The Ramen Affair
AN-As you may or may not have read on the profile, this is the collaboration account of Kaikouken and redstrawberrychan. This is our first collaboration fic, so show us some love-love!! The idea belongs to Kaikouken. It is a humor fic...so we hope you guys will enjoy it as much as we did!
Warnings-Shounen ai! Yaoi! Boy's love! Some OOC-ness! AU! If you don't like any of these...don't read!
Ratings-T
Pairings-SasuNaru.
Summary-Sasuke, a hotshot entrepreneur wants Ichiraku Ramen but its owner Naruto won't sell it unless he helps break up the wedding of Sakura and Lee. Now the boys must drive to the city to stop the wedding. Love happens in unexpected places.
Disclaimer-Neither Kaikouken nor redstrawberrychan owns Naruto. His rights go to Kishimoto-sensei and his body goes to Sasuke...uh... yes! XD
Enjoy-
Uchiha Sasuke squared his shoulders resolutely and stepped inside the Ichiraku Ramen Shop once again. He had been coming here day after day for the last month, hoping to persuade the shop's owner, a blonde-haired baka named Uzumaki Naruto, to sell the shop.
Sasuke wanted that particular piece of land because of the shopping mall he was planning and this small restaurant was where he wanted to extend his mall up to. Now, if only the owner of this restaurant was a level-headed man, but no, Sasuke was not that lucky! Because the owner of Ichiraku Ramen was a pigheaded dead-last that went by the name of Uzumaki Naruto who refused to give up his shop.
Sasuke had tried to persuade the man every way he could. He offered money, more land, more money. He even offered partnership, but Naruto was too stubborn to give up on his Ichiraku Ramen! However, Sasuke was an entrepreneur and he hadn't learned to back down. So he did the only thing he could, he pestered the blonde by stalking him. As soon the shop opened in the morning, Sasuke would come and bother the blonde. Every single day. His business was handled by his managers and he was free to persecute Naruto. Though he wouldn't call it persecution — he would call it honest persuasion.
If Sasuke was persistent, Naruto was stubborn. No matter how much Sasuke hounded him, Naruto refused to give in. It was not so much that he was obsessed with the shop. He was obsessed with ramen, though, but he really wasn't too keen on the shop. However, Sasuke pissed him off, and he would rather die than give in.
Since both parties refused to back down, mayhem was inevitable. Every day, there were foul words exchanged, most issuing from a certain blonde-haired man. There were things thrown – which may or may not include pointy objects – and threats, which ranged from castration to death and so on, were made.
Despite the uproar it caused, the customers of the 'round the corner' ramen shop were not deterred from coming. If anything, the little shop had become more popular. After all, it provided food and entertainment.
The audience ranged from young boys and girls, to teenaged girls (remarkably, there were a few boys, too) and adults of varying ages. The incentive was different in each case.
Small children came to increase their vocabulary with as many colorful words as they could, seeing as these were things they couldn't learn at home. Young teenage girls (and a few boys) came to ogle one or the other party member in the dispute; both being exceptionally good-looking sexy beasts — a term generally used to describe the above-mentioned average-looking boys by the general public. Uchiha Sasuke was, of course, one of the most eligible bachelors in the city, if not the whole country, and who knew that the owner of such an obscure ramen shop would be that handsome — for the lack of a better word. The adults, of course – most being middle-aged women –– enjoyed the 'little ramen drama', a phrase coined by the locals.
The upshot of their rivalry or quarrel – whatever term could be used – was that the ramen business bloomed. This, in turn, was the main reason why said ramen shop owner, i.e. Uzumaki Naruto, had yet to get a restraining order for one Uchiha Sasuke. Naruto might be slow on the uptake, but he was definitely not stupid. Besides, it was fun riling up the bastard — the affectionate, or not so affectionate, term he used for Sasuke. Just like Sasuke used dobe and usuratonkachi for Naruto — which pissed the boy off, but that, however, was a moot point.
Sasuke knew what effect their rivalry had on the business, but he was too stubborn and prideful to give it up. Of course, the rumor amongst his subordinates was that he actually enjoyed the ramen shop owner's company was certainly ridiculous, if not downright laughable.
All this was, of course, history and it very well might go down in the golden pages of history books – something that Naruto would never read – and might possibly become reading material for forthcoming generations, remembered as the 'Ramen Fiasco'. And it might have, considering the sheer amount of interest it had generated amongst the masses, if and only if, one Haruno Sakura hadn't decided to go and get hitched with a certain eyebrow-wonder, a.k.a. Rock Lee. But she did and 'The Could Be Possible, But Wasn't In The End, Ramen Fiasco' came to an abrupt, if not befitting, end.
Having established that much of our story, we find ourselves with one of the two parties involved in this event in history, i.e. Uchiha Sasuke, who had squared his shoulders to go through one more day of the 'Ramen Rivalry' and stepped inside Ichiraku Ramen. The fact that a cheerfully obnoxious voice did not greet him with the customary 'Yo, Surly-Bastard!' was the main indicator something was up. Sasuke was, instead, greeted by another version of said greeting which, to no one's surprise, Sasuke despised and found irritating. The new greeting was, 'Yo, Girly-Bastard!'. That was the first indication that this was certainly not just your average day.
The second and foremost indicator of the conclusions drawn above was the fact that Naruto, as in Uzumaki Naruto, looked sullen and miserable. If Sasuke, the ice-prince himself, had a heart or common human compassions, he would have certainly asked for Naruto's wellbeing. But Sasuke, being Sasuke, did not. Instead, he asked his daily question, trying to bring back the routine. Truth was, Naruto's grimness had affected him, too, and that, too, was not a favorable situation.
"So, are you going to give up today, dobe?"
Naruto gave a dejected sigh and muttered, "Go away, Uchiha!"
The customers craned their necks towards the two men, giving up their discreet watching for the moment in order to watch a new drama/curse-war being played out.
"So, you are finally tired of this and want to sell it?" Sasuke did have a one-track mind.
"Shut up and get out!" Naruto growled and slumped on his chair behind the counter.
Naruto's assistant, Konohamaru, looked anxiously at his 'Boss' and sighed. Naruto had been this way ever since he had opened his mail that morning. As repulsive, useless, unattractive, worthless, and annoying the Uchiha-bastard was, for Konohamaru, he just might be able to pry some much needed information out of his brooding 'Boss'. With that plan in mind, the young brunette approached the older one who sat in his usual place – labeled artistically by Naruto himself as the 'Bastard's Corner' – and tugged on the aforementioned bastard's sleeve.
Sasuke raised a fine, dark eyebrow and glared at the impudent child who worked for the owner of Ichiraku Ramen.
"You, Uchiha-bastard!" Sasuke's eyebrow twitched at the nickname. "Can you make the Boss talk? The guy's been sulking since this morning!"
"Why should I do that?" Sasuke asked, amused.
Konohamaru frowned and fiddled with his scarf. "Well," he said contemplatively, "you don't want him to sit quiet like this, do you now? I mean, who knows? You might be able to persuade him to sell this shop today by pestering him again." It wasn't that Konohamaru wanted Naruto to sell the shop. It was all part of his plan to make Naruto talk, that's all.
"I do not pester him." Sasuke said dryly.
"You do. Come on, Uchiha-bastard!" Konohamaru pouted.
Sasuke noted absently that despite copying Naruto's pouting style, Konohamaru lacked what could be called... ah yes, Naruto's cuteness. The boy was cute – not that Sasuke would admit that, and he wouldn't admit calling Naruto cute either, for that matter – but no one had the perfect blue eyes and golden hair of Uzumaki Naruto.
After a few minutes of pouting and wheedling by the young child, Sasuke got irritated and decided that asking would certainly not hurt him and who knew, maybe he would get something interesting out of the dobe?
So with that plan in mind, Uchiha Sasuke decided that he would, in fact, say something to the brooding blonde slouching behind the counter, not out of courtesy and most certainly not as an act of chivalry — far from it actually. No, it was just that he found that Naruto was actually more agreeable when he was being his lively, cheerful self.
Standing up and stepping away from his reserved table – yes, having his very own 'Bastard's Corner' did have its advantages – Sasuke made his way past Konohamaru and over to the counter behind which the blonde dobe was still sulking. Surprise, surprise.
"Oi dobe?" Sasuke called across the expanse of the counter which wasn't much.
"What do you want, Girly-Bastard?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke smirked casually, eying his impeccable nails, the perfect air of nonchalance about his person, "Oh, not much. Your house, your wife, and your first born son…" When Naruto looked up with an expression of confusion and horror, Sasuke deadpanned, "The store damn it! What the HELL do you think I've been coming here for, for the past, "thirty-four, his anal-retentive and organized beyond belief mind supplied," thirty-four days?"
Naruto pouted in mock hurt. "I thought you liked the ramen?" he replied innocently.
Banging his fist on the counter, and wishing it was his head that he was bashing against the hard surface or, even better, Naruto's head, Sasuke felt his calm shatter into a million tiny pieces. He couldn't deal with this! Give him a boardroom full of tight-assed old farts more willing to spend their money on alcohol and cheap hookers and he could talk them into investing in shit-flavoured, cardboard-textured cereal bars if he so choose to do so, but this, THIS, he couldn't deal with. He couldn't deal with such unreasonable people. Such hair-brained, blue-eyed, blonde-haired dobe!
"Gah! You are so frustrating!" Sasuke managed to say while raking a hand through his ebony locks.
Naruto scoffed at that, "Heh, well, the feeling's mutual, bastard."
Sasuke couldn't help but smirk, "Yes, I'm sure it is." Feeling that he was on more leveled ground, Sasuke felt no hesitation in inquiring, "What's wrong with you today dobe? You're not yourself." The first was a question, the second a statement that brooked no arguments.
Sighing, Naruto slouched down further in his chair, if that was even physically possible without liquefying his spine, and glared daggers at random passers-by outside the shop. "Well, it's like this. You see, Sakura, a girl I went to school with, she's getting married."
"And that's bad because—?" prompted Sasuke when Naruto had been silent for too long and no further explanation was forthcoming.
"Because this guy's not good for her!" shouted Naruto.
Narrowing obsidian eyes, Sasuke eyed Naruto, "And you know this… how?"
"I just know okay? There's no way she can love this guy! He must have brainwashed her! Threatened her! Or maybe-maybe it's her family's doing! They're the rich, fancy-smancy type, and they probably arranged the whole thing and forced her!" Naruto's voice rose many octaves, a feat that Sasuke couldn't have imagined possible, but then again this was Naruto they were talking about.
Naruto's explanation sounded desperate even to Sasuke's uncaring and for all intents and purposes, indifferent ears. "Alright, alright. So, she's being forced against her will. I get it. So what does this have to do with you?"
Sasuke's words sparked something in the blonde ramen shop owner, and within moments Naruto was out of his slouch, out of his chair and shaking Sasuke violently, a fistful of the bastard's shirt in his hands.
"How can you say that so coldly, bastard? She's MY friend! I care about her wellbeing and I will NOT let some big-browed, rich, green-leotard-wearing baboon force her into a marriage against her will!"
With each word that came out of Naruto's mouth, he shook Sasuke a little harder. By the end of his speech, Sasuke felt like someone had put him through a blender that was working through an earthquake.
Detaching Naruto from his person, Sasuke smoothed his crumpled suit and tie — his perfectionist attitude had kicked in. While he did so, Naruto mumbled something under his breath about him 'preening his features.' Sasuke just glared.
Suitably presentable once again, Sasuke decided it was time to continue their little heart-to-heart. "It seems to me, dobe, that you don't see this Sakura as just a friend."
Naruto's wistful smile was all Sasuke needed to justify his assumption. This Sakura girl... Naruto was in love with her. No wonder he had taken Sasuke's comments to heart and had reacted so violently. The dobe was in love.
"Well, I guess for a Surly-Bastard, you're pretty smart." Naruto commented almost bitterly.
Nodding, Sasuke fixed his eyes on Naruto's. "Indeed. So, how do you propose you win over this Sakura girl? She's already engaged to be married… did you ever tell her how you felt about her?" Inwardly, Sasuke groaned and cringed. He was starting to feel like some relationship counselor, giving advice to someone about love! Hah. He was such a hypocrite! He scoffed at love and all things romantic. How ironic that he should be the one to advise Naruto. Whatever. He would do whatever it took to buy Naruto out. Hadn't he proved that by showing up day after day? What was a little relationship counseling next to making his entrepreneurial ambitions come true?
"No."
Steeling his nerves, Sasuke prodded the hesitant boy, "No what?"
"No, I never told her how I... how I felt about her. I mean, she's gorgeous and smart, and rich and kind and just — what could I have offered her?" Naruto was staring up at Sasuke now, wide blue eyes pleading, but for what? Understanding? Sympathy? Sasuke wasn't sure and, truthfully, could give him neither.
"Well, as far as I know, or as far as speculation about love goes I should say, it shouldn't matter what your financial situation is, or how much of a dead-last you are. If this Sakura girl is all that you say she is, then it's possible for her to reciprocate your feelings. I suppose." Sasuke wasn't sure if he was being helpful or harmful, and Naruto's expression was unreadable. Maybe a bit of both?
"Yeah… you're right."
Sasuke was too shocked to respond to that. He had never expected Naruto to agree with him. Had they ever agreed on ANYTHING before? Sasuke didn't think so…
"You're right! Damn it! I have to go after her! I have to stop this wedding! I HAVE TO! And you're going to help me Bastard!"
Sasuke was too shocked to refuse outright like he should have. Instead, he found himself saying, "I am?"
"Yes, you are!" was the exuberant rely. Damned if the dobe was not sure of himself.
"And why's that?" If Naruto said out of the goodness of his heart, he feared he might sock the blonde boy in the face, hard.
"Because if you help me break up this wedding, I'll sell Ichiraku Ramen to you."
That pulled Sasuke out of his mental stupor, he'd only been half-listening to the blonde-boy, not really caring, up until that last sentence.
"What'd you say?"
"I said, help me and Ichiraku's is yours."
"Done."
-TBC-
Arrhum! Prologue done! Give love to our awesome beta Simple-Minded Idiot, who pwns all!
The first chapter will be up soon, or when we finish working on it!
Remember children: Comments are LOVE-LOVE!