Caress
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Entry One
I know you can't stand to look at me… Probably
can't even stand the thought of me…
So… I'm going to tell the truth… all of it. I can't
write it all at once… it's too hard. But I'll tell
you everything.
What I did. Why I did it. And what happened…
after…
I know you probably don't want to listen. But…
I… I beg you… Please read… I can't send it
all at once… it's too hard… too…
I'm sorry… about the tears on the page I
mean. I c-can't help it.
Okay… Here I go.
Alone. That's all I had felt after she died. I
failed to save her. Everyone knew that
already. But how weak it made me feel.
Forever knowing that I was at fault for
the death of the one person I cared more
about than anyone else in the entire world.
Every night for ages I cried myself to sleep.
Every moment in my misery I begged Akane
to forgive me. For not being strong enough.
For not being able to make her eyes open
that day.
The others began to drift away after that.
Ukyo tried- I can't remember for how
long –to make me see reason. To make
me return to who I was. To make me…
live.
But I couldn't.
She was gone. How could I possibly survive
when she was gone? I hadn't even known
it at the time. She was… was everything. At
the time… god I was such a fool! At the time
I thought of her as a friend. If even that! I
discarded the chances she gave me. Never
taught her martial arts, or spent the time to
teach her how to cook. I could have… I
should have… if only…
I loved her. More than the world. I'd have
given everything for just one moment to tell
her… If it would get me a minute with her I
would… would…
Heh… sorry… I tear up sometimes when I think
about her too long. That's why… why I always
cried. It wasn't 'Ranma.' It was Akane. You
probably want to kill me… don't you Ryoga? I
don't blame you. God, I want to kill me. I
deserve to die… for what I did to you… to
them.
To us…
Please…
Please forgive me…
For Akane I'd move a mountain… for you I'd…
I'd…
Forget her…
Please…
Please forgive me.
I love you.
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Received August 15rd 2004
Entry Two
It… it'll be hard to believe… sorry about last time.
I doubt you have much pity… I… I know I wouldn't.
I never would have told you either so I guess… I
guess that makes it even worse.
I… I'm just stalling, aren't I…?
Okay… Here goes…
Ranma left… I left… trying to find Akane. There…
well you know there was never any body found. I
thought… hoped that she was alive.
Gods... I can't.. I'm s-sorry… N-next time…
Please… If there's anyway you… you can…
Please forgive me.
I love you.
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Received August 16th 2004
Entry Three
I found her… I found A-Akane… Ryoga… She was…
was… dead…
Her body was… It was rotting. A rotting c-corpse…
B-buried under all the rubble the collapse caused. I…
Gods her eyes were gone! M-Maggots… I… felt so…
god… I wanted her to forgive me… can't you
possibly understand? Please?
I never meant for things to happen this way.
There… under the rubble that was once Mount
Phoenix, I buried her. Cleaned her… The phoenix
helped. Th-they… they made her a crystal c-coffin…
Told me it would preserve her for a thousand years.
Preserve what was… was left of her.
Sh-she's… she's still there. I… I can show you… if
you could… could stand to look at me…
"Here lies Akane Tendo, My Tomboy… Always"
I… I never was much for words… Sh-she… she knew
that. I don't even know if… if she loved me back. I…
I was greedy… I wanted her to myself. I… god I'm so
sorry.
I know I should've… should've brought her home in
defeat and disgrace but I couldn't… I had to find a
way to ask for forgiveness.
Y-you… you probably think I'm twisted... insane.
Maybe I was… But I'm not anymore!
I want… I want you now…
I've moved on… and I'd like to hope that Akane
has forgiven me by now.
Please…let me…
Please forgive me.
I love you.
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Received August 17th 2004
Entry Four
I was insane… I went mad in my grief. Every night
I damned myself for not being good enough. For not
teaching her. For not spending the time we had
together like I should've. I loved her more than
anything.
But… not as much as I… love you…
I went to the spring. The spring they made where
Akane drowned but somehow managed to live. I
dunked myself in male form.
Y-you could probably guess what happened after
that. I was… insane I know. I was Akane. But still
whenever I was dunked with hot water I reverted
to my female form. From that day on I've never
been a man.
I did it to try to atone. To… to do something. I hated
myself with every fiber of my being. I wanted to kill
myself but I couldn't. I wanted to be with her more
than anything… but I was a coward. I was too afraid.
Or too stupid. Maybe it would have been better if I'd
just ended it there.
But I couldn't. I'd already gone half way. I had to
keep going.
I went to the Musk lands where I met Herb. He gave
me… gave me the Kaisuifuu. And I locked myself.
F-from that day on, I made myself Akane. To… to
make it up to her family. So that... so that she
could... could live on... through me.
Y-You… You know most of the rest. The lie I told
everyone. Make no mistake… It was a complete
lie… I… Gods I can't believe I…
I… Can't seem to stop, can I? Th-this… whole
paper will probably be soaked…
D-did you laugh?
I hope you did…
Please… I'll do anything…
Please forgive me.
I love you.
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Received August 19th 2004
Entry Five
I told you all… I told you all that I had died. That
'Ranma' had given up his soul to return Akane's.
Mine I called it.
I decided, to make it up to Akane, for the life she
had lost, that I'd lose my own life too. That I'd…
live for her! And…and maybe she could… could
live through me.
I tried to be like her. Tried my best. And it… it
worked. We held a funeral for 'Ranma.' And…
and you were there… you held me. I remember
it… So well.
I couldn't snap… well I did a little. You
remember. I did my best to keep my temper
when you were comforting 'Akane.' That's what
Akane would have done. She wouldn't have gotten
mad at you for trying to comfort her.
Or would she?
I… I wish I knew. All I know now is that… your
comfort, even though you were consoling me about
my own death I replaced Akane every time you said
Ranma. It felt… good. I… I got better. After a while
I could… could smile again.
I took comfort in P-chan. It wasn't until then that
I understood why Akane love her… P-chan so much.
She… she was probably thinking about her mother.
I… I cried to you late at night. I always knew it was
you though.
And you… stayed.
I remember when I 'found out' about P-chan and you
being… being the same person. I acted so mad at
you… it was all a lie… I knew all along… all along
I… I…
Gods I'm so sorry… Everything we know about each
other is… is a lie…
But…
Please forgive me.
I love you.
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Received August 20th 2004
Entry Six
Time passed. We moved on. I began to forget about
Ranma. Forget about Akane and move on with
actually being her. You know all about the amnesia
that I feigned. I didn't know all the things Akane
knew. Didn't know the names of all her friends.
Didn't know her favorite candies. Didn't know.
So anything that seemed unusual, or not like the old
Akane, I chalked up to that story. That my memories
weren't all there, from being pulled back from death.
And who could counter it? No one knew… no one
suspected.
You were always there. Even after the P-chan thing.
Of course I forgave you. I… By then I… couldn't
lose you. Not you too.
Not you who came to me in the night when you
thought I was asleep and kissed me on my
forehead with your little snout. Not you who
held me when it was all I could do not to kill
myself with the memories of Akane and of what
I had done.
More time passed. We grew closer. You began training
me, like I always should have trained her. I'd… grown
slack by then. I probably was little better then her by
then anyways.
But you brought me back. I learned… acted like I'd
developed all Ranma's techniques on my own from
memory. Another lie.
God, how could you possibly not hate me…
But… It wasn't Akane you loved at that alter. No
matter how much I tried to be like her I'm… I'm not
her…
You l-loved… me…
So Please…
Please forgive me.
I love you.
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Received August 21st 2004
Entry Seven
I could hardly believe it. It… it seemed like no time but…
suddenly a year had passed since she died. Th-things were…
were looking up. I was going to college and you'd found
a cure for your directional curse.
I'd finally gotten over my 'amnesia' so everyone thought.
Really all that had happened was I paid attention. Found
out everything I needed to know. Asked questions about
Akane's past, so I'd know the answers if I ever needed
them.
I'm a liar and a fake. Through and through.
Even so, I fooled everyone. Even you, who knew Akane
better than even I did.
It was so sudden. One day, I was off guard. You'd
comforted me for so long, I'd never actually thought you'd
take any chances at... well…
You asked me out…
And I… I said yes.
My friends… no… Akane's friends were all so excited.
They were happy for me! Cheered me up. Got me pumped
for it. I was a perfectly good girl and just because I was
practically a widow was no reason for me not to try again!
But… even without them, I still would've said yes. Even
without trying to act like Akane, I would have said yes.
I… I fell in love with you Ryoga.
All those times you were there for me. All those times I needed
comfort. Whenever I was lonely or sad, you'd suddenly show
up, for no reason. You were completely lost.
It was so cute. I always sort of liked that you got lost even
though I was so glad for you when you finally did fix your
curse. Because… when you were lost… you would always
show up when I needed you the most.
So… So we dated. Y-you know all this… You've seen it.
You watched me fall in love with you.
I felt… so guilty. The whole time… ever since I first realized
what was happening.
I know I should have told you. It was like a permanent lump
of… of Akane's cooking stuck at the back of my throat.
Even at the best of times… I still felt guilty… always… I
tried so hard… but I always wished…
And that w-wasn't…
I didn't lie the day I told you I loved you…
I didn't…
I didn't lie when I told you I loved you after we
first made love.
I didn't lie after you proposed…
I didn't…
I didn't lie six years later when you asked me if
we were ready to have a baby!
I never lied! Not once!
Not when you asked to name him… Ranma…
and I… declined! I never lied!
I promise…
God… I promise…
I love you.
Please… please forgive me.
I love you.
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Received August 24th 2004
Entry Eight
Please reply…
I… I'll do anything Ryoga…
I'd… god I…
Please… Please Reply…
Please…
If… If there isn't any chance… of us… ever… If…
If you can't… then…
Take care of Otenba. I'll understand if… if you
don't want me anywhere near him. I don't
deserve to be his mother. I don't deserve…
God I can't…
I can't give him up Ryoga!
Even if you can't stand me I… he's my son!
Please…
I beg you…
I love you.
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Received August 25th 2004
Meet me at dawn. The rooftop. We'll talk there.
Ranma.
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August 26th 2004
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"Ranma." Ryoga said, looking at the girl.
Ranma flinched. She hadn't been called that in ages. Years even. She stood on the roof, facing him. He whom she'd known since as far as she could remember. Before all this he'd been nothing more than a rival to her. But now… now everything had changed.
A wind flustered around her, battering at her. She shivered. It felt as if Akane's enraged spirit was biting her. For all the wrong she had done. It was much less than she deserved, she thought.
She'd thought… hoped, Akane had forgiven her. Now, she wasn't so sure.
"Ryoga I…"
Ryoga turned away, facing the sunrise.
"Ryoga…" Ranma trailed off. God what could she say? What could she do?
Silence permeated the early morning.
"It's beautiful isn't it. The sunrise I mean." Ryoga said. He sat down, looking towards it with longing eyes.
Ranma took a few belated steps forward. Hope and despair brimmed in her like two opposing ends of a storm.
'Please…' She thought desperately.
"Come sit." Ryoga ordered. Ranma obeyed, sitting next to him where he pointed.
"I… I'm so sorry…" she began. "I—"
"Come on now…" Ryoga interrupted, grabbing her chin and pulling her eyes up to meet his. "That's not the girl I fell in love with."
He paused for a moment and pulled out the letters. "This girl isn't the one I fell in love with."
He threw them in Ranma's face. "You know what you want. You did something stupid. Really stupid." He paused once more. "Incredibly stupid."
Ranma's head lowered with every word, shame bearing down on her like a boulder doubling in size on her back. Her eyes reached her lap once more and again Ryoga grabbed her chin and raised them to meet his.
"But I know you. Akane… Ranma… I… I was so mad… but we've been mad before." Ryoga said.
In the pit of her stomach the battle began to rage further. And Hope. Hope was winning. Did she dare hope?
"I… I loved her so much… every bit as much as you, Ranma! H-how could you!? How could you deny me… the chance to… to look at her… her grave? How could you deny me that!?" Ryoga exclaimed, topic changing right before Ranma's eyes.
"I… I don't know! I'm sorry! I was… was distraught! I told you... told you in the—!"
"Sorry isn't good enough!" Ryoga screamed, startling a flock of morning birds out of the trees. "Eight years! Eight years I've gone thinking he was dead! And now… now… after all this time… after all we've been through… I find out… she… she really was the one who died… after all. And all the while I was falling in love with… with…!"
"I know… I know… I…"
Suddenly Ryoga embraced the girl, plunging his face into her shoulder.
"After all this time… It's been you. And her that was dead…" The ex-lost boy whispered into her shoulder, tears flowing from his eyes.
"Yes… I… Yes…"
It was a short time but to Ranma it seemed forever. Held in his arms, her own wrapped as comfortingly as she could manage around his colossal shoulders. Tears streaming down her own cheeks.
Forever, passed, and ever so slowly, Ryoga raised his head from her shoulders and looked at her. Hope welled like a spring in her… for he was smiling.
"You forget, dummy…" He said. "You comforted me too… Ranma… Ranma was my friend. My best friend… But when Akane came back… telling us that Ranma gave himself… I felt… assured. This was what he wanted… what was right."
Ranma couldn't say anything, as Ryoga broke down again, collapsing once more onto her shoulders. The wind bit at her, freezing for what should be august heat. Chilling her and making her own tears feel salty as they trailed to her lips.
"I thought it was what he wanted. I'd always hoped I had his blessing… I guess… I guess I did…" Were the next words he muffled into her shoulder.
He raised himself, and looked into her eyes, again with that grin.
"R-Ryoga…"
"So… if I'd known… If Akane had never walked back to the Tendo's that day… do you think… do you think I would have gotten that? Would we have ever… ever…"
Ranma stared up into her eyes, hope welling so much it was about to burst. She nodded slowly. "I… like to think… even if I hadn't done… done this… we… me an' you would've… would've…"
"Then… Ranma…" Ryoga interrupted again, slowly, but Ranma wasn't about to think about anger.
He leaned his face close to hers… tears still welling in his eyes.
"I haven't forgiven you yet… But… I can. Because… you're right. You loved me then. You… you love me now… There's just… one thing I need."
"Anything." Ranma said without hesitation.
"I need you… Not this… I need the real Ranma. Unlock the Kaisuifuu. You don't have to lie to me anymore… You don't have to lie to anyone anymore. The others… they might not forgive. Maybe never. But I need that. I need to see my Ranma-chan. Because…"
Ranma tensed in horror and joy and unthinkable desire.
"The name doesn't matter." He said, and placing his hand on her heart, he continued, "Only what's here… You are mine. I love you. Ranma Hibiki."
Tears, this time of joy, and happiness unlike any other overswept Ranma, as she grappled her husband in a grip that could kill a lesser man. She was free. Free of the shackle that was her lie. Her sin. He accepted her. He forgave her.
He loved her.
And… that was all that mattered.
As they kissed, the breeze that she had thought of as freezing before, changed. Still cold, it was no longer a biting anger. Through the redemption of her soul, the wind changed.
It was Akane's wind. And through the warmth of Ryoga's arms wrapped around her small frame, it became a loving caress of forgiveness.
"Thank you, Akane… Thank you…"
The wind only danced in delight.
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A Materia-Blade One-shot.
Inspired By Sinom Bre's Story:
Cast a Second Line into the Sea
…
…
I don't think I've ever felt so good at finishing a one-shot before.
I'm really becoming pretty damn sappy lately ain't I? Heh. Well that's what ya get! Who knows? Maybe this'll turn into another megalithic uber-fic. It's original. I can tell you that.
Review if you feel the need. It would be greatly appreciated.