Hi there. Maybe this is your first time reading my stories. If so, I'm glad you're willing to try. It means a lot to me. Maybe you've read my other stuff. If so, welcome back, everyone. Maybe you've even read the original version of this, Behind My Eyes. I hope this version is much better. I'm trying to steer clear of the angsty, whiny Touya and try to keep him timid, yet not complaining every three paragraphs. If you haven't read the first one, disregard everything I said in the past three sentences, okay? In fact, if you want to preserve your sanity, disregard everything I say, okay? If you aren't afraid of getting mildly crazy (or if you're already there) then by all means keep reading. As for the title, it is courtesy of SwisArmyRomance. I knew that it would be the title the second I saw it. It strikes me as simple, yet sort of profound, if you think about it.
Now it's time for thank-yous, where I say nice things about people you've probably never heard of. Thanks to Ptolemy99, who is unafraid to tell me that parts of, or most of, my story/stories suck and need to be redone, as well as talking to me when I'm bored as hell. Thanks to ForgottenKaze, who convinces me to get off my lazy ass and write this, as well as being a wonderful reviewer. Thanks to SwisArmyRomance, who not only came up with the title but causes me to smile on a regular basis, even after reading a really depressing story. Thanks to Jins Lil Whirlwind for writing the stories that made me stop, look back, and realize what good characters Touya, Jin, Shishi, and the rest of the Youkai Six are. Thanks to SirenofSaturn for writing humor stories about the Youkai Six. Thanks to Shezka Foxe for giving me some great ideas and encouraging me in general. Thanks to black-lightning82 for being my first reviewer ever and helping me with my writing. Thanks to Sora Sotara for also discussing Yu Yu Hakusho with me, and diligently reviewing every chapter. Thanks to everyone else who helped me with this in any way at all. And lastly, thanks to you for reading this.
Well, I ramble, so continue on to the actual story!
It was sweltering outside, with the sun blazing directly overhead. The small wooden and stone houses that were scattered in a disorganized way around the town had waves of heat coming off the roofs. Because of this, the usual crowd of merchants and buyers in the town square (which was square only in name) had thinned out to almost nothing. Still, several others my age and even younger children played despite the heat, staging mock battles or finding some way to get underfoot. I, too, was outside, although I was on an errand.
I winced slightly at the thought of the sunburn I was sure to have come tomorrow. Due to my low toleration for heat, I was wearing a tank top, but I knew that I would get a nasty burn on my shoulders. My skin always had been too sensitive, so I usually kept indoors. It wasn't like I wanted to get whacked upside the head with a stick anyway. Maybe if I did spend more time outside then I would not burn so easily. Shrugging, I figured that I would probably only sit outside and read anyway.
I was too busy thinking about the weather to notice that a gang of the other kids was making their way towards me until one of them spoke up.
"Hey, girly, where are you going? Do you need someone to do your hair again?" the leader jeered.
I shook my head, trying to get my mint green bangs out of my eyes so that I could see a bit better. Actually, they only covered one eye, my left one; stubbornly, they refused to rest anywhere except there. Unlike everyone else's, mine stuck out diagonally in four distinct strips, rather like sage colored icicles. The rest of my hair was powder blue, and it brushed my shoulders in a style that was quite unusual for a boy my age. This did not bother me much. Personally, I liked having my hair that long, even if it did earn me quite a few insults. It was not like insults were anything new to me.
I had always been picked on. There were so many reasons: my long hair, my slanted eyes, my lack of sharp teeth or claws, my tendency to stay inside, my small body… The truth of it was, I just didn't fit in. Most demons were physically intimidating, with wings, claws, a tail, anything, really. Or if they weren't, then they had skill with a sword, or mastery over their aura. Unfortunately, I had neither. As far as size went, I topped off at five foot two and sixty pounds, and I had none of the other traits. For aura, I had no control over it. Although I could feel this energy contained inside of me, I couldn't use it. It was just…there…but it was useless to me!
"Come on, princess. Why won't you hang around with us? You too good for us common folk?"
I wanted nothing more than to hit him, but I knew that I was no match for the other. He was over a head taller than me and had muscles practically bursting out of his shirt. There was no way in the three worlds that I was a fighter. My build left much to be desired; I was small, thin, and had poor resilience to pain. Even though books spoke of the small ones being wiry fighters that were even stronger than the beefy ones, it was a lie. Although I had a clear intellectual advantage, I would surely lose. Most of my time had been spent indoors, reading, so I did not have the strength of the other, and my endurance was laughable. All that I would accomplish from hitting him was getting myself beaten up. Still, the thought was quite tempting.
I tried to ignore him, continuing on to the blacksmith's. My caretaker, Tal, needed to have a new set of nails made for our door. The old ones had rusted too much to be of use.
"Hey, I'm talking to you," the demon snarled, his reptilian tail swishing from side to side in anger. I gulped, turning to face him.
"Yes?" I asked, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. I was a naturally timid person, and I knew it. The only times I ever really got angry…well, actually, I couldn't remember. Sometimes I got frustrated, but never truly angry.
A malicious smirk spread across his face, and I stepped backwards, only to find that another of his group was right behind me. Glancing around, I could see that I was completely surrounded. Fear kicked in, and I looked for the largest gap in the circle. I found it a little to the left of one of the demons farthest from me. Bolting, I wormed my small body through the gap and made a break for it.
The others growled, dashing after me. I was no good at thinking clearly in a problematic situation, and I found myself panicking. Unable to remember whether left led to the town square or right, I blindly picked left. To my distress, I had chosen incorrectly; I was stuck in a dead end. There was nothing to help me out of this one.
I fearfully turned to face them, backing up until I was pressed up against a wall. Swallowing, I shut my eyes, tense and prepared for the blows that I knew would come.
His fist slammed into my side, and I doubled over. He pulled me forward, and I stumbled, falling to my knees. One of his group members came up behind me, pulling my arms behind my back and forcing me to my feet. I was now completely helpless.
My eyes were wide, fearful. The leader punched me in the gut a few times, before dealing a kick to my knee. Legs giving out under me, the only thing keeping me upright was the kid behind me. Chuckling, he dropped me to the ground and the gang left, looking for something else to do.
I hit the ground face first, all the air knocked out of me, and painfully turned my head to the side. My nose was bleeding, but I didn't really think much of it. Tal was probably expecting me back by now, and instead I was lying on my stomach in an alley. Not a particularly favorable situation.
I lay there for a second, trying to regain my breath. My side hurt abominably, but there was nothing I could do about it. Pulling myself to my feet, I felt dizzy and had a hard time standing. My left leg ached from that kick. Limping, I made my way down the street to the blacksmith's.
It took far longer than I would have liked, but I eventually made it inside the shop. Despite the heat outside, a roaring fire was in the corner, and I found myself sweating.
"Can I please have the nails Cotalyn ordered?" I asked, using my guardian's full name. Back when I was much younger, I had nicknamed him Tal because I couldn't pronounce his full name. The name had stuck.
"Sure thing," the gargoyle demon grunted, handing me a little bag full of iron nails.
"Thank you," I murmured, staring at my feet. It was a habit I had developed but couldn't shake. I was naturally shy.
Ten minutes later found me right outside Tal's house, and I tentatively pushed the door open. As always, I was nervous that Tal would be mad at me for being late, even if I couldn't help it.
"Not again," he sighed, looking at me. A small trickle of warm blood snaked down my face from a nosebleed and I had a clearly evident limp. He knew that I had taken far longer than necessary, and from the way I hung my head he could tell that I was afraid. Wordlessly, I handed him the bag and hobbled into my room, eyes fixed on the floor.
The second I shut my door I took a few steps then collapsed half on my bed. Burying my face in my arms, I softly cried, kneeling on the wooden floor because I simply didn't have the strength left to pull myself all the way onto the bed. My left knee still hurt.
"Why me?" I quietly asked myself. "Just because I'm a little different, everyone picks on me. I don't get it. I just don't get it."
I sniffled, wiping the blood and tears off of my face. It was practically routine for me. Tal tells me to get something. A group of kids corners me. I get beaten up. I limp to wherever I'm supposed to go. I pick up what Tal told me to. I walk home, nervous that Tal will be mad. I hand him whatever the thing is. I shuffle to my room. I throw myself down, crying. That was pretty much how things went for me, which explains why I prefer to stay safe and happy indoors.
"Are you okay?" Tal asked, opening my door.
"I suppose…" I replied, lifting my head from my arms.
"Are you sure you don't want me cracking a few skulls for you?"
"No, please don't. Sure, you'll knock a couple of them out, and they'll say they'll never do it again. The next time they see me, they're only going to hurt me even more. Remember last time?" I murmured.
The bat youkai sighed. He did indeed remember the last time he fought the kids for picking on me. Barely a day after that, they had broken my leg and I couldn't get back home. Tal had been worried sick and I had passed out. When I had woken up, I was in the healer's house, and the stinging sensation coming from the break was almost impossible to bear. Unable to help it, I thrashed like crazy, barely able to think coherently through the pain. Luckily enough, I expended so much energy that I knocked myself out again, and they could finish treating the wound.
"Yes…but I can't just stand by and let them hurt you. I know I can't keep you penned up indoors for your whole life. I just wish that someone could teach you how to fight, how to use that aura of yours," he confessed.
I hung my head. Wasn't that what I myself had wished? If I could use the energy that I could feel coursing in my veins, then I could defend myself.
"It's okay, little one," Tal soothed, wrapping a leathery brown wing around me. I snuggled closer to him, mindful of my bruises. "Why don't you take a nap?"
I nodded weakly, and he picked my light form off the ground and set me in bed. There was no need for him to pull up the covers; what with the temperature, I was already soaked with sweat, my white tank top clinging to my thin body.
I lay there, panting, for a minute or two. With heat like this, I felt sorely out of place. Granted, I had lived my entire life here, but thirty-one years (about ten or eleven in human years) cannot override tens of thousands of years that have shaped my genetics. Quite frankly, I was not meant to live here. A robin that lived its life by the sea does not become a seabird, and a…whatever kind I was… apparition that lived near Gandara does not become otherwise. This may have been the only home I've ever known, but I had this…feeling.
It was a dull sort of ache in my chest, one that felt different from my bruises. This feeling made me dream of snow-covered fields and lofty peaks, of fierce blizzards and frozen tundra. At times, it was so strong that I cried, having to muffle my sobs lest Tal hear and come see what was wrong. I wished I knew why I felt like seeing those places. Sure, snow was beautiful and it did have a calming effect on me, but why would that make me want to leave my home behind to see places like that? Truly, I didn't know.
Despite the heat, or perhaps because of it, I felt drowsy, tired. Yawning, I shut my eyes and fell asleep.
It was dark out when I woke up. That didn't bother me much; I was as comfortable at night as I was during the day. Actually, night was more soothing. Night made it cooler outside, for one. There was no one there to pick on me and it was quiet except for the whistling of flute birds, which sounded like the instrument they were named for, the crickets, and other species of nighttime animals. I liked night.
My eyes automatically shifted, allowing me to see in infravision, an odd trait that I had. It wasn't like the infrared goggles that Yomi was said to have; instead of seeing in shades of red and orange and purple, I saw in normal colors, except a faint reddish glow hung around warmer things. Things with more heat were more vibrant, easier to see, while cold things were dull, sometimes not even perceptible. I had taken the lesson in the form of running headfirst into an ice-covered boulder and almost giving myself a concussion. After that, I made sure to note even the slightest shadow while using infravision.
I stepped into the front room, silently opening the door. There was no way I could fall back asleep. After napping for almost six hours, I was wide-awake. It was too dark to read, and the pages of books, even if warmed by my body heat, were incredibly hard to see by infravision; even if I could see in normal colors, it didn't make seeing letters any easier. My infravision was always much blurrier than my usual sight. Since I didn't have any candles to read by, that was out of the question. Therefore, I decided to take a walk.
Turning halfway around to shut the door, I saw that part of my skin was showing up as red through my shirt. Sunburn again…
Stretching, I limped down the street, heading for the edge of the forest. I always had loved climbing trees. There was something about sitting high above the ground, wind blowing around me that appealed to me.
Ahead of me, I could see someone on top of a building. I stopped, and then decided to take a few more steps to see who it was.
As I got closer, I realized that it was one of the other teenagers living here. Gulping, I stepped back a little, only to trip over something and fall over. Yelping in surprise, I hit the dirt. I was mostly on my back, yet partly on my side in a way that wasn't too uncomfortable. My right forearm was on the ground, keeping me propped up.
They whirled around, and I knew that they had seen me. I was in plain sight, even without infravision. The person carefully lowered himself – or was it herself? - to the ground, before walking in my direction. He was far too close for me to have time to run. Because of this, I did the only other thing I could think of: throw my left arm above me to ward off any blows and look away, eyes shut. Hearing his footsteps coming closer, I started to shake a little.
"What in the Makai are you doing?"
I tentatively opened a single eye, looking up at whoever this was.
To my surprise, he wasn't anyone that I knew. In fact, I had never even seen this guy. He had long, indigo hair that was past his shoulders. It all clung to his head as though it had been slicked into place, except for his bangs. Two strands of blue completely defied gravity, standing straight up. His eyes were large, a bit too big for his head, in my opinion, and were soft lavender. The teenager had a rather beaklike nose, and despite his graceful stride he hopped slightly while walking, kind of like he was trying to skip, walk, and keep himself from doing the former all at once. Adding it all together, he looked rather like a young hawk.
"Well, are you going to say something?" he prodded.
"Um…hi?" I timidly tried.
"Heh…that's amusing. So, what exactly are you doing out here? A kid like you should be asleep," he scolded.
I arched in eyebrow, staring at him skeptically. Kid? I was about his age, I'd guess, so he had no right to call me that. Then again, that didn't stop others from making fun of me, but I didn't think he'd start mocking me this soon.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked.
"I'm thirty-one. Please don't call me a 'kid'," I said, pulling myself to my feet.
"Sorry?"
His questioning tone was less than what I wanted from him, but more than I expected. After all, people rarely bothered to apologize to me.
"If you must know, I had fallen asleep earlier and am now wide awake. What about you?" I questioned.
"I just came back from being apprenticed to a swordsman for, what, fifteen years? So what if I want to see my old town at night again?"
"Fair enough. I don't remember you, though… I've lived here my whole life, and I'm sure I'd remember someone like you."
"Let me see if this rings a bell," he said, bringing his palm to his lips. He then ran his hand over his bangs, the saliva holding them down. The hawk-like youkai reached into his pocket, pulling out a band of cloth, which he used to tie his hair in a ponytail. His eyebrows rose considerably, leaving him with an expression of curiosity. Reaching to the dirt, since I had shuffled off the road in my fear, he scooped up a bit of dirt and smeared it under his eyes. All in all, he looked like a completely different person…one that I had seen many times in my earlier childhood.
"I remember you…not very much, but I do. You were the one who was always good at playing Skipstone," I murmured. That was before bullies targeted me, back when I had been just another person.
"Nice to hear that, Blue," he commented, grinning.
"Blue?"
"Well, your eyes are blue and so is your hair, so since I didn't know your name it seemed to fit," he explained.
"I'm Touya," I replied, gaze dropping to my feet.
"Shishiwakamaru, Shishi for short."
"Whoa…long name, huh?"
"Yeah, well…what'cha going to do?"
I shrugged, lapsing into silence. After all, I didn't know what else I could say to him; I wasn't the type to blab on and on about myself, especially since I didn't really know much about myself. I didn't even know what species of youkai I was, for Enma's sake!
"So…are you still the odd one out?" he asked.
"Huh?"
I was aware that that wasn't a particularly intelligent reply, but his question had caught me off guard. How was I supposed to answer something like that?
"You usually got excluded from games and such. Does that still happen?"
"Yeah…I never really noticed back then. They still let me play, so did it matter if I was picked last? No, not really. It's much worse now," I admitted.
"So, what do they do? Call you names? You know what they say: they can cut your skin as long as you break their bones."
"Among other things," I replied, sadly nodding.
"You can shrug that off, right?"
"Not exactly," I sighed, lifting up my shirt partway so that he could see the bruises on my stomach.
He winced.
"That looks like it hurt. So why don't you stand up for yourself?" he pushed.
"You think that I can? Sure, maybe you have your swordsmanship skills and all that fighting ability, but look at me. I have nothing, as far as fighting goes. I can think and read and draw and write, but I can't hope to fight someone. It's just not me."
"What about aura? You've got to have some kind of abilities. I can shapeshift, to a minor degree."
"I can't do anything."
"Absolute bull. There is no such thing as a demon that can't use his aura."
"It's true!" I protested. "Do you think I'd lie to make myself seem less competent?"
He shrugged, dropping the subject.
"Whatever you say, Blue. I'm sure you'll learn how to in due time."
I supposed I was stuck with the nickname 'Blue' from now on, since he didn't seem to want to drop it. It could have been worse.
"Yeah…I guess so."
"Well, I have a good feeling about this. I was always taught to recognize a good omen when I see one and to follow my instincts, and I'm feeling that we were destined to meet here. I think we'll be great friends!" he exclaimed.
I blinked in confusion. Friends? With me?
"You've got the wrong person, Shishi. I'm the odd one out, as you said. Why me?"
"'Cause you're interesting. Who wants to hang out with a bunch of thickheaded jerks? Take it as a compliment, if you want," he reasoned.
I suppose it was okay, but I didn't really trust him. I wasn't a total idiot. Why would I put my complete conviction in him if he hadn't done anything to deserve it?
"If you don't mind, I think I'll be going home now," I said.
"Goodbye then, Blue. See you later."
"Bye, Shishi."
A bit confused after the whole conversation, I limped home and promptly fell back asleep. Who says you can't sleep when you're not tired?
Yes, that was chapter one. If you would, please click that little purple rectangle in the lower left-hand corner of the screen and submit a review. Reviews make me very happy. Very. I wouldn't be mean enough to demand X reviews before I write and post chapter two, but they will make me write faster. Well, thanks for reading!