Chapter 3: Enter the Prince Swan! Bruce Lee Sound Not Included
"Mou…" Ryutaros moaned, as the quartet (that includes the dragon boy's pet cat, Cheshire if you are one of the people who skipped the last chapter, only to find out that your brain is not working) walked in the middle of a very big Generic Green Land and it lasted around five hours, until suddenly…
"Aaah!" The young dragon boy jolted up and down, pointing towards the pagoda, which the location is pretty much unknown for that reason and the description being very familiar to one Chinese martial arts movie. "This is where Mr. Birdie lives! Can we go visit him?"
"Excuse me?" Hana questioned, without the knowledge as to why Ryuuta-chan was pretty excited, until Ryotaro whispered to her.
"Ryuuta-chan is talking about the person who lives in this pagoda, which I don't know how or where did get here. He's called Sieg."
"Er, who's Sieg exactly?"
"Well, he's a little weird when it comes to respect."
Great, so I'm getting another weirdo into our party? Hana thought as another imaginary sweatdrop appeared behind her back. And so, our heroes go to Sieg's Pagoda home or whatever that is, but little do they realise, something sinister is about to happen…
Stage 1…GO!
With corny Martial Arts music kick in, Hana and her companions arrive to meet their first match, except this opponent…
…looks very similar with that long sword of his.
"So, you must be one of my opponents." His sexy voice said as the wind blew the silver strands of his hair.
"And who the hell are you?" Hana asked with disgust on her face.
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM?!" And within a few seconds, the mysterious person with the long silver hair jumped out from the shadows and this eerily orchestra played with the choir. "I am known as the One Winged Angel! SEPHIROTH! EVERY FAN GIRL AND FAN BOY'S FAVOURITE VILLAIN!"
"Sorry mate, but I've never heard of you. You're in a Kamen Rider fanfiction thread. I doubt if anyone knows you if you're from a video game."
"What?! You mean I got stuck in here for nothing!?"
Silence began, followed by tumbleweed and finally after twenty minutes of doing absolutely nothing, Sephiroth finally announced…
"Oh sod this! I'm going to kill you with my Masamune anyway, after I stabbed that Tendou-slash-horrible-insect-guy-in-suit-man on my way here! Starting with you!"
"Eh? Me?" Ryotaro startled, until Ryutaros managed to push the poor boy out.
"Your opponent is me, okay?" The young dragon boy asked as he was pointing to the One Winged Angel.
"Excu…"
"Can't hear you!"
And when he pulled out his weapon, the Ryuvolver, he began shooting all of the One Winged Angel's orchestra members and eventually replaced with some dude, his DJ set and a copy of Double Action Gun Form played on this ridiculously huge ghetto blaster with impossibly large speakers that can be seen in music festivals.
"Oh no, cover your ears Hana-san!" Ryotaro called as he covered his bunny ears. Hana was confused on what was happening, but nevertheless, she covered her ears, as Ryutaros inserted the CD into the slot and press the play button. As for the result…
…
…
…
…
…
…
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…
"OH GOD NO! NOT THAT REALLY CATCHY ENDING THEME TO THIS YEAR'S SHOW! NOOOOOOOOO! THAT'S MY ONE WEAKNESS! ALONG WITH CLIMAX JUMP AND ITS HIP HOP VERSION!"
"Heehee! At least it's better than Axe Form, Rod Form and Sword Form put together!"
And with Sephiroth's torment to listen Gun Form for all his eternity, followed by 'Climax Jump' in repeat mode, Hana, Ryotaro, Ryutaros and Cheshire made it safely to level two.
"By the way, Ryuuta-chan," Hana asked to Ryutaros "How did you know that's his weakness?"
"I met this guy with the black spiky hair and I gave him that Perfect Action Double Action Collection Album. Don't know what happened next."
Stage 2…GO!
So who is this next opponent that Hana and the gang faced?
"Hello! I'm Smart Lady!" The scary woman in a tight PVC dress smiled creepily.
"Yumi-san, is that you?" Ryotaro asked gently.
"NO! I'm just Smart Lady! Yumi has got nothing to do with me!"
"Then why is your boyfriend here?"
"…SHUT UP! I'm just going to skip this longwinded introduction and kill all of you!"
However, that ended pretty quickly, as Hana punched Smart Brain's mascot out of the Pagoda and entered level three without any problems.
"HEY! WHY DO I GET LESS SCREEN TIME THAN THAT…"
DING!
Stage 3…GO!
"Please God, I don't wanna fight another weirdo," Hana mumbled, as the gang entered the next stage. And guess which opponent is that…?
"Kweh!"
"What the hell!?" Hana exclaimed as she looked at this strange giant chick. "Is this really our opponent?! I think someone's been messing with this fanfiction for some time now."
"YAY!" Ryutaros jumped for joy as he saw this "I finally see a Chocobo in real life!"
"Kweh?"
"Um, why is it looking at you, Ryotaro?"
"I don…ARGH!" Within a few seconds, the Chocobo jumped onto Ryotaro to the floor, rendering stuck, while Ryutaros came close and stroke its lovely golden yellow feathers.
"Aaaw! You're so cute!" Ryutaros smiled, while Hana was clueless what the heck was going on, until…a generic-looking person came in. He announced that the opponent that they were supposed to be fighting had to take leave, due to personal matter, so there was much rejoice and the gang arrived at level four.
"Hey! What happened to the action?!" Hana exclaimed to the person typing this fanfiction.
"Uh, Hana-san, who are talking to?" Ryotaro asked.
Stage 4…GO!
Hana and the gang arrived at the level, only to meet this familiar woman.
"Are you the ones responsible for hurting Sephiroth?" She asked gently.
"Yeah." Hana replied back "And just who are you exactly?"
"I'm Aerith Gainsborough…" And suddenly "…AND YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY BOYFRIEND!" Yes, Aerith snapped, which her aura glowed more fiercely than Sephiroth's Supernova attack.
"Huh? I didn't know that silver haired guy's your boyfriend."
"YOU BITCH! YOU'LL GONNA DIE BY MY HANDS!"
"Er, actually Ryuuta-chan just put some music into…"
"Uh, Hana-san, I don't think she's listening to you."
"Fine. There's only one thing to do…" Hana's rage glowed so brightly, that everyone else had to wear sunglasses and the greatest battle began, when Aerith and Hana battle it out to see who is…huh, what's this?
Dear Sho Lover,
Due to budget cuts, we won't be able to show the action scenes on Hana vs. Aerith. Instead, we are showing this on your behalf. Don't blame us…this is meant for children and not half-assed adults.
The Mini Adventures of Airi Nogami
One day, Airi was brewing coffee to customers, mostly male in her café. She smiled and everyone else was smiling at her. The End
"WOW!" Ryutaros jumped up and down as he exclaimed to Ryotaro "That's the best female battle I've ever seen!"
"Yeah and not only that," Ryotaro remarked as he looked to the environment "they literally destroyed the whole stage. Except for the stairs leading up to the last stage."
And Ryotaro was right. Nearly every place was destroyed by the climatic battle between the two women. Hana managed to win this round, despite getting injuries and as for Aerith herself, let's just say her aura was so powerful, Hana's powerful rage made a cancellation to each other, causing the stage to be nearly obliterated, though leaving Ryotaro, Ryutaros and Cheshire intact for some odd reason and took Aerith somewhere.
"Well, anyway," Hana continued as she cracked her fingers "we should get a move on. We're wasting really valuable time!"
Last Stage…GO!
As soon as Hana's party arrived at the last stage, in the middle of a spotlight…
"Wait a minute!" Hana exclaimed towards the 'un-viewable' narrator "Why didn't you tell us that stage was dark?! You're giving the reader too little detail!"
"Hana-chan, what are you looking at?" Ryutaros questioned her.
"Uh, nothing."
Right, where was I? Ah, yes. In the middle of a spotlight, was Sieg, though really looking familiar to Ryotaro's face, he has a different hairstyle and has a pair of little white wings behind his royally (mainly white) decorated costume. Oh, he was chained (on rope) and gagged to the chair by the way. As the party drew closer to free the 'Swan Prince', someone got in their way as a rubber chicken threw right at them, as Ryutaros (and his pet cat, Cheshire) and Hana managed to avoid the target, but rendered Ryotaro to the floor and knocked him unconscious.
"Oh. So you must be the fools rescuing that Haughty Prince." The mysterious person laughed evilly as he was about to come out of the shadow.
"And just come out of the shadow quickly. I don't have time for long-winded introductions."
"Why you…" And in one second flat, he appeared! Only this time, his looks are awfully familiar, except that he is actually a 'she'. And she also pulled out some deadly needles. "…I'LL TEACH YOU HOW NOT TO TELL PEOPLE ON LONGWINDED INTRODUCTION!"
"…Er…hate to ask, but who are you?" Hana questioned with her eyes wide open, followed by Ryotaro, who managed to get up and followed the same expression in a matter of seconds.
"She looks more horrible than Onee-chan." Ryutaros simply answered as he stared too.
"Meow." Cheshire…uh purred.
"WHAT?! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM!?"
"Well, no in actual fact." Hana replied as she was disgusted on her attitude. "It was the same with the weirdo carrying an impossibly-heavy sword."
"GRR. I am LARXENE!"
"Lacks-seen?"
"Laugh-seed?" Ryotaro answered, though he tried his best not to laugh.
"Lassie?" Ryutaros quickly answered with a smile on his face.
"FOR NOBODY'S SAKE, IT'S LARXENE! LAR-XENE!"
"Well, I'm so sorry. But I happened to be Japanese and I have a hard time pronouncing your name!"
"…"
"…"
"Mmmph Mmmph Mmmph Mmmph Mmmph Mmmph Mmmph!" Behind the gag, translated from Sieg "Isn't anyone going to get me out!?"
"OH SHUT UP!" Both Larxene and Hana scolded at the Swan Prince.
"Sod this! Let's fight!" Larxene readied herself into position.
"Bring it on!" Hana cracked her fists and the two young women proceeded to battle.
Twenty exhausted minutes of name calling, random Final Fantasy battle themes, Double Actions, an odd remix of One Winged Angel and a really longwinded generic love ballad later…
"…Oooooooooowwwwwwwwwwww!!!" Larxene mumbled as she was beaten to a pulp by Hana's special attack: Hana Punch!
"That'll teach you on how to mess with girls with no magical powers!" Hana proudly smirked as she stepped on the now defeated poor woman.
"What's really amazing is that Hana-san managed to dodge Lard-miss-san's needles and magic attacks." Ryotaro remarked as he looked at the amazement of the young woman's strength.
"Yeah." Ryutaros added.
"Well, anyway, let's just untie that person you called Sieg and get this mess out of here."
And within a few moments, they untie the chains that Sieg was bound and removed the gag from his mouth.
"Ah, I thank you for releasing me from those despicable hostile people." The Swan Prince remarked as his gentle posture went closer to Hana. Funnily enough, he knelt down to her as he took her hand like a soft feather, while Ryotaro, Ryutaros and Cheshire stared at what the hell is happening. "As a token of my appreciation, I will do anything to assist you."
"Er…well…" Hana blushed, not knowing what Sieg was saying, but nevertheless. "…you could join us and…"
"Ah, yes. As a knight, I will join your merry band with your humble servants…"
"Servants?!" Both Ryotaro and Ryutaros exclaimed.
"…and protect you from harmful danger. Princess." He was about to kiss Hana's hand, when suddenly…
WHACK!
"You can join my party, IF you stop calling me PRINCESS!" Hana frustratingly exclaimed as she clouted the Swan Prince to the floor.
Meanwhile at the dark, dingy room somewhere in the middle of the Kingdom of Café Midgar Leaf…
"Blast you, woman!" Snarled the Tea King as he looked at his HD Crystal Ball "Not only did you defeat five of my subordinates, but you also ruin my plan! I'll get you next time! NEXT TIME!"
Then a knock came in and a generic guardsman soon followed.
"Your Majesty…" He boringly said "…your book, 'The Idiot's Guide to World Domination and Extermination by Reiji Nogi' that you ordered from Kamazon has just arrived. Should I…?"
"Yeah, yeah. Just put it on my desk."
Author's Note: …
Momotaros: Oh, great. Smelly flower woman's gone off somewhere. Oh well, better get that note she left. Ahem
"Hi, how's it been? Gee, this must have been the world's first Kamen Rider Den-O/Square Enix crossover chapter that I've ever done! Maybe in the world! And no reviews and comments?! You're going to make me…" Erm, now how should I say this…"shed some fluids on my eyelids. So you people are going to ask "Why on Earth would there be the Square Enix characters doing in a Den-O fanfiction? Well, the answer should be simple: I'm a Final Fantasy VII fan. And before you ask about Aerith having Sephiroth as her boyfriend; I AM AN AERISEPH FAN! You can shove those Cleris or Clorith comments somewhere else, I hate getting flamers. Also, this latest chapter took me a while, as I had troubles finding five characters that Hana can challenge, no matter how weird. Sephiroth and Aerith were easy, Smart Lady from Kamen Rider 555 was a bit of a spur moment; not sure why I put her in there; the Chocobo was also a spur moment and at one point, I thought of putting Demyx from Kingdom Hearts II in the last stage, but I thought I should put at least another cat fight to make it even funnier (and the only woman I could think of is Larxene from KH: Chain of Memories, which funnily enough, is the only woman in the entire Organization XIII group that Hana could face as her opponent) or just please the fans."
Urataros: Cat fight? Aaaw. I just missed the best part!
Ryutaros: NOOOOOOOOO! It's not true! It's not true!
Momotaros: Hey! Shut up you two! I'm trying to read for the readers!
"Anyway, please review and make a nice comment. It's really lonely! I never have a single one, since that last Alex Rider Yaoi fanfiction that I made! P.S. I admit that I hate Kabuto. That's why I made Sephiroth stabbed Tendou with Masamune as my way of saying that I hate men who are either rude, extra-arrogant or just plain emo. P.S.S. If you're wondering what on earth Ryutaros was talking about in the first stage, if you go to Wikipedia and type Kenichi Suzumura, look for Zack Fair and Ryutaros and you'll see what I mean."
EXTRA! The Miura and Ozaki Show! #2
Ozaki: Domo! I'm Ozaki!
Miura: sigh And I'm Miura!
Ozaki: And welcome to…
Ozaki + Miura: …THE MIURA AND OZAKI SHOW!
Ozaki: And…hey, what happened to the questions?!
Miura: It seems that no one would just come to our show and somehow just bringing questions to us. And what's worse is that the fan-created Kamen Rider fanfiction received more reviews than this. Even some guy named Igidevil or something has got some recognition on his Sig(BEEP) one!
Ozaki: You mean that we've been cast aside and we're not getting questions?!
Miura: Sorta like that.
Ozaki: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! There's only one thing to do on our last resort…
Miura: Which is…?
Ozaki: …DELETE THE WHOLE STORY AND MOVE IT RIGHT INTO LIVEJOURNAL!
Miura: WHAT?! Are you crazy?! Only the author can do this!
Ozaki: I don't care! I have her email address and password! So unless people give us questions by submitting theirs in the Submit Review button, I'm seriously going to delete it out of existence! I'M WARNING YOU! Laughs insanely
Miura: AAAAARGH! IT'S LIKE OZAKI-SAN'S BEEN POSSESSED BY EVIL SPIRITS, JUST LIKE RYOTARO-KUN!