Jealous
(Hermione's POV) He went in the common room, and when I was about to make a go for it, he kissed her. I felt happy for her, because all of her dreams were finally coming true. But at the moment it did, it shattered mine… along with my heart. HHr
Disclaimer: Sob. I don't own Harry Potter and everything that comes with it… Hey! The Fan Fiction's mine! Song isn't mine, either. It's entitled 'Jealous' by Nina.
Author's Note: Hi, everyone! I'm finally writing a Harry/Hermione songfic! Yay! But, sob, sob, it's a bit Harry/Ginny (-sue) ish, so please bear with it. However, it's still Pumpkin Pie all the way for me! Story is in Hermione's POV.
I was leaning on the wall, wrapping my arms around myself. The crowd in the common room was dispersing, and the mess inside was all disappearing from sight. People were conversing in low voices, talking about what had happened about an hour ago.
I was feeling bad, really bad, about what had gone between us a few days ago. I wish I hadn't said that to make him feel bad, seeing that he already was for what had happened. And yet I persisted, pretending that I was some sort of goddess who was right in everything she said.
In the end, I just embarrassed myself.
So I thought that maybe I'd go and do something about it, like say something comforting, consoling, even a quick sorry would've done. I hoped I could've made him better. Made him feel okay, even happy. But I knew to myself that I couldn't do that.
I wasn't capable.
He went in the common room, and I was about to dash to him, fling my arms around him and whisper 'I'm sorry' for all the careless things I said. I was just concerned, too concerned.
And when I was about to make a go for it, he cupped her face with his hands and kissed her tenderly. I could see, even from where I was at the time, that she was proud and happy, that she was kissing him back. I felt really happy for her, because now, all her dreams were finally coming true.
But at the moment it did, it shattered mine… along with my heart.
Jealous of the girl who caught your eye
One of my darker days
When you looked at her, where was I?
Should've been in her place
After that, the crowds cheered, Ron looked horrified, Dean and Romilda revolting. And yet everyone was smiling, was happy for the both of them. For them.
I saw him glance at the other people in the room, his classmates, his Quidditch teammates, his best friends. I saw out of the corner of my eye Ron's mouth beginning to twitch into a smile despite himself, and when his eyes landed on me I had no other option but to beam as convincingly as I could. I had no choice.
I just had to be happy.
Harry chuckled silently to himself and, taking Ginny's hand in his, they went out of the Common Room to take a romantic walk under the moonlight, by the lake, anywhere they wanted to go without anyone disturbing them.
Ginny fell for him fast, Harry took some four years, but in the end it was still them. It still happened. She was just so beautiful, so intelligent, talented… so perfect. So Ginny. I chuckled humorlessly to myself. So maybe that's why he liked her so.
And me... old, pathetic, boring, snappish me. I've known him longer than she did, knew him better, done much more for him than her… been there when no one else was… Why was I left alone?
Why is it that only stupid illusions and daydreams are mine?
Here I am
All alone imagining
What might have been, what could've been
If I had been there
I slipped out of the common room quietly when I realized that no one else was there, that no one was watching and that I was alone. I walked as slowly as I could towards the outside, not caring if anyone saw me or not.
I could tell them I was just patrolling.
So, I walked through the dark halls, only illuminated by a few torches in the sides, sighing sadly to myself. I must look pathetic this way, looking like a total wreck, walking alone in a woebegone manner in a lonely place. I wondered what it felt like to hold his hand and snuggle close to him in this cold night, feeling his tender kisses on my lips…
And then, like a wave in the sea, an empty feeling swept over me. I've dreamt too much, I've wished too much, allowed myself to make him the world to me. I was foolish enough to think that it might happen.
But, as a tear finally escapes my eye, I consider the fact that I'm nothing to him with Ginny by his side.
Jealous of the one whose arms are around you
If she's keeping you satisfied
Jealous of the one who finally found you
Made your sun and your stars collide
La, la, la, la, la, la
She's a very, very lucky girl
La, la, la, la, la, la
I find myself sitting under a tree by the lake, watching the peaceful water stupidly. What if it were me?
Me… his best friend. Me, the girl who was always helping him out. Me, who always understood and supported him. Me, the girl who was Ginny's friend. Me, who was unworthy of him after all I've done…
I smile weakly as I play with a twig. I've done too much that I've forgotten myself. I never realized that I haven't gotten much, if any more than his friendship, in return. Ginny… I laugh awkwardly… she met him, he met her, she had a schoolgirl crush on him, became a wee bit closer to him a year ago, and then…
He chose her over the person who always loved him this way, and yet he's too blind. Too blind.
I hug my knees as my tears fall to the ground.
Jealous of the girl who won your heart
They say it's a perfect match
She's gonna get to be where you are
And I don't get better than that
She'll say you're fine
Whisper words I wish were mine
What might have been, what could've been
If I had been there
I hear the grass stir from somewhere around me, and I raise my head up. I looked around my surroundings as my heart beat faster. Who was it? I looked closer. Nothing.
And then, out of nowhere, two figures walk from the shadows, hand in hand, laughing and chattering in happy voices. I begin to quiver as I begin realize who it were.
Harry and Ginny.
Cautiously, I shift from my position in front of the lake to the left side of the tree to hide. I had no intentions of being discovered, or being accused on spying on them. I don't want to do it to them. I feel bad enough.
"Harry!" I hear Ginny say playfully, and apparently, she slaps his arm. I smile sadly despite of my tears threatening to fall again.
I hear Harry's steps as he says, "Ow! That hurts!"
Ginny giggles cheerfully and I peek from the tree. I see them sit down in the ground and gaze at the stars. She lays her head on his shoulder and I couldn't understand anything that they're saying. I'm too occupied with my own, hazy thoughts.
Absentmindedly, I stand and I step on a twig which snaps in half. Their chatter stops and I can hear them stand up. I hid behind the tree.
"What's that?" Ginny asks fearfully.
Harry whipped out his wand and said, "I dunno. I'll go check. You go back to the common room."
"No, I'll stay." Ginny says, "I can't leave you alone here."
Her concern was evident in her tone, and I wipe a stray tear slipping slowly down my cheek. "Ginny, I'll be alright, okay?" Apparently she nods so he continues, "Go. I'll take care of it." He gives her a sound peck on her face and I can hear her leave.
Jealous of the one whose arms are around you
If she's keeping you satisfied
Jealous of the one who finally found you
Made your sun and your stars collide
La, la, la, la, la, la
She's a very, very lucky girl
La, la, la, la, la, la
I can hear him walk slowly towards me, and on the last minute, I begin to walk away from him when he shouts, "Expelliarmus!"
My wand flies out of my pocket and he catches it perfectly. I spin around quickly to look at what happened to my wand when Harry looks at me. "Hermione," He says nonchalantly, "What are you doing here?"
I just stare at him, speechless. "Well?" He asks fiercely. "What are you doing out at this time of night?"
"Harry, I…" I say nervously, my hands trembling, "You see, I was – Harry, about the Prince thing, I-"
"I don't even want to talk about it." He snapped at me, and I was taken aback.
I stand there, frozen to the spot. The silence was too awkward. "M-My… My wand." Was all I managed to say. He shoved it into my hands and he placed his wand inside his robes. "Harry, a-about you and… and G-Ginny-"
"Thanks, by the way." He interrupts me, and I shoot him a quizzical look. "I heard that you were the one who urged her to make a go for it."
I blink as my heart does a flip and my stomach sinks. He has no idea how much I really regret doing that now. "Oh, that…" I say absently, "Congratulations. Ginny's… deserving."
He smiles dreamily to me and says, "She's great. It's so great to have her around. You know, new female company, for a change."
As he says those words, I feel as if a ton of bricks had hit me. I felt hurt. It was painful, so painful. He was sick of my company already.
He was so different now.
And you know I'll fight a good fight
If I thought I'd change your mind
But if she makes you happy
Then I'll leave the dream behind
And she better treat you right
And give you everything
'Cuz the moment that she doesn't
I'll be waiting at the wings
"Right." I say, my voice wavering.
He walks a step closer to me and I could see his happy green eyes look at me. "Why are you here? Awake this late?"
I shake my head and smirk. "Nothing."
He nodded, as if he was satisfied with my answer, when he'd used nag to uncover what I really felt. "I'll go now. Ginny's waiting for me." He says stiffly.
Ginny this, Ginny that. "Okay. See you." I say sadly, but he doesn't notice, and he leaves me alone, standing under the moonlight. He doesn't notice that I'm crying already, ever since I bade him goodbye. He's so far away now…
Where was Hermione in his life?
Jealous of the one whose arms are around you
If she's keeping you satisfied
Jealous of the one who finally found you
Made your sun and your stars collide
La, la, la, la, la, la
She's a very, very lucky girl
La, la, la, la, la, la
His world revolved on Ginny. She was everything to him. His one and only Ginny…
But who was Hermione to Harry?
Jealous of the one whose arms are around you
If she's keeping you satisfied
I hug myself and drown myself in my own tears, falling down on the ground. "Ginny's lucky to have you, too lucky. If only it were me…"
What was I to him?
Jealous of the one who finally found you
Made your sun and your stars collide
Harry stopped walking and scratched his head. Hermione was acting odd. What did she say? Never mind on knowing, it's just pointless, he thought. Shaking his head, he began to set off for the common room to see Ginny.
La, la, la, la, la, la
She's a very, very lucky girl
La, la, la, la, la, la
Author's Note: You say, 'No way! Harry and Hermione belong with each other!' Harry says, 'Where's Ginny?' Hermione says, 'Harry's too far away…' Ginny says, 'I'm so lucky!' (Mary-sue) and I say, 'Go HHR! Review, review!' (Hint: The 'go' button will turn into any chocolate of your choice if you do. Hahaha!)