I don't own Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu nor any of the characters thereof or therein, etc., etc...
Of Wishes and Weaknesses
It had been storming all day, the rumbling of thunder now stretching into the deep night. Usually she liked storms; the mournful sound of the wind whipping through the trees had something of a calming effect. But as with everything else that week, the noise seemed to serve only to annoy her further.
Back and forth she smushed her face into the too-soft pillow, willing herself to just fall asleep already. The nights had been growing steadily cooler, hints of autumn sneaking into the breeze. Her room was quiet – perhaps a bit too quiet – but there was no physical reason for her insomnia.
The restlessness was in her spirit.
She let out a long-suffering sigh, heard only by her old stuffed animals, lined up on the shelf in her closet. The real problem was loneliness and she despised how it seemed to creep up on her more and more frequently.
But perhaps loneliness wasn't exactly the right word. Of course she had the SOS Brigade which was important to her and she did enjoy her creation… and the companionship that came with it; but she couldn't seem to shake the oppressive emptiness that crept over her heart as she watched a couple holding hands or sharing a meal in the park.
Gah – she punched her defenseless pillow, frustrated with her stupid, illogical weakness.
Deciding it absolutely must be hormonal, she curled up into a tight ball, pushing all thought from her head as her slender fingers formed a tight fist against her chest.
Just before sleep claimed her, a fleeting thought tickled her brain and fluttered around momentarily, before it was quickly shooed away.
But not quickly enough…
- - - - - - - -
The storms had run their course during the night, clearing into a crisp, bright morning the following day. For once glad of her warmer uniform she hurried to class, the brisk air tickling her knees as she ran.
With time to spare she flopped down into her assigned seat and rested her chin in her hands. It was a good thing she had given herself that little pep talk last night - her mind felt significantly clearer this morning. It would be an unmitigated disaster if she ever let those pitiful moments of weakness override her good sense.
Guys and romance were nothing but trouble – that much she was completely certain of. Subconsciously she glanced at the clock, realizing there were only a few minutes left before class began. But no sooner had she wondered just where her seatmate was, the aforementioned male strode through the door. Chin still in her palms, she glanced over as he walked by. Expecting the typical apathetic 'hey,' she received quite a shock when she found herself on the receiving end of a rather heated – dare she say intimate? – smile.
It was over in a split second and his back was towards her by the time she regained her sense. Had she merely imagined it? The look in his eyes had burned a fluttery warmth straight to her still-jumbled stomach.
But before she could blurt out 'what the heck is your problem!?' the instructor had already begun the lecture and for the first time in her life she felt too disoriented to cause a scene…
- - - - - - - -
By lunchtime she had convinced herself that it had all been in her head. As she sped off hungrily to retrieve her bento, the dullness of the lecture combined with her flurry of mental debating had sufficiently cleared her brain of any ridiculous notions regarding suggestive grins.
With a satisfying slam, she shut the metal locker door and nearly dropped her lunch in surprise at the soft sound of footsteps behind her. Whirling around, ready to defend herself against any manner of attacker – be it human or otherwise – she managed to come to a screeching halt mere inches before slamming into Kyon.
He gave her the same smile; at close-range it was infinitely more effective. Later she would swear her heart skipped at least two beats and even after it started again, it thudded rather irregularly.
Once the blood started flowing back to her brain, instinct kicked in, bringing irritation immediately to the surface. She took a full step backwards, arms crossing exasperatedly over her chest, "What's your problem, anyways!?" she demanded. He merely raised an eyebrow, though there was a touch of amusement hidden in his eyes. "What, you think this is funny – is this some lame attempt at a practical joke!?"
Crossing the short distance to her, he placed his hands on her upper arms. "Haruhi, did something happen last night?" He pinned her with that intense gaze.
Blinking, she stared back up at him, eyes wide, unable to avert her stare.
She shook her head slowly in the negative without breaking eye contact.
"You're sure?"
An almost imperceptible nod.
He sighed deeply, posture slumping in defeat as one hand went to the back of his head. "I thought for sure you'd done something," he muttered.
"Hey, since when is your acting like an idiot my fault!?" she bit out, eyes at once flashing dangerously.
"Call it a hunch."
"Well, then that's an unfounded accusation!! I can't be responsible for every crazy thing you decide to do!"
He seemed to be pondering the irony of their sudden role reversal.
"Hey, my ideas aren't crazy – they're innovative!" she insisted.
His rolled eyes clearly implied he wasn't buying it.
She huffed out an annoyed breath, still squirming within his grasp.
"Well, anyways, I might as well let you know that since I woke up this morning, I can't seem to get you out of my head." He said it, not as a romantic declaration, but merely as one commenting on a particularly dreary weather forecast.
"Oh, and is that different than normal!?" she taunted.
"Today I felt unavoidably compelled to tell you." He sounded positively miserable about the whole thing.
"Hey, I'm no Mikuru, but I'm not exactly hard on the eyes! Is it so appalling to be - -"
"Haruhi…"
She paused mid-rant.
"Shut up."
And then, whether she wanted to comply or not, she no longer had a choice as his mouth was slanted across hers; making speech – at least intelligent speech – impossible. The startled 'meep' she had managed before his mouth descended had been effectively silenced by the kiss.
Memories of their last embrace ran through her mind – but this was different.
Completely.
The element of desperation was still present, but this time it was more of a passionate fervor as opposed to fearing for one's life. It was as though he was trying to swallow her up, his mouth both insisting and coaxing her response.
Slowly his arms crept around her, encircling her slight frame… and she gave in. The feel of her curves lining up and meshing with his strong torso sent a burning thrill all through her body. More out of instinct than any conscious objective, she pressed her lower body against him, desperate to ease the ache that had settled between her legs.
Health Class lessons came flooding back as she felt a hardness pressing back against her, belatedly realizing just exactly what would ease that particular urge. She blushed hotly, the first time in as long as she could remember and tried to move away slightly, though unwilling to break the kiss. And discovered that he had effectively maneuvered her against the row of lockers. She gasped at the feel of cold metal in contrast to her overheated body. The exclamation left her lips parted and he took full advantage, skimming his tongue over her soft lips before dipping inside to more fully explore her mouth.
Desperately she fought to keep her head level against his assault, though she was failing rapidly, hands grasping at his jacket as she moaned against his mouth. In contrast, his hands roamed over her back, leaving a flare of warmth everywhere he touched. He trailed his fingers along her waist, slipping his hand under her shirt to caress the smooth skin beneath. She hummed her approval and boldly met his tongue with hers, her habit for dominance a difficult one to break.
Accustomed to this tendency, he allowed her access while at the same time stroking her curious tongue with his own. Firm hands at her waist pulled at her, though if they were any closer, they'd mesh into each other. But she no longer had enough lucidity to protest, desire roaring in her ears, blocking out everything else.
CLANG!!
The pair broke apart guiltily as a fellow student walked through the far door, completely oblivious as to what he had interrupted in his pursuit of his homemade lunchbox.
Once he had gone, they stood frozen in place. Even if her brain had been capable of forming complete sentences at that point, it wouldn't have mattered. Her throat had gone as dry as a dusty Saharan riverbed.
He seemed almost ashamed, unable to meet her eyes. "See what I mean…" he grumbled.
Enraged, she pushed at his chest, "There's no need to sound so irritated about it!!"
With one last furtive glance she turned towards the open door.
And stopped abruptly at the feel of a hand encircling her wrist. "Haruhi…"
A tingling chill raced all the way down her spine at the sound of his voice, so uncharacteristically intimate.
"Whatever you did… undo it." It was a desperate plea.
"What!? Why?"
"Because when I decide to seduce you, I want it to be on my own terms." He looked slightly horrified to have voiced this but to his credit he didn't look away, though the faintest of blushes now dusted his face.
"So I get no say in the matter!?"
"Your opinion seemed pretty clear a few minutes ago."
She frowned, narrowing her eyes at him. "Jerk."
"Just consider it."
- - - - - - - -
The club meeting seemed somehow empty without Kyon – despite the fact that he rarely did anything other than play on the computer or participate in board game matches while he was there. But after the little display in the locker room, she understood his absence.
Twilight was already closing in as she made her way home in the cool autumn evening. She touched her lips softly, recalling the feel of his pressed against them. Sighing she tried to understand what had happened at lunch.
Did he somehow know about her late-night musing? How was that even possible? And that wish – well, it couldn't even be classified as a wish since she had been mostly asleep when she had thought it. That thought had just been a passing notion, fed upon her recent loneliness.
Of course, it had been while thinking about how lonely she was that she had wished Kyon would be truthful with her. And it was all wrapped up in her fleeting desire for romantic interactions... What a stupid thing to wish for, she berated herself. As if one thing had any connection to the other.
Although after today, she could no longer convince herself of that.
But he had been right; it wasn't fair to force someone into confessing. Maybe she had just created the whole thing. Wasn't that impossible? She wasn't sure anymore.
Either way, she couldn't deny that she too would prefer any relationship – if there was one – between them to be mutual. And not the product of some half-conscious wish.
But now what? How did one un-wish a wish?
Across the darkening blue of the evening sky, a shooting star dashed quickly in front on her eyes. Without stopping to think, she pointed a finger at the very sky itself, declaring "I wish everything was back to normal!!"
'. . .'
There was no resounding glow from the sky or booming voice to confirm that anything had, in fact, changed. Just the continual chirp of a lingering cricket. Nevertheless, she nodded, satisfied that she had completed her task, and hurried home.
- - - - - - - -
In her seat by the window she held her breath, feeling as though she must be turning the color of a blueberry and waited for him to cross the small classroom. She considered his lean form as he walked. Had she wanted it all along? Perhaps. Would it really be so bad? Probably not. And why the hell had she gone and worn her hair pulled back? Tempting fate, no doubt.
"Hey."
Her breath whooshed out in a relieved exhalation, certain that her face was now pink… and not just from the recent lack of oxygen.
And though his eyes might have lingered just a split second longer than necessary on her bared neck, they just as quickly moved along to focus on retrieving a notebook from his bag without any intensely intimate gazes or irritated confessions.
Despite the slight twinge of regret that mingled with her relief, it was enough.
For now.
o.O.o.O.o.O.o
A/N – Wow, this definitely went through more revisions than any story I've written before. And I still can't decide whether I like it. It was very difficult doing a story where the premise was that one character acted OOC, but I wanted to keep him mostly IC at the same time. As always, constructive criticism is more than welcome! XD