The usually stern Professor McGonagall repressed a snigger as she pushed the last pin into place. Glancing down she watched Professor Flitwick cackling away as he imagined the replies that would soon appear on the parchment.

The teachers had decided to cheer the students up a bit so they had decided to put up comment sheets on the notice board in the entrance hall.

It read: A New Perspective On Relationships; Pick Up Lines For Magical People.

You put the charm in charming.

Oh please! (Hermione and Ginny)

Yeah, who would fall for that one? Even worse, who would use it? (Ron)

Only someone incredibly dumb…like Malfoy. (Harry)

Which one of us gets the girls, and which one doesn't? (Draco)

…um… (Harry)

My point exactly. (Draco)

Feel like uncrumpling my Snorkack?

Best not let Luna see that. Oh…hi Luna. (Ron)

That is not funny. It is incredibly hurtful. (Luna)

Yeah, we know. (Ginny)

We all saw what happened to Neville when he used it on Luna. (Fred)

I didn't. What happened? (Draco)

Let's just say…Neville won't be out of St Mungo's for a while. (George)

Never knew she could get so angry. (Hermione)

Or that she could turn him into a mandrake. (Ron)

Poor guy. (Harry)

What engorgement charms did you use on that tent?

That's wrong on so many levels. (Ginny)

Not to all of us. (Draco)

So…I take it you've used one on yours, then? (Hermione)

I thought only Weasley's could blush that much. (Harry, on seeing Malfoy's response)

Your common room or mine?

The teachers are encouraging us to break the rules? (Hermione)

Well, they aren't exactly as clear as Ron's crystal ball, if you know what I mean. (Lee)

Enlighten us. (Harry)

I heard the stoic McGonagall does let her hair down…very occasionally. (Lee)

On what planet? (Ron)

Weasley! (McGonagall)

Oops. (Ron)

Don't ride brooms…ride quidditch players instead!

Huh? I don't get that one. Care to explain Harry? (Neville)

Uh… (Harry)

How do you write a snigger? (Draco)

Why don't you explain it to him, Malfoy? You are the school stud. (Hermione)

How 'bout you test that one on me, Granger? (Draco)

… (Hermione)

Grr! (Harry, Ron, George, Fred, Lee)

… (Hermione)

Poor Hermione, Malfoy just made a pass at her. And who would ever want that? (Ginny)

It worked on you didn't it? (Draco)

… (Hermione)

… (Harry, Ron, Fred George)

What? They're both hot. (Draco)

Someone call the nurse. Hermione fainted. And Malfoy has a broken nose thanks to Ron. (Harry)

Don't forget that he needs someone to take the Bat Bogey Hex off him…'cos Ginny sure as hell won't do it anytime soon. (Dean)

Wanna see my restricted section?

Even Ron wouldn't use that line. (Ginny)

Let's ask the expert. Hermione, did he use it on you? (Harry)

(looks shifty) Maybe. (Hermione)

We're sorry, but Harry and Ginny can't come to the parchment right now as they are both rolling their eyes in Ron's direction. (Neville)

Let's have a duel… in bed.

Who came up with these? (Draco)

Although that's kinda a good one. (Blaise)

I am hereby refusing to acknowledge that I know you. (Draco)

I'm sure he feels the same about you all the time, ferret. After all; who wouldn't. (Ginny)

Nice burn! (Hermione)

I try. (Ginny)

Did you put a Permanent Sticking Charm on my eyes…because I can't seem to take them off you?

That one might work actually. (Harry)

Yeah, 'cos we all know you're desperate for some play, Potter. Even you might get lucky with this line. (Draco)

Malfoy, I don't know if you realise this, but you just agreed with Harry. (Hermione)

…shut up. (Draco)

Nice. (Ron)

When I looked into the Mirror of Erised, all I saw was you.

Awwwwwwwww! (All girls of Hogwarts)

Mind if we puke here? (Draco)

That's so sickly I wonder if Snape came up with these. (Ron)

Actually it was me, Mr Weasley. (Dumbledore)

When have you ever needed one? Sir? (Harry)

You would be surprised. (Dumbledore)

And that's all we need say about the subject. (glares at Dumbledore) (McGonagall)

EW!!!!!!!! (All students of Hogwarts)

I don't speak Parseltongue, but you can unleash your Basilisk on me any day.

Somehow I think this one is to be directed at Harry Potter. (Ron)

I don't have a basilisk! (Harry)

Oh really? Let's ask someone who knows, shall we? Ginny…any comments? (Lavender)

Oh! Look at the time! I really must run! (Ginny)

Ginny? It's not true is it? Ginny? Ginny?! (glares at Harry) (Ron)

I got a new broom…wanna take it for a test drive?

Technically only quidditch players could use this one and get away with it. (Hermione)

Works for us! (All house quidditch teams)

If loving you is a crime, then send me to Azkaban pronto.

I gotta remember that one. (Draco)

Even you wouldn't use one that corny. (Hermione)

Who says? I have never charmed you. (Draco)

Doesn't that tell you enough? (Hermione)

Hey, how 'bout you and I go out sometime? (Draco)

…I think I'm gonna be sick. (Hermione)

I found a copy of the Karma Sutra in the library and read it cover to cover; now I want to test it…feel like helping?

Is that book even in the library? (Hermione)

Don't you know? (Harry)

What's the Karma Sutra? (Ron)

Got me. Granger? Feel like sharing? (Draco)

I don't know if I should. (Hermione)

Ooh! Miss Prissy does know what it is. (Parvati)

You really are one of us after all. (Lavender)

Have you read it? (Parvati)

…Yeah. (Hermione)

You go girl! (Angelina)

Never thought you had it in you to read that one. (The Patil Twins)

Will someone just say what it is already?! (Ron)

Fine. It was the first sex manual written. But you have to be really bendy to do the positions. (Hermione, reluctantly)

You've read a sex manual? (Harry, deeply shocked)

I've said too much. (Hermione)

I'm liking you better already. (Draco)

Stay away from me ferret. (Hermione)

I saw in my crystal ball that by midnight you'll be my love slave.

Finally, one for us! (Lavender and Parvati)

Did Trelawny come up with this? (Ron)

Yes, actually. I just thought it was time to pass the torch to the younger generation. (Trelawny)

I think I'm scarred for life. (Ron)

Is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Good one for girls to use. (Lavender)

Yeah, we hardly have any. (Ginny)

For good reason! (Ron)

Just because you can't chat girls up without humiliating yourself, doesn't mean everyone acts like you. (Ginny)

I think he means that you're all so gorgeous that you don't need- (???)

If anyone's looking for Neville, please try the bottom of the Black Lake. (Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Lee, Draco, Blaise, Dean and Seamus)

Get him out of there! (Hermione)

Harry, you tell her. You're the only one brave enough. (Ron)

No, Hermione. (Harry)

NOW!!!!!!! (Hermione)

Yes, dear. (Ron)

Right away! (Harry)

It's already done. (Fred, George)

She reminds me of your mother, Weasley. (Lee)

You're not the only one. (All other boys)

Do you like it doggie-style?

Alright, who let Sirius come up with one? (Harry)

I wonder who he used it on. Mind you, I wonder who he didn't use it on. (Ron)

You really don't want to know who received that one. (Lupin)

Tell us. (Harry)

Please. (Hermione)

That line earned him two black eyes and a broken rib from James. (Lupin)

No way! He used it on my mother? (Harry)

Yup, James sure gave him hell for that. And that's nothing compared to what SHE did to him. (Lupin)

I'll bet. (Hermione)

I invented a new love potion, but you'll have to kiss me for it to become effective.

Smooth. (Harry)

Better than screaming at the poor girl, eh Ron? (George)

Shut up! (Ron)

If I had a knut for every second I've been looking at you, I'd have ten galleons.

STALKER!!!! (Hermione)

Calm down. (Ron)

If some bloke said that to me I would hit them. (Hermione)

I'm with you, girl. No one wants to sleep with a stalker. (Angelina)

Baby, you must be a broom, 'cause you just swept me off my feet.

Again with the broom thing. Who wrote these? (Harry)

Scarily enough I think Dumbledore did. (Ron)

Nah, must be someone like Snape. (Fred)

Who would ever make a pass at him? (Ginny)

Hey! (Snape)

I may be in Slytherin but my snake won't bite.

Alright, who blabbed? (Draco)

Malfoy, are you saying you came up with this? (Ron)

I didn't say that! (Draco)

Yeah, you did. (Harry)

Well at least Slytherins have the snake for inspiration. What do you Griffindorks have? (Draco)

I got one for you. How about: This lion'll make you roar. (Harry)

Nice! (Ron)

Use that on us and we will hit you. (Gryffindor girls)

Agreed. (All other girls in the school)