Last Words
By CrazyDeafGirl
Disclaimer: I do not own the Animorphs; K. A. Applegate does.
Summary: Everybody knows how Jake blames himself for the many deaths in the last war, but nobody knows Rachel's last words.
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On the first glance, one would think Jake to be an old man. He had heavy worry lines on his face, despite being only eighteen years old. His shoulders were slumped; he had carried the weight of the whole world for many years, and still does. His eyes were hollow and tired.
Yes, Jake was old.
He would often go to her grave and sit there, gazing into nothing. No, that was not true… he was gazing into the past.
He was gazing into the night before, and during, the last battle.
He was gazing into the night and day he condemned his brother, his cousin, and the seventeen thousand Yeerks to their deaths.
Rachel, I have a job for you.
The Animorphs were desperate; they were exhausted. They had moved most of their families to safety but to a hard life. They had recruited new Animorphs, the disabled children; the Yeerks doesn't want people with broken bodies, so they were perfect. They had recruited the Taxxons under the promise of granting them the morphing power to allow them to escape their hunger.
Then Jake's brother Tom – no, not Tom, Tom's Yeerk – had caught them as they were discussing with the Taxxons the alliance. The Yeerk offered a plan, a supposed alliance. The Yeerk would help them onto the Pool Ship, the Yeerk had given them codes for them to use. All it wanted in return was the Blade Ship, the morphing cube and Visser One's death.
Certainly, with the Yeerk's help, they could win the war.
But Tom's Yeerk was lying.
And Jake knew it.
Rachel, I have a job for you.
Jake's gaze left the tombstone; he buried his face into his hands. He had sent Rachel to her death – he was the one who gave the command. He ordered her to kill Tom; he was the one who said the word.
He was the one who had decided they should die.
Their deaths by his command.
It was all his fault.
His fault.
She had warned him; he ignored her, and he ordered their deaths.
All his fault.
You're sure, Jake?
He was.
You're sure, Jake?
He said, "Yes."
Because of that, they died. They died, all by his command.
He was sure at the moment, and they died because of it.
Had he said "No," they would have lived.
But he said, "Yes."
Because if you tell me "Go!" I'll follow your orders.
He knew that.
That was why he had used her.
He should've not had used her; he should have gone himself.
His fault, all his fault. He knew she would follow his orders to death.
And yet he sent her to her death. Because he knew she would obey him.
All his fault – all his fault…
You know what that means.
He knew, but he still said, "Let them die."
He still said, "Go."
He knew they would die, and he knew that it would be by his command.
He only thought of winning the war.
The war…
He had murdered those seventeen thousand Yeerks.
He gave the command: "Flush them."
He told her, "Go."
He was the cause of their deaths.
His fault. His fault.
It won't be the Yeerk, Jake. It'll be Tom.
She had warned and reminded him over, and over.
Still he gave the word.
He murdered Tom. His fault.
All his fault…
You're right to use me for this.
No, he wasn't.
He wasn't right to kill his own cousin, his own brother, those helpless Yeerks.
He had no right.
But because he was the leader, his team followed his commands.
He murdered them.
His fault. He abused his power; they died because of it.
All his fault…
Rachel, I have a job for you.
Jake looked up from his hands. His eyes closed slowly like an old man as he returned to the memories.
Rachel, I have a job for you.
Rachel had given him chances to take back his order.
He didn't take any of them.
He knew he had power. He used it.
And his brother died because of it.
The seventeen thousand Yeerks died because of it.
And…
His cousin died because she followed his orders.
It was the last time he had spoken to her: "Rachel, go."
She had warned him.
No.
The others tell him, "Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault."
They have no idea.
He decided that they should die; and they did.
He gave the word; had he not, they would be still living.
Don't they understand?
It was all his fault.
His fault.
Rachel, I have a job for you.
He was the leader.
Don't they understand? He told Rachel to go to kill Tom.
Had he not, they both would still be alive.
When Aximili told him about the seventeen thousand Yeerks in the pool, he said: "Flush them."
Had he not, they would still be alive. Nothlits, maybe, but alive.
They don't understand.
He was to blame.
Rachel, I have a job for you.
Jake opened his eyes, gazing on Rachel's tombstone.
It was overflowing with flowers; Rachel's mother and sister still came by. Cassie still came by. And, Jake suspects, so does Tobias.
Jake sighed. The night is nearly done; he should get going.
He stood up, and began to leave, but hesitated. Casting one final glance at the lonely grave, he fairly hurried out of there.
He can't bear to stay there anymore; he can't bear to hear Rachel's last words to him. He doesn't want to hear her last words; he doesn't want to change his belief – after all, it's his fault, though the others deny it.
It was his fault. Don't they understand? It was his fault, he was to blame.
Okay, Jake. You're right. And you're right to use me for this. Not exactly something I'm proud of, maybe, but later, you know, if – don't be blaming yourself, okay?
But later, you know, if – don't be blaming yourself, okay?
Don't be blaming yourself…
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