Author's Notes: Okay, I got a couple of letters asking for more Naruto Q & A, but unfortunately without reviews there's very little I can do about it… or at least that's what I thought. I honestly did not realize there were more reviews awaiting my judgement… I mean writing! So let's start right away!
By the way, incase the characters who are here are getting confusing, I will post a list of all the characters who are present at the end, to maximize the torturing – err… questioning value of your reviews!
BEGIN
STORY
(Black Screen)
Sasuke: … do you think he's gone guys?
Naruto: Yeah… he hasn't been in here forever.
Sakura: Doesn't he realize that there's reviews over there? (Shows a whopping three envelopes in a corner)
(Zooms back to show Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi hiding behind a log)
Kakashi: Do you think he forgot that we're still here?
Author: (Rises up evilly behind them) NO!
All: AAAAAHHHHH (Scream and run around in circles)
Author: Really guys, thanks for staying here so long.
Kakashi: We don't have a choice!
Naruto: Yeah, you locked the door!
Author: Couldn't you guys just use ninja skills to open the door?
Naruto: Only Kakashi could do that.
Sasuke: Yeah, and Kakashi refuses to open it because of the fact that his Icha Icha Paradise books are stored somewhere in this room, and he wants to find them.
Author: How the hell have you guys been here for so long anyway? Shouldn't you have, like, starved to death or something?
Naruto: Uh… (points over to pile of skeletons in the corner) We had to eat the others.
Author: Naruto… (Rises up evilly over the group)
Sasuke: How'd he get 20 feet tall?
Sakura: How the hell does anything around here happen.
Sasuke: Good point.
Naruto: Uh… oh I get it. Relax. (Points to a corner where Hinata is dining on steak buffet) She found your emergency "I'm too lazy to write an update and feed you guys so here's food for Hinata, good luck eating each other, other people" kit.
Author: You know, I forgot all about that. Okay then! (Shrinks back down). But I guess I'd better revive the others…
(poof)
Lee: Hey, we're alive again! Revived by the power of Youth! (Gets launched into outer space once more)
Kiba: Wait… if he got launched into space…
Gai: That means we're still here!
Ino: NOOOO, KILL ME AGAIN!
(All except for Team 7 (Naru, Sasu, Saku, Kaka…)
Author: Hey, the first four letters of your name make Kaka. You sick bastard!
Kakashi: … You know what, I'm going to go plug my ears in the corner now.
(Hey, stop interrupting my Narration you two!)
Author: HEY! Who signs your paycheck at the end of the day?
(Point taken. Continuing on… everyone but Team 7 and Gaara start running around in circles screaming)
Gaara: (Stands silently in the middle of the chaos) Gonna kill somebody… gonna kill somebody…
Haku: Save me, Zabuza!
Zabuza: Mpphhhmpphmpph! (Translation: Screw you, I've gotta get out of here!) (Runs into Gaara)
Gaara: THAT'S IT! (Goes on a killing rampage)
Author: Oh my god… that shouldn't be physically possible!
Sasuke: That's what he's saying!
Lee: OH GOD, THIS SHOULDN'T BE PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE (Ripping sound)
Sakura: Oh man, that's gotta hurt!
Haku: NO…. oh my god, sand should not be going there! Aaarrgghhh…
(When the sand clears, all but myself and the… HEY! Wait a second! If I'm getting paid by you, then why do I always refer to "Author" as myself?)
Author: Uh… bad writing in order to make a joke fit?
(Yeah, bad writing, I can believe that…)
Author: HEY! (Punches off-screen)
(OOF! Okay, okay, going back to work… All but the Author and Team 7, plus Gaara, are dead again… except for Hinata, who's still finishing up her steak dinner)
Author: Damnit Gaara! (Confiscates sand) No more killing rampages!
Gaara: It was their fault!
Author: Oh shut up and lets move on. After all, we're getting way too deep into chaos before the review even starts! So here's the first review, from…
Dimentio713
Muhahahahhahahahhahahahhqahah
This
so cool!
Now, let's get ready for dares!
Sasuke: Burn all your
videoes of you and orochimaru!
Somebody evil: Battle me! So
somebody at least reviews to my fics!
Naruto: I'm selling ramen,
if you get through college with Big the Cat, and every idiot in the
world!
Sakura: I feel your pain, (gives her woman-eating flowers)
here you go!
Kakashi: I feel your pain too, (gives him man-eating
flowers that also eat Icha Icha Paradise Books, including
*coughpervertscough*
I'm done here! So... Peace out from
dimentio713
Sasuke: What videos? You mean this one I found in the player?
Author: Sasuke, NOOOOOO! (Leaps in slow-motion towards the video player)
(Shows all except for the Author moving at regular speed)
Sasuke: Why is he moving so slowly
Author: Iiiiitsss foooorrrr draaaamaaaatiiiiccc effeccctttt…
Sasuke: Whatever. (Pushes play)
(Voices from the TV)
Orochimaru: Oh, Sasuke, you devil you!
Sasuke: I love you Orochimaru…
(Back to reality)
Reporter: Upon entering this seemingly abandoned building, its complete chaos!
(Camera shows Kiba crying in the corner, Kakashi stabbing himself in the corner with his own Chidori, all the girls doing their best to avoid watching the video just to see Sasuke naked, Naruto using his own shadow clones to strangle himself, and the Author throwing up in the corner)
Author: DAMNIT! (Shoots lightning at the VCR to blow it up)
(Almost all the males are now dead, the girls are recovering from disgust, and Sasuke is still staring at the TV)
Author: Sasuke… Sasuke are you there?
Sasuke: … AAAHHHH!
Author: WHAT?!?!
Sasuke: I just had the most horrible dream ever! I was trapped in a room with a guy who was only known as "The author", and he had almost all of the ninjas trapped in a room, where he let people write in about how to torture… OH MY GOD ITS TRUE!
Author: … Wow. That video sent him into shock.
Sasuke: But you know what the worst part of the dream was?
Author: (sigh) what?
Sasuke: You took Orochimaru away from me! He's here, isn't he?
Author: Wait, WHAT?!?!
Girls: WHAT?!?!?
Cameraman for the reporter: WHAT?!?!
Author: WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE ALREADY!??! (Throws reporter and cameraman outside)
Sasuke: Where's my friend Orochimaru?
Author: Sasuke… don't tell me you're gay again!??!
Sasuke: Of course I'm gay damnit! Now where's Orochimaru? I've got a wonderful video tape to show all you guys..
All still alive: AAAAAAAHHHH (commit suicide)
Author: DAMNIT SASUKE, YOU MADE ME DO THIS! (Pulls out a golf club)
Sasuke: Made you do wha- (Gets four'd (haha, a pun) across the head and knocked out)
Author: Its even worse this time! Now he's openly admitting he's gay! DAMN YOU, Dimentio, DAMN YOU!
Hinata: Sorry, Author… (Zaps him with a cattle prod)
Author: YOWCH! What was that for?
Hinata: You told us if you ever started cursing at the reviewers we were supposed to shock you.
Author: Oh… yeah… well, I guess we'd better finish the reviews. (looks around at piles of dead bodies) After I revive everyone again. (Poof, again)
Naruto: Oh god, the horror! THE HORROR!
Author: Relax, you pansies. I've destroyed the VCR.
Kiba: Thank god!
Zabuza: Mmmph, mpphhh phmm, hmpph mph. (Translation: I'll battle you, if you can promise, to get me out of here!)
Author: You're not leaving that easily Zabuza! And besides, you can't harm reviewers. (Pulls him back)
Sakura: Wait, you can understand what he's saying?
Author: No, but with that review its not that hard to tell what he's thinking.
Naruto: Really? That's awesome! I can pass it no problem! After all, I got 50% on that test the Author made me take last week.
Author: Naruto, that wasn't a test! That was Celebrity Jeopardy… the easiest game show ever. And you STILL managed to fail!
Naruto: Aww…
Author: Maybe one of the reviewers will be nice enough to give you ramen later on. Until then, shut up!
Sakura: I know! It's so horrible isn't it? I mean, first I get trapped here with everyone else, then I start getting tortured, and then whenever he gets lazy we get left to eat each other, and then Sasuke turns gay again, and now my hair's starting to frizz up and I think all this stress is giving me a migraine and – (While she complains the flowers slowly grow huge behind her and eat her in one bite)
Author: Wow. That's a big flower.
Sakura: (Inside plant stomach) Where am I?
Orochimaru: Hello, Sakura!
Sakura: Oh, hey Orochimaru.
Orochimaru: What, you're not scared of me?
Sakura: Why would I be? You're gay, and there's no guys around here for you to screw with to gross me out.
Orochimaru: Actually, Sakura… I'm bi.
(Back outside the plant)
Author: I wonder if she's dead yet?
(Suddenly hear Sakura screaming)
Plant: (Slowly expands then blows up, to reveal Orochimaru practically on top of Sakura)
Sasuke: O… Orochimaru… how could you do this to me?!? (Runs off crying)
Orochimaru: Wait, Sasuke, its not what it looks like! (Follows him into a side room)
All: O.o
Author: Well, at least he still had his clothes on.
Sakura: I never… never want to go through that again.
Author: It may have been worth it.
Sakura: How is that?
Author: That room in there is rigged up with a special trap… watch. (Pushes button)
Orochimaru's voice: Sasuke, please!
Sasuke: I'll never forgive you Orochimaru!
Author: Hm… it doesn't seem to be working. (Opens door and looks in, then shuts door and turns around green in the face)
Naruto: What's the matter?
Author: … He forgave him really fast.
All: (Vomit)
Author: Work, damn you! WORK! (Pushes button repeatedly until suddenly the entire room with Sasuke and Orochimaru explodes)
Hinata: So… are you going to revive them, or…?
Author: No. Not ever, ever again. Moving on…
Kakashi: Oh no you don't, I'm not going to fall for that trick like Sakura did!
Author: Really? Because that plant needs to be fed with something.
Kakashi: Well, you could've just fed Sasuke and Orochimaru to it.
Author: Yeah, that would've worked. But I've got a better idea… (pulls out secret stash of Icha Icha paradise books) Did I mention this thing eats books?
Kakashi: You… wouldn't… dare…
Author: You really haven't learned anything in 11 chapters of torture have you? (Throws the books at the plant)
Kakashi: NOOOOooooo (leaps into the plant's mouth)
Author: Wow… what a moron.
Kakashi's voice: Hey, its not so bad in here. Kinda roomy, actually.
Kurenai's voice: Hello, Kakashi.
Kakashi's voice: I TAKE IT BACK! LET ME OUT OF HERE! This couldn't possibly get any worse!
Author: (Works his magic)
Anko's voice: Hello, Kakashi.
Kakashi: Damn you, Author!
Author: Anyway, this is getting really long so I hope you guys are satisfied with the length for awhile. The next review is from…
.Fall
OMFG OMFG OMFG! I
ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR INSANITY!
I CAN"T WAIT FOR THE NEXT
CHAPTER OF HILARIOUS TORTURE! LOL.
PS: I sent you a PM with my
torture stuff in it. I dont remember all of them... so I can't write
them here in my review. :`(
I wish I had better memory, damn
it.
ANYways, please use those!
STILL CAN"T WAIT! UPDATE
SOON!
Author: Well… sorry. :( I never got your PM. But I did update this largely because I saw your PM, so thanks for that! Since that had no torture we'll be moving on…
Colleen Sotac
yo! kay so i havent been here for a while and i gots lots of torturous things to say. but first off pocky is fudge on an edible stick so theres that. kakashi: i hate you even more now (kicks kakashi in the knee) heheh. brocli: shut up or i"ll cut your legs off. ya know what im gonna do it anyway! (snaps his legs off) naruto: (shoves in a closet with hinata) i just wanna see whats gonna happen. gamer816: (glomps) yayz! see ya!
Author: You certainly haven't been here in awhile… yup I totally remember when you last reviewed… (looks through old drawer filled with review files) Lemme see here… pocky ransom… telling gai to grow a pair… Hulk Kakashi…
Kakashi: Hey, that's it! (Turns into the hulk and rips out of the plant, Kurenai and Anko each hanging off an arm. His pants are hanging on by a thread)
Girls: O.o
Haku: Well, at least he kept his shorts on.
Author: No more destruction! (Turns Kakashi back to normal)
Kakashi: Wait, if I'm normal again, then… NOooooo (gets dragged off into a side room by Kurenai and Anko)
Anko + Kurenai: We're about to write a whole new chapter to your book Kakashi…
Kakashi: But I like it just the way it is!
Author: Gai, I'm sorry.
Gai: For what.
Author: Telling you to grow a pair. OBVIOUSLY Kakashi needs to grow a pair then learn how to use em! You hear that Kakashi?
Kakashi: Screw you!
Anko: Oh, please do!
Kakashi: NOT YOU!
Author: Anyway… ahh, here it is! (Digs out old file) Yup… been about a year now since the last review! Ahh… good times. Anyway, thanks for telling me what pocky is. Now, lets get down to tortures!
Kakashi: (Pulls himself out of the doorway) Yes! I got away this time! (Gets kicked in the knee, knee breaks and he falls down). What?!?! Damn it, not again! (Is dragged back into the side room)
Author: Good timing on that kick, Colleen.
Naruto: Doesn't anyone ever just ask questions?
Author: Not really. And we don't know who Brocli is, so we'll just move on to… the next… torture…
Naruto and Hinata: Huh? (Get shoved into an empty closet)
Sakura: Why do you have an empty closet anyway?
Author: It used to have Kakashi's porno books stored in it.
Sakura: Have you really gotten rid of all of them? I mean, you did burn down the last review house with them.
Author: Hell no. We're not even halfway through! I've got at least twenty more closets and three mansions full of those things. He's got at least ten copies of every book. Back on topic… you wanna see whats going to happen?!?! I'LL SHOW YOU! (Pulls out Samurai sword)
(Inside the closet)
Naruto: Got any threes?
Hinata: (Blushing in the dark) Um… g-g-go fish.
Author: (Busts down the door, which conveniently lands on Naruto)
Naruto: … Oww.
Hinata: (walks out of the closet)
Author: No… more… Naruhina… tortures! (Stabs through the door with samurai sword)
Naruto: Oww! That doesn't go there! Oh god! My spleen! My liver! My lasagna!
Sakura: Did he seriously just call it his lasagna?
Author: (Stops stabbing for a second) Is it really that surprising to you? (Goes back to stabbing)
Sakura: I guess not. Since the author is a bit busy, I guess I'll announce the ending-
Author: AARRGH! (Gets glomped) More fangirl glomping! Yeah… I guess I can do the chapter ending now… my sword got lost when I got glomped. SO! Please, revi-
Sasuke fangirls: (Bust down the wall) NOT SO FAST!
All: FREEEEDOM! (Run out through the hole in the wall)
Author: … Do you realize how long it'll take me to find them again?
Sasuke fangirls: It'll be good punishment for you, for killing our Sasuke!
Author: How can you still be fangirls when he's gay!?
Sasuke fangirls: Well, we've always kind of thought he was gay… but he's still hot!
Author: Ahh… good old fangirl logic.
Sasuke fangirls: Revive Sasuke before the end of the chapter, or we'll make people stop reviewing this story!
Author: Its not like I ever got THAT many reviews anway.
Sasuke fangirls: Then we'll take away your Icha Icha Paradise books!
Author: Go ahead. I only keep those around to torture Kakashi, and if you take them away from him then it'll be torture for him anyway.
Sasuke fangirls: Okay… we didn't want to have to do this, but… (Zap Hinata with a red laser)
Author: What did you do to her?!
Hinata: I love Sasuke! Where is he, I just wanna glomp him! Lolz he's so hawt and…
Author: NOOOOOoooo! Okay, you win! Just turn her back to normal!
Sasuke fangirls: (Zap her with a blue laser)
Hinata: Why do I suddenly feel like killing myself?
Author: No reason. Now… (revives Sasuke)
Sasuke: Huh? Where am I?
Author: You're back here Sasuke. You might as well leave, the others already have.
Sasuke: Why would I leave? Orochimaru's out there! That gay bastard won't get his hands on me!
Author: Sasuke… you could not have picked a worse time to be straight again.
Sasuke: Again? Was I gay?
Author: … never mind.
Sasuke fangirls: He's straight again girls! GET HIM!
Sasuke: AAAAHHHH (Is stripped and dragged off)
Author: Grr… (fixes up the wall) It's gonna take me ages to find all of them again.
Kakashi: (Crawls out of the private room wrapped in only a towel) So… horrible…
Author: Well, at least I still have you.
Kakashi: That sounded really gay.
Author: (Blows up Kakashi) Okay, now it really is just me… well, here's a list of all the characters… to help you review, and to help me find them again!
Naruto
Sakura
Sasuke
Kakashi
Kiba
Hinata
Ino
Rock Lee
Gaara
Zabuza and Haku
Neji
Shikamaru
Some guests who you can include in your reviews (meaning they haven't become permanent members, but they HAVE been used to torture some of the permanent members):
Chouji
Tsunade
Jiraiya
Anko + Kurenai
Orochimaru
Gai
If you want a new character added just say so!
Hinata: That note was the longest speech you've done in the entire story.
Author: Yeah… I just wish I knew how the fangirls found out about Sasuke not being revived before this chapter was even posted!
Evil Twin: IT WAS ME! Mwahahaha (pops around the corner)
Author: Okay that's it! (Blows up the entire area around the torture building)
Hinata: You do realize you just blew up the greater part of New York, right?
Author: Yeah, but as long as he went down with them I'm okay with it. By the way, for those of you interested in where the Evil Twin idea came from, go to my profile and look up the story "The greatest battle between pure good and purer evil", it's a very good story (though I may be a bit biased there), which will span multiple animes/books/tv shows/manga/ etc... If you don't like Yu-gi-oh it will move on to even Naruto eventually! So please check it out.
Don't forget to review!