Title: Eyelashes Falling
Description: One is dead and one is awake. Witnesses are left to ponder who got the better end of the deal.
Pairings: Traces of KakaRin, but nothing implied intentionally
Rating: T
Warnings: Angst ahead.
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto (which I don't, sadly), the Kakashi gaiden would've been aired instead of hideous fillers, KakaSaku innuendos would be overwhelming, and Hayate would be resurrected to frolic with Genma. And maybe Raidou as well..

o-o-o

Cause I fear I might break

And I fear I can't take it

Tonight I'll lie awake feeling empty

o-o-o

He couldn't stop his hands from trembling, no matter how many times he berated himself for the way his throat was suddenly feeling too tight. His steps were clumsy and no longer coordinated. The blood (a voice in the back of his mind whispered, her blood) that stained his fingertips pulsed in tune with his frantic heartbeat. He was losing it, he could tell from the way he could see Obito staring at him through his bathroom mirror as he tried to scrub the stubborn scarlet away.

—

The soft, emerald tendrils of grass that tickled her cheek made everything seem so much simpler. The way the sun above lightly grazed the top of her sepia locks made her sigh in content, the pain dulled away, forgotten for the time being. She was lolling between realities, this she knew, and it made her feel a different kind of nirvana. It was exhilarating, the way she seemed to not be getting enough precious oxygen and how her fingers felt so numb. The grass below her smelled so sweet, reminding her of sunny days filled with training, useless quarrels and wobbly steps on the road of life. She could be sprawled here forever, thinking about younger times and basking in the sun that made the blood on her face dry. She knew that it wouldn't last forever, that the lovely gold couldn't stay.

—

Tenzo shakily opened the door to the nearest pub, knowing he was too young to feel the warm liquid slide down his throat, but wanting to smell its enticing aroma. His caramel eyes spotted one of his superiors, Genma, over by the back corner, already on a head start in forgetting. Making his way past the bodies that swarmed like flies amidst the bartender, Tenzo pulled up a stool and plopped down beside the older teen. The lecherous ANBU eyed his younger comrade and spotted the raw emotions that were fleeting across his unblemished face.

—

Anger swelled in the pits of his stomach as he stared into the endless black orbs that reflected disappointment of a broken promise. He was no longer shaking from the shock and blood, but of unrelenting, uncaged fury.

You promised.

Kakashi felt a searing pain twist itself along the knuckles of his right hand and was mildly aware of sticky liquid running down his clenched fist. His mismatched irises stared at the blatant crack in his mirror and couldn't seem to remember how it got there, despite the glass shards that now imbedded his flesh. Whatever remedy he tried to salvage up, it hadn't worked as he still saw the deceased Uchiha silently staring back at him, his ghostly face now marred and distorted by the slash in the reflective glass.

—

"What's wrong with you?"

The question was blatant, but everything was in the world of shuriken and kunai. It was only just. Tenzo glanced at the luger that Genma nursed in his left hand, hungrily, before he spoke.

"Do you ever wonder when it'll all be too much one day? When you won't be able to rinse off the blood or drink away the images..."

—

She could faintly hear Kakashi's promise and wondered if he would lose himself once he found her. Certainly he would snap. He was on the cusp of a total breakdown and this would surely push him off the unstable fence he leaned upon. She hoped with all her faintly beating heart that he would learn to love again and would dare to protect someone once more. That's what she wanted for him. He deserved so much more than what he was handed. She fervently hoped that she wouldn't be the final straw on his aching back...

—

You fucking promised.

As his breaths slowly evened out from the raggedness they previously endured, Kakashi backed up from the accusing mirror, the accusing eyes that had been long since dead, and hit the tiled wall behind him. Slowly, agonizingly slowly, Kakashi broke, the process much longer and raw than he imagined it would be.

—

She wasn't scared. How could she be when the pain was so far away, replaced with blissful ignorance? It was a false serenity. It was ugly, black and unforgiving, but she couldn't help but soak it in willingly rather than push it away. It made her forget and that was fine, heartily accepted. All there was left was the tingling nerves prickling her skin with brutal intensity. The sweet sunlight was releasing pleasant toxins in her brain, making her sleepy and peaceful. The medic that still thrived inside her screamed for her to gather chakra and start the healing process that she undoubtedly needed. But the sun was so warm and the grass was so soft, she didn't want to think anymore.

—

Tenzo paused, looking down at his hands, seeing if they were shaking yet. Genma only stared at the teen, waiting for him to continue.

Tenzo looked into Genma's eyes that had seen far too much for a sixteen-year-old. The honey irises were dotted with regret and clouded with remorse, but somehow the older boy had mirth sparkling just behind the angst-y veil – feint, but still there despite everything.

—

She coughed soggily, blood marring the beautiful wisps of grass. Her fawn eyes stared at the scarlet stain, the happy high slowly fading, being replaced with light remorse. Her vision was beginning to blur, the sky and horizon blending in a wondrous blear of color. Something that was so painful, so dreadfully permanent, shouldn't be so beautiful. She wanted to feel the pain searing through her tired muscles instead of the ignorant numbness that coursed through her thinning veins. If she was going to close her eyes, she wanted to go out feeling alive.

—

He wasn't aware of the tears that kept cascading down his uncovered cheeks, mixing and mingling with the numerous bruises and scars that already rented the space. He tried to tear his gaze away from Obito's opaque, silent stare, and found himself sliding down the cool tiles, onto the floor.

It didn't help. He could still see Obito's disappointment, his pain, his accusations. He could feel them pulse under his left eyelid as he sat there amongst the glass and blood and guilt.

—

Tenzo softly whispered, "Do you ever wonder if it'll be you that's next to break?"

Genma paused, jaw tense as his teeth clamped down upon his metallic senbon. His caramel irises looked toward his hand that was clenched in his lap and was only mildly surprised at how detached his voice sounded.

"Everyone does. It eats at you for awhile and that's how people like Ibiki form and shape. It's not the job that gets you so paranoid, so goddamned fucked up. It's your own mind that keeps wondering and waiting for the day you finally snap."

—

Sensei wouldn't be saving her this time. Obito wouldn't be there to hold her hand. Kakashi wouldn't be lecturing her about her evident emotions. Sensei was shackled by the duties of Hokage. Obito was waiting on the other side. Kakashi was too far gone to help. Tears burned at her sockets. They were so broken, so fragile. Piece by piece they were falling down. She coughed again, more blood smearing across the burnt grass. She wanted to stop it, she wanted to break the curse that had settled upon her team's misshapen souls, but all she was doing was contributing.

—

A shaky sigh emitted through his chapped lips. Kakashi let his head smack against the wall, but realized he couldn't feel the tiles make connection with his scalp. He wanted to close his eyes, really he did, but every time his lids covered his dilated pupils, her too-still face manifested through the darkness.

"Rin's dead."

—

The sun was still smiling. Somewhere off into the distance, a bird was singing. The cool breeze that blew softly upon her face felt so lethargic, so surreal. She shouldn't be enjoying this, she should've been mulling over regrets and lost chances. The September sun wasn't letting her mourn, it wouldn't let her relive faded memories. She could feel her breaths soften, getting fewer and fewer in between. She tried to imagine Obito's hand reaching out to her broken form, sensei's reassuring smile and Kakashi's silent encouragement. It was so hard to focus, the visages she created waning in the fading light her eyes reflected. The numbness was spreading to her lungs, to her heart. Colors were blending and it was getting harder and harder to keep her eyes from closing.

—

Genma eyed the beer luger that was grasped too tightly in his hand before continuing, "Some people just want the paranoia to end, so they just clam up."

Tenzo felt his eyebrows raise at the vague term, "Clam up?"

The fellow ANBU winced, a faded memory playing behind his caramel eyes, "Yeah. I don't know how they do it, but they just don't feel anymore. They're complete robots, only killing and giving out orders. It's sad, but it's the only way to make the paranoia stop," Genma added under his breath, "But it never really stops."

The young ANBU averted his eyes like always, pretending not to notice the dead look glazing Genma's eyes.

—

He hadn't meant to say it aloud – the situation would've seemed permanent if he had – but the whispered words already left his mouth like a dreadful secret. No one whispered back in the empty room. Kakashi's tongue felt swollen and awkward in his mouth as he continued to stare at nothing and whisper hollowly, "Rin's dead."

—

Don't break, Kakashi. Please don't break.

—

A few seconds passed before a soft voice elaborated, "People like Kakashi. It's people like them, who completely sever their emotions, who are the ones on the cusp of going ape-shit. You want to help them so bad, but when you see their clouded eyes staring back at you, not seeing you, you realize that you can't."

—

The glue, the life, the hope, the constant of his broken team was dead.

Kakashi couldn't close his eyes. He knew the consequences if he did. The silver-haired ANBU only blinked when his dun irises became too dry.

—

Rin sighed.

—

Tenzo stopped listening. He didn't want to hear something so intimate, so personal between two fellow ANBU. It wasn't his place, but he couldn't stop picturing Kakashi out on the battlefield, kneeling in his friend's blood, hands shaking. He couldn't stop from hearing Genma's next words and wished fervently that he could forget them.

—

He knew that someplace far more pleasant than this, Rin was weeping.

But here, down here in eternal damnation, Kakashi could feel a blissful numbness take shape.

—

"You just can't. And sometimes, you wonder just who really are the lucky ones. Those who lose themselves behind that mask or those who don't."

o-o-o

A/N: This is very hodgepodge, I know. I was trying to get different reactions to Rin's death. Kakashi would break, obviously, since he promised to Obito that he would protect her. Tenzo (Yamato), being a rookie out on the ANBU fields, would be shaken, wondering when that will be him that loses it. Genma would be saddened for his comrade and friend and he kind of foresighted the eventual roboticness that Kakashi will possess during his ANBU years. I basically tried to find a connection between these three characters. I debated over this oneshot for a month and finally decided to mesh all the characters together like so. It was a different style and the challenge presented was a fun one. I deleted the scene on the battlefield when Kakashi finds Rin, dead. I submit it as it's one little deal because I must say, it's very raw. But who knows! Maybe, maybe not.

The timeline is confusing – even for me. Basically, it's a year after the Kakashi Gaiden. It's September, so there's only a month before Yondaime's sacrifice. Kakashi's fourteen, Tenzo is about thirteen and Genma is sixteen. The ages are all messed up and it irks me to no end. In the end, I walked away from it all, so I'm milking artistic license for all it's worth!

I'm very interested in Rin nowadays since she is so vaguely portrayed in the Kakashi Gaiden. We don't even know if she's dead (I think she is). So, there will possibly be another oneshot dealing with her in a, perhaps, lighter tone.

The lyrics at the beginning of this oneshot are from Paramore's Pressure. I thought it fit this piece quite nicely.

Thanks for reading and drop by a review.

- - H. 92