Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

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"Malfoy, if you don't stop staring at me, I'll hex you so hard your kids will feel it."

"Well, Granger, maybe you should stop hiking your skirt up so high. You look like a stripper in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit."

"You're such a pervert, you inbred git! And just because I'm better than you at everything doesn't mean you have to drool over me constantly."

"You're not better than me at anything, you prissy little swot! Just because you kiss all the professors' arses and wipe Potter's bum for him, you think you're Queen of the universe. Shit, I could teach you a thing or two-"

"Fuck you, Malfoy!"

"Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy! Lower your voices at once! You are the Head Girl and Boy, I expect you to set a better example of decorous behavior. This is the library, not the Quidditch pitch."

"Sorry, Madam Pince."

"You're such a ruddy brown-noser, Granger."

"SOD OFF, Malfoy!"

"Make me!"

"OUT! OUT! Both of you, OUT! I will not tolerate such behavior in my library! OUT!"

--

"Can I help you, Granger?"

"Get out of my way, Malfoy, you're blocking the door."

"And what if I don't feel like it?"

"I'll stick my wand somewhere you don't want it to go."

"Hmm, tempting as that is, Granger, I think I'll just stay where I am."

"Goddamn it, Malfoy, move your arse!"

"No."

"You're such an insufferable bastard!"

"Mr. Malfoy, Miss Granger, five points apiece for quarreling and obstructing the doorway to my classroom. You two aren't starting your seventh year off very well now, are you? Do try to at least pretend to get along, will you please?"

"Yes, Professor McGonagall."

"Good. Now, run along, class starts in three minutes."

"Yes, Professor McGonagall."

"Yes, Professor McGonagall, of course , Professor McGonagall, can I stick my nose even farther up your arse while I'm kissing it, Professor McGonagall-"

"FUCK OFF, MALFOY!"

"Oww, that was my ear, you bitch! You punched me in the ear! Wow, that was a nice punch."

"Shut up, and quit following me!"

--

"Hello, Granger, trying to sneak a peak at the Malfoy family jewels?"

"Goddamn it, Malfoy, most people lock the door when they plan on taking a bath."

"Oh, don't try to make it sound like an accident, I know you've wanted my goods for months."

"WHAT-"

"Come on, I saw the look on your face when you found out the Head Boy and Girl have adjoining rooms and share a bathroom. You were ecstatic."

"I was nauseous , you dolt! You think I WANT to see you naked?"

"You're still standing there, aren't you?"

"Aaaaugh!"

"Sure you don't want to join me? The water's nice."

SLAM

--

"Hey, Malfoy, can I borrow a quill? I broke the tip off my last one."

"I dunno, Granger, what are you going to do for me?"

"Refrain from cursing your balls off."

"Tsk tsk, is that anyway to ask for a favor? I think you'd better start begging."

"Can I borrow the bloody quill or not?"

"I suppose."

" Thank you."

"Miss Granger, will you please stop harassing Mr. Malfoy? You've caused enough distractions in class as it is with your incessant questions."

"But Professor Snape-"

"No excuses, Miss Granger, and five points from Gryffindor for talking back to a teacher. Now, back to jobberknoll feathers…"

"Yeah, Granger, stop harassing me. How am I supposed to learn anything with you around?"

"Goddamn it, Malfoy, you simpering son of a-"

"Miss Granger, I believe I have already asked you once to leave Mr. Malfoy alone. You will serve detention with me tonight, six p.m. sharp!"

"Yes, Professor Snape."

--

"Hey, Granger, how was detention- whoa, sorry!"

"MALFOY! Most people have the decency to KNOCK before barging into someone's private quarters!"

"Well, I didn't expect you to be walking around in your knickers! Although I'd have come in a lot sooner if I'd known…"

"Get out!"

"Can I have my quill back first? I lent you my favorite one."

" GET OUT! "

"Oww! I'm going, I'm going! You don't have to throw things at me! Shit!"

--

KNOCK KNOCK

"You can come in, Granger."

"How did you know it was me?"

"I dunno."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry to see that you're fully dressed now."

"Yes, well, erm, Malfoy… I wanted to apologize for throwing that book at you. I feel really bad that I made your head bleed."

"Yeah, well, nothing a little healing charm couldn't fix. Besides, that wasn't the first time a girl's thrown things at me and it probably won't be the last."

"Right… erm, here's your quill."

"Thanks."

"Well, uh, it's late…"

"You alright, Granger? You seem a bit edgy."

"I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

--

"Owwwww! Oh my GOD ohmygodohmygod-"

"Granger, what the bloody hell is wrong with you?"

"Oh JEEEEESUS- I got a huge splinter in my palm from this fucking tree! Ooooh!"

"I'll go get Hagrid or Potter, they're right over there-"

"No! Get it out, Malfoy, holy SHIT it hurts so bad!"

"Alright, Christ! Let me see it… Merlin, it's the size of a quill nib!"

"Aaaaaaaugh, if only I had some tweezers…"

"Tweezers? I'm a wizard, you twit, and I don't need fucking tweezers! Here, I'll get it- hold still, will you?"

"Oooooh…"

"Stop crying, I can't concentrate if you cry… Vellus!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAACK!"

"See? All better."

"Oh god, Malfoy, thank you!"

"Yeah, yeah, now go away. Pothead and Weaslekins are glaring at me, and I'd rather not disrupt your precious Care of Magical Menaces class, eh?"

"Right… erm, thanks again…"

"Hermione, are you okay?"

"You've got blood all over your hand!"

"What happened?! Did Malfoy do something to you?!"

"Ooh, I'll get him good-"

"Ron, Harry, it's okay! I hurt my hand and Malfoy fixed it."

"He did? He didn't hex you or anything?"

"No."

"Huh. That's odd."

--

"Morning, Granger. Mind if I join you? Got to get my hair perfect, you know."

"Malfoy, can't I brush my teeth in peace?"

"I don't know why you bother doing that at all. Why don't you just use the Dental Charm?"

"There's something satisfying about brushing your teeth every morning. And the Dental Charm never cleans quite as well as a toothbrush."

"Whatever you say, Granger."

"Haven't you ever tried cleaning your teeth the Muggle way, Malfoy?"

"Of course not!"

"You should try it! I've got an extra toothbrush here somewhere…"

"No way."

"Oh, come on. It really does feel good. And besides, guys who brush their teeth are much more kissable."

"More what ?"

"Kissable. I would much rather snog a guy who's been brushing his teeth than one who's lazy and only uses the Dental Charm."

"Oh, alright, fine. But don't tell any of the Slytherins, okay? I'd never hear the end of it if they knew I used such a… Muggle implement."

"Deal."

"Okay, Granger- what do I do?"

"Well, first let me find that other toothbrush…okay, here we go. This is toothpaste, it tastes nice and minty. Here you are, now just brush it back and forth on your teeth."

"Like thish?"

"Uh huh. And don't forget the ones in the back. You can spit the foam out when there's too much… I meant in the sink, you idiot! Tee hee, you're doing great!"

"How long am I shupposhed to do thish for?"

"As long as you want, but I'd say you're probably clean enough by now. Okay, now rinse and spit. See, doesn't that feel nice?"

"Huh, that does feel nice! I gotta hand it to you Granger, you're right."

"I told you."

"Now what was that about the kissable part?"

"Ha ha, Malfoy, very funny."

"Just remember, you promised not to tell anyone."

"I only said I wouldn't tell any Slytherins. I can't wait to tell Harry and Ron about the Great Malfoy losing his dental virginity..."

"You wouldn't!"

"All right, I wouldn't really. But just remember this the next time you're tormenting me: make me mad enough, and I'll spill the beans to all of Gryffindor."

"You are evil. You could've been a Slytherin."

"And have to spend even more time with you than I'm already forced to? I don't think so."

"You like spending time with me, admit it."

"Never."

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Yay! The first of the two part series! R&R, lovers!!

-AG