Top Secret

by Shealtiel

Rated: T for sexual references, adult themes, violence and mild coarse language

Summary: "Oak, fourteen inches, unpliant and resilient, excellent for Transfiguration with a knack for Charms. Veela hair core."

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Tuesday, March 16th, 1976

4:23pm

Ancient Runes

I finished my work early. I'm getting a lot better at the thought transference spell. I can use it to take notes in class now. I have to concentrate really hard to do it, but it's a start. And when I do, I'm literally oblivious to everything else around me. Apparently Lily was trying to talk to me in class earlier today, but I was so concentrated on taking my notes with the spell, I didn't hear her.

Anyway, Gavin has a free period, so he came down to help me with my Chess some more. I'm getting a lot better under his tutelage. I never lose to Sirius anymore. I've also played pretty much every other Gryffindor who would agree to play me, and I've won every game so far. It's starting to become a challenge around the school. Who can beat Rose at Chess? Or maybe these guys are just trying to find excuses to spend time with me. Sigh.

It's Gavin's and my secret that he still beats me convincingly every single time. He says he's not interested in being hailed as the ultimate Chess champion. He says he likes to be known for Quidditch instead. He's the Ravenclaw Keeper, and he's pretty solid. We're playing them in two months, and it's the deciding match of the season. Our teams are real close.

Professor Dumbledore said on Friday that he thought I was doing really well with my Occlumency. He wants to start testing me in different settings where I might have other distractions or other things I have to be doing at the same time. He says I have to start recognising what Legilimency feels like, so I can detect it at any time, if it's being used against me. But I think I'm really starting to get the hang of it, and it's getting much more natural, which is good.

God, I can't believe how soon OWLs are. It's like, just over ten weeks till exams, and then a week and we'll be done. And then we'll be NEWT students. What career am I going to choose? What subjects should I do? What do I tell Professor McGonagall when she asks me next week. (I have my interview with her next week, about my career path.)

Oh. I just remembered I have to get through a whole summer in Marseille before any of that even starts. Walking down beaches where Sebastien and I walked and held hands and… it's gonna be very hard. To tell the truth, I still really miss him. I try not to, but I still think about him every day. What if I see him there?! What am I supposed to do? I'm sure I probably will see him, because of Michel and Clemence. And they might be getting married in July, and he'll definitely be at the wedding!

I've spent the past semester learning how to control my mental faculties. I should be able to control myself if I see him in Marseille. I should…

...key word being 'should'. Oh man.

Okay, chill. That's still 12 weeks away. I have to deal with Chess, and Quidditch, and my OWLs before then. It's going to be fine.

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4:52pm

Ancient Runes

Why do I suck so much at this stupid game?

Gavin: "Correction: why am I so awesome at it?" I am rolling my eyes big time. What a show off. Anyway, he beat me again. Isn't that just stellar news? Aren't you just overjoyed to hear that, Diary?

Will I ever be good enough to beat him? Seriously!

Maybe I need to spend more time meditating. And while I'm doing it, I'll think about Chess. It's all I think about these days anyway. Night and day, Chess Chess Chess. I even have dreams about Chess. Nightmares, mostly, where I'm losing, over and over and over again. The worst part about those ones is that they mirror real life. Sometimes I even have nightmares where I'm being hunted down by an entire army of giant Chess pieces. Frightening stuff, I'm telling you.

What is wrong with me? I have serious problems.

Thank god, there's the bell.

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