Kirk, the Love Doctor Chapter 1- Covert Mission

Luke sat in the diner silently cussing at himself for inviting Kirk over. The diner crowd had been massive this evening and Kirk came in hunting Luke for advice. Luke, not wanting to cause a scene, just told Kirk to come by after the diner closed and they would have a chat about whatever was bothering Kirk and maybe have a beer. He would need 10 beers before being able to deal with Kirk and whatever problem he was having.

Kirk walked through door. Luke looked up and popped the cap of another beer for himself and had one on the counter waiting for Kirk. As Kirk sat down Luke slid him a beer. "I don't need a beer Luke, I'm walking tonight," Kirk said. His eyes were half open and he looked nervous. "I will have a glass of milk."

"Ok Kirk, what's going on?" Luke asked feeling slightly out of character. He had found himself doing random acts of kindness lately and it was starting to scare him. He poured Kirk a glass of milk.

"It's Lulu. I love her and I want to take the next step in my relationship with her."

"Shouldn't you be telling her that?" Luke asked looking down at him from behind the counter.

"I've never had sexual relations before Luke and I'm scarred I won't be able to perform up to her standards."

"Oh Jeez." Luke shook his head.

"No Luke. I mean I want to be with her more than anything in this world but I just feel like once I go all the way with her she will think differently of me. Especially if I let her down."

"Look, I don't even want to think about that." Luke said shaking his head and holding his hand out while wincing.

"Luke, I..." Kirk said as Luke cut him off.

"Stop saying my name and being all sappy just go ahead and go for it. I mean if she is the one for you and you love her and she loves you then you can't go wrong."

"But what if I do something wrong? I've never had intercourse." Kirk asked taking a sip of his milk.

Luke took a sip of beer. "Ah," he said while shaking his head. "Just be yourself. I mean you can't really do anything wrong, just talk to her and do whatever feels right. Geez. Be a man step up and be a man."

"Oh." Kirk said looking down.

Luke shook his head he was being to harsh. "Look Kirk, I know you want that first time to be special. Lulu loves you and I'm sure she will think it's special because it's with you. It's not going to matter to her just as long as you act like yourself… Whatever you act like around her then she will be fine. You will be fine… Every one will be fine." He took a big gulp of beer and sighed. Tonight was going to be a long night.

"Thanks Luke." Kirk said. "Can I say something?"

"Go ahead, I'm listening."

"I mean let me ask you a question."

"Go ahead, I'm listening."

"If you could go back and do it over again Luke, who would you want your first time to be with? I mean do you regret your first time? Would you take it back just to share it with someone else?"

"Kirk."

"Seriously Luke. Do you regret it?"

"I haven't really thought much about it."

"Oh well, I was just wondering." Kirk said. "So who do you think will be your next first?"

"Kirk."

"I'm serious I bet it would be Lorelai wouldn't it."

"Kirk. I think you better pick another subject or better yet let's end this discussion before."

"Oh come on Luke, Man to man. Tell me do you think Lorelai is pretty?"

"Well yeah she's pretty." Luke said getting flustered. "But Kirk, that doesn't mean anything."

"Sure Luke." Kirk stood up and took one last drink of his milk. "Thanks. I owe you one man."

Luke shook his head. "No problem Kirk. Good Luck."

Kirk walked out of the diner with a twinkle in his eye. He had a plan.

Kirk was sitting at the diner bright and early in Lorelai's usual seat. Luke was no where to be found, he had a meeting with a potential supplier so Ceaser was running things.

Lorelai walked through the door and frowned upon seeing Ceaser. She walked up and sat down a few stools down from Kirk.

"Luke not in today?" Lorelai asked Ceaser.

"No mam, He had a meeting In Hartford this morning? He made you a batch of coffee before he left though, told me to save it for you. How's that sound?"

"Heavenly." Lorelai smiled.

Kirk glanced over in her direction. He could see why Luke thought she was pretty. She was beautiful. A sly grin spread across his face.

Lorelai noticed Kirk smirking out of the corner of her eye, she glanced in his direction.

"Hey Kirk," she said while waving at him.

"Hey Lorelai." Kirk replied. Yep he had a plan. He knew that Luke wouldn't make a special pot of coffee just for anybody.

"Lorelai, what are you doing tomorrow afternoon?" he asked trying not to be to obvious.

"Nothing after I get back from Hartford why?"

"Oh no reason, I have a pair of pants that I might need you to alter for me and Friday afternoon is the next time I can get around to getting them out for you." Kirk said not even batting an eye.

"Hmm Well, why don't you just bring them by the dragonfly or drop them off by the house anytime them." Lorelai said.

"Sure will." Kirk replied. "I appreciate it Lorelai." He nodded ok… now he had short amount of time to plot out his plan.

Kirk sat at his mother's kitchen table. Scribbling away at his master plan. Luke had been very nice to him and he felt that he had to repay him. Why not give him the woman of his dreams.

And on his notepad he had written:

Plan to get Lorelai and Luke together. By Kirk.

1. Lock them up in the storeroom. Nah… too obvious.

2. Write an anonymous note to the both of them dropping hints about each other and their desires for each other…. Hmmmm maybe but it could fail.

3. Get Lorelai to hem my pants and tell her that Luke was all he talked about… yeah part of the plan…

4. Tell Luke that Lorelai hemmed my pants and all she could talk about was how sweet Luke was for making her special coffee. (yeah I'll mention something like that.)

5. Have Lulu talk to Lorelai how she thinks Luke is sexy and that she has a single friend that he might be interested in. (hmmm could prove to be interesting)

6. Talk to Luke about how I have a cousin that is moving to town and was thinking about setting him up with Lorelai (that would go along with #6)

7. Do 3-6 and sit back and watch what happens.

8. I must consult with Lulu…. I will give her the pants she will take them to Lorelai, talk about Luke and her single friend, then I will talk to luke about my cousin moving to town and setting him up with Lorelai… I told Lulu to watch facial expressions as I would be doing the same. We will then sit back and see what happens before I come up with a plan B.

Thoughts in Kirks head…

Okay I've consulted with Lulu and we have the plan set in place. I gave my pants to Lulu so she can run them to Lorelai so they can talk about Luke… She is doing that now so I must go to Luke's and talk about the cousin so I can make him jealous… Ok here's to Operation Kirk the love doctor.

Kirk made his way to Luke's while plotting out his masterminded scheme in his head. It was no doubt that things were going to get interesting so he had to plot it out in his head. This was like a game of chess, one wrong call of judgment and the game could be over.

Meanwhile, Lulu was making her way to The Dragonfly. She had one black pair of Kirk's pants folded neatly under her arm and a grin on her face. She enjoyed Kirk's plan to get Lorelai and Luke together, better yet the fact that she felt like she was doing this undercover was a thrill to her. She had to play her part right or she may get caught.

Lulu stepped into the Dragonfly. She smiled at Lorelai as she walked up to her desk. "Kirk asked me to bring these to you. He needs about 3 inches removed from the pant legs," she said while looking up at Lorelai.

"Three inches? Got it. Thanks Lulu." Lorelai said while hanging her phone up.

"So how is business going? The place is looking great." Lulu smiled.

"It's going great, it really is. Thanks, it really has come a long way since the opening," Lorelai nodded.

"So Lorelai. I hate to intrude, but do you mind if I ask you a question?" Lulu asked shyly.

"I don't mind a bit, intrude away." Lorelai smiled.

"Okay, you know I'm not really from around here. I don't really know that much about the towns people. I have a friend that is coming to visit and the last time she was here she had taken a liking to Luke." Lulu paused while watching Lorelai.

"Yeah." Lorelai said while playing with her pen.

"The thing is I don't really know much about Luke, but my friend is interested in him. She thinks he is sexy and would be wild in the sac if you know what I mean." Lulu said with a grin.

Lorelai cleared her thought and dropped her pen to the desk. Her face began to flush, yet she sat back her face was expressionless. "And?" she said clicking her finger and thumbnail together.

"What I'm wondering is do you think Luke would be interested or is he already seeing somebody?"

Lorelai inhaled deeply. She didn't know how to answer this question, but why was she being like this? That little huzzy wasn't going to come along and take Luke away from her. Lorelai's eyes grew narrow.

"Umm. Lulu. I think Luke might be seeing somebody." Lorelai said defensively.

Lulu smiled to herself, so far she was amused with the reaction she was getting. "Oh well. I was just wondering, but with my friend Beth, once she gets her mind on something she doesn't stop until she has done him, I mean it." Lulu shook her head trying to hide her smirk.

Lorelai's blinked real hard as she heard Lulu say those last two words together… done him. Lorelai's heart began to pound. She suddenly began to feel overwhelmingly jealous. This was not like her at all, but she couldn't stand it. This Beth was not sounding good to her. She took an instant dislike to this entire situation.

"Oh well. I hate to cut this short Lulu but I have to get to a meeting." Lorelai looked at her watch. Lorelai swallowed hard and sighed deeply. "So Kirk wants 3 inches off the legs right?"

"Yes, three inches." Lulu replied. So far so good. Lorelai was eating right out of her palms. She was lapping it up like a weaned puppy eating gravy out of a bowl.

Lorelai folded up the pants and disappeared into her office. She shut the door behind her and just leaned against the door for a second. Thoughts of Luke and Beth filled her head. She didn't like what she was seeing. She had to figure out a way to get Beth out of the picture before she even got in the picture.

Kirk smiled to himself humming the theme to Rocky. As he walked into the diner he smiled to himself as he saw Luke flipping a burger. He walked up to the counter and sat down in front of where Luke would usually stand. Luke finished up the burger and turned around to Kirk.

"What can I get you Kirk?" Luke asked. His voice not even slightly annoyed… yet. Kirk made mental note of how calm Luke was before he proceeded with the first step.

"So Luke, I would like a BLT hold the bacon add and fries on the side." Kirk stated. Luke raised an eyebrow.

"Lettuce and tomato fries on the side." Luke repeated.

"Yeah, but now that I hear you say it add the bacon back." Kirk replied.

"So you want a BLT Kirk, with fries on the side." Luke's voice still remained calm.

"Sure and I would like to have some of that special coffee. That is all Lorelai talked about this morning. Your special coffee and how sweet you were for making sure she had some of it seems how you were gone this morning." Kirk watched Luke.

"Special coffee huh?" Luke grinned to himself. She thought he was sweet. Luke turned his back to Kirk and began to prepare his BLT.

"Oh yeah Luke, Speaking of Lorelai. I have this cousin coming to town. He just opened up a star bucks a few towns over. Knowing how much Lorelai loves coffee I figured they would be perfect for each other. I was thinking of setting them up on a date. What do you think?" Kirk asked watching Luke drop his shoulders.

Luke turned around, "Kirk, why are asking me what I think?" Luke was starting to get annoyed.

"Oh, well you know Lorelai so well and I just think they would be perfect for each other. I just wondered what you think. I mean if they did get together he would probably be making all of her coffee seamed how he does own a star bucks. Your coffee would be that special anymore I figured I would just warn you about it, but if you don't want me to set them up just let me know and I won't." Kirk added.

Luke placed Kirk's BLT in front of him. Luke was so flustered he didn't even put fries on the plate. "Kirk, I think you need to step back. I mean who made you Mr. Matchmaker. How do you even know that Lorelai is even the least bit interested in this? I mean you can't just go setting up dates with people," he said. He scowled at Kirk.

"Is it a bad time to tell you that you forgot my fries?" Kirk added.

Luke burned a whole through Kirk with his eyes. He went and got the fries and put them in a plate. He was so agitated he didn't realize he had slammed them down in front of Kirk so hard.

"Sorry Luke." Kirk hung his head down and tried to hide the smirk on his face.

Luke shook his head. Kirk had one more chance to bring it up again and he would have to leave. He had already pushed his buttons once this week, he wasn't about to let it happen again.

Kirk's phone rang, the Theme of Rocky ring tone filled the diner rather loudly. Luke immediately pointed toward the door. Kirk flipped open his phone and grabbed a few fries while walking out the door to in front of Luke's Diner.

"Hey Babe," Kirk said answering his phone. "So how did it go at the Dragonfly?"

"It went great. I had her eating out of my hand. She got so aggravated that she had to leave because she had a meeting… she cut me off and went into her office. She looked very jealous and I think our plan is working great." Lulu said. Her bubbly voice beaming through the phone.

Kirk smiled real big, "Well Luke is buying this big to. He is flustered and I'm seriously thinking about leaving myself before he throws me out of the diner." Kirk said looking around to make sure no one was listening.

"When I go back in I think I'm going to tell Luke that you were my cousin and was calling to make sure than Saturday night was ok for Lorelai. Wish me Luck. I'm going back in. Later shnookums."

"Good luck my Love muffin." Lulu said while hanging up the phone.

Kirk walked back into the diner. He put his phone back into his pocket.

"Well Luke I think I'm going to head out to check on my mother, she wasn't feeling well earlier this morning. That was my cousin on the phone. He was just wanting to make sure Saturday night was ok with Lorelai."

"Bye Kirk." Luke said while gritting his teeth.

Kirk really knew how to make Luke mad. Luke called out to Ceaser, "I'm going upstairs Ceaser give me about 15 min."

"No problem boss." Ceaser replied as Luke began walking upstairs.

A/N: Sorry for the choppiness and the lack of beta. Hopefully you can get the idea of where I want to go with this story. Let me know what you think. I just had the idea and I wanted to make it happen.