The second hour

Raito's driving was a little tipsy thanks to the wine. Then he got pulled over by a cop. "Sir, have you been drinking?" The officer asked. Then L screamed "IT'S MY FUCKING CHEESE BIATCH!" at him. "Is he high?" The officer stared Raito down. "no, he's just sitting like a normal human being" Raito answered. "Sir, please get out of the car" The officer sighed. Raito grudgingly complied.

"Alright sonny, drive safe, but next time, I don't want any BS excuses" The officer warned. Then Raito hauled ass out of there. Matt watched as the officer waved bye to them.

"okay, rest stop! I'm going to get some coffee, all of you stay in the car!" Raito demanded. L watched cautiously as Raito slammed the door shut and stalked off to join the line of people with hangovers from the wine tasting for free coffee.

"Near, I'm sorry" Mello tried to apologize. Matt had, passed out cold and was leaning against the driver's seat. Before Near could answer, ratio got in the car, a paper cup filled with a black liquid in hand.

L seemed to be showing obvious signs of stress. "I want a bottle of water" L complained. "Okay, we can go to McDonalds and get you a cup of water" Raito began twitching. "No! I want bottled water!" L screamed. "What's so fucking special about bottled water!?" Raito tensed his grip on the steering wheel. "It's in a bottle!" L waved his arms around. "He does have a point" Matt groaned (Near with a knife, is painful". "Matt, you have a knife sticking out of your back" Raito said matter-of-factly. "I know, that's why I'm not sitting back" Matt replied. So they made a side trip to the hospital.

"What's the big deal? This happened back at the house all the time" Matt was cranky without his cigarettes. Near was curled up in Mello's lap watching intensely as Matt was carted off to the ER for surgery or something. Nobody really knew. Those doctors were as confused as a six year old doing calculus.

Twenty minutes later, Matt limped out of the door that led to the emergency corridors. "I'm okay, let's haul ass!" His words were slurred from painkiller as he struck a super hero pose.

Inside his psycho god-complex brain, Raito had a thought that did not have to do with L having a threesome with Gouda and Brie. "I've got two over affectionate gays. A gamer high on painkillers, and L, who I'm guessing isn't in his right mind. Shit" He looked constipated as that thought ran through his head. "heey, Raito! You, you look like, you're, you're gonna take a dump" Matt slurred. L roared with laughter, holding his sides, and Matt imitated him. "Get in the fucking car!" Raito was now officially angry on them.

They hadn't even gotten on the highway when odd sounds came from the backseat. "M-Mello!" It was Near. "Haha! Game-boy's drooling on himself!" L interjected Raito now almost inexistent train of thought. Raito pulled over to the side of the road.

What he saw was horrible for him. Near was sitting on Mello's lap, flirting provocatively. And yes, Matt's head was tilted to the side away from the couple, and he had drool dripping onto his furry vest of not-being-Near's-bitchness. "Near! Get your hands off Mello's pants and sit in your own seat! Or we won't go anywhere!" Raito's voice was getting hoarse. "Then I guess we'll be here for a few more hours" Near said sarcastically. The Raito bitchslapped Near into his seat.

"Stay in your seat or it'll be my foot in your groin. The both of you!" Raito demanded staring them down from the rearview mirror. "yes sir" They said glumly crossing their arms. Raito sighed, ten minutes of peace, he was going insane.

A/N: I am done for today. I stayed up all night writing this. Thank you for your support and comments. If you want to do fanart based off of this, please do so, but link back to the story and send me a link so I can see your cool artwork. I actually want you people to draw something like L molesting the cheese. Next chapter coming probably tomorrow. I type fast.