Shimi-chan: I have no comment, really. I'm a bit upset…life…I want to win this game.
Rating: K+ – for no adult themes or language.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (Masashi Kishimoto does) nor do I own Mercy (by OneRepublic)
Summary: He reaped all the benefits of their relationship, while she was left with none. Or, at least, that's what he thought. (GaaHina, Deathfic, Songfic)
Warning(s): None.
((Mercy))
Angel of Mercy
How did you find me?
Where did you read my story?
Pulled from the papers
Desperate and hardened
Seeking a moment every fix
It amazed him that one person could have such an impact on his life, especially when said person hadn't even tried very hard. How had she known just what to do, what to say? Who told her? Even he himself didn't know how to stop his demon from taking over. She'd dug somewhere, deep inside even the Shukaku's heart, and buried herself so she could touch him where it hurt.
And, damn it all, it hurt.
All I wanted to say
All I wanted to do
Is fall apart now
His first visit to Konoha as a newly appointed Kazekage, that's when he met her. She was at the hospital, where he was supposed to meet the Hokage due to the fact that they were too busy to meet at the tower. He remembered seeing her in her hospital gown, healing a fellow patient. This confused him so much, he actually felt the need to stop and observe. She herself looked pretty pale, but she was giving a small smile as her glowing hands passed over the young boy's torn flesh, successfully closing all wounds.
She finally glanced at him, once she was done, and it seemed she'd forgotten to stop smiling…
She fell forward after that and he'd just barely managed to catch her.
That little incident had ended with Tsunade walking in on him, and he was still standing beside the sleeping boy's bed with Hinata in his arms, unsure of what to do. Luckily, her stunt was not new to the medical staff and she was placed back in her bed, a few rooms over.
Apparently Hinata, though she herself was ill, often took it upon herself to help the hospital out with a few minor cases. No one but the staff knew of her actions, and thus when people awoke with their wounds completely healed, they all thanked the Angel. She became a legend; to the patients she was an unknown entity that came to help if you were lucky enough. She was very skilled in medicinal arts.
Of course, all this interested Gaara very little. He'd come to Konoha for a regular meeting on their alliance, and that was it. He had no use for the knowledge of some patient who played doctor on all the rest.
And so he completed his business, returned to Suna, and never once did his thoughts stray back to the so-called Angel of Konoha Hospital.
Angel of Mercy
How did you find me?
How did you pick me up again?
Angel of Mercy
How did you move me?
Why am I on my feet again?
And I see you
Months afterward, he was summoned to Konoha again, this time to the Towers. After meeting lasting hours with the Hokage, he was invited by Naruto and others to the hospital. It seemed that there was a celebration to take place that very day, and some felt he should go. While not really being one for festivities, he couldn't find a reason to not go, and so he eventually gave in and accompanied them.
Upon arriving, he recognized the girl instantly, though she didn't seem to remember him. After all, she'd passed out at the sight of him. It was her birthday, it seemed, and many had come to help her celebrate. The joy was evident in her eyes as she watched all her friends converse happily around her. All save her own cousin, who was standing quietly in a corner, avoiding eyes contact with her altogether.
"Neji-kun…please come here…"
Her voice, a sound he'd had yet to hear, was soft and mellow, not surprising at all. Neji had started at her plea, finally turning to face her, schooling his expression to remain devoid of emotion. But the guilt was evident in him, they could all see it, most of all Hinata. Still, he approached her as she'd asked, slowly but surely. Once she was in front of him, she offered some of the cake they'd brought in.
"Hinata…I can't—"
"Neji-kun, I already forgave you. Why don't you forgive yourself?"
Gaara watched as Neji paused, contemplated, and finally took the cake. The party went on as if it hadn't paused.
Whoa Whoa Whoa
I feel you
Whoa Whoa Whoa
For some reason, he stayed latest. Hinata had fallen asleep sometime during her own party, no doubt due to her sickness which had her in the hospital in the first place. The gang hadn't stayed long after, leaving to continue on with their lives.
Gaara stayed behind.
She intrigued him, this girl. He wondered about her. What was wrong with her? Why was she here? And why did she bother to heal others when she couldn't seem to be healed? Was what she had so bad that even Tsunade couldn't help her? Why did she put those patients, people she'd never met before, health before her own? Obviously healing them took its toll on her. He'd heard enough stories, even seen one of her escapades. Why, then, why? It was all so very confusing…
She woke in the middle of his thought process, regarding him with heavy-lidded eyes. Recognition did not cross her features, but of course, how could it? She didn't know him at all.
"Wh…Who…?"
He didn't reply. He didn't attempt an exit either, though, and the two sat in the silence he concocted, waiting for something to break it.
Hinata, now blushing, was the one to do it. "You…Thank you."
He didn't understand, but he didn't question it either. He only nodded in acceptance and turned to leave, wondering what it was that kept him there for so long.
"A-Ah! Wait!"
Even her yelling was soft, and he had to question if her quiet voice was due to her illness or if it was really her nature to be so quiet.
"I…ano…Hinata."
Confusion knotted his would-be brows for a moment before he understood. "Gaara."
He left then, and she didn't call him back.
Before just the daylight
Come and I stand by
Waiting to catch the quickest plane
Flying to nowhere
Is better than somewhere
That's where I've been and nothing's changed
Surprising even himself, he visited often after that. He wasn't sure why, but there was something about her that drew him…
It wasn't easy at first. Her shy nature and his antisocial one seemed to clash, but they managed to make their friendship work. She calmed him; everything about her was so soft and harmonious, perfectly contradicting his callousness. Whenever he was mad, in the need of a good kill to make him feel alive, she was a perfectly safe substitute.
He started to help her around the hospital on nights she would want to heal, carrying her from one room to another, enabling her to assist more people a night. Konoha citizens noticed, and those who believed in their Angel felt she must've been in high spirits to be healing so many a night. Even the staff, who knew of the 'Angels' identity, had to wonder at her efficiency. However, she told no one of her friends' aid, knowing he wouldn't want his reputation tarnished.
She was easy to get along with, even easier to like, and impossible to hate. She represented everything opposite him, he should hate her.
She really was an angel, he decided.
All I wanted to say
All I wanted to do
Is fall apart now
He didn't know his time was limited.
Gaara had never been good at expressing emotions; he'd never had the need. But now, he was feeling things he couldn't explain, wanting things he questioned. It was all her fault, and yet she felt no blame. He liked these new things, even if they confused him. Still, he couldn't express anything to her. He had to hope that she'd notice on her own and tell him, explain to him what all these things were.
Her Byakyugan could really see all.
It was a rare night where there were no patients in need of her services; most patients in the hospital were either beyond her league or else they were on their way to health. They sat quietly in her room, the two of them, sharing the impossibly small bed with odd comfort.
In the midst of their comfortable silence, Hinata turned her head upward, giving Gaara a small smile.
"I love you, Gaara."
He didn't reply. Actually, he wasn't sure if he even breathed after her confession. He just lay there, keeping his face blank while millions of thoughts bombarded his mind. When? Why? How? How, How…How did she know? Did he…
Luckily, Hinata only rested her head on his chest with a happy sigh, satisfied with what she saw in his eyes rather than his lack of comment.
I wanted to love
Its all my fault now
A Tragedy for sure
Even now, he didn't know. The clock was running out, time was falling short. But he was oblivious to the ticking he couldn't hear. She was getting better, the doctors said. She was almost ready, the doctors said.
He'd failed to ask what she was ready for.
Their relationship, though confusing to the two involved, was the center of most gossip. People had their guesses as to why, but all their conclusions were the same. They were together.
He wasn't sure of it himself. He knew he liked to see her, to be with her. He visited her, even when not in Konoha for business. And he knew that she loved him…but he had failed to interpret his own feelings. Only that she made him happy, but love? He wasn't sure he remembered what that was…
"Gaara-sama."
He'd been approached by all of her friends at least once, each telling him that he'd better not hurt her. It was the pink one's turn, he thought with a scowl. She was the only one who had yet to scold him on how he wasn't good enough, how she should be treated, blah, blah, blah.
He was surprised when she didn't immediately bombard him with demands and/or scolding. Instead, she had on a regretful frown as she approached him, causing him to freeze in apprehension. Somehow, he just knew…Hinata
"I…We need to talk."
How did you find me?
How did you pick me up again?
Angel of Mercy
How did you move me?
Why am I on my feet again?
And I see you
"Then talk."
She hesitated briefly before drawing in a huge breath and letting it out slowly. "Gaara-sama…I heard about you and Hinata and your…thing…and there's something I felt you should know."
Something told him this wasn't going to be another lecture. He nodded for her to continue.
"Surely you remember the Chuunin exams." Another affirming nod from him. "Well…Hinata's fight with Neji…she never fully recovered from it."
"…I…see…What exactly does that mean, Haruno?"
She'd cringed at his harsh tone. "I'm afraid that…well, Hinata's heart suffered too many attacks from Neji. Too many chakra holes were blocked and sealed by his force. There's…never been anything we could do. Hinata…she's…"
Sakura didn't need to finish for him to understand. So many things made sense. Hinata's prolonged stay at the hospital…Neji's guilt toward his younger cousin…her friends over-protectiveness.
Hinata…she wasn't here to get better. She was here to die.
It was that knowledge that made him realize he could not live without her.
Whoa Whoa Whoa
I feel you
Whoa Whoa Whoa
He couldn't see her that day, nor for some time afterward. His visits ceased for a while, and he was unsure of whether he would go back at all. It hurt…he couldn't bear it. It was a pain worse than betrayal…he could fault no one for this pain. Not even Neji, he who murdered Hinata. The only logical solution he could think of was to stay away from her and hope she forgot him. He would try to do the same. Neither of them would get hurt…it was the lie keeping him alive.
I'm so lost in you
A tragedy it seemed to be over now
A tragedy it seemed to be over now
The news of her heart attack was what brought him rushing back to Konoha, cursing his own stupidity. He shouldn't have left her to die, all alone…she loved him, damn it. She loved him…
Upon arriving, he received plenty of angered responses. They were all mad at him for leaving her. Hell, he was mad at himself. But the time for conflict would be later, when Hinata was okay again. If Hinata would ever be…
Pacing in the waiting room of the hospital were the longest hours of his life. He couldn't handle the suspense. He wanted her to be okay, wanted her to smile at him, tell him she loved him again. He'd answer this time; he'd be ready for it.
When the doctor called out to them all, his face gave away the news before he could say anything. Still, Gaara waited to hear it. He needed to hear it.
"I'm afraid her time has come. She went peacefully…"
His heart dropped, his stomach clenched, his throat stopped working…his whole body hurt. He lifted a hand to squeeze his shirt, right above his heart that wouldn't slow its beats. It felt like a million kunai were being hurled at his insides, and there was nothing his sand could do to protect him. It had to be a lie…she couldn't really be dead…not his angel, not Konoha's angel!
"Kazekage-sama…she left something for you."
Angel of Mercy
How did you find me?
How did you pick me up again?
Angel of Mercy
How did you move me?
Why am I on my feet again?
And I see you
Gaara examined the letter, still sealed and in perfect condition, even after three years. Suna's alliance with Konoha had been jeapordized mildly by the whole incident, only because most of the Konoha nin erfused to forgive him for abandoning Hinata…they just didn't understand…
Luckily, there were still a few who were willing to stand up for him, and while even they did not agree with his actions, they could at least sympathize. Hinata would not want to be the cause of a war anyway.
A calloused hand reached out toward the desk, placing a long, slender finger on the seal, tracing where Hinata had penned her name. Still unopened, still unread, three long years without her. Skillfully, a sharp nail broke through the seal that held the envelope closed, and with equal caution the paper within was finally pulled out to be read, as Hinata had long since intended.
Whoa Whoa Whoa
I feel you
Whoa Whoa Whoa
Gaara
I suppose you found out. I wonder who it was that told you…though, I must admit, it's not all that important. I'm sorry I didn't mention it…I really should have. But I didn't want you to leave me…
I guess I was right on that assumption, huh?
…sorry. That was unfair.
I'll admit it, I'm a little hurt that you would leave…but I understand your reasons. I don't want you to feel upset over my death. It's been inevitable for almost two years now. They've done everything they could, but I don't mind that they can't help me…at least they tried.
I feel so loved and cared about, Gaara…specifically by you. I know that you might not want to admit it…it's fine, I understand. But Gaara…I still love you. No matter how far away you get from me for whatever period of time, I will always love you. I sometimes wish I could hear you say it back to me…but it's unnecessary. Your actions tell me what you could not word.
Thank you for helping me be the 'Angel.' Healing those people was truly what kept me alive this long.
Them and…you.
I love you, Gaara. And I know you love me too. Even if you never said it, you showed it to me in more ways than one. Thank you.
Hinata
Angel…that's what she really was. An angel. Not just the angel of healing, but to him, an angel of mercy, forgiveness. She'd looked past who he'd been to who he was and who he could become. She'd given him a change no one else was willing to give him. She'd been so much to him, and he had so many regrets, but in the end he could at least die knowing what love felt like, given and returned.
He didn't let a tear loose, nor did he feel the urge. He would not cry for her; she'd done enough crying in her lifetime, he'd learned, to last them both forever. Instead, he would do something that meant much more to her…would've meant more, anyway.
He allowed his lips to quirk upward in a soft smile, hopefully looking like hers.
The first of many more to come.
I feel you
Oh Oh Whoa
I feel you
Oh Oh Oh
Shimi-chan: I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. Smile