Title: Something Else
Author: winnett
Rating: NC-17, Angst, PWP
Pairings: Harry/Snape
Original Date: October 2006
Disclaimer: Not mine, no money made. I just write to get the voices out of my head.
Summary: It wasn't love, was it?
Warning: Character death, explicit sexual scenes between men, angst, language, no fluffy bunnies.
A/N: This was written in about a half hour when I just couldn't shake the scene. Thanks so much to dragonmhs for answering my frantic Beta call. Any mistakes are mine.

……………………………………

It wasn't love, was it?

It was rough and hard and left me breathless, branded with bruises.

It was me having to put up with his snide, condescending manner that gave no quarter, never an inch.

Love was flowers and soft words and cuddles after tender embraces. It was something that most people were never so lucky to find, and real, true love, came only once. Right? That's what the poems all say.

Once in a blue moon…

What we had was raw and devoid of anything flowery and tender. It was being pushed over the oak desk, papers flying, and being pounded into. Rough, it was rough as Severus plunged into me and I cried out his name as I came, screaming with the force of it. The force of it… It was the most fucking amazing thing. But when Severus pulled out and leaned over the desk beside to me, begging for me to fuck him, fuck him right there, maybe that was more amazing. Preparation was quick. I stretched him with one finger and then another, all the while listening to him plead for my dick, my hungry cock. I knew it was only sex, only passion. And then it was my turn. I slid into him, so warm, filling him in totality. I leaned over his back and trailed rough kisses over his thin shoulders. Desperate, clutching kisses. Then Severus said the most obscene things and I bit down hard enough to bruise, and he came again, all over the highly polished desk top.

It wasn't love, it was reciprocation. Though I quite enjoyed making Severus come twice.

Afterwards we just lay there on the desk, side by side. I felt like I was flying, but that couldn't be love either, just endorphins.

Only a chemical response.

Lately, I find myself laying awake, staring at the ceiling, counting the spiders crawling up the walls. The place is empty and musty and I just can't leave. I still remember that night. Well both nights. The night before where we fucked each other raw. And the night after where we stood side by side in the Great Hall facing down the most evil man of the century.

Severus stood beside me. Nobody else would, or could I guess, but he did. Wands out and bright spellfire in a rainbow of sparks. Blues. Reds. The brightest white. But green dominated. Green light; green like my eyes. Green like the promise of death.

Such a bittersweet promise.

I withstood it once. But Severus didn't have faith in unproven possibilities and he stepped in the way, facing me, eyes reflecting so much more in that one moment than the stoic man had never shown before in a lifetime.

Fear. Anger. Remorse and something else I didn't recognize. I hadn't seen before.

It couldn't be love. It had to be something else.