A/N - this is a one shot. how ever, if i get comments and people like it, i can turn it into a propper fic. I wrote it because i was feeling a bit upset, and used Ron's character to supress my feelings. Reviews Please...Tell me if you want me to make it in to a real fic and i will

How Could This Happen To Me

The quiet guy, the guy who made people smile, with witty comments, and the need to please his friends around him, the need to live into a family name, that he hated, the guy that hides behind tainted smiles. That guy, well, that guys me. Just a normal guy, nothing special, not good looking, i would never say i was good looking, if you saw me, you would say the same thing, stringy ginger hair, that covered my plain blue eyes, and a body that screamed, uncomfortable. Tall, and lanky, not fat, but not covered in muscles either, I'm ordinary. That's one word to describe me, ordinary. But when you come from a big family like i do, where your mum didn't know how to keep her legs shut, and had seven children, me being the second youngest, all the characters and personality were lost in my elders, but the youngest, Ginny, being the only girl, she got to set her own personality, because she didn't have five older sisters to look up to. Me on the other hand, i never knew how to behave, i could be like Charlie, smart, intelligent, brave, and move half way around the world to do something he enjoys, in his case, Dragons. Or Bill, equally as smart as Charlie, but more individualised, with long hair, and earrings, anything to be different. Or the black sheep of the family, Percy, too caught up with the need for power, that he forgot mums birthday last week, i don't know what i want to be as a person, but i know i never want to be like him. But then there's the twins, Fred and George, the Weasley boys that will never be forgotten, living up to practical jokes, making mum boil to the point it looks as though her face is going to blow up, how can you live up to them? So that leaves my parents with me, they've never told me that i am a disappointment, they're just not the type, they smother their children, all their children, even Percy with love and kindness. I've never spoken bad about my family, but it doesn't mean I've never felt it, i lock my feelings inside, never cry in front of people, but at the same time, i never cry. I show my emotions behind my comments, and that seems to be the person i am. I'm not smart, i do okay at school, not as good as Percy, but not as bad as the twins, i help around the house, but not as much as Ginny, who is the shine in my mothers eyes. I'm the person in the photograph that when you look at, and think nothing of, you just move on to the next person, easily forgettable, and that's only if you took the time to notice i was there in the first time.

I live in Devon, well, that's just a place, but where i live, its secluded, on top of a hill is the only house for miles, my house. The nearest town an hour out, so I'm stuck, i can't find any other personality to learn from, I'm stuck with the same faces, and they're stuck with me. When i was younger, my brothers told me of their school, they would come home at summer, after being away all year, with the exceptions of holidays, and they would tell me all about Hogwarts. I've always grown up around magic, so when they gloated their letters that they had been excepted to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, no one was surprised, but the stories, the ghosts that you could see, the paintings that spoke to you, the stairs that moved freely, the stories became a rope that i desperately held onto, for a chance to escape the anchors of my family, i waited desperately for my letter to come, the day i turned eleven, i realised that, that year would be the best year of my life, because that would be the year i would get my letter.

It was a sunny day, even if the summer was just ending, and i was sat at the table, i was sat next to Percy who was grinning madly, just like me, because we knew what the day was, the chatter around me was ignored, mum was telling Fred of as he teased Ginny, she wasn't happy, because she knew what that morning was, for her, it was the morning that told her this year she was going to be alone, i felt bad for her, but that didn't ruin my mood, finally the all important letters came, and i read mine through and through, i had been accepted, and on the first of September i would get the train, leave Devon, and i would be at Hogwarts.

But, if i knew what was going to happen at Hogwarts, i would never have opened that letter. Hogwarts wasn't what my brothers said, yes the stairs moved, and the paintings spoke to you, and you could see the ghosts, which after meeting Peeves i would rather have not met any ghosts. But the paintings, the ghosts, the stairs, nothing could have made me feel better about going to a school where i was looked at as an outcast.

I made friends easily, on the train i sat with no other then Harry Potter, he was famous in my world, he was the boy who lived, but that didn't bother me, because he was now the boy who was my friend, and in later years, he became the boy i loved. He wasn't my only friend, there was Hermione, a girl who knew everything, and wanted to make sure every one knew, that she knew everything, mental at first, but behind the books she read, she became my best friend, and the only person who knew about my true feelings. There was a couple of other friends i made, Seamus, Dean, Neville, me and Harry shared a dorm with them, we got on well, then there was Luna, a lovely girl, bit messed up in her own world, and many people never really looked past her radish earrings and got to know her, but i did, and I'm glad i did.

It was the fourth year that i decided i hated school, i got into a fight with Harry, and with that i realised, i only liked school because of him, i dreaded the holidays because i knew i would be with out him. But the few weeks we wasn't talking, i realised, the other friends i had, were nothing compared with him, no one else understood me, just by looking at me, no one else would laugh at my jokes, not like he did, it was the fourth year i realised i was in love with him. And that scared me, more than the troll in our first year, and more than giant spiders. And this was something i couldn't laugh at by making it wear roller blades, not like the giant spiders.

Looking back at my first couple of years at Hogwarts through blurry eyes, i realised i was kidding myself, i was never happy, i was the best friend of the boy who lived, his trusty side kick, who would die for him, and nearly died for him on more than one occasion, but i didn't hate him for that, i hated myself for it. It was like being back at home, hiding behind other peoples personality, all my dreams of finding myself at school, slipped away in our fourth year, i slipped back into the witty kid who wanted to make people laugh, and i did, i longed to make Harry laugh. But then, he made me hurt, he got a girl friend, of course this was bound to happen, i wont deny that he isn't good looking, black rugged hair, green eyes that shined in the darkest places, he was completely loveable, and i was the one that was willing to love him, only he didn't realise.

That's how this story begins, Harry is out with Cho right now, doing some thing that he will no doubt brag about in the morning, only he wouldn't realise he is bragging, because he thinks he is just telling his best friend he got his leg over, so naïve. His out getting some, and I'm slumped in the bathroom, sitting in a darkened corner, its not a special bathroom nothing that screams out to you, it has a toilet, a sink, a bath and a shower, its shared by every one in our dorm, but its the safest place i have, back home, i could hide myself away in my room and be completely happy because i could just think, but here, where ever you went, there was people, except bathrooms, at eleven at night. So I'm sat in my corner, flicking my lighter, that i always carry around, i don't smoke, but i carry fags around as well, it was a habit i had since i was twelve, and four years later, the habit hasn't gone, i felt comfortable flicking the flame on and off, every time i did, the words from Dumbledore's speech in third year came to mind;

"You can find happiness in the darkest of places, if only one remembers to turn on the light,"

So i turn on the light, and still no happiness, that's when i realised this school was full of crack heads, who was hiding people from thee truth, cushioning them from what really is out there, only every one knew what was out there, only, no one dared speak it, no one dared speak his name. Harry dared, he always said his name, and i always shuddered, i wasn't any better than Dumbledore.

Every one is scared of something, Harry is scared of fear, Hermione is scared of being expelled, and I'm scared of fading away, stupid, i know it is, especially from the person that is hiding behind bathroom walls. I try to remember the last time i felt something, happiness, sadness, pain, anything, but for the past two years, ever since i realised i loved Harry, all i felt was numb, which is stupid, because if your numb, you can't feel anything, but i am pretty sure the word i am looking for is numb. Nothing any one would tell me sprung any emotion to life, they could tell me the Cannons would win at Quidditch, and i would just say some sarcastic comment, and smile, but in my heart, i couldn't give a shit.

I feel as though i have been kissed by dementors and the happiness has been suck straight from me, leaving me in an emotionless shell. So, i make myself feel something, I've never done it before, i only ever thought about it, self harm was something people didn't dare speak about, especially in my family, where you wrapped in cotton wool if you even showed you were unhappy, but its something i was willing to try, if it meant feeling some thing.

So, i broke apart my shaving razor, which why i had one was pointless, as i was yet to even show a bit of stubble. I held the razor in my hand, staring transfixed at the edges, it was as if it was smiling at me, i didn't know what to do with it, but this was a step at least, i rolled up my sleeve, and stared at my pale arms, a few freckles here and there, but other than that not a scratch, i turned over, so i could see my veins, i wanted to feel something, but i didn't want to kill myself, and staring at the blue lines in my arms, brought me back to reality as i stared at the razor, but still i felt nothing. So i did it, i put the razor to my arm, and slid it across, careful not to cut a vein, i saw blood, i dug harder, and it stung, i dug a bit more, and there it was, pain. I felt relieved, i had sworn i had become a robot, and was sure i would never feel anything again, but there it was, pain.

I stared at my blood, and it felt good. I watched as the crimson liquid dribble of my arm, and i watched it slide on the floor, causing a small puddle next to my body, i was mortified at the thought, that one small cut would make me feel so much, but glad that i had done it. I covered the cut with tissue, stopping the bleeding, because i felt something else, fear. The fear that i would get caught, and i cleaned up the blood with my wand, slowly pulled my sleeve down, i smiled, yes, Ron Weasley, smiled. I walked into the dorm, Seamus and Dean were still up, and Neville was fast asleep, i nodded to the two boys who smiled at me, and i sat on my bed, just, smiling.

The door to my left opened, and in came Harry. And my smile faded, and he sat on the end of my bed, and fell backwards, Neville and Seamus laughed, and made a joke about him not getting any, but he just glared at them, he drew the curtains to my bed and stared at me.

"She dumped me." He mumbled, and there it was, another emotion i had sworn i forgotten, happiness.

"Oh, really, how come?" I asked, trying to sound as if i was not completely happy about the news.

"She said, my heart wasn't in it any more." I thought about the words, his heart wasn't in it, i couldn't remember the last time other than tonight that he was actually with Cho, or in fact, the last time he spoke about her. "She said, I'm more interested in hanging around with you, than her." I laughed, and he just stared at me, yes, Harry and I are best friends, nothing more, well, that bit i hated, i knew we couldn't be anything more, because first off, we were best friends, second of, he is completely straight. "She said, I'd rather be an idiot with you, than show any compassion to her." I wanted to laugh, Harry showing compassion was something that i only dreamt about.

"Well, what did you say?" I asked as if i actually cared, i was to busy telling my heart to stop beating twice as fast.

"I told her, that she was being stupid." He sighed, "But i lied, she wasn't being stupid." I didn't know what to say, so i just stared, slightly more eager to hear about his date than i ever thought i could be. "I mean, i love spending time with you, you know me more than any one could possibly know a person." I smiled slightly, and avoided his eye contact, as once again i was telling my heart to stop beating as fast. "I know, i mean, your not like that, and neither am i, well, i don't think so." Okay, my heart can beat twice as fast i give it permission.

"Harry, what are you saying?" I laugh slightly, its nerves more than anything.

"I'm saying, that maybe, i am like that." I smile, still not looking at him.

"Maybe i am like that as well." I say, in practically a whisper.

"Maybe, we could be like that together?"

"Maybe we can." I smile, we're not going to win a prize for best speakers in the world, especially about our feelings, are we? But it was a start. We sat in silence for a minute, stealing glances at each other, before Harry kissed me, yes kissed me, okay, on the cheek, and walked of to his own bed.

I lay in bed that night, and my fears of fading away vanished, the thought that i had spent a couple of minutes convincing myself i felt better about self harm, escaped me, because i was with Harry. And for ten minutes at least, i was happy that i was in Hogwarts, the thought of being wrapped in cotton wool by teachers and parents who was so called protecting us from the dark lord, washed out of my mind, because for once i was happy, i didn't have to hide behind any one, i didn't have to hide behind my six siblings, i was my own person, and instead of doubting my personality, i was happy, because my personality was something Harry had obviously liked, and because of that, because the boy who i loved like me, i knew i could start liking myself too.

The End

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