A thank-you gift chapter for foreverloved, for responding to my Author's Notes in Chapter 5 concerning the significance of Sasuke's name. Those of you that have also replied to that Note and would like a gift as well, please Message me. I tried contacting some of you, but did not receive responses. In any case, this chapter is dedicated to foreverloved and was inspired by foreverloved.
Chapter Summary: In which Team 7 has a D-rank mission that leaves Naruto writhing in delight (the others not so much).
Prompt: Team 7 gets recruited to help out at a restaurant. Hilariousness ensues.
Chapter warnings: AU from my AU (meaning, side story for my fic), language, crossdressing, yaoi-thoughts (sorta). At this point in time, Team 7 does not yet know of Sasuke's true gender. As far as they know, Sasuke is a boy.
Chapter Rating: T
Note before reading: I may lose a few readers in this chapter, so if you don't like to read yaoi, then you'll be wanting to skip this side fic. It has no significance to the understanding or development of the rest of the story, Lengths.
As far as where it fits in the Lengths universe, this takes place before they even left for Mist Village, right after Kakashi accepted them as his students.
Ramen, ramen, everywhere, but not a drop to eat. He suddenly can sympathize with the plights of Odysseus, presented with such delicacies that no mortal could ever experience, yet unable to partake in the feast. To make matters worse, two large bowls are placed just under his nose, the savory broth filling his senses and causing his mouth to water. Just a sip… just one noodle couldn't hurt…
Something hard collides with the back of his head.
"Ow! Geez, knock it off, you jerk!" he spits.
Sasuke just glares in response, then points to the delicious bowls before the blonde. "Table 2. Now."
"God, you're such a dick," he grumbles, then suddenly bursts into laughter. "Or rather, you're such a not-dick," he crows.
The Uchiha stares at him while smoothing down the ruffles in his skirt. That's right, the great Uchiha Sasuke was wearing a frilly little dress, and Naruto had the pleasure of witnessing his manhood crumble into tiny, microscopic bits of dust. This will be a sight he commits to his memory for the rest of his life.
"You're such an idiot," the jerk responds, trying to sound blasé. "Go deliver the food before the customers are upset," while walking past. He pauses momentarily when he is next to the blonde. "Besides," his tone turns sinister, "I wouldn't be talking either, Naomi," then engages the next swoop of customers that enter the door.
Naruto balks at the comment. "You're just jealous because I'm cuter than you are!" he calls to the boy, before sweeping up the ramen with a twirl of his skirts and delivering it to his hungry table.
"Pork ramen for the good man, and miso for the lovely lady," setting down the orders. "Have a wonderful Valentine's Day, and please don't hesitate to flag me down if you need anything," he adds with a smile.
Somewhere behind him, he can hear Sasuke mimicking his words in cute tones, "…and please enjoy your meal, sirs." The way the men at the table beside Uchiha's are leering reveals that Naruto is not the only one that thought that. The way the Uchiha is clenching his fists reveals that he is not unaware.
"Ah, Sasami-chan," Naruto calls, before clutching onto the arm of his teammate and dragging him away. "Can you help me with Table 10? There's a lot to carry, and I can't do it all in one trip."
They run into Sakura-chan on the way back to the kitchens. "How're your arms, Sakura-chan?" he whispers to the blonde boy before him, carrying stacks of dirty dishes.
The boy frowns. "Don't call me that, Naomi-chan. We're on a job." Then, sighing, "I'm starting to get really tired. My arms aresore."
"Boss will give you a break if you ask for one," the blonde tells her. "I'm going to take mine in a half-hour."
"Naomi-chan! There are some guests at the door!" calls a man's voice, startling Naruto.
"Okay!" Flashing another smile at Sakura-chan, he turns to Sasuke. "Sasami-chan," he begs with wide eyes, "Can you take care of my table? Please?"
Sasuke turns cool eyes at him. "I get the tip, then," he says.
"Nuh-uh, no way! You get half!"
"Sixty-forty."
Awesome, Naruto would've settled at thirty! "Fine," before hurrying to the front. "Hello, my name is Naomi. How many are with us today?" he bubbles, herding the newcomers to the empty tables.
On his way back to the kitchens, his skirts get caught in an overenthusiastic girl's explanation as she waves her hands around in demonstration. Naruto remembers just in time to freak out at the action, anxiously accepting the sincere apology the customer exclaims before continuing on.
It is Valentine's Day, and Team 7 currently has a mission in the city's most popular noodle restaurant. Under normal circumstances, Naruto would have whined and complained about having another D-rank mission. These weren't normal circumstances, however.
Smoothing out his skirts again, the blonde nearly bumps into his eternal rival when the Uchiha suddenly bursts through the doors carrying way way way too many bowls a civilian female should normally carry.
"Ah… Sasami-chan? Aren't all of those a little heavy? Let me help you…"
"Boss wants a word," the Uchiha interjects smoothly, then makes a show of carrying all the bowls of noodles to Naruto's abandoned Table 10. "Wah, those were so heavy!" he exclaims cutely, setting down the tray with visible relief.
"All of those at once? I think we need to give her a bigger tip for not spilling a drop!" Naruto hears one of the customers exclaim, applauding. Ah-hah…
In back, sensei is sitting at a table, reading a novel. He doesn't even look up when Naruto enters, but instead just waves vaguely at the white cloth on the table before him. Naruto picks it up, crestfallen, and ties on the frilly apron begrudgingly.
"Anything else?" he asks.
"Is that your Oiroke no Jutsu?"
"No, Kakashi-sensei. It's henge."
"How are you feeling?"
"Starting to get tiring," he answers truthfully. It's been several hours since they had started working; Naruto has never held onto a henge this long, before.
The silver-haired jounin nods. "Probably because you overdid it on the breasts." Naruto has the decency to blush at that comment. "Tell Sakura to take her break now," the man adds, before waving him away.
On his way back out to the floor, the blonde calls to the cook, "Chef, Sagara-kun and I are going on break!"
"Fifteen minutes only, Naomi-chan! Don't leave Sasami-chan alone to handle the job for too long."
Naruto finds Sakura-chan being harassed by a group of elders.
"My grandson is such a good-for-nothing," says the woman, gesticulating wildly. "You're such a nice boy, Sagara-kun. Such wonderful manners. If only our grandson were raised as such! I swear to the heavens, it's all the fault of his good-for-nothing father! I don't know what my little girl was thinking, marrying that horrible man! Tell me, young man, where did you learn such impeccable manners?"
Sakura-chan wisely had remained out of range of the woman's movements, but unfortunately, not out of range of her topic of conversation. "My mother taught me, ma'am," she answers, looking peaky. Her eyes catch sight of Naruto, and the blonde almost laughs at the expression the girl is sporting.
"A wise woman, she was," says the customer, sagely. "A fine young man you are, and so handsome too! I bet your father is a real looker, not like my good-for-nothing son-in-law!"
The now-blonde-haired genin fidgets uncomfortably, unsure what to say in response. Naruto spares her the trouble, "I'm sorry, miss, but Sagara-kun is needed in back."
"Please don't hesitate to let me know if you require anything more," says Sakura-chan, ever polite, regardless of the situation.
"Have an enjoyable meal!" Naruto adds, before carting the poor girl to the break room.
The moment they walk through the door, Sakura-chan releases her henge. Watching the change is eerie: her hair grows longer, turns pinker, features soften, until it is no longer Sagara-kun standing before Naruto, but rather Sakura-chan.
The pink-haired genin takes one look at Naruto before groaning. "How can you still keep up the henge? I'm so tired," she moans adorably, sinking into a chair.
"I have a lot of chakra," Naruto answers, twirling a blonde pigtail. "Plus, Sasuke and I aren't doing as much grunt work as you," apologetically. It had been Kakashi's idea (of course), to use this simple mission as an opportunity to build up their endurance training as well. Naruto and Sasuke are to work on their poise and balance, while Sakura-chan is made to build up her physical strength. The kicker is the fact that they are to keep up a henge at all times; Naruto, always having an overabundance of chakra, is beginning to feel a little strained. He can only imagine how Sakura-chan and the bastard must be feeling right about now.
Speaking of which… "Sasuke makes a pretty cute girl, doesn't he?" Naruto sniggers. "His henge doesn't look much different from how he normally looks, y'know?"
Sakura-chan frowns, "But that's because he already looks kinda girly, even without the henge." She claps a hand over her mouth after saying it, but it's too late.
His laughter is too loud and boisterous for a petite girl his transformation suggests, but he doesn't care. "Oh, god, Sakura-chan! I'm going to tell him you said that. He'll be so pissed," snickering.
The girl's face wilts instantly. "Please don't," she practically pouts, turning Naruto into a pile of goo. "Sasuke-kun is so sensitive to those kinds of things. He might get mad."
"I know, I know, I won't," the blonde sighs. He's such a sucker for cute faces. Glancing up at the clock, he slides off the table he was sitting on, and straightens the ruffles again. Sakura-chan pries herself off the chair, and performs another henge, pink hair disappearing and soft features hardening.
"Back to the shark pit," she grumbles, eliciting a chuckle.
When they return to the floor, it can only be described as mayhem. Somehow, in the last fifteen minutes, the number of occupants in the restaurant has magically doubled. Every single table is filled, and there is a line out the door and curling around the street corner, from what Naruto can see from within the establishment.
Sasuke looks harassed, moving between tables with a grace only a ninja could possess, too busy to fix his mussed long hair and rumpled skirt to notice that it has ridden up much higher than he would probably be comfortable with, had he known. As it goes, the men sitting at the table behind him are certainly enjoying the view, and Naruto can't blame them, what with those long, long legs teasing them not three feet away.
That's some henge; Naruto admires the handiwork. It's those small details, like knowing women tend to have longer legs than men, longer necks, smaller torsos, smaller faces—it's knowing those little details that only Sasuke would think of, that sets him apart from everyone else at the Academy. No wonder he was first in his class.
Sasuke's too busy himself to notice the foot, but Naruto, being the observer, saw it instantly. "That table is trouble," he thinks to himself, beginning to make his way over. He watches as the raven-haired youth stumbles over the outstretched limb; his blood begins to boil when an arm snakes around that little waist and wraps tightly.
"Careful there, Sasami-chan!" exclaims the man holding his teammate, pulling him into his lap and stroking those dark locks of hair.
"Sir!" he hears Sasuke say, those small hands pushing against the shoulder of the man a little too roughly. Shit. Better get there fast, before someone leaves here without an arm, and we fail this mission (among other things, such as facing a large hospital bill and possible imprisonment for assault on a civilian).
Walking faster, Naruto is only a few steps away from his destination when It happens. "It" is that man's friend, sitting across from them, reaching out a hand to land squarely on his teammate's ass, cupping a generous handful and remaining there. The air suddenly feels hotter, and Naruto doesn't wait to see how well the sole heir of the Uchiha clan can manipulate fire techniques.
Lunging the last stretch, Naruto's hands grasp at the raven's shoulders as the genin turns to pummel the man groping his ass. Sasuke's eyes widen comically as Naruto's face nears, before they're too close for him to focus properly without going cross-eyed, causing him to close them.
Naruto waits a few seconds, then a low whistle sounds. "Damn," someone says.
He makes a show of smacking his lips after pulling off the other, and smiling as cutely as he can. "Thanks for all your hard work, Sasami-chan!" chirping, then pulling the other out of that man's lap before enveloping him in a rib-crushing hug.
"Na… Na…" Sasuke attempts to choke out, face bright red and mouth gaping.
"Close your mouth, or I'll stick my tongue in it next time," he says cheekily, and hears the teeth click together when the Uchiha abruptly abides. "Go take a break," he adds. When Sasuke nods dumbly and begins leaving, his eyes automatically travel down. Grinning, he pinches the skin right under the other's ass, causing the youth to jump. "And fix your uniform! It looks like you're asking for some!" If at all possible, Sasuke turns even redder, holding his skirts down while exiting in long strides.
Naruto waits for the boy to disappear behind the partition, before turning his attention back to the rowdy table. A cursory glance reveals them to be mostly finished with their meal, with a wad of cash resting on the bill. They would need change, but Naruto's already short patience is at its limit.
"I hope I didn't leave a mark when I pinched her," Naruto suddenly says out loud, worriedly. "Hyuuga-sama might think she was cheating on him with another man." He chews on his bottom lip in concern while clearing their table. The man that had groped Sasuke stiffens at the words.
"Hyuuga-sama?"
He nods emphatically, then leans closer to the men. "You know, I heard that their eyes can see through things," she murmurs. "And they're such a respectable clan; surely Hyuuga-sama checks every day if his lover has been faithful to him or not. I would hate to know what would happen to her if he found anything… incriminating! Or worse, what would happen to the one that put that mark there! Sagara-kun does report to him weekly what happens while Sasami-chan is working… Oh, what to do!" From across the restaurant, Sakura-chan is openly watching them with interest. The men at the table follow his gaze. Naruto represses a grin.
And, as if reading her mind, Sasuke storms back to the table, eyes blazing. "Na… Naomi! It's… there's a mark, stupid!" The man beside him pales.
"Wah, Sasami-chan, it can't be that bad," Naruto says, concerned.
"Idiot! I have lightly colored skin! It's like a beacon!"
Ding. Naruto couldn't have said it any better himself.
"And there are bruises where you grabbed me, too," the Uchiha continues, unaware of the mounting horror being accumulated from the people at the table. "Bruises take forever to fade away, and we're supposed to have our picture taken this weekend, remember? How am I supposed to have my picture taken if I'm all black and blue?"
That's right, just keep going, Sasuke.
"And don't forget this!" he adds, pointing to his lips. They're a little swollen and bloody, probably from Naruto's rough collision. It actually made his lips look redder and pouty—very cute—but Naruto wasn't about to tell him that anytime soon.
"I don't know," the blonde responds, looking worried. "What if you used makeup?"
"Here, let me pay for it," interrupts the customer suddenly, pulling crisp bills from his wallet and handing it to the genin. Sasuke takes it, confused and frowning. The man mistakes his expression, and opens his wallet again. "What am I thinking? Here's a little more; my wife is always telling me how expensive makeup is these days!" handing the Uchiha some more. He stands quickly, almost upsetting his chair and the table, the rest of his friends following suit.
"Keep the change," he tells the two, before the pack of them scurry out the door.
"Er," says Sasuke, mystified by their behavior, and still clutching the money.
Naruto takes the cash from his unresisting hands and scoops up what was left on the table. Counting quickly, he says, "Sixty-forty?" He smiles cheekily, before gathering the dirty dishes and leaving the youth with his share of the tip.
At the end of the day, the restaurant is a mess. Team 7 is sitting at one of the abandoned tables, bowls of noodles before each of them, henge still up. The owner of the establishment, after all, is still in kitchens, and they are technically still on a mission.
Slurping up his ramen, Naruto fixes the once-pink-haired genin with a look. "Hey, Sagara-kun, how 'bout a kiss? It's Valentine's day, after all!" he tries, blinking innocently at the girl.
"I'm not your date," she retorts.
He gives her The Eyes, and internally cheers when Sakura-chan sighs, then sets aside her chopstick. A quick brush of the lips against his cheek, that's all.
He pouts, "Aw, just the cheek? But Sasami-chan kissed me on the lips!"
The Uchiha chokes on his noodles, turning red.
"We should totally stay like this when we get our Team picture taken," he adds, helping himself to Sasuke's soup while his teammates just gape at him. Wrapping a bite of noodles around his chopstick, he feeds it to the conveniently open mouth in front of it.
"Now, Sasami-chan, what did I say earlier about letting your mouth hang like that?"
For some reason, the punches seem to lack bite when made by a blushing boy wearing frilly woman's clothing. Naruto pinches him again, amused at the reaction it garners. So cute. Really a shame that he doesn't just stay like that. Naruto decides to talk to Kakashi-sensei later about incorporating more endurance training into their missions.
He leers at the thought. Really, if that's a D-rank, then he couldn't wait until they did the higher level ones.
Translations and Notes:
Henge: Transformation
Oiroke no Jutsu: Sexy Technique
At the beginning, Naruto thinks, "Ramen, ramen, everywhere, but not a drop to eat." This is a play off the old saying, "Water, water, everywhere, but not a drop to drink," in reference to the lack of fresh water in comparison to salt-water.
The Odysseus comparison he makes is in reference to The Odyssey, by Homer. At one point, the hero (Odysseus) is presented with an irresistible feast by a goddess named Circe. However, were he to consume the food, he would have been turned into a pig, and as such, must resist the temptations.
Hyuuga clan: Their doujutsu (eye techniques) allow them to see through things (like walls, or as it was implied in this case, clothing).
Notes: Like I said in the Notes at the beginning of this side story, this chapter has no significance on the rest of the story. This was written for foreverloved, as a gift for providing a thoughtful response to a question I had asked in Chapter 5. As I said at the top of this chapter, if you also answered the challenge I presented, and would like a gift as well, please Message me.
As for the "yaoi" label for this chapter, it's because everything is from Naruto's perspective. Since Team 7 does not know Sasuke is a girl when this side story takes place, Naruto refers to Sasuke as a male, hence my decision in coining it yaoi (even though it isn't… oh, the complications of it all).
I hope your Valentine's Day is less harassed than Team 7's was. On the flip side, I hope you also have one as enjoyable as Naruto's. : )