A/N; I was inspired by one of my mother's books, Step on a Crack, by James Patterson.

Disclaimer; I do not own Bleach.

Step on a Crack

Hop.

He's quickly becoming annoyed at the way she suddenly jumps every other second. For no apparent reason. Why is he annoyed, you ask? Because it's irritating, that's why! And there's absolutely no excuse for her retarded behavior. So he pokes the side of her head. Hard.

"Oi, Rukia, what the hell are you doing?"

"Taking precautions, Ichigo. Now hush before I lose my concentration."

Hop.

A vein pops in his temple. "Are you on crack or something?"

Hop.

"I should hope not- that's what I'm trying to avoid!"

Hop.

"Rukia…"

Hop.

"Eh?"

Hop.

"TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE DOING, YOU ANNOYING BITCH!"

Hop, hop.

"No need to be rude, boy."

Hop.

He growls, because she is the most frustrating idiotic retarded bitchy short midget dwarf old lady short stupid short dumb fucktard-

"Inoue-san told me that to… oh, how did she put it?"

Hop.

"Oh, yes! 'To step on a crack is to break your mother's back'."

Hop.

Sweatdrop.

"You don't even have a mother, baka."

Hop.

"Yes, that's what I thought at first, too."

Hop.

"But then I got to thinking…"

Oh Lord… he grimaces.

Hop.

"Since I don't have a mother, the curse would most likely move onto… another mother!" She gasps melodramatically, making Ichigo want to slap her… or himself.

Hop.

"Think of all the mothers' backs that I've broken!"

Hop.

"Don't be stupid."

She points at him accusingly.

Hop.

"You're not innocent in this either, buddy."

Hop.

He glares and grabs her upper arm. "Watch."

And he steps deliberately on a crack.

And her eyes fill with tears.

And she kicks him in the shin. Hard.

And she walks away huffily.

And now he knows… If you step on a crack, you don't break anyone's back. It's your shins that suffer.