Rating: M for safety's sake
Spoilers: The Empty Child, Utopia and beyond
Pairings: Jack/Martha
Summary: Martha's pissed off with the Doctor and goes out looking to get drunk and Jack, who is on a mission of his own, soon joins her.
Disclaimer: I own none of it; if I did, I wouldn't be working in a kitchen.
Authors Notes: This is for FlowerPowerxo who likes the idea of Jack and Martha shipping, as do I and poor Martha deserves a little fun in her life, I've given Leo's girlfriend/wife the name Molly and I'm no medical student so forgive any spelling mistakes.
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"You annoying, aggravating, condescending asshole" Martha threw the rubber mallet at the Doctor's head "I'm sick of the way you treat me, I was not put on this Earth so you can treat me like a fucking skivvy, it's bad enough that you act like I'm some imbecilic shop girl when I ask questions about how the Tardis works". She knew that was below the belt but he'd been winding her up all day "but you expect me to run around after you 'Yes Doctor, no Doctor, three bags full Doctor', well fuck you" she yelled as she grabbed her jacket and stormed towards the door.
"Martha" yelled the Doctor as he peered up from behind the console; she gave him a derisive hand gesture that had Jack raising his eyebrows in surprise as she slammed the door on her way out. Jack had been watching the argument between Martha and the Doctor for a couple of minutes from his unseen position by the doorway, she was mad, in fact, he'd never seen her lose her temper like that, from what he could understand, the Doctor had deserved that particular mouthful of abuse. Jack pulled out his mobile and sent a quick text message before he moved into the console room.
"Nice to know your way with women still sucks," he said to the Doctor "what did you do this time?" the Doctor scowled
"Nothing, well she wanted to know how the Time Vector Generator worked, I said she wouldn't understand so I wasn't going to waste my time explaining and she threw the mallet at me" the Doctor replied. Jack rolled his eyes and sighed, the Doctor was on one of his I'm-so-much-smarter-than-you kicks,
"She's a lot smarter than you give her credit for," remarked Jack
"Maybe but she'll still have no idea what I'm talking about" the Doctor replied
"You could try layman's terms" the Doctor looked blank "in English," said Jack.
"I never thought of that," admitted the Doctor
"You could also stop treating her like a child" 'and me' he added silently "she may not understand what makes the Tardis tick but at least have the decency to answer her questions and stop telling her to sit down and be quiet" said Jack
"I don't" protested the Doctor.
"Metaphorically speaking you do, you did with Rose too, used to drive her mad but she was used to all that 'stupid ape' stuff by then" Jack's phone beeped, he pulled it out and smiled at the message "sorry old man I gotta go and meet a girl, enjoy yourself tonight". He said as he grabbed his coat and left, smiling at memories of Algy, the Doctor opened and closed his mouth a couple of times and went back to work on the console, absentmindedly humming 'Another Saturday Night'.
Martha was marching across Cardiff spitting the Doctor's name between her teeth, the nerve of the man, telling her she wouldn't understand how the tardis worked, she'd watched plenty of science fiction and read Stephan Hawking's book so she knew enough not to make herself look a fool. Still how dare he think she was some thick shop girl, she grimaced at her choice of words during their argument, she'd apologise later if she went back at all. Right now, she needed a drink, a chat with her sister and a man to keep her company, someone who wouldn't look straight through her like she wasn't there. She walked towards a bustling bar, strode through the door and looked around, her eyes rested on a good-looking dark haired guy sitting in the corner by the window, Martha smiled, if he was still by himself when she'd finished talking to Tish she'd go over and say hi but first things first, a drink. She ordered a bottle of wine and one glass, the girl behind the bar handed it over with a sympathetic smile. Martha found a table, poured herself a glass of wine, downed it in one, pulled out her phone and dialled Tish before pouring another one; she'd listened to Tish ranting on often enough so it was time she returned the favour.
Jack knew this bar well, he'd quite often meet the Torchwood crew in here on a Saturday night, Martha had made a good choice and it also explained how Ianto had found her so quickly. He spotted his man by the window and smiled his appreciation for a job well done; Ianto flicked his eyes towards the back of the bar where Martha was sitting. She was sitting with her back to the door talking on the phone, to her sister he guessed.
"I swear Tish if he tells me 'I wouldn't understand' once more I'll perform an autopsy on him...yeah I know he has to be dead first but that's the point...I don't want to leave, the things I've seen and done, I couldn't...yeah I know mum doesn't like him but mum doesn't think anyone's good enough for us. She just about tolerates Molly and that's only because of the baby...what am I going to do tonight, drink and pull, I hope". Martha was so wrapped up in her conversation she didn't see Jack come up behind her and snatch the phone out of her hand "hey" she said as she tried to pull it back, he checked the dialling display as saw it was indeed Tish she was talking to
"Tish honey be a good girl and wind this conversation up by the time I get back from the bar, I want your sister to myself, unless you really want to listen in of course" he said, he handed the phone back to Martha and went to the bar. She stared open mouthed at his retreating back and came to her senses when she heard Tish squealing down the phone
"Martha, oh my God Martha, who was that ?" she asked
"Um...it's Jack, he's a friend of the Doctor's" replied Martha
"Is he as sexy as he sounds?" asked Tish. Martha looked appreciatively at Jack and nodded to herself
"Yeah he is" she replied
"So why are you wasting time on the Doctor when you can have him?" Tish said
"I...um...I...erm...dunno" said Martha
"Look you've said the Doctor hardly knows you're there so have a bit of fun with this Jack bloke," said Tish.
"But he's a total slut, I'm serious, if it's got a pulse its fair game to Jack" replied Martha
"Even better" said Tish
"What?" said Martha, she couldn't believe her sister was hinting that she should sleep with Jack for the sheer hell of it. "But he's a friend"
"So, you've slept with friends before and still remained friends afterwards" Martha conceded the point "as long as you both know what you want and understand the rules there shouldn't be a problem," said Tish.
"When did you get so wise?" remarked Martha, Tish laughed
"Am I making sense?" she asked
"Yeah, perfectly" replied Martha.
"So go and let yourself be seduced by a professional, it's so much fun, oh God has he come back from the bar yet?" Tish said
"He's on his way," said Martha
"Call me tomorrow, I want details, measurements, time scales and all that clinical stuff" Tish said
"Tish" gasped Martha
"Bye" said Tish
"Tish" Martha said again but her sister was gone.
Jack sat himself in front of Martha and she glared at him
"What?" he said
"You grab my phone off me and then you tell my sister to hang up, did the Doctor send you?" she asked, Jack took a mouthful of his beer
"He doesn't know I'm here," he admitted
"So how did you find me? She asked. Jack looked over her shoulder and raised his glass to Ianto
"Friends" he said, Martha looked over her shoulder at the guy she'd noticed on the way in, he raised his glass to her and she smiled before resting her head on the table
"I don't believe this" she raised her head "you sent someone out to spy on me" she asked angrily.
"No, I knew my friends at Torchwood would be out tonight, on a rare night off so I asked them to keep an eye out for you, Cardiff is full of the scum of the universe, they come through the rift sometimes and I didn't want them getting their hands on you. I know you're used to it being out there with the Doctor but it's always nice to have someone watch your back," said Jack, mollified Martha nodded and placed her hand over Jack's.
"Thanks" she said
"No problem" he replied with a grin "so what are your plans for tonight, you gonna get wasted then laid?", Martha blushed
"It had crossed my mind," she admitted. Jack's grin widened
"Good job I'm here to save you from yourself then" he murmured in her ear as he twined his fingers with hers, 'He's good' thought Martha as Tish's words about being seduced by a professional came to mind. She leaned towards him with her chin resting on her hand
"So if I'd have left with one of Cardiff's scum of the universe, would Tall, Dark and Handsome over there have dragged me back to your dungeon or where ever it is you work out of and kept me, I dunno, bound and gagged until you came to fetch me back to the Tardis?" she asked with a cheeky grin. Jack took another gulp of his beer while his mind caught up with the images of Martha laying on his bed, with Ianto tying her hands behind her back, waiting for him. He rested his hand on her thigh and leaned towards her
"You should be careful what you wish for Miss Jones, Ianto can be very..." Jack licked his lips "...accommodating" he whispered, Martha smiled and took a swig of her drink
"Promises, promises Captain Harkness, one day you'll have to make good them" she replied.
"Oh I will" he murmured as he gently grazed the tip of her earlobe with his teeth, Martha let out an involuntary gasp and Jack pulled away from her, swallowing down the rest of his beer he grimaced "how can you drink this stuff?". Martha was glad to have something to focus her mind on, other than Jack's hand running up and down her thigh, she desperately tried to remember her textbooks
"Easy, swallowing, known as deglutition, it's the reflex in the human body that makes something pass from the mouth, to the pharynx, into the oesophagus, with the shutting of the epiglottis. If this fails and the object goes through the trachea, then choking or pulmonary aspiration can occur", she smiled, now she was on home turf she felt better "the mechanism for swallowing is co-ordinated by the swallowing centre in the medulla oblongata and pons. The reflex is initiated by touch receptors in the pharynx as a bolus of food is pushed to the back of the mouth by the tongue, swallowing is a complex mechanism using both skeletal muscle for example, the tongue and smooth muscles of the pharynx and oesophagus. The autonomic nervous system coordinates this process in the pharyngeal and oesophageal phases", she recited and poked her tongue out at Jack. "The Doctor's not the only know all in the Tardis"
"Oh God I love it when you get clinical" he said as he grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet "I've got a bottle of HyperVodka back in the Tardis and it's so much better than this"
"What about the Doctor" Martha asked
"Let him get his own HyperVodka" Jack replied with a chuckle. Martha giggled as she let herself be dragged out of the bar
"Yeah" she replied.