Inappropriate Conduct

By Abby Ebon & Chaos Silk

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A Note from the Authoress'

Have you read Eragon and Eldest? Yeah, well, we have – we've read better. Then again, Harry Potter wasn't as great for us as for the rest of the world apparently. Maybe we're just hard to please. Either way, after seeing the terrible mess most of the 'authors' or as we say 'no-talent copy-cats' out there have made of Eragon 'fan' fiction – we decided to do something about it- something original, something born from the shadows, and something utterly and uniquely chaotic.

We also happen to be SLASH fans. Do you know what Slash is? If you do, pay no attention to this warning- if not, listen up. Slash is gay romance. If you're terribly naive (or young) and think that means 'happy', well while it does make us happy, it's also homosexual relationships i.e. two men kissing or engaging in sexual intercourse. If you're still confused, please go away, we aren't responsible for your actions online – and we posted warnings. Lots of them, and we can prove it within 5 minutes – not our fault if you didn't pay attention to them….

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Summary;

This is a tale about a thief, a pretty boy thief, called Jaycee, his talking silver monkey Draco – who likes stealing random peoples pants – including Jaycee's, much to Jaycee's utter embarrassment and humiliation.

One day while stealing from the lovely and witless Mary Sue, erm, - I mean, the Lady Belinda Von Regalia, (whose convinced Jaycee is a girl, and meets a messy end trying to prove it) at a market their happy lives as thieves are changed forever.

If you think landing in Galbatorix's castle as a prisoner makes for an imposable escape, try being rescued from a harem- Galbatorix's harem are more carefully guarded then his prisoners, though most of them don't mind being kept woman- and will kill to keep themselves that way.

Jaycee finds he must pretend to be one of these girls – or risk his death, at their hands. Who knew the harem was for life- it may seem imposable but with a monkey watching your back, anything is possible.

So after stealing one last thing before he swore never to steal again, he leaps to his death - luckily – or not so luckily, Murtagh is all to willing to save the 'damsel in distress' and take her far away from Galbatorix –for a kiss. And that's only what's in the first five chapters…

Enjoy.

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Disclaimer: Oh, and we don't own Eragon- and we really don't want to.

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The sun had barely peeked up from the horizon and the market was already preparing for the rush of coming customers. Market day in the city square only occurred once every year, and was awaited eagerly by both the low and high class – though for entirely different reasons.

Unnoticed by mere mortals, a curious set of grey eyes surveyed the market square. These grey eyes belonged to a small silver monkey – who if seen from above, was thought to be some high born child's pampered pet monkey. The monkey swiftly made his way along the roof tops, and to the abandoned attic of a ruined mansion.

He cleverly snaked his way up the crawling ivy, and landed with a thump on the only other occupant of the attic.

"Hey, Jaybird, up, up, up!" The maddening silver monkey chanted as it hopped atop its snoozing victim. With a muffled curse, its victim's head peeked out from under the blanket, and glared in a sleepy way.

The victim, if a woman- would have been called lovely- and promptly sold off to a middle aged man with the most money at the 'proper' age. Thankfully, the victim of the silver monkeys torment was male- and very cranky.

"Shu'd u' Draco, I was up till high-moon nabbing stuff…" The dark haired teen slurred, blanket still obscuring his mouth- the monkey tilted its head, its maw gaping in astonishment.

"B-but Jaycee, this is market day – in the city square, nobles and pretty boys!" Draco cooed in a sing song tone, sure that this would wake his snoozing partner.

"S-sleepy..." Jaycee whined. The monkey rolled grey eyes, and looked around for something to help him wake his boy up- he just needed a little…encouragement. Draco grinned, catching site of the water jar, of course, it didn't hold water- it held piss. Leaping to it, Draco gave it a sniff – and quickly backed away. Draco glanced at Jaycee one last time.

"Are you sure you don't want to get up right now?" Draco asked a mischievous glint in his eyes. Jaycee muttered something sure to be unpleasant, and Draco picked up the jar - and predictably dumped the contents on his partner in crime.

Jaycee howled like a wet cat, and scrambled away from his bed – and glared at Draco.

"I hate you." Draco laughed at Jaycee's words- and expression, and a grumbling Jaycee left the attic- bed things under his arm, in the mansions yard was a stream. Jaycee used it for bathing, cooking, and getting clean after stunts like Draco had just pulled.

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It was a hot day in the market.

The market place was flooded with the rich and not-so-rich folk were gathered about like sheep to a slaughter, trying to get the best deals – and out buy their neighbors.

This, of course, wasn't a problem for Lady Belinda Von Regalia, who was most assuredly the most lovely and most important richest person in entire the market place. For surely the way everyone gawked and smiled was due because of her awe inspiring beauty. For just yesterday, the Baron Boyer had told her she was the loveliest in the land.

The fact she was wearing a frilly pink dress on the dirty market street really had nothing to do with the astonished glances- honesty.

None the less as Lady Belinda Von Regalia made her way through the parted crowd she was surprised to be jostled roughly by a peasant girl, a little shorter then herself, who gasped and grabbed frantically for her waist when she stumbled. Belinda slapped her for getting her 'plainness' on her new dress, the Lady Belinda Von Regalia saw with a smug smile the red mark was already showing plainly against the girls pale skin.

The girl looked up at her with bewildered and startled silver eyes. A most unusual peasant, Belinda thought arrogantly- her own beautiful blue eyes narrowing in jealously. The peasant girl opened her lush lips and to Belinda's amazement the girl did not sound whiny harpy, her voice was low-pitched and pleasantly husky.

"My lady, I am so sorry about that, how clumsy of me!" The girl bowed, and Belinda felt a tiny bit of pity for her- seeing the state of her dress. The girl was so thin the shoulder straps of her light brown dress slid half off her narrow shoulders- and the girl had such a flat chest- even though she was as old as Belinda.

"Indeed, next time, watch where you are walking." Belinda scolded, and flipped a silver coin at the girl (who caught it easily) as Lady Belinda Von Regalia turned and stood off.

Behind her, the 'peasant girl' smirked as 'she' too turned away, and flicking a stray strand black hair behind 'her' ear, 'she' fingered the silver coin with 'her' free hand- then patted the side 'her' dress, the bulge of the Lady Belinda Von Regalia's purse underneath.

: Nice work my boy! How much do you think you've gotten Jaycee? : Draco cooed into his mind, Jaycee smiled up at the roof of the nearest house. Where a slivery white monkey crouched, waiting for him to go past- so Draco could drop onto his shoulder.

"It ought to feed us for half a year Dray, good thinking – even though I hate dressing up like this…" Jaycee murmured as the small silver monkey did just as he had predicted. The monkey laughed, little huffs and squeaks, and pulled on Jaycee's lush black hair.

: Your pretty either way Jaybird. : The monkey assured him, Jaycee rolled his silvery eyes. Draco twisted around and squealed sharply, alerting Jaycee that he was being followed. Jaycee spun around, and saw the Lady Belinda Von Regalia running toward him, the King's soldiers at her back.

"Shit!"

Jaycee headed to the alley, Lady Belinda- and the soldiers following closely behind him.

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TBC...