looked this way and that from guilt. Ino flushed as she raised a trembling fist in the air. Seeing her friend getting ready to annihilate everything and everyone in her path, Sakura decided to speak up, "Since when have you guys been going out?"

The question arrived just before Ino arrived at the summit of her fury and managed to soothe the kunoichi.

"Well we've been going out…" Ino mentally berated herself as she couldn't really think of a time that she and Naruto could have gotten together. Luckily her false lover did.

"Since after Asuma-sensei died," Naruto finished off Ino's proclamation. Ino looked toward the male with thankful look in her eyes before looking in the direction of the rest of the table. The others seemed to accept this explanation, some even going as far to have looks of 'duh' and 'should have known' on their faces. This was up until the kunoichis' 'romance' part of the brain kicked in, resulting in their irises somehow turning into pink hearts.

"Oh my god, you guys had a long distance relationship for three years? How did you do it?" asked all the females at once, even the waitress who had just happened to pass by. At this inquiry Ino realized her fatal mistake and wanted nothing more than to hit herself. Of all the relationships, long distance ones were the type that women wanted to hear about more than anything. The challenge of being separated, the love needed to maintain a bond when it is geographically impossible to be together, the loyalty needed to stay true to a partner that you hardly get to see. Yes, long distance relationships were much higher up on the female's 'Need to Know' list than any other type.

"Well it was pretty easy on Naruto's part; I mean what man wouldn't wait 100 years for this?" Ino questioned while pointing to herself, "but it was pretty hard for me, seeing as how so many boys were willing to kill for a chance at this." Naruto looked at Ino with a raised eyebrow before deciding to get his own licks in.

"Well you know Ino-chan, there were some rather attractive women that tried to throw themselves at me," gloated the male as he put his hands behind his head, "hell, one of them was actually the High Priestess of her country, isn't that right Sakura-chan?" All heads turned to the pink haired medic as she nodded, before she and everyone else that was involved with the mission concerning one High Priestess Shion shuddered. If not for a law of Demon Country that forbade its priestesses to have children before the age of 18, the world would have already been introduced to the terrifyingly energetic, unadulterated, chakra-juggernauts know as Naruto's spawn.

'And the world is simply not equipped to handle the Armageddon such an event would bring,' thought the select few who witnessed the blonde priestess's almost blatant offer to, plainly put, have sex with Naruto until he got her pregnant with a girl. After some contemplating on the part of those who weren't on the mission, and trembling due to dread by those who were, the females once again booted up into gossip mode.

"So you mean even with all that you managed to stay together?" questioned Hinata. Naruto and Ino, who were currently glaring at each other with the old 'anything you can do, I can do better' look in their eyes, decided to hold a temporary cease fire as they turned toward the Hyuuga, smiled, and nodded. All the females squealed excitedly before Sakura spoke.

"Tell us everything, like what each of you did every second of every minute of every hour of every day, starting from the moment Naruto left," commanded the Haruno.

"And don't leave out any details," added Temari. Everyone save for the curious females sweat dropped as Naruto and Ino looked at each other, using their eyes to beg the other for help. However when neither spoke up they decided they would just have to wing it.

"Well…" Naruto started, but was unceremoniously interrupted when he was grabbed by the collar and dragged toward the door.

"What the fuck?" the male managed to spit out as he turned his head, only to be greeted to the sight of Sai. The artist looked down and smiled before he waved bye to the others. The rest of the nin observed as the former ROOT member and the jinchuuriki exited the establishment before disappearing in a puff of smoke. Ino took this as her opportunity to avoid having to make up a story as she told the women that she wasn't comfortable telling the story without Naruto around. The females seemed to accept this answer as everyone went back to eating.

With Sai and Naruto

As Naruto and Sai reappeared in front of the Hokage Tower, the blonde realized that because of his ex-teammates absolute lack of any tact whatsoever, he was no longer obligated to tell the kunoichi some make believe story on how he and Ino managed to maintain a long distance relationship for three years. To this, Naruto looked toward Sai and gave him a foxy grin.

"Sai, have I ever told you that you were my favorite ex-teammate who's an artist and sort of creepy?" The artist in question seemed to take the question seriously as he began to stroke his chin in thought before finally coming to a conclusion.

"Why yes, yes you have," replied the artist while nodding his head. Naruto sweat dropped, for he knew for a fact that he had said no such thing in the past.

"Really?"

"Yep, funny thing is we had no clothes on at the time and we just happened to be camping on a mountain," Sai thought deeply for a second, "in fact right after you said it Sasuke came and we all started talking about penises."

Naruto's sweat drop got bigger as he slowly inched away from his once teammate.

'No need to talk about his dreams any further,' the blonde mentally spoke to himself. Deciding to change to subject, for even he found it rude to simply run away from someone who had just saved him from socially humiliating himself, Naruto deciding to ask Sai why exactly he had dragged him here.

"Oh you see," Sai said, "Tsunade-sama and the council want to know what it was the Tsuchikage offered you."

R/R and don't forget to vote for pairings. Oh for those of you who voted Neji/Hinata, sorry but one of the rules is that the people can't be related. (Blame Yamato for that one).

And the new plan is that I will experiment with every pairing you vote for and I can think of, then at the end I will choose the couples based on the votes.

Before I forget all of you who want to see Naruto go ape shit on Konoha, you won't wanna miss the next chapter.