Summary: He's not built to stand on the sidelines. She's not built to let people help her.
Timeline: 3x09: "Spit & Eggs"
Disclaimer: I own nothing, nada, nilch. Lyrics are from the song Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls.
A/N: Been in a bit of a funk since the cancellation of the show, but motivated to get back to the grind after discovering the VM application on Facebook. Quality time spent on quotes and trivia, followed by a YouTube marathon re-watching all my favourite LoVe moments. Much like Buffy, Alias, and Gilmore Girls before it, the show will live on through fanfic!

Inspired by the second last scene of the episode, my favourite moment. So understated and powerful at the same time. That look in Logan's eyes…oh my. Enjoy!

This Moment
Part 1/2

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

-

He's feeling a million things at once, so sudden and so forceful that he feels like he's been run over by a truck. In fact, the idea seems like a welcome alternative to what he's feeling right now.

He knows he should have gone to see her, to make sure she was okay, but he also knows it would have been pointless.

She's always okay.

She's made it quite clear that she doesn't need him. That she is perfectly capable of taking care of herself and that if he couldn't accept that then he couldn't accept her. That she doesn't need to be protected by him or anyone else. In fact, if he had gone over there she probably would've been aloof and calm about everything that had happened, brushed off his concern, and sent him on his way.

He knows that if he had gone over there, he would have gathered her up into his arms and never let her go. He would've yelled and screamed and told her how stupid it was to go after the rapist by herself. She would have gotten angry right back at him, all her defenses and instincts kicking in, making her even more unreasonable than usual.

But he wouldn't have cared.

He wouldn't have cared because all he would have been able to think about was how scared he was when Keith had called him. How he had prayed to God, asked Him to answer his prayer justthisonce, even though he certainly didn't deserve it. How he had sobbed in quiet relief when he had found out she was okay.

Regardless, he knows it is a moot point now.

He knows "justice" has been done and that she's okay and that's all that should matter. He knows that her father and her friends are probably with her right now, keeping an eye on her, making sure she's comfortable. Probably driving her crazy with their concern.

Besides, how can he look her in the eye, knowing that it was he who had welcomed Mercer into their lives. He, who had given the sonofabitch an alibi. Who had gotten Veronica to prove the guy's innocence.

The irony of it all causes the bile to rise up in his throat.

He knows she doesn't need him to protect her. Wouldn't want him to do anything stupid. He knows this but can't stop himself all the same. His guilt and his anger are pushing against each other, spurring him into action. Assuring him that what he's about to do is not only the right thing, but the only thing.

Someone's always supposed to pay.

As the gate creaks open he unconsciously clenches his fists, ready for the satisfaction that this will bring to the intense rage swirling inside him; the rage that was ignited into a full blown explosion when he first smashed the bat into the windshield of the cruiser.

He steps into the tiny, familiar cell. His eyes clear and focus as they connect with Mercer's. He can see that the other boy knows exactly what's coming next; is ready for and resigned to it.

When his fists make contact with Mercer's face with an unmistakable crack, he feels strangely at peace for the first time in so long. Everything else flies from his mind as he throws punch after punch. Throwing all his pain and fear and love into every swing.

Pain for not being able to protect her, fear for almost losing her, and love for every fiber of her being.

He doesn't think, or care, about what consequences will come after. What she will think when she finds out, how mad she will be, or even what the cops will do when they finally realize what he's doing. Nothing matters except this moment.

After all, he's not built to stand on the sidelines.

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