A/N: the result of a discussion on how Hogwarts practically works.

"Madam Pomfrey, thank you for joining us," St Mungo's director greeted the woman and directed her to a chair at the end of the large conference table. Several other healers were already seated there.

"As Madam Pomfrey's healer, I must insist this meeting does not run longer than two hours," one of them said, "she is still recovering, and while it is important that we get to the bottom of this, I will not have my patients health endangered."

"Understood," the director nodded, "Madam Pomfrey, we have unearthed many reports over the years that you have sent to the Headmaster regarding the overall health of the student population. Could you briefly summarize why and when you started doing so?"

"Some two years after starting there," the rather pale witch with dark circles under her eyes said, "At first I didn't see it, and then when I did, I had to collect evidence and write up a report..."

"We understand, Madam. We have seen that first report, and it was a good effort. Can you tell us briefly what you found then, and how the problems continued over the years?"

"Initially I found high levels of stress and malnutricion among all students," the nurse began, "the first years especially all appeared sleep-deprived. Second year and above were almost all consistently low on D vitamin. I countered this quite easily by ordering the House Elves to add supplements to the food, but the problems caused by stress and lack of sleep remained. In fact, the only rested students were the ones who had just been released from the infirmary for an injury, where they had been able to rest up."

"After another three years, I also turned my attention to the staff and found the same. I believe that many of the behavioural problems among the students – frequent fighting, brawling, hexing, short-tempered verbal exchanges – were the result of these problems, as was the inadequate response of the staff."

"I brought my concerns to the Headmaster," the witch said, after taking a sip of water, "but he brushed it aside. I continued to gather data and send in reports every two to three years. I also compared my results as much as possible with those of my predecessors. This was somewhat difficult, as they had not done such a long-term project, but I found that in the past, these problems occured far less frequently. They began to escalate in the sixties, and increased in the decades after."

"Can you describe what you found as the reasons?"

Madam Pomfrey sighed. "Overwork, mostly. First years have seven subjects, this increases to ten in third year. It is possible to sit for twelve OWLS. We have, usually, around 250 students in the school. All teachers assign one essay per class per week, resulting in 250 essays they need to grade. That's a full 40 hours, if they spend only ten minutes per essay, just for grading. That is in addition to preparation, class periods, patrols, and overseeing detentions. The Deputy Headmistress and the Heads of House have additional duties to that. Minerva McGonagall serves as both Deputy Headmistress AND Head of House. For budgetary reasons, Severus Snape brews most of the more complex potions for the infirmary, in addition to his duties."

"The result is that most of the professors are also permanently overworked. To compensate, some spend less time grading essays – it certainly is unfair of Severus to often grade based on his perception of the student, but one cannot really blame him. His class takes the longest to prepare, as well, as he has to make sure the ingredients are ready and, for the younger years, already processed. He has taken to having that done by his detention students, but still. Minerva...it's a miracle Minerva was still standing at all. She only managed by virtually ignoring her duties as Head of House, leaving Gryffindor mostly unsupervised."

"The first year students are only eleven. They should, reasonably speaking, be in bed by eight-thirty on school nights to get enough sleep, and they also need leasure time. Yet almost all of them routinely stay up past ten to finish homework – there are the seven essays to write, most of which take a minimum of two hours to complete. Then there is the spell practice and reading assignments, which means that to complete their homework to the satisfaction of their teachers, they must spend three to four hours a day on it. Astronomy class interrupts at least one night a week, and they're expected to make the trek up to the Astronomy tower, have class often in the cold night air, get back to their dorms, go to sleep and be up again in time for class the next day."

"There are few physical activities. Quidditch allows only 28 out of the 250 students to play a sport, and the D vitamin deficiency is caused by lack of sunshine, which is already a common problem in these parts, but the younger years spend the entire winter inside the castle. The older ones visit Hogsmeade three or four times a year, at most."

The Director of St Mungo's nodded. "So you are saying that the residents of Hogwarts in general have been overstressed, sleepdeprived, suffered from malnutricion and lack of proper exercize, and had no outlet for the frustrations this caused."

The other healers leaned forward to hear Madam Pomfrey's answer.

"Yes. As you have read in my reports. Then on Februari 13th of this year, everything just...came to a head, I think."

"Can you describe for us what happened?"

Madam Pomfrey frowned in thought. "I think the problem started between Mr Malfoy and Mr Potter, and mostly verbally. However, they started their dispute in the middle of the Great Hall. Rather cruel comments by Mr Malfoy regarding Mr Potters parents led to an outburst from Mr Potter. Several professors, most notably Professors Snape and McGonagall..."

"..the most overworked of staff..." one of the healers interjected.

"Quite. As I said, Professors Snape and McGonagall attempted to interfere, but ended up in a shouting match, themselves. Their respective Houses decided to engage one another as well. This caused small fights to break out all over the Great Hall. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff got caught in the middle, and decided they were fed up with always being in this position. They banded together and erected a barricade around the Staff table, from which they proceeded to assault everyone else."

"At which point did Professor Trelawny walk in?" a healer asked, and most of them barely contained a small smile.

"At the point where Professor Snape cast a Truth Spell at Headmaster Dumbledore, accusing him of being a 'manipulative sociopath with delusions of adequacy', if I remember correctly. As Professor Trelawny was hit by the, admittedly rather powerful, spell, she began to cry and confess to...well, I'd better keep things somewhat decent. Suffice to say her life has been a good deal more promiscuous than we've given her credit for."

"And that was the point where you managed to reach the Floo and call the Aurors?"

"Shortly after that, yes," the nurse said, "how are they all?"

The healers sighed. "Well, we've had to have the House-Elves expand the hospital with several wings to accomodate so many people, but we believe most students will soon be able to return to Hogwarts, provided the class schedule is light and for the immediate future no homework will be assigned. Assuming, of course, that proper supervision can be organized. If not, they will temporarily be sent home. The staff is another matter. Of the entire staff, only four are not suffering a burn-out. Professor Snape was actually not that far off with his...assessment of Headmaster Dumbledore, and we will recommend that the Board of Governors of Hogwarts find a replacement for the Headmaster position. It will take several months before most of the others will be back to teaching full-time."

"We've spoken to the Board of Governors, and will do so again tomorrow. Hogwarts needs an overhaul, and your reports will be invaluable in analysing and solving the problems. An intake of almost 300 people at once is not an experience we at St Mungo's would like to repeat. People are already starting to call it 'The Hogwarts Valentines Brawl."