Disclaimer: I don't own the FF7 characters, only this story! Thank you for not suing!

He only held admiration and respect for his older sibling even though they were only three years apart. He wanted to be just like him when he was little, after all ever since he could remember Zack had been the "coolest." He was everything that the blonde wasn't and more…well in the younger's opinion anyways.

Zack had always been the strong one, the handsome one and the loveable one. He exuded a confidence that made everyone around him feel like they were in the presence of someone important. The blonde didn't really understand it, but that's just how it was.

Unlike himself who was the smaller, shy, quiet, weak and cute one. He paled in comparison to his brother, he had ever since they were kids. But he never felt jealous of the other, it wasn't Zack's personality for him to show off his qualities, he was modest and didn't pay much attention to that sort of stuff. He was more interested in looking out for his little brother.

Whether it was scaring off bullies who dared mess with the blonde or soothing his cries when they were kids and the boy fell off his bike. No matter how small the situation was Zack was always there for him.

And somewhere down the line that innocent admiration for Zack that his brother held morphed into something else, something deeper and stronger. Something that scared him to his very core and yet excited him in every way.

The smiles that he received from Zack that used to just make him feel happy and smile in return, now caused him to get a flip flop sensation in his stomach and caused his face to heat up. And just the simplest touch from his older brother made his heart beat increase ten times over.

He knew he shouldn't be having feelings such as this towards Zack, but he did. But he couldn't tell his brother and make him think he was some sort of a freak, and besides Zack wasn't only his brother he was also his best friend…and he couldn't mess that up. So he decided to hide his feelings, trying to act as if they were non existent even if it was difficult to do. But he did, for years he did.

It wasn't until the end of spring when Zack graduated from High School that the blonde began to grow sad. Zack was going off to college…he was going to leave him back at home and surely he would have a girlfriend when he went away. That thought alone made the younger feel sick. Sure Zack dated when he was in High School but Cloud sort of just dealt with it. At least Zack was still there, still with him. But now that he was leaving the blonde was beginning to feel his heart break.

xxx

"I talked mom into buying me a T.V for my dorm, so you can keep this one," Zack explained while pushing open the door to their room and stepping inside.

"Huh?" The blonde asked, looking up from the book he was reading. "Zack I don't mind if you take the T.V."

"Yeah I know you said that but you'll regret it later," Zack replied with a grin while pulling out another box.

Cloud frowned while looking around the room and at all the boxes filled with Zack's things. He hated looking at them, they were just a reminder that his brother was leaving soon.

"Do you need help?" Cloud asked from his spot on his bed while looking down to Zack who had just taken a seat on the floor and was rifling through some of his CD's.

"Yeah sure!" Zack exclaimed while patting the spot on the ground beside him.

The blonde let out a small sigh while moving from off of his bed, sure helping Zack pack his stuff was a little hard to do, but he would do it regardless. After all it was time he was getting to spend with his brother. He took a seat beside the other as he began to pull some CD's out of the CD holder.

"Our's are all mixed up," Zack began while reading some of the cases.

"Don't try to steal any of mine," the blonde replied teasingly while taking a CD out of Zack's hand.

"Oh come on, they can be going away presents!" Zack offered with a hopeful smile.

"I'm not that nice," Cloud continued jokingly before tossing an album into the box.

"I'm hurt," Zack spoke while putting on a playful frown.

The blonde couldn't help but to laugh, though behind that laugh was a bit of sorrow. He was going to miss this more than anything, their playful banter and joking around. There was no one else that he felt comfortable around enough to be able to do so, and even if there were it would still be different.

"So then what are you going to get me?" Zack continued while raising a brow in curiosity.

"I didn't know gifts were expected," Cloud replied while stacking some more discs into the box.

"Of course gifts are expected!" Zack whined while rising from off of the floor and making his way to his closet, "house warming right? Same thing, it's just a dorm."

"Right," the blonde replied with a small sigh, "I guess I didn't think of that." Or I didn't want to, I don't like to acknowledge the fact that you're actually leaving. Even though I know you will, I don't like to think of it or anything about that…

Closing the box once it was full Cloud tried to swallow the lump that he felt forming in his throat and blinked his eyes to get rid of the sting of tears that had begun to arise.

"Which is why I'm reminding you," Zack continued with a smile while turning back around to drop his gaze to his brother who was wiping at his eyes quickly and turning around slightly so that the other couldn't see him. But honestly, Zack knew his little brother well enough to know when he was crying or upset. He hated letting Zack see so he always tried to cover it or pretend there was something in his eye but his brother knew better.

"Hey," Zack began softly while walking back towards the blonde and taking a seat on the floor beside him again. "What's wrong all of sudden?"

"Nothing," Cloud replied quickly with a sniffle while he rubbed at his eyes a little more.

"Cloud," Zack tried again while wrapping his arm around the boys shoulders, "come on talk to me."

"I just," the blonde began while removing his hand from his eyes, "I'm going to miss you when you leave."

That much he could admit to Zack, that was safe. He didn't mean to cry but he couldn't help it, it was all starting to become too much for him.

"Oh no not you too," Zack began with a bit of a chuckle while pulling Cloud closer to him while resting his chin on top of the others head, "mom's been crying every day since I got my acceptance letter. Now you?" He continued trying to make light of the situation.

"Shut up," Cloud replied with a small laugh while leaning against Zack, his cheek resting against his chest. It was something he had done since they were kids, Zack had always been his comfort. When there was storms when they were little he had always been so afraid of them and would crawl into Zack's bed for the night where he would cuddle up with him this way. He felt safe then, and it was something that had just stuck when he needed to feel comforted and safe. It was nothing out of the ordinary.

"Seriously I know it's going to be a little weird," Zack started as his voice grew more serious, "but it'll be fine. I'll only be a couple hours away, and I'll visit on the weekends. We'll see each other all the time, I promise."

The blonde didn't reply, just stayed there next to his brother and let him wrap his arms around him and hold him tighter. He wished, they could stay this way forever. He wished that Zack wasn't leaving and that he could hold him in his arms all night like he did when they were kids and there were those scary thunderstorms. He wished…he wished a lot of things. But more than anything he wished just to have Zack, and that taunted him so much because he knew that could never happen. But it was what he wanted, what he desired. No matter how much he tried to will the feelings away they wouldn't budge, and they only got stronger as each day rolled by.

"I think that's enough packing for tonight anyways," Zack spoke up after a while and unwrapped his arms from around his younger brother, "you alright?"

"Yeah," Cloud replied softly while putting on a small smile for Zack's sake, "sorry about that."

"It's no big deal," Zack replied with one of his smiles that made the blonde's stomach flip. He pecked him a quick kiss on his forehead, something that he always did. Something that was so innocent with no other meaning behind it. But that wasn't enough for Cloud, and he didn't know why but this time he wanted to kiss Zack. To actually kiss him like he had thought about so many times before. Not a chaste kiss on the cheek or forehead, but something real.

Reaching up he placed both of his hands on Zack's broad shoulders before leaning up and pressing his lips against his brothers. He closed his eyes and didn't even have enough time to catch the expression on Zack's face. But for the moment, for that small amount of time he completely lost himself in the kiss. His heart felt like it was going to burst right out of his chest, the feeling of Zack's lips against his was so indescribable and so much better than he had imagined. He wanted it to last forever, but…

"Cloud!" Zack began in shock while pulling away from his little brother and looking back at him with wide eyes.

The blonde felt his heart drop and his cheeks turned crimson within an instant. "Oh god I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," he quickly blurted while picking himself up from off of the ground and taking a few steps back. What the hell did he do? What was he thinking!? No, he wasn't thinking, that was the problem. "I didn't…I just…" he started out shakily trying to find the right words to correct this situation, only to find that there weren't any.

Zack was silent as he stayed seated on the ground, his gaze drifting from his brother to a random object in the room. The silence seemed like it went on forever and the blonde didn't know what he could do or say, he had ruined things. After all this time he had managed to not screw things up, to not act on his feelings or say anything for sake of a situation such as this, and yet…here they were.

"I'm sorry," he said again quietly while quickly making his way to the door. He had just pulled it open and was getting ready to bolt outside when a hand came from behind him and pushed it shut again. His eyes widened as he turned around to be met with equally blue eyes. He wasn't sure what to expect, what was Zack going to do or say? He couldn't handle it if Zack was disgusted with him now, if he hated him.

But all of those thoughts were cast aside as he felt soft, warm lips back over his own. He let out a bit of a shocked whimper as his eyes widened briefly. What had just happened? And why wasn't Zack angry at him? Why was…he kissing him?

He didn't feel like analyzing any of that right now, not when Zack was kissing him back. He wanted this for too long, and he didn't know why or how it was happening…but it was and that was all that he cared about.

The kiss started out sort of soft and hesitant at first, but after a while it became more passionate. Zack was nibbling on the blonde's bottom lip before running his tongue over his lips and slipping it inside the others mouth which caused him to let out a soft moan.

Cloud's back was against the door now as Zack leaned into him, deepening their kiss more. The younger boys arms slid around the others waist before they broke their kiss in desperate need of air.

"Z, Zack," Cloud spoke softly while looking up into blue eyes, his face flushed and his breathing heavy.

"Why didn't you tell me?" his brother asked while leaning his forehead against his.

Pausing briefly the blonde dropped his gaze, staring at the front of Zack's shirt. "How could I tell you something like this? I was scared."

"Cloud," Zack began quietly while letting his eyes fall shut briefly.

Letting out a sigh Cloud pulled his brother tighter to him, reveling in the warmth and the closeness.

"I don't understand though…why…" the blonde started before trailing off and biting his bottom lip nervously. He knew what he wanted to say, what he wanted to ask his brother but he just couldn't seem to finish his sentence.

"Because…I feel the same way. And I didn't say anything for the same reasons as you," Zack explained softly while still keeping his eyes closed.

"What?" Cloud asked in shock while pulling back a little.

"That's one of the reasons why…I thought with me leaving off to college, it would be the best thing. If I was away from you then maybe what I felt for you would…somehow disappear," Zack finished while finally opening his eyes slowly. "Even though I don't really want it to."

"Me neither," the blonde replied quietly. This felt so surreal, and yet he hoped with every fiber in his being that this wasn't one of his dreams, he didn't think he could handle it if it was. He had wanted this for so long, and to know that Zack felt the same way all this time…it was so much to take in.

Zack's eyes met his after a moment and a faint smirk graced his face before he was leaning in and kissing the younger one once more. There was something so wrong about this and at the same time it felt so right. And his desire and want for his sibling was winning out. He, just like his brother had fallen for the other somewhere down the line. But needless to say he never breathed a word of it to him, he was his older brother and he wanted nothing more than to protect Cloud. And he wouldn't be the one to scare him or hurt him, so he kept his feelings to himself. Never in a million years did he expect the blonde to feel the same way. He wondered when it was really that his feelings for him had changed, it seemed like he felt something strong for him forever. Maybe there was just something always there.

"So what now?" Cloud asked once they broke their kiss, his arms automatically wrapping around Zack's neck and pulling him close to him.

"What do you want? This is going to change things a lot…and it won't be easy to go back to how things were before if we go with this. We can act like this never happened or…" Zack explained while wrapping his arms around his little brother's waist.

"No," Cloud broke in while shaking his head before burying his face in the crook of the others neck. "If I act like this never happened, it'll hurt more than before…I can't do that."

Letting out a long sigh Zack gently ran his hand through soft blonde spikes, "good, cause I would feel the same way."

Pulling back slightly the blonde was given a small, light kiss on his lips before Zack had moved to his neck, placing small kisses there before letting his hands roam. He heard Cloud's breathing hitch before increasing slightly as he wound his small hands into raven hair.

"Zack," he breathed softly while letting his eyes fall closed, his cheeks heating up as one of Zack's hand slid up his shirt, caressing the warm soft skin.

"If you want me to stop tell me," Zack explained quietly while pulling the boy away from the door with his other arm as it snaked around his waist pulling him closer.

Cloud simply shook his head, he didn't think he would be able to speak even if he wanted to. His mind was swirling and he felt a little light headed. The feel of Zack's hands on him and the sensation of his lips on his skin was driving him crazy. He had dreamt about this so many times before, and always felt guilty about it the next morning. But now that he knew the feelings he had were mutual, he didn't feel bad about what was happening in the least bit.

Within a few minutes they had made their way to Zack's bed, mainly because it was the closest one. Cloud was on his back and Zack had settled on top of him, going in for another passionate kiss. It was odd because they used to play around all the time, play wrestling and such and Zack would always end up winning by pinning the blonde down like this. Strange how it was that same position only this time things were way different than play wrestling.

Every small gentle touch from Zack was making the boy gasp and moan in pleasure, sounds that he had only ever made in his dreams when he thought of this. His shirt was removed shortly after and Zack trailed kisses from his neck down his chest and torso before making his way back up and gently biting on a nipple. That alone made the blonde let out a sound between a yelp and a moan.

"Zack," he spoke lustfully, looking down at the other with half lidded eyes, "what if," he began before letting out another soft gasp as Zack rolled his tongue over the area again.

"What if what?" Zack asked curiously while peering up at his brother questioningly. He couldn't lie that he loved the sight of the younger one blushing like he was and breathing heavily, there was something just so arousing about it. "Mom and dad?" He asked while receiving a brief nod, "they'll be gone all night. Remember they had that dinner to go to for dad's work."

That was a good thing, their mother had the habit of just barging into their room without knocking for anything. He could only imagine the awkward situation that would arise if she were to come in and see her two sons making out on the bed.

Cloud's eyes had fallen shut again as Zack continued to kiss him anywhere that his lips happened to land. Though when Cloud ran his hands down the others chest he wasn't impressed by the cloth that got in his way. Pulling at the end of the others shirt Zack got the hint and removed his shirt casting it aside without a second thought. The blonde's eyes instantly fell onto his older brothers well chiseled abdomen, something that he didn't have at all. Zack was well defined, he was the scrawny one.

"You okay?" Zack asked once he noticed his brother seeming to space out for a moment.

Cloud tore his gaze away from the others chest and looked into blue eyes that mirrored his own. He gave a brief nod while running his hands up Zack's chest as the other leaned down closer so that their faces were just inches apart.

"Is this too fast?" Zack questioned, keeping his eyes locked with the blondes.

"No," Cloud replied quickly with a shake of his head, "I've wanted this for a long time so…I want to."

It made perfect sense to both of them actually, they had held these feelings for too long. So with all of that pent up it didn't seem like they were rushing at all. They got lost in another kiss soon after as their hands wandered over each others bodies, experiencing touching one another in this new way, in an intimacy that they thought they would never share but always wanted to.

Cloud was certain now that he never wanted anybody else to ever touch him this way. He never wanted to kiss anyone else or love anyone else the way he loved Zack. He was his everything and that's the way he wanted it. Nobody else could tell him differently and Zack felt the same way. Sure yeah Zack had dated a few girls throughout High School but it was pretty much a façade, hoping that by seeing them that maybe he would forget his feelings for his little brother. But this feeling was strong, and there was no way to get around that.

They continued on with their foreplay, not really in a rush to get further, they were enjoying this whole new feeling and experience. All of their clothes had been discarded and they were now pressed firmly against each other, sinking into the soft mattress. They shared a knowing look, both seeming to ask each other if it was okay to move on, to go all the way.

Zack quickly scanned the room knowing that he would need something to use on the blonde, he didn't want to hurt him more than was inevitable. Spotting the bottle of lotion on the dresser near his bed he reached over and grabbed it before squeezing a little out onto his fingers. Cloud was eagerly watching, all the while biting his bottom lip in both nervousness and anticipation. But the look he gave Zack was enough to let him know that it was okay, that he trusted him. It was a look that Zack was used to, the look of trust in those deep blue eyes.

Leaning down Zack sealed the blonde's lips in a deep kiss before sliding a finger into his entrance. Cloud tensed and let out a whimper while one hand fisted into the covers, but with a few more gentle kisses to his lips he began to relax and calm down a little. The initial intrusion was nothing though compared to when Zack had three fingers inside him, moving in and out and scissoring inside him. It wasn't until those fingers brushed over a certain spot inside him that he forgot the pain. He was moaning and bucking against his lovers hand, trying to get more of that feeling before the fingers retreated all too soon in his opinion.

"Zack," he whimpered while looking up at the other through sweaty strands of hair that had fallen into his eyes.

He received an almost seductive grin from his sibling before lips had closed over his own again as Zack placed his hands on the sides of his hips as he entered him slowly, drawing out a strangled moan from the blonde.

"It's alright," Zack spoke soothingly once he was all the way inside, holding his younger brother close to him and trying to calm him down.

Cloud clung on tightly to the other as he tried to calm his breathing and not focus on the pain. But within a few moments the pain started to dull and he rocked up a bit in experimentation causing the older to let out a small gasp. He did it once more before Zack shifted a little, pulling out before pushing back in.

A small moan escaped from the blonde's lips at that small movement. They started out not to forceful as Zack didn't want to hurt Cloud. But once the blonde started rocking back in time with him Zack increased his force and his speed, causing the once small moans to become louder and more frequent. They fell into a rhythm quickly as quick pants and breathing filled the air. The younger boys legs were wrapped around his older siblings waist as he pressed him harder into the mattress.

"Zack!" Cloud moaned while squeezing his eyes shut while tossing his head back and arching up against his lover as he reached his climax.

And hearing the blonde scream his name like that was all it took to push Zack to the end as he reached his climax as well, collapsing onto the other beneath him and feeling totally spent.

They both stayed unmoving for a few moments as they tried to calm their racing hearts and their breathing. Zack shifted as he pulled out of the other causing the younger to let out a small whimper as he rested beside him. Innocent blue eyes met Zack's as he drew him towards him wrapping his arms around him comfortably.

He heard a sniffle as Cloud squirmed in his arms bringing his hand up to his face and wiping at his eyes.

"Cloud?" He asked worriedly while glancing down to the boy in his arms who was now crying again. Why was he crying? Zack felt his heart sink immediately as he instantly thought that Cloud regretted what had just happened? Was he confused? Did he just do something that he wasn't sure about?

"This is…this won't happen again will it?" Cloud asked while looking up at Zack with a tear streaked face, "you're still leaving and this doesn't change that. I'm still losing you."

"Cloud," Zack began with a small smile once he realized what it was that was upsetting his little brother. "You could never lose me. And there's no way I could leave you now."

"What? What do you mean?" Cloud asked curiously while still keeping his gaze locked with Zack's.

"I only have classes a couple days a week. A dorm isn't exactly necessary, I don't think I would mind the commute," Zack explained as his smile widened.

Cloud stared wide eyed for a moment as he realized what Zack had just said to him. He…wasn't going to leave? He wasn't going to move out! He was going to stay here with him!

A smile spread across his face a moment later as he buried his face into the others chest while wrapping his arms around him. He let out a content sigh as he closed his eyes, feeling sleep creep up on him quickly.

"I love you Zack," he mumbled quietly as he felt Zack's arms tighten around him.

"I love you too Cloud…"

xxx

"Cloud? Cloud,"

"Mm," the blonde mumbled sleepily while letting blue eyes flutter open once he felt a hand shaking him.

"Wake up, it's time for dinner," Zack explained while giving his brother a smile, "you fell asleep while you were reading," he finished while pointing to the book that was lying on the bed beside the blonde.

Cloud's mouth suddenly felt dry as his eyes widened briefly. Clutching onto his pillow his eyes darted around the room to see more boxes had been filled. "I'll eat later," he replied weakly.

"You alright?" Zack asked curiously while giving his brother a concerned look.

"Yeah, just really tired," Cloud replied instantly with a small reassuring smile that he hoped would fool his older brother.

"Okay, I'll save you a plate," Zack began with a wink before turning and walking out of the bedroom, shutting the door softly behind him.

Cloud felt his eyes well up with tears quickly after as he buried his face into his pillow. It was only a dream…another terrible torturous dream, Zack was still leaving him and…he was still terribly in love with him. But his brother would never know…never.