Part 6

He was locked in a small dark room. No, he was wrapped in darkness. Just darkness. Nothing more. The Others had left him here to pay for his crimes.

Crimes. What crimes? He had tried to help. Hadn't he? He had failed, yes, but only because they had stopped him. Did that make it a crime?

"The success or failure of your deeds does not add up to the sum of your life…Judge yourself by the intention of your actions and by the strength with which you faced the challenges that have stood in your way."

The words echoed in his mind, bringing a reminder of peace. His intentions were pure, both then and now. But did that matter? In the end he was powerless. Unable to help. Unable to act.

"Come with us Dr. Jackson. You will be taken to a secure prison to await trial."

He was trapped in a prison – one he had willingly entered. A prison of his own making. Powerless because of his own choices. There was always a choice. And he had made the wrong one…

He was led away. No one was allowed near him of course. The guards were careful to keep their distance. He was led to an isolation cell where he would be left indefinitely. There would be no trial. There was no need for one. They knew he would be dead within days. Radiation poisoning was slower than a firing squad, but just as lethal.

"This is the price for terrorism, Dr. Jackson," Nebal taunted. "The Kelownan government allowed you to come here in good faith, and you repay them by sabotaging their research?" His disgust wasn't hidden. Red-uniformed guards stood at his side. "You stand convicted of terrorism against the Kelownan people and will be punished according to their laws."

Kelowna? Daniel turned his head to the side in confusion.

The scene shifted again and he was standing in the common room of the Rahsonian prison, crowded by other inmates. On one side, two men and an older women stood nearby, arguing, pushing, yelling. Somewhere to the left, Daniel heard low moaning that gradually grew to shrill cries, before quieting down and repeating the cycle.

Shuddering, trying to block out the noise and chaos assaulting him from all sides, Daniel moved to a corner. The argument continued. He couldn't understand the words, but the intent was clear. Voices filled with bitterness, shrieking with malice. He tried to ignore them, but the sound was grating, scraping away at his sanity.

He moved closer to the little corner, but was stopped by a whimper. Laying on the ground was a pile of rumpled cloth. For a moment, he paused. Then, ever so gently, he pulled back the blanket that hid the crumpled form.

The sight made him gasp.

The body beneath the blanket was a bloody, burned mess. Flesh had been seared away, leaving shredded remnants of skin and muscle clinging to the bone. He thought he had heard a whimper, but there was no way this… this thing could be alive.

He pulled back slowly, but froze when the form shifted, blanket sliding off due to the movement. The head turned slightly, then raised to look at him.

Daniel saw a face peering back at him. One side of it was covered in burns and radiation sores, but the undamaged side was enough for him to recognize one of the Kelownan scientists.

"You," the voice rasped. "Y-you… d-des-troyed my… life's work." The accusation was clear in the shaky tone.

Daniel shook his head. "Your life's work was a weapon. A weapon that would have destroyed your planet. All of your people would be dead if you had used that weapon. I stopped you from killing your own people."

A hand landed on his shoulder and he was spun around to face another prisoner, a large, angry hulk of a man snarling in disgust. "You're a criminal. A murderer. You belong in prison. And you'll die in prison."

Daniel yanked himself free of the man's hold, only to stumble to the dirt floor. "No," he said in a low voice. "I didn't do anything."

The angry hulk shook its head. "It doesn't matter what you did, or didn't do. You're a criminal and deserve to be punished."

Consumed with irrational fear, Daniel scrambled backwards. His back hit the metal grate of the door, stopping him in his tracks. He turned to look at the bars blocking his escape. When he turned back, the prisoner was gone, replaced by empty, condemning blackness.

He let out a deep breath, banishing the visions, the convoluted memories, and the flashes of drug-induced hallucinations. Daniel glanced around his empty prison cell, drew his knees up to his chest and rested his head on his knees. His head was pounding. The room had begun to spin. And he was tired. So very tired.

He wished he knew why he was here. Oh he knew why they said he was here. He was a criminal, they said. Convicted of sabotage. Just like on Kelowna, except the Kelownans had allowed him to go home on "compassionate grounds." Because he had been dying. At the time, he hadn't cared that the Kelownans had essentially condemned him as a terrorist without so much as a hearing. At that time, he had been too disheartened to care, thinking that his actions never made a difference anyway. His innocence hadn't seemed to matter, because he had been too busy trying to convince Oma Desala that he was guilty of so many other crimes… that his failures made him unworthy of ascension. Funny how the ascended had come to consider him a criminal as well, even though he had once again been trying to help.

Now here he was on some alien planet, and while he took advantage of this too brief moment of lucidity before they came to drug him again, Daniel couldn't help but feel that maybe he was guilty. He didn't know his crime, but if so many people seemed determined to condemn him, then he must be guilty or something.

Or perhaps they were just looking for a scapegoat. Too cowardly to accept the responsibility for their own actions, they chose to pin the blame on someone else.

Daniel pounded his fist against the metal door, hearing the thud as his hand began to throb in response. He held the bruised hand, examining the consequences of his actions.

He decided that what he hated about prison was how powerless he felt. Outside, no matter how bad things seemed, he could at least pretend that his actions mattered, that he was capable of making a difference. Here, in this place of darkness, he was completely powerless. He let out a bitter laugh. He had once thought that ascension would give him the chance to make a difference, but that had turned out to be the height of powerlessness. A prison of his own making.

Was that all this was? A prison of his own making? Did he really deserve this?

"So, you're just giving up?" Jack asked, his voice was level, but his eyes showed his emotions.

"No, I'm not giving up. Believe me."

Daniel shook his head and leaned back. No. He refused to believe that he was a criminal. He didn't do anything wrong on Kelowna. He remembered how angry Jack had been that he had refused to defend his own innocence. Almost as mad as Jack had been at the Kelownans for blaming him in the first place. Someday he'd have to thank Jack for that.

Daniel sighed. This time, it was no different. He had done nothing to feel guilty for. He was innocent. At least, innocent of this particular crime.

He heard the sound of footsteps echoing down the corridor, slowly growing louder.

Scurrying away from the door, he stood with his back to the wall, determined to face whatever entered his little cell. The footsteps continued to grow louder, then stopped. With excruciating slowness, the metal door creaked open, groaning on its rusted hinges. When it finally opened, four men entered. Two guards moved to restrain him. He fought, but it was useless. The man-in-the-white-coat stepped forward, carrying his syringe. The fourth man merely grinned, and it was this guard who Daniel watched. He saw the sinister grin, saw the delight in dark eyes as he struggled to fight off the drug as it was injected. The last thing he heard was a hysterical laugh before the drug took over and plunged him into a world of black.

Daniel jerked awake, sitting straight up in bed and trying to regain control of his ragged breathing. He glanced quickly around his quarters, reminding himself where he was. Forcing himself to relax, he leaned back and stared at the familiar ceiling, allowing his thoughts to drift slightly.

Yesterday they had left Rahsonia for the second, and hopefully final, time. With weapons brandished in his face, Nebal had finally realized it was not in his best interest to stop them. Just as Cameron had planned, they hightailed it back to the gate at top speed. After they reported in, Landry had readily agreed to call off all negotiations with the Rahsonians. There was absolutely no reason to return to that planet.

So, that should have been the end of it. And yet here he was, waking up in a cold sweat, still fighting off nightmares of a Rahsonian prison.

He had to admit, this was getting old. Carolyn had theorized that the hallucinogenic properties of the drug he'd been given were dragging up old memories and combining them with the memories of his captivity on Rahsonia. Feelings of powerlessness from when he was ascended, the Kelownans accusations of sabotage, his own radiation sickness, and his time in the Rahsonian prison all mixed together as though his memories had been put through a blender. It made sense he supposed, but he'd hoped the effects would have worn off by now. Carolyn had an answer for that too, saying that the drug wasn't meant to be used on humans from Earth and so his reaction was abnormally strong.

Either way, Daniel was sick of it.

Knowing he wouldn't be getting any more sleep, Daniel climbed out of bed, groaning slightly as abused muscles politely reminded him of a litany of half-healed injuries. He pulled on a discarded pair of jeans and a T-shirt that he kept in his quarters on base, then slipped on a pair of shoes and snatched his glasses from the bedside table as he headed for the door.

The base was quiet at night and the halls were nearly empty. Entering the commissary, he went straight for the coffee-pot, knowing there was an endless supply of coffee for the night staff. As he filled his mug, he glanced around, noticing that there was one other person sitting in the commissary. Sam Carter sat at SG-1's usual table in the corner, still dressed in fatigues and looking as though she had never left the mountain, which she probably hadn't. She stared at a file spread out in front of her with her spoon poised over a bowl of blue jello.

With a grin, Daniel walked over. "Mind some company?"

She glanced up in surprise. "Daniel. What are you doing here?"

He sat in the seat across from her. "I could ask you the same thing."

She shrugged. "Couldn't stop thinking over everything… I decided it would be better to come here and actually get some work done." She waved at the papers in front of her. Daniel glanced at them, but saw technical readouts that meant nothing to him, and try as he might, he couldn't get excited about it. "Your turn," Sam proclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

Daniel winced. "Yeah, well, you know me. I've never exactly had normal sleeping habits." Her expression was dubious. Sometimes Daniel got lucky and Sam didn't notice his evasion tactics. Tonight was not one of those times. He gave her a sheepish smile as he glanced down at his coffee cup. "I guess those Rahsonian drugs are still messing with my mind a bit." He shrugged. "They're not exactly conducive to sleep."

Sam frowned. "I thought Dr. Lam said the drugs had worn off."

"Not completely. Carolyn thinks it has something to do with the fact that they weren't designed to be used on humans from Earth. Or it could have something to do with prolonged exposure and the abnormally high dose I was given." He shrugged. "You know how it goes. The doctors make their best guess, but it's still an alien drug."

"Daniel…" he heard the serious tone in her voice, but didn't have time to stop her. "About what happened on Rahsonia… I'm sorry. I…"

"Sam, I've already been through this with everyone else. There was no way we could have known the Rahsonians would resort to such drastic measures to preserve the trade agreement. And they could have gone after any one of us."

"I know that," Sam said. "Actually I was talking about after that. About when you guys came back."

"Oh." Daniel didn't know what to make of that.

"I was… well I was an idiot. I thought you were being paranoid and letting your emotions cloud your judgment. I was rude."

Daniel shrugged again. "Hey, you were drugged. It happens."

Sam actually laughed at that. "Yeah, I guess it does. Doesn't make me feel any better about it though."

"No," Daniel conceded.

"I don't even remember eating the food. I had a glass of wine, which in and of itself seems like a stupid idea now that I mention it. I remember looking down at the plate in front of me and seeing that I had eaten almost everything. I don't remember actually eating though."

"Yeah, from what I remember it's a pretty fast acting drug. One minute I was trying to fight off the guards, and the next I was incoherent on the floor."

Daniel felt another memory bubble up from his subconscious. "Come with us Dr. Jackson. You will be taken to a secure prison to await trial." He had agreed readily. For some reason, it had seemed like the logical thing to do at the time. "I think… I think I went willingly. I actually walked into that prison like it was perfectly natural." Daniel shook his head in frustration, unable to comprehend his own actions.

Sam smiled sympathetically. "It wasn't you. We were there for a week, Daniel. Who knows how many times they could have slipped us small doses of the drug, and we never would have known."

Daniel nodded. "I know. I remember them injecting me with something when they came to arrest me."

"I can't believe they drug their own people," Sam said with disgust. "Do you think Nebal was telling the truth? Do you really think the Rahsonian people know that they're being drugged?"

"It's possible." Daniel shrugged. "It sort of makes sense actually. They see it as normal medication. The same way our doctors prescribe sleep aids, or pain relievers, or medication for anxiety disorders. The difference is, on Rahsonia it's universal. Everyone takes it. Like Brave New World." Daniel took another drink of his coffee. "It's part of their culture and they accept it as an advancement. Unfortunately, Nebal's right. They would probably react very badly if they were forced to live without it."

Daniel fiddled with the handle of his coffee mug. Sam was listening intently, waiting for him to continue. "It took me so long to realize it. I thought it was just the prisoners who were drugged, but it's everyone. Although I do think that the inmates were given a higher dosage. The prisoners I saw there…" Daniel shook his head. A minute ago, he had been thinking about Rahsonia from a purely intellectual standpoint, but thoughts of the prison brought everything back in a disturbingly personal way. "I don't see how a whole society could function like that. They were completely irrational. I would look into their eyes and see nothing but blankness staring back at me. It was… terrifying."

Sam placed a hand on his arm. "Are you doing okay with all this?"

He gave her a tight smile. "Yeah. I'll be fine." For a long moment, he didn't know what else to say. He returned to staring at his coffee cup, but when he looked back up he saw a pair of concerned blue eyes staring back. "Actually, it isn't just about what happened on Rahsonia."

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Carolyn theorized that the hallucinogenic properties of the drug may have had a side effect of stirring up some old memories."

"Memories?"

"Yeah. I would have these…I guess you'd call them flashbacks, but everything was mixed in with the Rahsonian prison." Daniel sighed. "At one point I thought I was on Kelowna." His voice went soft as he continued. "I thought I was in a Kelownan prison, dying of radiation poisoning."

Daniel regretted the admission as soon as he'd said it. He cautiously glanced at Sam to see her reaction. Her eyes were closed, seemingly in pain as she shook her head sadly.

"I'm so sorry, Daniel."

He shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. "Well, they're just random memories, right? And once the side effects have worn off, they should go back where they belong."

"Daniel…"

"Sam, it's fine. Maybe it's even a good thing. What happened on Kelowna… I haven't really thought about it in a long time. I mean, it's been there, floating in the back of my mind, but I haven't really thought about it. This has given me a chance to bring some of those memories out of their box and look at them, just to make sure they're dealt with."

"Are they?" she asked. "Dealt with, I mean? Do things like that ever truly go away?"

"No. They don't go away. But they do help make us who we are. It just depends on how you choose to respond to them."

Sam looked as though she was about to say something when they heard footsteps.

"Well lookie what we have here?" Cameron's voice broke into the seriousness that thickened the air between them.

Sam and Daniel both looked up at the trio that had just entered the room. Daniel couldn't help but laugh at the sight of the colonel leading their alien teammates on a commissary raid… he glanced at his watch …at four in the morning.

"Who would have thought we'd find you two here?" Cameron grinned.

"Actually," Vala spoke up, "I believe Teal'c suggested that we might…" A jab to the ribs silenced her as she glared at Cam's elbow, apparently contemplating how to deal with the offending appendage.

Daniel looked at Sam with a grin before turning back to their guests. "Well, I know why I'm here, and we've already talked about why Sam's here, so what's you guys' excuse?"

"Us?" Cam tried to look innocent. "Oh, we just decided to come find a little snack. You know, nothing major, just a case of the munchies, that's all."

"All three of you?" Sam asked.

"At four in the morning?" Daniel added.

"Yes, well, you know, there's uh… gate lag and all that." Cameron looked helplessly to Teal'c.

"We were indeed seeking sustenance," Teal'c confirmed.

As one, Daniel and Sam turned to Vala, waiting for her to corroborate this sketchy story.

She gave them a big toothed grin that looked more than a bit guilty. Sam looked curious. Daniel merely stared at her intensely.

Vala's grin wilted. All eyes remained on her. Her co-conspirators waited for her support, while the inquisitors gave her level stares.

"Well, it's not fair you know," she stamped her foot slightly. "You all have this special SG-1 sixth sense that seems to tell you how to act around each other, what to say, when to help… except for you Cameron, I don't think your SG-1 sense is perfectly attuned just yet." The colonel looked affronted. "But I'm the new girl here, and I thought I'd give it a try. Cameron went along with it, and Teal'c said you'd be in here, and…"

"Vala," Daniel tried to interrupt.

"I just wanted to help, Daniel, and I thought you might like some company, but I wasn't sure…

"Vala."

"…so I forced them to come along and…"

"Vala!" She stopped and looked at him, eyes wide and childlike.

Daniel looked to Teal'c and Mitchell. "Midnight snack?"

"No," Cam admitted. "She's right. It was Vala's idea. She got us together and we decided to come check in on you. We were going to get Sam to help us, but when we couldn't find her, Teal'c suggested that we might find one or both of you in here"

"We were merely concerned, DanielJackson, and wished to offer our assistance if it was required."

Daniel glanced back to Sam. "What do you think?"

She shrugged. "Well, they did go to a bit of trouble."

"Yeah, for the record," Cam said, "I was asleep until someone came and pulled me out of bed. Literally."

Vala gave him a cheeky grin.

Daniel chuckled. "Okay, pull up a couple of chairs." Sam shoved her papers back into their folder and set it aside as Vala bounced over to sit in the chair next to her and the guys dragged over chairs from a nearby table.

"You know, Carolyn's going to be furious when she finds out you haven't been sleeping," Cam said to Daniel, who winced in response.

"Well, the way I figure it, she's not going to let me back on active duty for at least a week anyway, so I'll have plenty of time to catch up on lost sleep."

"You know, now that we're here," Vala said with a mischievous smile, "I'm warming up to the idea of a nighttime snack."

"I think there's more jello in the kitchen," Sam supplied helpfully.

Vala looked dubious. "I was thinking more along the lines of chocolate pie."

"Hey," Daniel piped up, "now there's a decent idea."

"Well, you never know what the cooks have left lying around the kitchen," Sam said with a smile. "General O'Neill always used to steal the cake that they keep in the back of the refrigerator."

Cameron stood slowly, his expression serious and intent. "Cover me, I'm going in."

Vala jumped out of her seat. "I'm right behind you."

The two were already making their way across the commissary, sneaking behind chairs like they were attempting some covert operation. Daniel, Teal'c, and Sam all exchanged amused looks. Daniel glanced at their enthusiastic teammates as he allowed himself to relax for the first time in weeks. With a shrug he silently decided there was no harm in acting a bit silly.

"Sorry," he said as he stood up to follow Cam and Vala. "This is just too good to miss."

Sam grinned up at him. "Bring us back some extra jello."

"Will do." He gave her an easy smile as he silently followed Vala, who peered around the kitchen door while Cameron hopped over a table to hide from the surveillance camera. As Daniel left the table, he heard Sam ask Teal'c, "Do you ever feel like you're on a team with a bunch of kids?"

"Frequently," Teal'c responded. Daniel knew him well enough to detect a tone of pleased amusement.

-fin-

A/N: I'd like to extend a very warm thank-you to all of those who have reviewed this story. You guys are wonderful and I love hearing all your comments.