Wow.

Okay yeah. at least it's hella long.

Oh yeah and the second part where Roxas comes in is like... Well, it took me a really long time to word so that it wasn't confusing. Sorry if it was! Okay...sorry. I know... I'm a horrible person. I should go to hell for not updating in forever... I had a lot of other stuff that I started to write and school and stuff so I got all sidetracked. :x So just read it. I'm sorry.

Oh yeah, ps... I'm gonna put a playlist for this story at the bottom of the page... so you can go look before you start reading. If you want... I know that it's kind of stupid to put it like at the end of the story but...whatever. It's the playlist for my ipod that I always listen to while I write this. speaking of which...it's coming to an end. I finally figured out how to wrap it up sooo... This is probably like the second to last chapter or something along those lines... Okay go read for real this time haha.

Chapter 11

Riku stood there, dumbstruck, wearing a look of horrified realization. A sick mixture of fear, sympathy, and guilt began to brew in his stomach. He blinked at the doorway and suddenly found his senses to be working. "Sora!" He all but cried out, running forward as a pretty torn up Sora came stumbling inside, wearing a look of utter surprise.

As Riku had expected (he had thought over quite a few different arrays of actions that the brunette would've taken), a quick look of panic crossed Sora's face and he turned to head back the way he came- out the door. "W-wait!" He leaped forward, not quite sure how he was supposed to act, and without thinking, pulled Sora into his chest.

Come to think of it, he hadn't really thought on what he was going to say when Sora came up to his room after receiving what sounded like a brutal beating and seeing him there, either.

So he was silent.

Sora tried to pull away but Riku simply held on tighter, unaware that he could have been hurting the boy.

He was all but clueless on what to do next. A door slammed from downstairs and shortly after a car door. The sound drifted in through the open window. He stumbled blindly backwards, never once allowing his grip on the boy to loosen, until the back of his legs bumped into the softness of Sora's bed. He sat down.

This was it. This was his chance. He had messed everything up and now it was his turn to fix it. But what if Sora didn't want it to be fixed?

Everything was silent except for the sobs occurring randomly from Sora.

It was almost scary how silent everything was otherwise. It was almost as if this island were too calm for their lives. Everything was spinning and spiraling out of control-emotions, feelings, thoughts- while the island remained still…calm…at peace. The waves continued to roll and everyone kept to themselves; behind closed doors. Maybe there were other people whose lives were out of whack. Maybe this was where the end of the line was for them. Maybe this was where people came when they had nothing left.

After a minute, everything that had just happened began to decipher in his brain, each blood curdling scream. It all rolled on in his head. He stared forward, a blank expression occupying his face. He didn't want to look down. He didn't want to look at something he never would've known the real reason for otherwise.

He had always just thought Sora was unnaturally clumsy. Although…. For some time now his mother had been acting different. He had just assumed that she was still in mourning over the wreck. Over Sora's dad. Over the baby that was never born. The one that Sora had told him was going to be named Seth. But how could he have not seen this?

"S-sora…" He whispered weakly, helping the boy crawl into his lap so that they could be facing each other. He didn't feel weird…or even awkward. This seemed to calm Sora in the slightest, his body falling lax against Riku's chest.

Why was everything going so horribly, horribly wrong? It was strange knowing that just days ago he had been sitting in this very room, next to this very bed, sharing a plate of cookies with this very boy who was now sitting on his lap, crying and bleeding.

Time passed quickly on the island.

"Sora," He felt like a broken record, repeating that name over and over. Only each time it became harder and harder to say. "Let me…see…"

The brunette shook his head, chocolate strands tickling his chin. He buried his face deeper in Riku's chest, the tears forming a soggy blotch on the front of his shirt. He let out a breath. "When you're ready."

For honestly no reason that he could name, Riku kissed the top of Sora's head, burying his face in the spikes.

--

Roxas sat up. Axel was gone. Of course he was… Wasn't he always gone the next morning?

He pulled himself out of bed, dry sweat giving his body a sticky coating. His back hurt and he was tired. He forced himself into the bathroom and began to ponder the same thing he always pondered as he prepared for his shower.

Would it hurt as much or less if they were really alive; if they had hearts…if they could love. He didn't know. He didn't quite understand what love was. He didn't really know how people lived with hearts, either. How much pain could one person endure? How long could they last? Was everything different when you actually had a heart? Was everything that happened to us, like falling in love, destiny or just misfortune?

Once again, he didn't know. If you didn't have a heart, could you really count as a person? Did you even have a destiny? He supposed that maybe if he did have a heart, or if he could get a heart, he would know. But he didn't. Maybe there was a reason for that.

So for now he was probably better off without one.

--

It was silent. It had been that way for some time now. Riku pulled Sora gently away from his body. Probably to see the injuries. Flinching, Sora felt a pang of fear serge through his body. He had almost fallen asleep against his chest. And he hardly noticed how fast his heart was beating. And everything else seemed so miniscule. He had acted so rude to Riku the previous night and now here he was, like a loyal puppy, letting Sora lean on him in a time of need. Ugh he was so stupid- and my god they were so close.

No.

He couldn't think like that. It was wrong on so many levels; him liking this. Riku was his best friend and had been for the longest time, but more importantly, he was a boy. He didn't like boys.

Either way, he didn't want to show him his wounds. He didn't want to show anyone anything. He just wanted to stay there, in Riku's lap, and sleep. But, the dull, irritated throb over his hands and arms told him he should do otherwise.

Finally, after a long moment of silence, he conformed. With the smallest of nods he held his smarting, bloody arms out, not daring to look down for himself.

--

Riku slowly lowered his eyes, trying his best to not let surprise cross his face. It was painful looking, though. It could have been worse but…to think that a mother would do something like this to her only child… especially when her only child was Sora. He was suddenly overcome with a spout of rage. How dare she?! This was sick, wrong…disgusting. Sora needed away from here and he needed it now.

There was another moment of heavy silence between the two and Sora's eyes closed. He apparently wasn't going to look.

Riku let out a wavering sigh. "Come on." He whispered, his eyes tore themselves from the welted, puckered skin that was so red it made his own skin sting, and met Sora's.

The younger boy shook his head rapidly, hair flapping. He knew exactly what Riku was planning. This was what he had feared. This is why no one was supposed to know his secret. They would try to take him away. And, above everything that was forbidden, he couldn't go away. He couldn't leave his mom. A voice deep within his mind whispered something that may have been "Because no matter what, she'll find you in the end." But it was a passing thought, there one moment but gone in a flash.

And, besides, it was nobody's business. He deserved what he got and that was that.

Shaking his head again, he shied away from Riku. He wanted so badly, more than anything, to stay there. But he couldn't. "N…no." His voice was scarcely above a whisper, but the word managed to croak out.

Riku placed a hand on his shoulder, "Sora. Please. You have to get out of here. Now. This is wrong."

The brunette stood, jerking away from the hand in response. His legs were shaky and felt weak. He felt dizzy from screaming and crying and the emotions that were coursing through him. He locked his eyes with the carpet.

He wasn't going to leave. Riku would have to drag him out- dead.

Panic got the best of him and he shook his pounding head. His temples were throbbing. It felt as if a brick were slamming against the insides of his skull. Like his brain was moving instead of sitting still. He wiped at his face furiously. "Riku," He began. A look that seemed something like frustration, or desperation, or both, crossed the platinum-headed teens face as he rose from his spot on the bed.

He took a step forward, speaking before Sora had a chance to, "Sora! This is insanity-"

"Shut up!" The shorter one shook his head frantically, clenching his teeth. "Stay away from me!" His heart began to race and his head began to swim. He was on the verge of having a panic attack. Everything was happening too fast. Where was his mother? When was she coming back?

Riku thrust his arms out in frustration, "PLEASE!" The word was shrill and very much unlike him.

"Go home, Riku! This has nothing to do with you!" Words were tumbling out of his mouth. He had to get Riku away from him. He was the enemy this time.

Riku looked taken aback and hurt wavered in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could get anything out he was being screamed at. "NOW! GO HOME, RIKU! STAY THE HELL AWAY!" His voice was shrill and the desperate emphasis he heard being applied to his own name made his heart feel like it was being squeezed.

While he was still trying to recover from the words, Sora had flung his door open with a 'crack' as it slammed against the wall. And, before Riku could reach out to restrain him, he had torn down the hall in a frenzy.

--

After that, Riku had been worried but eventually left after hearing bath water running. It scared him. Everything about Sora scared him. He was like a small, little piece of fragile glass that would shatter when hit too hard. But yet, he was so resilient. You could never tell what was going on inside of his head. With age, he had only grown more closed.

--

He opened his eyes. Where was he? That was his first question. He blinked down at the blood-clouded water of his bath. He must have dozed off.

Unplugging the drain, he rested his head on the condensation-slimy wall. "Go home." The words hardly left his mouth, too soft to be heard over the water draining noisily from the tub.

So was this it? He was found out. His secret was no longer a secret. And now, just as expected, Riku was going to try and take him away. He didn't have the energy anymore to even want to run. It seemed that this house was where he would die. He was at the most miserable stage of his life and now he had no one to go to. He was trapped.

When he stood up, his legs were hardly willing to cooperate and he felt dizzy. He had eaten hardly anything in the past few days and the cramps in his stomach were now reminding him of that. He couldn't believe that he had had so many things going on that he hadn't even remembered to eat. It's not like his mother reminded him to. Although, on some days she liked to cook. But she hadn't lately. She was getting worse. And this was probably just the beginning of something that would only go further downhill.

"He's right. You need away. You need to escape before she breaks you completely." Again, there one moment but gone in the next. As quick as footprints in the sand being washed away by the waves.

Even now, he had trouble trying to comprehend everything. His injuries weren't the worst of his problems- in fact, they were the least- these weird thoughts and emotions that he was having were. He was used to this physical pain; he had practically grown immune to it within the past few years.

But to know that, not even fifteen hours before, he had kissed his best friend…another boy...Riku. Knowing that during that moment- the moment he kissed Riku- that everything had…changed, to say the least. That was his problem.

During that moment, some kind of weird, evil hellfire had been unleashed and was determined to eat him from the inside out until it got what it wanted.

It wanted Riku.

Riku; the same person who knew his secret. The same person that, from here on out, needed to be eliminated.

The thought of it all was just about enough to overwhelm him. He needed to sit down and think. He wanted to run. Away to a place where you didn't have to keep secrets. To a place where he didn't have any more awful memories. To a place where there was no more confusion. To a place where his mother was not.

To a place where Riku was not.

--

When he got to his room, he almost immediately collapsed on his bed. It was late in the afternoon by that time and the pre-sunset light was glaring angrily in between his drapes. He must have had fallen asleep some time ago. He was exhausted and everything on or in his body hurt.

Frowning, he buried his face in the pillow. He probably needed to put some disinfectant on his cuts but for now he didn't really care. He just wanted to sleep. Not to worry or think. Just to sleep.

So he did.

--

Roxas looked at himself in the mirror; really more like staring.

What a strange way to live- to exist but not to be. He didn't really understand it. His head always hurt when he thought too much into it. But it was hard not to. What, with all this talk about hearts and how they didn't have feelings- didn't have emotions.

They said you had to have needs in order to be.

Well, he had needs. Or…at least he thought he did. He needed food….His stomach growled when he was hungry… He needed…water. His body cried out when he was thirsty. So wouldn't that mean that he could be? Because he did have needs! He did.

But everyone said that they couldn't be. How was that possible? If they had needs, that meant that they were. But apparently he wasn't. Apparently none of them were.

Augh! It didn't make any sense! He was frustrated.

Maybe it was other things that you had to need in order to be. Affection? Kindness? The need to socialize? The need for friends? He needed all of those! So why did everyone say that he could not be?!

And then it hit him.

Love.

You had to need love in order to be. He thought he needed love. He thought he felt love. But…but, if he didn't have a heart he couldn't love.

That's why none of them existed. Because in order to be you had to know how to love. In order to love, you had to have a heart. A heart. The one thing that none of them had. So he couldn't be because he couldn't love and. He couldn't love, so he didn't.

It all made sense now…but…he still didn't…didn't understand how he couldn't have a heart. He thought that he felt love! So why didn't he?

The door opened and he jumped and turned to greet the intruder, only to find that it was, of all people, Axel. "Sorry." The redhead said casually, one hand resting on the door frame. Roxas found that he could not speak. Only stare, consumed in thought.

After a long moment of silence, Axel raised an eyebrow as if to say "What are you staring at?" Lingering there for a moment longer, Roxas cocked his head slightly and smiled gently. He hung up his towel and walked out, past him without a word.

It was that man's fault that he could not understand what was going on. That man was the person who made him believe that he was.

That he could love.

--

When Sora awoke again, it was still the afternoon. The sun was in the process of setting, spitting dark golden-pink strips of light across the entire island, casting deep shadows over everything.

He hadn't been asleep for long. His head throbbed as he sat up. His bruises still hadn't gone down yet and now he had more to worry about. Sure he was exhausted, but he couldn't sleep. He was so hungry that he could have probably literally eaten a cow.

As he stood, his legs trembled beneath him like brittle twigs. And, more than anything, he wanted to lie down and sleep. But he didn't… he couldn't. There was something else on his mind. It was bothering him.

"Maybe it's not just hunger that's making your stomach hurt. Maybe it's guilt because you know that for once you're wrong."

The voice was gone, a passing thought quickly banished to the back of his mind.

He needed to get something to eat to push his energy level up. Then he could do some thinking and maybe sleep for a bit. Cereal sounded good. Peeking out the window down to his driveway and realizing that his mother's car was still gone, he tip toed downstairs, mostly out of habit but a little because he really was afraid.

--

Riku was sitting at the table when the sun had finally begun to set. Today had been an unnaturally long day. The TV was humming softly from the living room, its bright images throwing flashes of illumination about his darkened house. It was the only light on in his entire house, despite the thin threads of burning orange sun that had managed to trickle through the blinds.

But, it was setting. Just as it had been setting 3 days ago, before everything had been cast so wildly out of proportion.

Sighing, he stood up, his chair scraping loudly over the cheap linoleum that was his floor. The frozen dinner wasn't looking too promising anymore. He couldn't order anything, though. A week had passed and his aunt still hadn't come by to bring him money.

Maybe that was why he had…done what he had. His aunt served practically as his own personal counselor. Besides Sora, she was the only person he had left. After the fire, he had sort of lost it. He had pushed most everybody from school away from him. All but Sora, Kairi, and a few others. But even those other people stayed a distance from him.

Sure, Kairi was great, one of the best friends he had ever had, but no one had ever been like Sora. As much as he tried to, he could hardly look at anyone else. He felt much stronger about Sora than he had ever felt towards anyone before. And now Sora was…pushing him away…? He knew that he probably hadn't meant those things that he had said but…what if he had?

It wasn't as if he looked at Sora in that way or anything…it was just…just… What was it? He had kissed him, for God's sake. So what in the hell was it?

"It's nothing." He said aloud. A nasty habit that he had, talking to himself.

He carried his TV dinner to the microwave and set it inside. He wasn't hungry.

So what if Sora had meant those things? It wasn't like…that big of a deal or anything, he decided. But without Sora…he only had Kairi. Kairi was gone. He still had his aunt… But where was she when he needed her? Not here. She hadn't been by in a week when she usually came by the first chance she had.

He blinked and sudden wave of realization washed over him, crashing into him so hard that his bones seemed to turn to ice. He was alone.

Completely alone.

Everyone was abandoning him and turning their backs on him. Just as his parents had.

His mother was right. You never did realize what you had until you lost it.

He sat back down at the table, suddenly feeling weak. He tried to look on the bright side of things, but it was hard when the whole house was dark and life seemed a little more than hopeless.

So with as little confidence as ever, he stood up and closed the blinds to the window above his window. The same window that had been there for the past two years since he had moved into his own home, away from his grandparent's. Because, in fact, he was tired of looking out at the sunset. Tired of looking out at the ocean. Tired of looking out into Sora's window, hoping to see him looking back.

As he did so, he felt lonelier than ever before in his life. It seemed that Destiny Islands was indeed the place that marked the end of the line. If you were born into it, you were destined for failure and misery.

You were born damned.

--

After his third and a half bowl of Fruit Loops, Sora had begun to grow full. And now, he was left to sit there at his spotless kitchen table, swirling the concoction of milk and bloated, soggy loops around with his spoon.

He stood up, feeling all but sick from the sugary coating that aligned his mouth. It was time to do something. He didn't want to sleep yet. He had been so overwhelmed the past few days that he was rather lost but yet delighted at what to do with all of this breathing time.

Setting his bowl in the sink, he turned on the water and allowed it to run the milk over the rim of the dish until it was a foggy, whitish-translucent liquid. For some odd reason, this reminded him of the beach. That's where he could go…

Minutes later, the dishwasher was running and his shoes were on. A soft chatter emitted from a TV off in his mothers room. It must have been on the entire day. A Forensics station, no doubt.

He decided it would be better to not leave a note.

Silently, he slipped out the front door. It was already past sunset and an almost grey veil of darkness had settled down over the island.

When he was outside the first place he found himself looking was in the direction of Riku's house. It looked so small and far-off.

There was the tree he had been sitting at, enjoying an ice cream with Riku just days ago. But now no one occupied it. There was no open ice cream stand nearby with children lined up to buy the treats. There was no one at all.

When he reached the shore, the familiar smell of sea salt filtered into his nostrils. So he did the only thing he knew to do. He lay down, just hardly out of reach of the tide. The waters seemed never ending. They were like a black pit that would swallow you if you came too close.

The sand was soft and comforting. It was always nice and cool at night. He looked up at the sky. The stars were already out. Hundreds of thousands of them against a purple-blue sky. It was almost scary how fast the sun set on a little island like this. He wondered if any of those other stars were planets. He wondered if, on any of those planets, there was anyone else like him out there. Or maybe even if, somewhere on this planet, there was another little island filled with other hopeless little people who wanted to break away. Just like him and Riku.

These were the types of things he would have wondered about with Riku. But now he was alone, no Riku beside him. He wished he could share this image with him…but he couldn't. He had said horrible things that he could never take back. And now he was alone because of it.

His eyes began to drift closed and the sound of waves crashing against the shore was so loud that it almost scared him. It was frightening how quiet everything was when you were alone. Everywhere else was completely silent, and for the first time in his life, he realized that he had never been lonelier.

--

He wanted to go outside. He was nearly suffocated by the stillness and vaccantness of his house. He felt like the only person left in this big, big world. He left his house, not bothering to turn off the TV or lock the door after him. No one would want to go to the trouble of robbing him.

When Riku stepped outside, the first thing he noticed was how dark the island was. It had almost never been this dark before. Or maybe that was just him. Besides all the blackness, it was nice outside. The air was crisp and light.

He took a walk. At least, if he couldn't have the real Sora, he could go somewhere that reminded him of it. He walked in the direction of the Secret Spot, only out of sheer instinct did he know where he was going.

About half way there, his eyes had begun to adjust. He could spot, and mostly hear, the spring that told him he was close.

Maybe this wasn't the best idea… It was really dark and he wouldn't be able to see anything. He could fall in the springs and drown. Not very likely, though…He would hear them before he fell in… but still.

He turned around so that he was facing the ocean. He could see the tree that they liked to lounge at. He decided that would be a good place to sit. He glanced to his left, unable to help himself. There was Sora's house. Big and looming in the night. The ocean seemed to have a grayish strip hanging over it, a shade lighter than the rest of the sky. Probably city lights from somewhere far off. They were unlucky. Even if the island was where people went to die, at least they had a nice view of the stars before they did.

He reached the tree and situated himself on the low-hanging branch that was big enough to support all of him, Kairi, and Sora at once. Gazing up, he realized just how many stars where out that night. Hundreds upon hundreds of thousands. How gorgeous. It was almost breathtaking. He wanted to show it to Sora. He could see almost every constellation in the sky.

He turned his head to the left, staring out along the shoreline. It went on for a very long time, cut off only by a bridge that led to another little island. His eyes landed on something black and large; maybe even the size of a human, he couldn't tell in the dark. "What in the hell…?" His heart almost stopped. It wasn't any clump of seaweed.

He jumped down from the branch, stumbling in the sand as he did so. He made his way towards it, realizing that it certainly was a human. Were they…dead? What was going on?! As he neared he realized it wasn't just any human. It was a boy…it was…it was- "Sora?!"

--

Running from the Rain - Thursday

Breath - Breaking Benjamin

I Don't Wanna be in Love - Good Charlotte

Into the Ocean - BLue october

Stay With You - Goo Goo Dolls

Rooftops - Lost Prophets

Setting up Sunday - The Meg and Dia Band

Kiss me - New Found Glory

Best of Me - The Starting Line

Headstrong - Trapt

Cue the Sun! - Daphne Loves Derby

My Beautiful Rescue - This Providence

I'd do Anything - Simple Plan (lol I still listen to them)

It's About Love - The Medic Droid

FSCENE8 - The Medic Droid

Keeping up With the Jonses - The Medic Droid

Fer Sure - The Medic Droid

S3RL FER SURE REMIX - The Medic Droid (Pretty much anything by The Medic Droid... They don't really set the mood...I just LOVELOVELOVE them...and I like listening to them while I write)

My Paper Heart - The All-american Rejects

Only one - Yellowcard

Somewhere Only We Know - Keane

Let's Get Married - Archie Star