Disclaimer: WHAT BE THESE ACCUSATIONS THAT I OWN X-MEN?! BUT I'D GLADLY STEAL THEM! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Summary: When the Brotherhood watch a marathon of pirate movies, they have a moment of inspiration... God help us all.
"Wow, that pirate marathon thing was pretty badass." Todd said as he stared at the TV.
For once Pietro was sitting still, "I suddenly feel slightly less fabulous."
The Brotherhood members all turned their head s twards him. Blob laughed out loud and yanked on Tabby's arm. "Ha! I win! Pay up!"
Tabby glared venomously at Quicksilver, "Dammit, Pietro! You couldn't not say anything effeminate for two hours?!" She snapped as she handedFred ten dollars.
"Never bet against Quickie's metrosexuality." Lance advised sagely.
"Metro-wha?" Blob stated confusedly.
"Straight dude actin' like a gay dude." Todd informed.
Tabby interupted, "Don't you really mean he's a ho-"
"FOR THE LAST DAMN TIME! I! AM! NOT! GAY!" Pietro shouted at her. "Stop polluting the air with you're crazy ass fantasies!" Tabby stucke her tongue out him.
Before the situation could escalate, the idea god granted Lance Alvers a boon. A dark, evil grin spread across his face. "Oh, guys... I have an idea... BROTHERHOOD HUDDLE!"
The Brotherhood got into a circle and discussed Avalanche's nefarious plan. They all laugh maniacally and set about their tasks.
And so, the Brotherhood of Pirate-ish Mutants were born.
"Mr. Tolensky! How goes the ship's reconfigurement?" Lance demanded as he stepped out of his room wearing an outfit that looked as if he mugged Captain Jack Sparrow and stole his clothes.
"Ahead of schedule cap'n! Might I suggest that we be usin' the catapult we built fer Mr. Blob back when we tryin' to bombard the X-Dogs? We could haul behind the ship." Toad said as he readjusted his pirate outfit a bit more.
"Excelent idea idea Mr. Tolensky! You may get to work right away, yar har har har." Captain Alvers laughed as he went to see his "ship."
What he saw damn near brought a joyous tear to his eye. What he say was his jeep painted blacker than the devils heart, two paintball turrets welded on the sides of the car for the passengers to use. The wheels of the beast had been replaced with top of the line full grip tires. Upon the hood was a skull and crossbones biting on the letter B. Underneath his beloved jeep were two turbo-boosters that Pietro had designed into it, Lance knew from their discussion that they could be activated with the push of a new button on his steering wheel. Lance saw Toad dragging the catapult up and hooking up to the back.
They had turned a bitchin' ride to a teenage rebel's wet dream come true...
"She still needs a name captain." Boom Boom said as Lance turned towards her. She was wearing leather pants and a corset that focused mens attentio to her... assets.
"Aye... we shall call her... SHEILA!" Hes said as he grabbed a red spray can and wrote the name on the drivers's side with a flourish.
Off to the side Pietro and Blob watched their captain. "Huh. And I thought he was gonna call it the Kitty." Blob said as he scratched his mohawk. He was wearing your basic pirate outfit.
"Nah, the Cap'n loves that thing so much that he probably already named it. Swear to the Lord, I saw him hump it once." Quicksilver shivered. He was wearing an Errol Flinn-ish costume, plastic sword and all.
Lance jumped into the drivers seat, "ALL ABOARD! TONIGHT WE WAGE WAR UPON THE X-DOGS!"
With a halfway fearsome unimous roar, the Brotherhood loaded into the jeep, only with Blob in his catapult.
XAVIER INSTITUTE- The Gates.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!" Captain Alvers roared as he sent a shockwave that toppled the gates down. He floored the Sheila through the wreckage.
Tabitha formed multiple explosives and sent them at the perimeter defense systems; with a kaboom, they were down. She cackled, yes, CACKLED, in merriment upon their detruction.
"Cap'n! We've reached port! Permission to commense attack?" Pietro said as sped to Lance's side.
Lance stood and put his fist in the air, "Let no joyful voice be heard! Let no man look upon the sky with hope! And let this day be cursed by all X-Dogs for generations to come! ... FIRE THE BLOB!" (A/N: Cookie to anyone if they figure out wher this was paraphrased from.)
And with that, Freddy was launched and crashed upon the doors to the mansion like angst on Rogue.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!" Fred roared as he cleared apath
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Toad yelled as he barreled in.
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Pietro shouted as he set the catapult up and launched himself in as well.
The X-Men then came out in full to see the Brotherhood raiding their house... in pirate outfits. Thus they were rendered frozen in a WTF?! moment.
"TAKE THEIR FOOD!" Blob yelled as he exploded out of the kitchen carrying as much as he could.
"TAKE THEIR DIGNITY!" Todd yelled as he filmed it all.
"TAKE THEIR PANTIES!" Pietro yelled as he came speeding down the stairway with a barrel of stolen underwear.
"TAKE THEIR WOMEN!" Captain Alvers yelled as he picked up Kitty and carried her off, she laughed and just went along with it.
"AND THEIR MEN!" Tabitha screamed as she nabbed Kurt and carried him off bridal style, Kurt was distracted by the fact that Tabby wore no bra.
And with that, the Brotherhood ran like Hell back to their vessel. All the remaining X-Men could do was stare on in brain overload.
"Shouldn't we go after them? Scott? Scott? SCOTT?!" Jean yelled as she waved her hand in front of his face.
"I think they killed his brain." Evan said solemnly.
And so, the Pirates of Bayville rode off into the sunset with their ill gotten gains laughing merrily.
And this just goes to show you kiddies, NOTHING BEATS A PIRATE RAID!