A/N: What's this? I live?

Disclaimer: After all this time, after all the quests and side-missions...it's still not mine.

Rude scanned his eyes and wearily entered the apartment he shared with his girlfriend. Tossing his jacket and bag against the wall, he removed his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes. It had been a long damn mission and he was glad to finally be home.

Glancing around, he noticed the apartment seemed empty…and quiet. Normally, Andi would have heard the door open and have raced down the hall, running over her mother in the process to get to him first. Or Zack would have been throwing one of his rubber Materia balls against the flat screen. Now, there was nothing.

"Kandi?" he called.

The door to their bedroom opened and said red-streaked female walked out; wearing black stilettos, fishnet thigh highs, a thong and a black leather corset. She leaned against the frame of the door, crossing her arms over her ample chest and grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"You called…Master."

Rude's cock sprung to life instantly. He went to remove his belt and abruptly stopped. "Where's the kids?"

"Andi's over at Axys for the weekend."

"Is Zack with Cloud and Tifa?" Rude asked, fingers hovering over the belt buckle, waiting for the answer.

The red-streaks shook slightly and the grin turned into a smirk. "He's with Niki-chan and Reno, too," she answered.

That caused the bald man to pause. "Why them?" he asked.

"Because Cloud's out of town," came a different voice. Rude balked when a busty brunette came out of the bedroom, clothed in a similar ensemble as his girlfriend. Tifa wrapped her arms around Kandi's waist and rested her chin on her shoulder, flicking her tongue over the red-streaked woman's neck. "And I had plans."

"Holy….Bahamut," Rude breathed.

Tifa studied him and cocked her head slightly. "You look…different," she mused. Blinking, it dawned on her that his sunglasses were gone. "Wow, he has really pretty eyes."

"I know, right?" Kandi said dreamily. She turned toward Tifa, wrapping her own arms around the other woman. "Well, since Rude is content to just stare at us with those pretty eyes of his, wanna give him a bit of a preview of what's to come?"

"Mmm hmm," Tifa murmured, leaning in to capture Kandi's lips.

Rude couldn't move. He simply stood there, pants halfway unfastened and watched, mesmerized. Two of the most beautiful women he had ever seen were making out in front of him…for him.

Move damn it, he thought to himself, pants finally hitting the floor as he stepped toward them. Pulling the two women apart, he slammed his lips against his girlfriend's while wrapping Tifa's hair around his hand and pulling her head back to bare her neck. Once he had thoroughly tongue-fucked Kandi's mouth, he attacked Tifa's lips, finally experiencing the taste of the woman he'd been enamored with for years. Sure, now he thought of her as simply a friend…but hell! He was not questioning their motivation behind this.

"Mmm Tifa," he murmured, moving down to bite at her neck as Kandi worked on his.

"TIFA?"

Rude struggled to breathe through the chocobo down pillow that was shoved over his face. The women were gone and replaced by black and the very real feeling of being suffocated. Someone was trying to kill him!

He ripped the pillow away and rolled over, pinning his attacker beneath him.

"You fucking asshole!" Kandi screamed in his face. "You're having a sex dream about Tifa?"

Rude blinked and looked down at her. A dream? Oh fuck…a dream. He rolled back over and rubbed his eyes wearily. "I…guess so."

"You mother-"

"You were in it, too."

Kandi stopped mid-rant. "A threesome?" she asked. He nodded. "Me, you…and Tifa?"

"And before you say one more word, Hot Mama, you call out Zack's name in your sleep sometimes."

The red-streaked female blinked and cocked her head. "Threesome with me, you, and Zack," she sighed dreamily. "Okay, fair enough. Sweet dreams, Babe."

Rude growled and rolled back over on top of her. "Not so fast, you," he rumbled, attacking her neck with his mouth as she giggled and re-activated their barrier materia.

A/N: Lame, short and long overdue.