Try-Outs
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or The Phantom of the Opera. Do I look like a guy?
AN: This is what happens as a result of sugar and me and my editor. We take no faults for brain damage. R&R please!
"You all are probably wondering why you are here, right?" Tsunade asked.
"YES GRANNY TSUNADE!" Naruto screamed from the back of the auditorium.
"Why am I here?" Gaara asked his sister, who shushed him.
"This 'mission' is actually a PLAY!!!!!!!!!!" Tsunade said excitedly. "We must somehow entertain the representatives from the other countries and a play was the best choice. We shall be doing 'The Phantom of the Opera.' To help out, we have the Akatsuki and Sasuke. You can't kill them. That's an order. Akatsuki," she turned to the men in black and red clouded robes in the amazingly dark corner, "no fighting, understand?" She turned to Tenten, "No weapons! Sasuke, no sharingan! Hyugas, no Byakugan! Just, EVERYONE! No ninja! Jiraiya, no being perverted! Same goes for you, Kakashi." The two men snap their fingers in unison. "Asuma and Kurenai, if I hear any noises, you know what I'm talking about, you'll have to pay." The two blushed and looked away. "I think that's everything. Let's go to the auditions! Akatsuki, you're going now."
The men groaned as they got on stage. The opening bars of a song started on the piano. The men just stood there and glared at Tsunade, except for Tobi. Tobi started singing very off key to his own words.
"Tobi's a good boy! A good, good, good boy!" Itachi hit him over the head before he could go any further. All the Akatsuki began beating Tobi up.
"This is why you're a Akatsuki wannabe!" Kisame yelled, in perfect time to the music.
Itachi shouts, "We should have never chosen him!" He's right on key.
"Can I make him a puppet?" Sasori sings. All the rest on stage, pause and look at Sasori. "Sorry! My grandmamma put me in the choir!"
"Perfect! You're the ballet girls—I mean, boys!" Tsunade shouts.
"Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi shouts from the ground. Zetsu punches him. Hard.
"Stop beating poor, cute, little Tobi up!" Tsunade shouted over the laughter. She thought of him as a little kid being bullied. "Come over here, little Tobi! I'll fix you up!"
"Tobi's a good boy!" he said as he walked over, cradling his head. Tsunade started babying him, before Itachi yelled.
"He's a grown man! He should be able to care for himself! Tobi, stop being a baby!"
"Tobi's a good boy?"
"It's my turn!" Naruto yelled, jumping on stage.
The Akatsuki made room for him, hissing and spitting at him. Jiraiya jumped on stage to protect Naruto. The Akatsuki returned, minus Tobi, to their little, dark corner. They tossed Sasuke out on stage, who sat Indian style and glared at everyone in the back corner of the stage. Sakura and Ino jumped up screaming, "We love Sasuke!"
"Sit down girls!" Tsunade shouted at them, still tending to Tobi. "Get off stage, Naruto, Jiraiya. Naruto, you're a ballet girl with the Akatsuki. Jiraiya, you're an ensemble boy. Sasuke, sing or die. Your choice."
Itachi was laughing his head off as Sasuke stood up. Everyone, including Itachi, was breathless when Sasuke began singing.
"Floating, falling,
sweet intoxication!
Touch me, trust me
savour each sensation!
Let the dream begin,
let your darker side give in" Sakura and Ino were crying in the background. Tsunade was sitting with her mouth open. Itachi was having a seizure. Akatsuki were ignoring Itachi and staring open mouthed at Sasuke.
"to the power of the music that I write -
the power of the music of the night . . .
You alone can make my song take flight -
help me make the music of the night . ."
Sasuke got off stage and sat in a different emo corner, black clouds of destruction surrounding him.
"Sasuke, you're Raoul. Deal with it," Tsunade said, after catching her breath. Sasuke growled under his breath. He glanced around the auditorium and caught the pale eyes of the Hyuga heiress. She gave him a small smile before looking at Tsunade, who was calling her name. Shyly, she made her way up onto stage.
"Too many years fighting back tears . . .
Why can't the past just die . . .?
Wishing you were somehow here again . . .
knowing we must say goodbye . . .
Try to forgive . . .
teach me to live . . .
give me the strength to try . . .
No more memories, no more silent tears . . .
No more gazing across the wasted years . . .
Help me say
Goodbye"
Everyone stared in utter amazement. Who would have ever thought that such a quiet girl could have such a great voice?
"Hinata, congratulations. You're the lead: Christine Daae," Tsunade said, wiping away tears. Sasuke had looked up from his emo corner. "All right, Temari, get up here."
She sang the same song as Hinata and was placed as Madame Giry. Kankuro was placed as Meg, because he had such a girlish voice and sang the same song as the girls, because he was confused. Gaara had told him to sing that song.
"Gaara, get up here now," Tsunade said, smiling evilly.
Gaara refused to go onstage unless his gourd accompanied him. Tsunade agreed reluctantly. "No massacres."
Gaara's song left everyone stunned. Gaara blushed slightly and sat down.
"Where'd you get such a great voice?" Temari asked, awestruck. She had accompanied Gaara on stage, to make sure he didn't kill anyone, but she hadn't moved.
"What do you think I was doing in my room for all that time? It only takes two minutes to sign the papers," Gaara said.
Temari blushed. "Well, um…yeah…"
"Temari, that would not be possible, seeing as there were no girls in my room."
"That wasn't what I was thinking…" Temari whispered. No one heard her, fortunately.
"Gaara, you're the Phantom," Tsunade said.
"Do I get to kill people?" Gaara asked innocently, with full puppy eyes.
"NO! Well, um, kinda…your character does," Tsunade said uselessly. An evil light entered Gaara's eyes. "Shikamaru, your turn…"
"Troublesome, troublesome," Shikamaru muttered as he walked up the stairs.
As Temari was going down, she stopped him. "Is 'troublesome' the only word you know?"
"Bothersome," Shikamaru said, checking her out.
"Are you checking me out?" Temari placed a hand on her hip.
"Yes, troublesome woman. Do you have a problem with it?"
"Let me ask you one question: are you good in bed?"
"How high do those fishnets go?"
"Would you like to find out?"
"Does that mean I don't get to kill him now?" Gaara interrupted.
"Oh, I come with baggage; I named them: Kankuro and Gaara."
"I can deal with them…"
"SHIKAMARU!!!!!!!! STOP FLIRTING AND START SINGING!!!!!!!!" Tsunade yelled.
"Bothersome, troublesome."
As Shikamaru was waiting for the music, Temari had taken her seat and called out, "I love the way you say 'troublesome!'"
Shikamaru blushed and started to sing. Tsunade gave him the role of Joseph Buquet. He had a very deep and manly voice, which was perfect. Temari was explaining something to Gaara, when Shikamaru sat down next to her. He caught the word 'kill.'
"What are you talking about?" Shikamaru asked.
"Oh! I was just explaining to Gaara how his character kills your character!" Temari said brightly. Shikamaru gulped.
"Neji Hyuga, get up here."
"I won't go up there without Tenten," Neji said.
Tenten stood up and said, "I won't let him go up there without me!"
Tsunade gave them a weird look as they walked up together. Gai and Lee were shouting something about youth.
They sang the boys song together.
"All right, Tenten and Neji you're Andre and Firmin. Tenten, your character, Andre, we're changing the name to 'Andrea' and making you a girl."
"What?! I wanted to be a boy!"
"Sorry. The majority of the people want to see you put on a dress." Everyone in the audience nodded. "Get off stage. Sakura, you're up."
Sakura was cast as Carlotta. The ninja ensemble boys included: Gai, Kakashi, and Tsunade, much to her own disappointment. Everyone remaining were stage hands.
"All right! Play practice begins tomorrow at five a.m.! Be here, on time! That includes you, Kakashi! Or I'll get the ANBU girls to get you. We have two weeks to learn our parts and be ready for the show!" Tsunade instructed. "Good night!"