Thanks again to everyone who reviewed "Secrets and Lies" (If you haven't, please do!). Since you seemed so excited about this idea, I decided to start posting right away. It's slightly AU: I loved the "Snake in the Mailbox", but seeing that three years from now, Jack and Kate still weren't together, broke my Jater's heart, so this is a more Jate-friendly version of what happened after Jack made the call... ;)
Chapter 1. Lean On Me
Jack hated that his last memory of Kate would be of her looking so sad.
They were camped at the radio tower after making the call, waiting for morning to begin the long trek back to the beach. All around them, people were talking and laughing, planning out what they were going to do as soon as they got home, but as hard as she tried to share their enthusiasm, he could tell that her heart just wasn't in it. He didn't know what she was thinking, but he could guess…
"You heard what Hurley said," he reminded her, sitting on the grass beside her, needing to see her smile just one more time before they parted ways, mostly likely forever. He couldn't see Sawyer approving of them maintaining even a platonic relationship after the island, and Jack couldn't say that he blamed him. He could try to kid himself, but he would always want more: he would always want her, almost as much as he wanted her to be happy. He wasn't sure that he had it in him to be her friend. "He's fine." He mustered a weak smile that he didn't really feel. "He saved their lives by going back."
He expected her to look pleased, but she just stared off into the dark jungle as she said, "You must be proud… of Juliet, I mean," her expression unreadable.
It took him a moment to realise why she'd said it, and then he felt himself colour slightly. For some reason, her thinking that he was with Juliet bothered him, more than it should under the circumstances. "I know what you saw, Kate," he told her, and she finally looked at him, "but for what it's worth, she kissed me. I wasn't playing you off against each other. You know how I feel."
He hadn't meant to upset her, but she teared up again, and he found himself wishing, not for the first time, that he could see inside her, to what was really in her heart. Sometimes, like when she'd come back to the Others' camp to save him, or earlier, when she'd looked ready to step in front of Locke, he was sure that she must love him. But then he remembered the look in her eyes when she'd begged him to save Sawyer's life, and he wasn't so sure anymore.
"Jack…" she whispered, her eyes pleading with him to understand, and his heart sank as he realised that once again he was going to be left without an answer.
"It's okay," he agreed, trying to smooth over the ripples his declaration had caused in their relationship, "you don't have to say anything, I just needed you to hear it." He couldn't help the bitter note that crept into his voice as he added, "It doesn't matter anyway. Tomorrow, we're leaving this island, and you and Sawyer'll be able to start over, away from all of this."
And me, he added silently, wondering what she would do if he said it aloud, if it was really what she wanted.
"I don't think we can," she confessed, surprising him, after a long moment. "What he said to me…"
"He didn't mean it," Jack repeated automatically, wondering why he'd spent the better part of the day talking the woman he loved back into a relationship with another man: a man who treated her like crap. Maybe because it was the right thing to do, and he was all about the right thing, even if it killed him.
"Yes, he did," she said quietly, and it occurred to him suddenly that she was talking about something else.
"Wanna talk about it?" he asked, half of him desperate not to hear it, the other half wounded when she said, "No," looking mortified.
He couldn't stand having confirmation that all of this was indeed about Sawyer, who he knew didn't deserve it, so excusing himself, he got up, but she called him back.
"I wanna tell you, I just… When I reminded him about the tests, and how the Others thought I might be pregnant, he said…" She bit her lip, ashamed to continue, "'Let's hope you're not'."
Jack was torn between confusion, and the gut-wrenching pain the idea had inflicted on him ever since first Juliet showed him the tape. "That is what you're hoping, isn't it?" he pressed, almost afraid of her answer, in case she told him that she wanted to have Sawyer's baby now that it looked like she would escape death. "I mean, the timing's not great," he added hastily in case she thought that he was being insensitive.
"Yeah," she agreed, letting out a nervous laugh as she emphasized, "God, yes," and Jack relaxed, "but it was the way he said it, Jack… it was like the idea of being a father was completely repulsive to him, not just now…" She took a deep breath, trying to be stoic, but he could see the tears glistening in her eyes. "I think if I am, he's gonna tell me to get rid of it."
"You don't have to do what he wants," he reminded her, sickened by the idea that she would allow Sawyer that much control over her. He would never ask her to do something like that, and he would never expect it. "You have other options."
"Do I?" she insisted, loosing the battle, and with a sinking feeling, he realised that she was probably right. "I can't do this on my own, not if I go to jail… Who's gonna take care of it then?"
Jack knew that he should have stayed out of it, that none of it was his business, but before he could stop himself, he found himself saying, "I will," and as soon as the words left his mouth, he realised that he meant them. He would. For her, he would.
"You can't be serious," she said, staring at him in shock, and for a moment, he was afraid that he'd overstepped his bounds. But then she softened, surveying him with wonder as she came to the same conclusion that he had. "You are, aren't you? You never say anything you don't mean." She smiled, a real smile. "Except when you told me not to come back for you."
He returned her smile, knowing that she had him there. If she hadn't, he would have been heartbroken; he would have convinced himself that she didn't care, that worse, she was actually relieved to have him out of the picture. "So do we have a deal, or do you still want to…?" he checked, clearing his throat, loathe to use the phrase that had hurt her so much, the phrase that he could almost hear coming out in the southerner's heavy drawl. As pissed off with him as he was, as fervently as he was beginning to rue the day that he'd stopped Sayid from killing him, he could never dismiss a life, even one belonging to Sawyer, in that way. It was cruel.
"No, we have a deal," she agreed, shaking on it, looking sadder than he thought she should when, if it turned out that she really was pregnant and alone because of it, he'd just given her the means to keep her child. "Thanks, Jack. You saved my life. Again."
I hope that wasn't too boring, just the two of them talking, but hopefully you can see where all of this is headed.
Next chapter: They return to the beach to meet the ship, and Kate gets her answer from Sawyer... ;)