100 Things
Disclaimer: I must admit, I stole this idea from my best friend Laura, but I did help her write an Atlantis version, even though I have never watched the series.
1. The Captain is always right
2. Even when you think she is wrong, refer to rule number 1
3. Blow up the warp core and you will die. Literally
4. Playing tag with phasers or compression phaser rifles is deadly. Q would have fun with this
5. Do not encourage Q
6. As omnipotent as he may be, Q is not always right
7. Crashing shuttles will only bury you further in the captain's bad books
8. When the Chief Engineer finds out, you're dead
9. Tinkering with the Doctor's program will only aggravate him further
10. It will also put you in B'Elanna's bad books
11. Trying to hook up the Captain and Commander will not work or earn you brownie points if you get caught
12. It will, however, work to some degree if you blame it on Q
13. Being impersonated by enemies does not work when you try and communicate with your friends and family. This goes the same for the Doctor impersonating any member of the senior officers
14. Do not play golf in the corridors
15. Engineering is out of bounds to those with god complexes, the daydreaming Doctor included
16. Daydreaming is not for holograms
17. Telepathic abilities are dangerous if you don't know how to control them
18. Being telepathic is also dangerous with the Devore scanning your ship
19. Don't provoke the Borg!
20. Getting assimilated willingly should be avoided
21. This can be reversed if you have many back up plans
22. The Bridge is not an appropriate place for a party
23. Never trust Tom Paris with a secret
24. Or any type of celebratory party
25. The Borg are not pets
26. As fun as it is to remove Neelix's ability to communicate, even Q copped the Captain's wrath for this trick
27. Neelix is not a rat or a pet
28. Travelling through enemy territory without shields is a bad idea
29. Especially when they want to kill you
30. The Ocampa are the only friendly natives in the Delta Quadrant; everyone else wants to kill us
31. Note to self: Never let the Hirogen take over the ship. EVER
32. Borg cannot be trusted while connected to any type of Hive mind
33. Bugs can be very big when uncontrolled
34. Compression phaser rifles are good for blowing things up with, especially when it has been 'modified' by B'Elanna Torres
35. Do not visit Sickbay after an eventful game on the Holodeck resulting in injury if you don't want a lecture from the Doctor
36. You cannot call in sick to your duty shift if the Captain knows where you were last night, especially if she beat you at pool again
37.Tom Paris is the second best pool player on Voyager
38. The Captain has beaten him many times and remains undefeated
39. There is a cure to the common cold. It is not a viable reason to avoid work, a duty shift or an away mission
40. Reprogramming the replicator system to serve everything but coffee will also get you reprimanded by the Captain
41. Never get between the Captain and her coffee
42. "There's coffee in that nebula"
43. Destroying the Borg was the best thing the Captain could ever order
44. Falling in love with every woman you meet is not advisable
45. Becoming Clayton's friends with the Kazon was a very bad idea
46. Seska should never have been trusted. EVER
47. Mutiny is inadvisable. The Captain always wins
48. Every day spent out of contact with Starfleet Command incurs multiple new reports that need reading and filing
49. Command should not be trusted. The wrote off Voyager without committing a proper search
50. Captain Janeway is God
51. Voyager always will be home, no matter what the paper-pushing idiots at Command think
52. The Delta Flyer was Tom Paris' best idea to date
53. Time travel should be avoided at all costs
54. The Temporal Prime Directive can and will give anyone a headache on the best of days
55. The only positive about Voyager's trip to the 20th Century was the Doctor's mobile emitter
56. Captain Braxton is more trouble than he's worth
57. The Borg are NOT perfect!
58. The Captain and Commander should be stranded together more often, maybe they'll admit their feelings for each other and end the betting pool
59. Betting pools area never ending source of entertainment
60. Especially if the Captain wins
61. The 'Open Door' policy of Fair Haven wasn't one of Tom's better ideas
62. Even though Fair Haven proved to be extremely entertaining
63. Self-aware holograms are trouble
64. Do not give technology to alien races. It does not only violate the Prime Directive, but could bite you in the ass
65. Accumulating more enemies than friends isn't the best idea for a lone Starship
66. The carpets should have been cleaned before Voyager returned to Earth
67. Leola Root should be jettisoned before it even reaches the ship
68. Whoever mentions Leola Root should join it in space
69. Rank pips are the only things Lieutenant Paris hasn't managed to replicate. Yet
70. Deathbed proposals usually work. Usually
71. You can't trust Icheb with a secret
72. 'Fun' cannot be timetabled
73. Vulcan's do not dance
74. Whoever let Doctor Chaotica out of his cage needs to go back there himself
75. Captain Proton is not the cosmos' gift to women. Neither is Tom Paris
76. Deathbed confessions can either be the start of something new or come back to bite you in the ass
77. The Vidiians are not food. They see you as food…
78. Species 8472 are not invading the galaxy
79. They do however need a proper species name, not a Borg designation
80. Overloading the Holodeck emitters can prove harmful to the ship
81. Disengaging safety protocols in the Holodeck is against regulation but makes the experience more enjoyable
82. Death by temporal incursions is painful yet amusing
83. Tom Paris is a great pilot for a medic
84. The same comment cannot be made about his medical skills
85. The term "I come in peace" should be used more often
86. Seven of Nine is not phased by her nakedness when a Q snaps her catsuit away
87. Playing practical jokes on other members of the crew may be amusing but will anger some female officers
88. Blowing up Neelix's Leola Root supply should be ahem avoided…
89. Replicator rations are very good bargaining chips
90. There have been many betting pools over the years
91. Tom Paris wins a lot of these betting pools
92. The Captain only pretends to not know about them, but actively participates for the sake of 'crew morale'
93. Talent night was a good morale booster that should happen more often
94. Perfection does not exist. Try telling Seven of Nine that
95. The Captain does not like being referred to as 'Sir' no matter what protocol states
96. If Naomi Wildman was the first child born on Voyager and Miral Paris third, who was the second?
97. Self aware bombs are more trouble than they're worth
98. Holodeck programs should be checked for 'malfunctions' before running them. Assassins hiding inside programs are not good for the ship…
99. Go down with the ship, keep your shirt tucked in, and never leave a crewmember behind
100. Remember, what the Captain says goes