Fall was treefall-time, when the golden autumn leaves fell like crinkling rain across the parks, and eaves, and soaring towers of Central Konoha. Every year, Ino had managed to miss it. This year, she approached the season with a fierce, burning desire to see every single dainty leaf touch the spotless streets of Konoha, uninterrupted and undisturbed. The sunset behind the dying trees was a bonus.

Tenten joined her on a curbed park bench, carrying two cups of coffee—one was large enough to dwarf her hands. "I need to shake a nasty hangover." She explained. "You wanted to talk?"

"I'm moving in with him." Ino muttered, almost to herself. "I'm moving in with him! Gods, how stupid can I get?"

"What are you so afraid of?" Tenten asked. "He's already seen more of you than most men ever will…aie!" she yelped, dodging a low-flying pigeon. "I swear, those things get more and more brazen every year."

"What if he's not the one?"

"That sounds weird, coming from someone who's been bragging about his bedplay, cooking, combat, and bathing techniques for months. Do I have to repeat myself? What are you so afraid of?"

"I…" Ino clutched her head, weaving flaxen strands of hair through her fingers, "I don't know what I'm afraid of. He's great! Yes, he's the best! Sometimes! But then, seconds later, he's so irritating it leaves me speechless—just how he—he's so suave, and slick, and…and…erotic! Fine! He's sexy enough to blow my mind to bits! Are you happy? I've never met anyone like him, and I probably never will."

"And you're moving in with him." Murmured her friend, rolling her eyes wryly. "And out of nowhere, it terrifies the hell out of you."

"Yes! That's exactly it. Why?"

"You tell me!" Tenten laughed, throwing a few crumbs of something-or-other to the birds. "Yamanaka Ino, who's ridden out more bad relationships than I can count, is suddenly scared of one puny man."

"With amazing eyes."

"Fine, with amazing eyes. My point is, this isn't new to you! There's absolutely nothing to be afraid of. This is just a…a trial period, right? If he doesn't like it, he'll tell you, and you'll work something out."

"What if—" Ino swallowed a mouthful of hot, bitter coffee. "Gaak. What if I don't like it? What if it just…loses its charm? What if this…" she clutched her chest. "This amazing feeling just…vanishes, once we make it serious?"

"Then you find someone else." Tenten patted her on the shoulder. "That's life."

"Life is stupid." Ino growled.

"No arguments here." A leaf detached from a faraway tree, and spun lazily downwards to rest in a bed of crimson and gold. Tenten watched it fall, sipping liberally at her coffee. "But y'know, I've got a really good feeling about you two. Everything just seems to…click."

"Like, in a good way?" Ino asked anxiously. "As in, we fit each other? Or click as in the two of us seem to clash, because I can see how you might—"

"You're nervous!" behind her coffee cup, Tenten's eyes were wide. "You really are! I thought it was just a case of the jitters, but—gods! Is he really that good in bed?"

"Not just in bed." Ino sighed. "Everywhere. I have no idea where he learned some of this stuff—just the way he kisses me…" she stared miserably into her coffee cup. "That man slides past my 'experience' as if it weren't there. Each time—and I know this is impossible, but each time we feel…closer. Laid bare, and gods help me, it almost scares me how good he can get. Everything I know about sex just…melts away! Poof!"

"So he is good in bed."

"Stop it, you incorrigible tart." Her cup emptied, Ino tossed it into a trash can. "I'm just saying that every time feels…well, like the first time."

"Sweaty, gawky, and painful?"

"No! More like…new. It feels like we're exploring how far we can go…together."

"Hmmm." Tenten rested her head upon her palm. "If I had to diagnose the problem here, I'd say...you need to quit worrying, and get on with life while you can. When life throws you lemonade, don't make lemons out of it. Drink what you can, while you can."

"Wise words from the hardest-drinking girl in Konoha."

"Yeah." Tenten's eyes crinkled, and her lips pursed. "Maybe I should cut back, eh? I feel a bit sorry for Neji—you know, he carries me home every time I pass out? Makes soup, and tidies up, then leaves, without even a note. He thinks I don't know it's him." She chuckled. "All that Chivalry business. One thing that sets him apart from the riffraff. That, and the sex."

"Have you two…er…made any plans? Beyond just sleeping together?"

"What? What!? No! No…" Tenten glared determinedly at her nearly-empty cup of coffee. "I don't want to complicate things. I think…I mean…" she gave a gusty sigh. "I like what we have," she said in a small voice. "And I don't want to change it."

"There."

"There what?"

Ino flourished a hand. "You've summed up my feelings in a nutshell."

"Well, that's what friends are for."

"Isn't it just." Ino brushed off her pants, and stood. "I heard from Naruto that the Hyuuga are a very aggressive clan in terms of matchmaking. They've probably been pressuring him to marry you—to marry anyone--for a while."

"I know." Tenten moped. "And he hasn't said a word, which means…"

"He knows. And he won't do a thing until you're ready to accept it."

"I know." She grimaced, crumpling her coffee-cup. "Can't a girl be selfish every now and then?"

"You bet we can." Ino said cheerily. "And look! The last leaf of the year."

"Not the last." Tenten corrected. "There are still leafy trees on the outskirts of town."

"Oh shush." Ino hissed. "Come on little guy!"

At the tip of a bare tree, a fleck of sunlit golden-brown seemed to waver in response. Without warning it flew into the air, destined to soar high above the treetops before finding a new home, somewhere out in the big wide world.

"Good for you." She whispered. "Go out and fly."

"You don't need to say that." Tenten murmured. "It knows how to fly on its own. That's how life works. Just let the wind carry you…everywhere."

"Good advice. Maybe you ought to follow it."

"You know, maybe I should." Tenten smiled weakly, then started, as something lit up by her chest. "Oh!"

"What?" Ino asked, alarmed.

"The heartstone he gave me for my last birthday—it's glowing. It only does that if he's back from a long absence…" her eyes widened. "So he's back. The light's faint--distant, I guess-- but he's coming back!"

"Okay. And?"

"We could go out for drinks, maybe." Tenten started, but stopped, her words ringing hollow, even to her own ears. "We'll toast to another half-decade of being friends with benefits. No, wait. That sounds…wrong somehow."

"Just say what you want to say, then."

"You haven't the right to say that." Lashed Tenten, her eyes set in angry slits. "You have Naruto. I have no idea how you managed to stumble across him, but, bless his soul, he's perfect. Not all of us are so lucky, Ino. Neji is a man. Just a man; a bit on the naïve side, and a bit too well-intentioned for his own good. I can't take things too far with him, because either he'll leave me…" she blinked rapidly. "Or I'll leave him. That's just how I am. How we are. There's nothing we touch that we can't screw up in some way or another."

"How do you know?" Ino cut in. "You haven't tried. Don't think. When you're there, on the edge, sometimes it's better just to close your eyes and jump."

"And what if it's a deep canyon, full of howling gusts, and sharp rocks, and you don't know the way?"

"Let the wind take you. That is what you said, right?"

"Yes…" A change swept across Tenten's sparrow-like figure, a bemused smile played around her mouth. "Yes!" her fingers closed into resolute fists. "That is what I said. And it's what I'm going to do."

And without a backwards glance, she set off for the village gates, falling easily into the lanky, loping stride unique to all ninja. She was almost smooth enough to hide a moment-long lapse of exhilarated fear that marred her normally cheery face.

Ino saw it, of course. Friends could see things like that.

"Oh darn." She said to herself, shifting a shock of hair from her eyes. "Here I am, looking for advice, and doling it out instead."

At her hip, a small phone blared a catchy, easily-forgotten tune from a popular television show.

"Yes?" she answered.

"Kero here, marm." a thickly accented voice responded. If she recalled correctly, he was one of the moving men. She could have asked Naruto to do it, of course, but even she had limits. Using lovers as manual labor was a no-no. Unless, of course, the labor happened to be hot, sweaty, and involved foreplay. "We've finished moving your things. Your, uh…"

"Boy-toy." Ino blurted. "Er—Boyfriend." She amended.

"Yeah, him. He's moved them around to fit pretty well. Uh…job's done, like you asked, I guess."

"Good man." She could only shudder to imagine Naruto's idea of "pretty well". "Anything else?"

"He said uh…to tell you…uh…"

"Out with it!" Ino prodded him.

"Uh…He said to put on a jacket, and come out to the highest hill on top of the mural of the third hokage. He wants to…uh…'cast your face in moonlight'. Whatever that means. He also said to bring a telescope."

"Those were his exact words?"

"He—uh…he used a lot of big words, marm. Not sure I could say them all without mixing up a few."

"Well, thank goodness for that! Otherwise I'd think he was losing his touch." Ino breathed, glad that the greasy, sweaty man on the other end of the phone was too thick to catch the hints of excitement in her voice. Glad too, that he could not see her blush. What she felt for Naruto was private, after all; a tiny island of emotion that held but two inhabitants.

"That man…" she grinned, closing her phone. "He can never just stand still, can he?"

Then she was off, her mind full of clear, twinkling stars, the soft sheen of telescoping metal, and the incomparable feeling of kissing by starlight.

His steps were silent as the grave.

One foot in front of the other. One more step. One more cloud of dust and filth, to mix with the black blood that he and his comrades left in their wake. An impossibility. He could not keep marching.

They were all dog-tired, and miles from home. Neji egged his men on with dogged abandon, leading as best he could. That was his position. His duty.

Yet he was also an analyzer of information, trained at seeing the cold, hard truth of things. His heart told him that hope rested just beyond the horizon. His mind told otherwise.

They would not last until nightfall. Careful study of the terrain, of the distance, and the baking sun were only formalities at this stage. There would be no triumphant return.

"Are we dead, cap?" Hando asked, licking chapped lips.

"Not yet, private." Neji growled, shifting Gora's unconscious weight. The infection, as the astute scout had predicted, spread from his arm to his shoulder now. No amount of acupressure could slow its advance. "But we will be soon enough, if you don't keep walking."

"Private?" Hando spat. "Jie and To-e are dead! By right of succession, I'm a lieutenant now!"

"Fine, lieutenant. You are still subordinate to me. Keep walking."

"No, no, because I'm a sergeant too! Sergeant plus lieutenant plus second lieutenant means general !

"Fine. So what is your plan of action, general?"

"To keep walking of course." Hando beamed. "I just like to be in charge."

"As you like." Neji grimaced. The man was obviously going mad. Come to think of it, he was probably going mad as well. He didn't think he was mad. Did that make him mad?

"Clearing ahead." Hando warned.

They had encountered nine such clearings, filthy with the smell of burnt ash and foul foreign magics. Unnoticeable, unless you could tell the signs. Burial grounds for the ashes of the deceased, dug up, then desecrated for reasons unknown, armed with booby-traps foul enough to take off a man's head at fifty paces.

Unfortunately, this one was situated atop a spring of clear, precious water, that burbled deep into some natural aquifier, miles beneath the ground. A trap, but an unavoidable one, if they were to make it home alive.

"You go, sir." Hando graciously offered. "I'll watch Gora, don't you worry. Hando, MD, that's me."

"Your philanthropy is touching." Neji snorted. With uncertain steps, he made for the spring. What would it be this time? Razor-wire? Bombs? Poison? Knives ?

Voices. This time it was voices.

"…so that's that." A clear, clarion voice said, every word perfectly enunciated. "Now you know where you stand." To his ear, it seemed feminine.

"I expected better." Said another, raspier voice—the same one? Neji couldn't tell, but there was a hint of similarity to the two… "You should have known it would be like this."

"I'm…I'm sorry." A third voice, fearful, angry. Familiar—he could almost place it. "You were right. Both of you. There must be…a purging. A genocide…no, a gendercide. They have to learn. They all have to learn. We aren't their playthings. We aren't their toys." A sudden hiccough.

"There there." Soothed the rasping voice. "No one can hurt you here. We're protecting you, remember? We're here for you…"

"Summon the armies." The clarion voice trumpeted. "Summon them here. Here!"

"Yes…" the weeping voice sobbed. "I'll do it. I can't take this anymore."

And then the clearing was filled with soft chanting, like wind within a layered forest of willow fronds.

Selllleeeene. Hassshtuur. N-aaai. Naahaaai.

"There is a listener." One of the voices muttered, growing fainter and fainter.

"An opening in the portals," the soft, familiar voice assured, hastily. "Nothing more."

"For safety's sake…I will cleanse the area." the voice replied menacingly, and the chanting intensified.

Nails drove themselves into Neji's mind; burning, merciless nails. The ground flickered beneath his feet—was he being thrown back? He felt weightless.

Hando's voice, faint and distant, shouting his name. And a figure…far-off, yet closing with incredible speed—as if from surprise, or terror.

A figure he recognized. A figure he had caressed, on several long, cold nights, a figure that leaned on him in the night, and wept another's name. His love.

"My love…" he rasped, as she drew close. "I'm sorry you had to see me in this condition. Were I not wounded, I would die of shame."

"Trust me." Tenten said, her voice brittle; falsely bright. "You look fine. I've seen you more ruffled after nightlong tumble with me."

"But…"

"We have a lot to talk about." She murmured, her hands alight with green fire. "Later. Sleep now. Sleep…my love."

Shock. Pain. The warmth, the blessed warmth of chakra, pooling into his head, his heart…

--

"Look! Aquarius, just over the horizon!"

"That's Sagittarius, love."

"That's what you said last time!"

"Because you pointed at the same constellation, and you got it wrong twice."

"Then what about that one? Right there? That's Pisces, right?"

"Virgo."

"Arrgh!"

"You're really no good at this."

"Stars are there to look pretty, lover. You're not supposed to see anything more."

"Funny, most men say the same thing about women. Wrong, of course. Everything is connected to something else."

Naruto adjusted the telescope they were sharing, breathing lightly along Ino's neck, as she focused on some far-off star. She shivered from the sudden temperature change, and loosened her collar, exposing more of her skin to his gentle heat.

"Venus?" she tried, weakly.

"Right!"

"Ha! Point for me!"

"We're scoring these now?"

"That's right! And for every point I score…I get a kiss."

"A kiss? Sounds reasonable." He said, and he kissed her, his lips as soft and as sweet as spun sugar.

"Hmm…I can taste you through my fingertips." She gasped, delighted. Or was that her tongue? Everything was all jumbled up. Her brain was imploding in a swirl of heart-shaped fireworks.

"Well, that's unorthodox. Still, if it works it works."

"How about that one? Capricorn, right?"

In answer, he pulled her close, and kissed her again, leaning slightly further in this time.

"And that's…Auraea."

"Yes." He answered, his eyebrows raised. "Funny—that's a pretty obscure constellation. Not many amateurs know about it."

"Good thing I took all those astronomy classes, then."

"What? Oh you are clever, love."

"Call it part of my enviable charms. Now, that's Cormandaris, just beside Pyrgos, and Flamenii. Spyrgos rounds them in the east, and borders Rhiia, the guardian of the fire country—she's that faint, faint shape between those two bright stars. How many kisses does that get me?"

"You're at six, so far." He smiled, his lips twitching mischievously.

"Then I'll name some more off the top of my head. Guuron, Gliastis, Mera, Moloch, Ast, Kartii, Minala, Mekhar, Bora Grandis—«

His lips were totally unexpected, but welcome, all the same. The night was cold, and Yamanaka Ino intended to seize all the warmth she could get her hands on.

"That was one." She breathed. "I want…thirteen, just like it."

"Two" he whispered into her ear, sending her soaring into burning, fluttering delirium. The lights dancing in the sky paled in comparison to the luminescence that seemed to spill out from within her heart.

Lips, lips. Which insane god had invented lips? What possible reason could he have had for them? Ino could imagine some very simple inner dialogue; "Let's give the men something that turns women into gibbering, blushing idiots. A-ha! Lips! I'll give them lips."

Lips…

They were driving her mad.

Her own breath was a roar within her ears, and her every heartbeat was a thunderbolt in her chest—ka-dum, ka-dum. Her face was buried in his hair, in his lips…every inch of him fascinating, and sensual.

"Seven." He said, muffled by her wild embrace. "But then, who's counting?"

"nnnn…."

She threw him into the grass, rolling underneath a sky of twinkling stars.

"The night suits you." He whispered fiercely, underneath her. A kiss caught her unprepared, nestled in the soft underside of her chin, and she laughed, without shame. "Have I ever told you that you're ravishing by starlight?"

"Not yet." she mouthed.

"Well, you're ravishing by starlight. And sunlight. And fluorescent light. Or any light, for that matter."

Hot, hot breath, cold air, hair tickling, hands touching—

Light flashed on the distant horizon.

"A shooting star!" Ino whispered. "Make a wish, lover."

"I've got everything I could possibly want." Laughed Naruto, his chuckle resonating through her body in soft, rolling waves. "You?"

"Another kiss would be nice…"

"As you wish—" he paused. He squinted.

"What is it?" Ino asked, straightening up.

"That's not a star, love. That's a chakra flare."

"What?!"

"Off to the north, in the direction of the entrance gates. But far, far off—miles at least."

Cursing, Ino blasted her eyes with chakra, enhancing her vision. There would be a terrible eyeache to deal with later.

"Green and red." She said. "Tenten's colors. Or, alternatively, a deranged Christmas elf. Your take?"

"It seems that an ANBU unit is in deep dung." He answered. "Green and red is alert, am I right? Casualty is green-and red laced with yellow—"

Yellow burst out into the night in brief, glorious brilliance.

"Damn." Ino hissed, pulling on her jacket, and reaching into her pocket. ANBU masks were collapsible, activated by chakra, and fit well with almost anything. No one needed to confirm your rank if you were wearing a great big ceramic mask on your face; ANBU was universally known. "Tenten is a medic, first-class, so if she needs our help—"

"Problems. And big ones."

"Of all the nights to—"

"I know, love. I feel the same way. I'll make it up to you."

"You will." Ino agreed. "What have you got planned?"

"Well, there's that mission to the tropics coming up soon, with those beaches, and reefs, and sun-drenched cities-by-the-sea. By seniority, it falls to me—plus whomsoever I happen to be partnered with." He latched his mask-strap firmly into place, his entire face obscured by—appropriately enough—a many-whiskered fox. "Incidentally, you're the only partner I'd ever allow."

"Haven't been the beach in a while." Ino smiled, nostalgically. "I love the smell of salt and sand. I'll have to pick out something new to wear."

"Is that all your lot think about? I swear, kunoichi are the only soldiers I've ever heard of who actually pick battle wardrobes before every engagement with the enemy."

"If you're going to kill someone, you might as well do it and look stunning at the same time." Ino grinned wickedly. "Here's a hint I give to the new girls; wear red. Style and cut is all fine and dandy, but blood is hell to get out of a top. Ruined one of my best pairs that way."

"Love, you have no idea how happy I am to have you on my side."

"You're lucky, that's what you are." Ino patted the back of her head, satisfied that her own mask was locked in place. "Alright, I'm decent. How do I look?"

"Terrifying. I'd run in fear, if I weren't well-acquainted with the soft, sensuous interior underneath that cold mask…"

She blushed, and gave a secretive smile. "Every woman has one, they say."

Their boots rasped against the ground, scattering leaves in a hoarse whisper. Behind them, the night returned to its usual, interminable silence.

A single telescope stood vigil, waiting for them to return.

Tenten had called the cavalry, and the cavalry would answer—soon. Soon. But soon was not now, and now was what she needed.

"You were followed?!" she shouted at Hando. Her chakra stores were depleting quickly, and the lack was making her irate. "You brought them back here?"

"They know, miss." Hando growled. "The infected cities form a wide perimeter around a single point—our city. This one, right here. There are armies marching all across the peninsula.

"What are we going to do about it?"

"ANBU Commander Naruto sent out a flock of messenger birds, damn-near wasted our entire supply. I don't think it'll do any good. We've got three months, at most—these bastards are slow, and part of our mission was to blow up all the usable bridges and crossings that we could. Nonetheless, they'll make their way here. And I just know that at least one of their lieutenants was hot on our heels."

Tenten adjusted her position to administer to Gora. "Who are they, exactly?"

"Don't!!" Hando swiped her hand away. "Don't touch his blood, miss. Captain reckons that whatever is

making them is coming from the blood. It's foul with black magic."

"What do you mean "making them"?"

"They're women, ma'am." Hando averted his eyes. "And a few men, but they aren't alive any more. The women are all going insane. Every city makes more of them."

"Just the women?"

"The men are either eaten, or torn limb-from limb. Sometimes both. They're still walking, and we can't figure out why."

"Well, whatever the reason." Tenten said uncertainly. "This man is dying. If I don't administer something now, he'll die."

"If you touch him, miss, I'll kill you." Hando said wearily. "I swear to the gods, I will."

"So kill me." Tenten said, straightening. "I took an oath to heal. You just try and stop me."

Chakra reknit the gushing wound in Gora's side, only to fragment and reopen. Frowning, Tenten tried again.

"Advanced methods nine-through twenty are useless." Hando explained. "The captain is a bit of a healer himself. He said that whatever this is slides right by chakra like it isn't there."

"I have no idea what this is!" Tenten murmured. "Maybe form five, mixed with a poultice—four is too strong to use here, and one will probably kill him in this state."

"I tell you, miss, It won't do any good! This isn't a sickness, or a disease you're fighting here, it's craziness. You can't fight crazy. All you can do is run like hell."

Black fire ran backwards from the wound, shooting through Tenten's chakra in bruised-blue streaks. Hando yelped a warning—too late, too late--

"It's not us." She gasped. "It's you. Ever since the start of things. Mother earth, raped in the dawn of time to bear us; twisted, forsaken humanity. The queens and matriarchs of old, usurped by idiots who think only of copulating. Everything, everything ruined for what? For your huge concrete smokestacks? Your big smoke-filled penises, belching filth into the sky? Did you think we would just stand back, watching you scorch the earth, and lay all of creation to rot and ruin? The world simmers with anger against you, man. We are but a tiny part of that fury."

She grasped her head. "NNg! Get out! GET OUT!"

Very calmly, Hando took the side of his kunai and smacked her across her head. She fell, looking sort-of dazed.

"Better?" he asked sarcastically.

"Traditionally." Tenten grunted, her eyes narrowed, "Genjutsu is dispelled with a chakra burst, and then left to the willpower of the affected."

"My mother taught me this one." Hando smiled. "Bless her soul, she always did teach the best things. I don't trust your willpower, miss. I do trust the amazing capabilities of head trauma."

"Fair enough." Tenten muttered. "Augh! That is strong, though. I think the voice is right—there's an undercurrent of rage running through the earth itself, and somehow, they're tapping it. This is very, very bad. Apparently, mother earth finds all of mankind at fault for her sufferings."

"What did I do?" asked Hando. "I'm just a poor guy trying to make a living!"

"Tell that to mother nature, wiseguy." Tenten coughed weakly. "I'm empty. Whatever that was eats chakra for dinner. Sorry, but your wounds are going to have to wait for a bit.

"no problems, ma'am." Hando said. "My mother beat me worse."

"You can sense that...thing off on the horizon, I presume?"

"Aye. The smell of grave-soil, and death. And an absence of chakra—almost an anti-chakra. I can sense it."

"Can you hold out until help arrives?"

"I'm down to one howler, and a burner."

"What are those?"

"Names I made up for my explosives, Miss. I can blow a ten-foot crater, and set this pretty little forest on fire. That's it."

"Then make the most of it." She nodded grimly. "I have a few explosive tags myself—"

"Amateur stuff." He laughed. "keep it."

Whatever the thing was, it was big. And it was fast.

It rose from the earth, dropping bits of flesh and bone as it shambled towards them.

Teenteen. Ohhh baby baby darling girl, how I do lovey-lovey-lovey-love you. Hold me close, darling, don't mind the dead flesh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAH

"Lee?" she whispered, her voice very small. The voice was unmistakable. The words though—they were a perversion.

Hando heard something else entirely.

Hando. Hando, dear it's mother. It's past your bedtime, boy. It's past your bedtime, and mommy's come to take you down to sleep FOREVER.

If his jaw had dropped any lower, it would have hit the floor.

"Momma?"

There ya go; a funny ending for some humor. This story is going to go out with a BANG!

Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo?

Whatever. Anyways, after this ends, which won't be for a while, trust me, I'll need ideas as to new pairings. Is there...a forum, or something? I'd very much like to filch a few interesting pairings from someone else.

So...responses, responses...

KnighteWolfe: As i have said before, Hinata lovers tend to like the idea of a flexible pallet to be molded by a dominant male. The Tale of Hikaru Genji, for example, is a perfect case of historical sources that manga authors tend to filch for their own purposes.

snickerz71: Oh. Hello. Yes, NaruHina fans may find the chapter uncomfortable. Men, because she presents the 'shy, hurt, damsel in distress' archetype. Women, because--

I have no idea. I'm not a woman. Maybe you should ask one.

I personally don't like to write Hinata scenes, because I have no idea how to write them. Hinata has no real personality, aside from shyness and an inability to voice her true feelings--beyond that, Kishimoto has given us no real detail on her character. It's why she tends to be a favorite to other authors; she's a blank slate.

SgWarrior: Yes. And then I could have mud-wrestling. After that, how about the explicit lesbo sex scene with whipped cream! Heck, just for you, I'll write a big orgy with a dozen people all having sex with banana pies. Jeez.

I'm not writing porn.

Okay, that's a blatant lie. I'm not writing just porn. Lemons really only work with a believable background, and I won't sacrifice story integrity just because something seems really really hot.

Not that there's anything wrong with being a total horndog. Several of my friends would stick theirs in mud if they thought it would wriggle, and they're...

Well, they're total bastards. But they're friendly bastards, and they positively sparkle if you get them drunk enough.

Kalisko: Personality is key, they say. But who are they? I have no idea.

If you like NaruHina pairings, I can only suppose you'd flinch here. Understand, we all have different ideas of who these characters are. That's part of fiction. However, I just don't like Kishimoto's creation of a quiet, subservient girl who can only realize her true potential through the kind ministrations of a dunderheaded patriarch.

jgkitarel: really? I thought the chapter was rushed, myself. Hm. I suppose the reader is always right. Okay, I am masterful.

I dunno, that sounds kind of hollow. Am I really masterful? Or am I only fooling myself? Oh god, I'm just a talentless hack! What do I know, really? Nothing! Nothing!

The blushing though--that's interesting. It's always nice to hear things like that, even from men. Especially from men. The fact that you can blush is just another testament to you manliness. Remember--pink is a manly color. Fuschia though...

YumeTakato: I enjoy reviews. Isn't that weird?

Timewave Zero: Biotech major, eh? Well, I'm one of those idiots who can't tell the different between retroviruses and retro-funk. I expect William Gibson is more to your tastes than my fare, eh?

His tales of silicon gods, in their silent quantum corridors...

That just gets me every time.

And thank you for asking, but I departed into the wilds without female company. Unlike myself, my girlfriend is well aware of the ravenous properties of mosquitoes and the like. When I came back, I looked like I'd been in a fight with seven different muggers and lost to each of them.

She didn't laugh, to her credit. Looking at pictures of myself, I know I did. She did kind of snicker though. That was pretty emasculating.

If you have a lemon, maybe you could post it on your profile as a one shot so I can review it. I don't like the whole "secret message" idea that Flanfiction has been advocating recently. Isn't sharing better?

gantz10: Er...okay. Yup, writing crazies is fun. It's easy for me, since I'm intimately acquainted with the viewpoint.

lalalamelody2000: Thank you. Which parts specifically? Is it the setting, dialogue, description? I know it wasn't plot. My plots can be fairly frilly. I need to work on that.

Tergar of Konoha: All funny is creepy, my friend. When you laugh, a little bit of you is crying on the inside.

Clowns are a perfect example. In all my life, I've never seen anything more horrifying--or ridiculous.

The Wonk: Read books. That always helps. Not those trashy dime-fiction novels, but real books--Jane Austen is probably a bad example, but hey! Why not? Asimov has some awesome platonic connections that I learned to cultivate. Books have the answer.

Paladin-kriss: Now, now, let's refrain from any dirty subjects. Out loud, that is. Heh.

Massage scenes seem to get everyone. This is odd, because a massage, in itself is not hard to give. Just hard to write, I guess.

XaKiel: Hm. Yup, you've hit the nail on the head. Starting a story without really establishing a history can result in some shaky plotlines.

I tried to start this series In Media Res, but that didn't quite work out, and I got a one-shot instead. Now, it's a series, and I have to keep up with its pace. Your suggestions really help towards focusing what exactly that pace ought to be. THanks.

NowYouWantMe123: So many exclamation points! Wow! I like being excited too! Hi! Hi!

You know it's funny, but whenever I use a bunch of exclamation points, I feel better. Er...better! Is it the same for you?

Sorry about your heartbreaker. I hope you kicked him, or something. In the fork of the legs, maybe? There are far too many smug bastards in the world--someone needs to deliver an occasional kick to the groin.