I sat crumpled and broken in a corner of this stinking hole of a room farthest away from the window thinking only of her. My head lay half way in a puddle of water that had slowly began collecting as a result of the newly formed hole in the roof the last rain storm had created. I listened to it's steady rhythm splash onto the floor near my head and could hear her name in it's beat, Bella, Bella, Bella┘ In the time that I had spent with Bella she had become an extension of my body, she had become my heart pulsing life, love, and humanity through my veins. She had intoxicated me elevating me to a permanent high. Her voice, her laughter, her touch, her dark bewitching eyes, wide and innocent, with the power to pierce me to the very core of my being┘ but I had to stop there, I could not bear to think any more of her.

When I left her I felt like my heart had been torn from my chest leaving a gaping , ragged hole. There was nothing, I had been left desolate and alone. No reason to exist or to get up or do anything anymore, and so I retreated to this place, far away from anyone or anything that could remind me of her.

My once bronze hair had become matted and dull. I had not changed clothes for so long I could not remember. They hung from my hard white body limply, the color and pattern had faded and a fine layer of dust had collected on them, though there were no holes or undone seams, that would require some kind of activity, which lets face it, I did little of these days. I simply sat here in the dark, in my torment watching the bodies of rats and mice decay and wishing that I could do the same, wishing that I could simply fade away into nothing. I had truly become a monster of myth and horror, a revolting creature who only crawled from dirt and slumber to feed on blood and then to return and stay as still as a stone gargoyle transfixed on my own misery.

As I lay there I felt a low hum coming from my back pocket. I rolled over and pulled out a small silver object and placed it to my ear.

"Edward, are you there?" It was Rosalie

"What is it Rosalie." Her falsely sweet voice was the last thing that I wanted to hear right now.

"I'm sorry Edward, we didn't know if we should call or not, actually Emmett is on his way down to find you right now." she hesitated

"What do you want, what is the matter?" She had better have a good reason for calling.

"Well, it's about Bella, actually it's about Alice. She had a vision, and I know that you told her not to pry but it just happened and , well, it seems that you little human has gone and thrown herself off a cliff."

What! I tried to say the words but my breath had caught in my chest, pain constricting and twisting in the hollow hole where my heart used to lie.

"When, when did this happen?" I stammered

"We aren't sure yet, Alice is on her way to investigate right now, but... Edward I hope your happy. Everyone told you that this would happen. We told you that you shouldn't have left her like that, but you know best don't you because your one of the oldest. You went and uprooted us and made us leave our home for nothing!"

"So, she jumped off a cliff?" Automatically thoughts of Esme came to mind. Esme who after having been so overcome with the grief of losing her baby had jumped to what she thought would be her death.

"Yes Edward, Alice saw her just outside of La Push on the ocean cliffs and then she jumped, but she never saw her come back up."

I didn't say anything more. Instead I walked outside to the front of the shack I had been in. I crushed the small phone in my hand and watched it crumble into a garbage can.

What had I done. I had left to protect her, to keep her safe; to let her have a chance at a normal human life. Not this, not like this. Not my Bella. Her small fragile body would never again warm my skin. I would no longer be able to watch her face rush with blood when she blushed. I could not stand it, it could not be true! And just when I was going back. I had already decided that I could take no more of this hell hole. I would go back and do whatever it took to win back her trust, her love. If only I had gone sooner, I could have stopped her. I should have been there for her, I should have been able to protect her. From what? From my kind? From me? It was me, it was my fault, I did this to her. I didn't care anymore what the reasons were for my leaving. I had to be with her again, I had to know for myself, to confirm that what I had heard was actually the truth. If Bella was... dead, I needed to know. I needed to make plans, because I would not live in a world without her in it. And so I did the only thing that I could think of, I left.