Date Written: April 11, 2008 (then finished July 3, 2008)

Summary: On their way to drop off their new passenger, the problem solves itself when they come across a weird yet sexy hitchhiker! Of course, then they get a whole new batch of problems.

WARNINGS! I don't think I need to do this anymore, simply because if you've gotten past the first two, then it's not really gonna get much worse… OR IS IT?! Who knows.

Hope you enjoy!

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Kurogane had always prided himself on probably being the most patient person on the face of the earth. True, he occasionally got a little irritated, but could you blame the man? No, you couldn't. He had a crazy, blonde foreigner as a boyfri… I mean trophy. Probably Swedish considering how hot he was… hang on, why doesn't he know that?!

"Hey, where the hell are you from?!" Kurogane asked.

Fai stared at Kurogane for a second before grinning and giving a typical answer, "My, Kuro-tan, if you have to ask then I don't think I should tell you!" Kurogane swore that there was a little heart attached to that sentence.

Anyway, thoughts of Fai being either a spy sent to uncover government secrets or an escapee from a different country's mental institute due to their program providing unfair treatment for their patients (the first one sounded hotter, so Kurogane went with it) quickly left his brain as their new little companion (moocher) suddenly jumped onto his head.

"Fai, why are you with Kuro-scary?" Mokona asked from atop Mount Pissed.

"Hm?" Fai mumbled. "What do you mean?"

"He's so scary! His eyes are all narrowed and red, like a wolf about to devour it's prey on a dark, moonlit night!"

"… You're right! Wow, Kuro-wolfie, I better stay careful around you from now on! I wouldn't want to get gobbled up by the Big Bad Wolf."

For some reason Kurogane thought that there was a hidden, sexual meaning to that. Probably because the little pain in the ass had been tempting him with sex all damn night. That didn't stop him from yelling, though.

"Both of you shut up and let me drive, damnit!"

"LOOK OUT!"

On instinct, Kurogane slammed on the breaks, sending his head to meet the steering wheel. As his vision cleared, he heard Fai say, "Whoo, Momma! Check out the legs on her!"

In the headlights, true to Fai's statement, stood a tall, pale woman with her skirt hitched up to reveal a long leg, complete with a garter. As if that wasn't enough to attract attention, her chest was probably qualified as a flotation device in case of emergency. All of this was well and good, but Kurogane honestly wasn't terribly impressed. He preferred his meals blonde, slender, and vulnerable. Trust him, when Fai was in the right situation, such as a scary movie, he was very open to "comfort."

Of course, Fai's therapist had gotten onto him for using sex as an anti-depressant. It wasn't Kurogane's fault, it was Fai's! He was even worse when rejected! And it was that reasoning that got Kurogane into personal sessions with the therapist, too.

"Evenin', stranger!" the trophy was saying out the window. "Now who in their right mind would leave a bombshell in the road?"

"Oh, you are precious!" the woman said as she approached the car. "But you're actually wrong on that account. I'm here on my own accord due to the fact that one of my little pets got separated from us and it's absolutely vital I get her back. Can I have a ride?"

"Why didn't you take a car to begin with?!" Kurogane yelled.

"My, who let a big, scary dog drive?"

"WHAT?!"

"By the way, I'm Yuuko."

"Don't introduce yourself as if you're going to be hanging around!"

"I'm Fai!" Fai said. "And this is-"

"Kurogane!" Kurogane interrupted. Yes, he planned on her not coming along and saw no point in introductions, but he had to protect the dignity of his name. Sadly, it's almost always in vain.

"Yuuko!" the zombie rabbit suddenly exclaimed while jumping into the security of her bosom.

"There you are, Mokona! We've been looking all over for you and you are in big trouble, yes you are!" It didn't appear so to Kurogane.

"What a coincidence!" Fai announced.

"Mokona is sorry," the thing babbled, "but I saw a big truck of alcohol go by and wanted to get it for the other Mokona and Yuuko!"

Yuuko and Fai let out a sigh while Kurogane mentally admitted to that being as good a reason as any to leave somewhere. He really wished one would drive by at that time. Speaking of, did they have alcohol in the house? Better yet, did Wal-Mart carry it?

"So where exactly are the two of you going this late at night?" Yuuko was saying. "A motel?"

He wished.

"Nope!" Fai said. "We're out of batteries so we're going to Wal-Mart!"

Yuuko gasped. "Out of batteries?! How terrible! Why, I remember this one time when my lab assistant was foolish enough to forget to pick them up. I had to have him change the television channel by hand the rest of the evening! It's a horrible thing, really… Did you say you were going to Wal-Mart?"

"Yup! Hop in!"

"Don't mind if I do!"

"What the hell makes you think she's going there OR that I'm going to drive her?!" Kurogane roared. There was something about this woman that he honestly didn't like. Something that made him think that she would kidnap Fai in order to make him her pet, like a cat.

"Silly!" Fai laughed. "Everybody needs to go to Wal-Mart!"

"Plus, you're little boy toy, here, said for me to hop in," Yuuko began, "so that's what I'll do!"

"Don't!" Kurogane ordered.

"What? Can't hear you over the sound of the car door opening."

"I'm serious, lady! You are not to step foot in here so take your weird assed science experiment and-!"

"Kuro-tan, she's already in the back seat," Fai pointed out.

"Kuro-tan?!" Yuuko squealed. "That's adorable!"

"Get. Out. Now," Kurogane growled between clenched teeth.

No answer.

Kurogane glared into his rear view mirror at her to try and get his point across, but all the woman was doing was idly petting Mokona while appearing to be deep in thought. She had her finger to her chin and everything. Kurogane was just about to yell at her again when she suddenly broke out in a large grin and snapped her fingers.

"Got it!" she proclaimed.

"Got what?" Fai, ever the provider, asked.

"Okay, Mr. Bad," Yuuko cooed as she leaned towards the front of the car. The armrest in-between the front seats acted as a wonderful chest rest, by the way. "I'll make you a deal. You see, I really need some string tonight."

"You don't have it at wherever the hell you're from?" Kurogane grumbled.

"No. At least, not red string. We have white string I know for a fact, but there's no red string in the house and I NEED red string. Wal-Mart has a little place for sewing, right? Don't answer that, I already know they do. Therefore, I want to go there."

"I don't see where you're going with this, lady."

"Of course you don't! Now don't interrupt! Anyway, since the red string is an absolute must for me at the current time, I need you to take me to Wal-Mart. This is where I scratch your back for you scratching mine. It just so happens that I have a Wal-Mart gift card for one hundred dollars. You two did take care of my little Mokona in it's moment of need. That in itself deserves repayment of I'd say about half of this. Give me a lift, and the entire card is yours."

Well that was a conundrum if Kurogane had ever seen one. He knew that this woman would be a pain in his ass. Then he added in the fact that she and Fai were hitting it off better than peanut butter and jelly. That made a sandwich of disaster. However, a hundred dollar Wal-Mart gift card was pretty sweet. They already had great savings so it was like a gift card to discount heaven, which they really needed seeing how Fai's… let's say, "special qualities" had, for a while, prevented him from properly functioning in the work environment and they were still having trouble with the bills. But it was probably just the fact that it was a bar he was working at first. The current café was fine. Curious.

But it seemed that there was no choice.

"Fine," Kurogane hissed. "But you better behave! All of you!"

"Yes, Kuro-daddy!" Fai cheered.

Of course, Yuuko began to cackle like a mad woman at that particular nickname. Kurogane chose to be the bigger man and ignore it as he started up the car and continued on their merry way. Yes, ignoring was the best way to go. After all, the teachers always told the kids who got bullied during school that ignoring the bully made him stop. Then again, Kurogane was the bully and he had to say for a fact that that never worked. It was always advice that teachers with no clue gave who probably got their child behavior knowledge from after school specials. The only real way to get a bully to stop was to get another bully to kick his ass. It was this technique that Kurogane employed when Fai and he were in elementary school and a bunch of kids would pick on the blonde boy. It took a few beatings since kids are dumb, but Kurogane succeeded, thus intertwining their futures.

The only problem with this method being administered in the current situation was that Yuuko was obviously a type of bully as well. While Kurogane was the physical, "touch that kid and I'll bite off your finger, then poke your eye out with it," type of bully, Yuuko came across as the mental, "do you REALLY want to do that?" type. The physical bully was primarily effective on other boys. Meanwhile, the mental bully had a near ninety percent success rate when faced with either gender.

As anyone can plainly see, Kurogane was screwed.

It was painfully obvious to him that Yuuko was going to try and snatch Fai away with promises of candy mountain and kitties that crapped rainbows, only to really sell him on the sex slave market. The only choice Kurogane had was to become a multi millionaire who made his way up through the seediest parts of the business, and then buy Fai back as his personal sex slave. That way, he could put duct tape over his mouth in order to shut him up. Then again, with tape over his mouth he couldn't (1)-

"What the hell are you doing?!" Kurogane yelled to Fai's very perfectly round ass.

"Going to the back seat," Fai's ass very casually explained as the rest of Fai flipped into the back, as stated.

"I'm in the middle of driving and you find this the perfect time to start acting like a freakin' monkey?!"

"He's not a monkey," Yuuko said. "He's my precious little Fai-kitty!"

Kurogane didn't have to turn around or even look in his rear view mirror to know that she was showering Fai with affection and cuddling the living daylights out of him. Really, he wasn't all that surprised they were getting along so well. Simply put, Yuuko had already shown an interest in teasing him, so therefore, Fai loved her. It was the same concept with Fai and his sister, Tomoyo.

As Kurogane gripped the steering wheel into submission, he briefly thought about how typical it would be if they ended up coming across some love struck teenagers wanting to elope.

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1.) Okay, seriously, am I the ONLY author who goes off on these crack tangents?! I think I am. I really try not to, I honestly do, but… -shrug- I'm not becoming an actual writer, just soes ya' know. If I did, my editor would hate me.

A/N: See? Quicker update! Now hopefully, I'll be able to update some more of my other works, too! I'm practicing self discipline with my art (I'm thinking of being a manga type person -blushes- It's kind of embarrassing… hum, I think that they have editors, too, don't they? XDDDD), and it's starting to slip into my writing! So rejoice!

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with… um… stuff! Your choice!