Chapter 13: Shatter, Fall, Again

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._

They sat by the open window in his room, drinking tea while she looked at the navy blue sky above. Orihime studied the expanse, the trillions of stars in their universe and marveled that in the midst of all that, she gets this moment, in this life, with him.

And she smiled, because she felt like if she didn't, she'd combust.

That's when he said it.

"I love you, you know."

Her head came back down to earth to look the moment those words were spoken. He sat there, his knees touching hers, and set his empty cup off to the side, looking at her intently.

He found her hand resting in her lap, and used his to raise it up, pressing his palm to hers, as if measuring.

She looked at his actions, transfixed, noticing how his skin was more tan, his palm was wider and his fingers were longer than hers.

But as he interlocked them, she noticed that they were somehow a perfect fit, like puzzle pieces.

And his admission was still heavy in the air, because it was the first time that word had ever been uttered between them.

Well, that was not entirely true. But hers had went unheard, and almost not real because there was no 'them' yet.

So her heart did flip-flops, excited that he shared this - himself - with her, and she realized he was looking at her expectantly, for absolution, for reciprocation.

But he already had it, because she did - does love him; she always has from the moment they met. She's in love with him, as a matter of fact.

But she feared if she told him that one truth, then everything else would come out. And she wasn't ready to show the secret pockets of her heart; the jealousy, the years it seemed like being with him was just a fantasy. The night she left for Hueco Mundo, where all the things she had always felt for him, she confessed them as he slept in this very room, her standing by this very window. Her lips hovering over his in the almost kiss she couldn't bring herself to take from him, even when facing the prospect of never seeing him again.

No, she wasn't ready yet.

She looked at him, searching for any trace of uncertainty or frustration, but his chocolate brown eyes just regarded her calmly. She knew she had to say something.

"Kuros- "

He narrowed his eyes. His large, warm hand gave hers an uncomfortable squeeze. "Don't finish that." he ordered tersely, "You know what to call me."

Old habits died hard.

"I-Ichi-kun..." she quickly corrected, wincing slightly as he relented and the pressure on her hand subsided. "Well, I-I, uh, see... the thing is... Eh, what I-I mean to s-say is..."

Unfazed by her sputtering, he leaned forward, propping himself up with his free hand, and kissed her ear. "Don't worry about it, Hime. This isn't a race; it was just - seeing you here, and these three months... I had to say it."

His voice was a murmur against her skin. It sent chills down her spine and her chest swelled uncomfortably at the fact he mistook her hesitancy as her not being as sure as he was, when she had been positive about him long ago.

"Ichi-kun?" he became so quiet that if he hadn't been holding himself such an awkward position, she would have almost bet he had fallen asleep.

He was warm and still so close; she could feel him groan.

"I love the way you say my name," he breathed, thinking out loud.

"You make me very happy." was all she could manage, feeling blood rush into her cheeks from his earlier statement.

He turned his head so he could look her in the eye. He finally let go of her hand and used his newly freed one for more support, planting it on the carpeted floor near her leg.

"I know. And that's enough, so long as you understand that doesn't mean we're not exclusive. That you can see other people. You can take all the time you need, but don't mistake the fact that you're taken, Hime."

Orihime's lips parted slightly, and she was about to tell him she would never want to be with anyone else under any circumstances, but Ichigo must have taken her open mouth an an invitation, because he suddenly closed the distance between them and kissed her hard, claiming her lips, tilting his head to a different angle for better access.

It was really an unfair weapon he used at every opportunity. How did he expect her to be rational and thoughtful when he was this close, this a part of her?

"I'm the only one who gets this," she heard him drone in between kisses.

She involuntarily reached up and fisted the shoulders of his t-shirt, returning his fervor with her own. Her lips molded around his moist, pliant ones, but he didn't let her commandeer.

He really did make her happy, but so did oxygen, so she broke the kiss, feeling dazed. But she wasn't sure if it was because of him or the lack of air. Probably both.

She released his shirt and he sat back.

Ichigo licked his lips. "You're amazing."

He looked incredibly attractive, face slightly flushed, broad shoulders rising and falling as his breathing regulated itself.

"I think Ichi-kun is even better than amazing."

He smiled, but the breeze traveling softly through the open window and those trillions of stars reminded her how right she really was, how lucky she was that she was with the one guy she had ever loved, and that he understood why she couldn't tell him she loved him. Even though he actually didn't.

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._

The next time the 'l word' came up was after the schoolbell rang one Tuesday afternoon. Everyone immediately shot out of their seats, the bell like a starter pistol that signaled the beginning of the race home.

Orihime stood and began packing her things. She glanced over to Ichigo, who sat patiently in his desk, making no move at all, seemingly not eager to get home in the slightest.

Seeing her sneak a peak over at him, he smirked knowingly at her.

Orihime could feel herself blush, and turned away to give her attention back to the task at hand.

She secured and shouldered her bag, but before she could head toward the exit, two arms snaked around her waist from behind.

The unexpected touch nearly made her hit the ceiling. She started to panic.

"Ichigo-kun," she warned, knowing well who it was before she heard or saw anything else.

"What?" she could feel his warm breath on the nape of her neck. "Relax; we're alone."

They had been keeping their relationship to themselves, not really out of caution or shame, but they knew once they told their friends, the floodgates would open up for everyone's comments and criticisms and meddling.

And they liked having this time to just be around each other without the constant pressure of other people scrutinizing.

"Let's take the long way to your apartment," he told her, "It feels like I've hardly seen you in days."

"We see each other every day," she reminded him.

Ichigo tucked a strand of wavy auburn hair behind hear ear. "But sometimes we really don't spend actual time together. Maybe you can make some of that red bean paste and carrot cake from the other week and we can just sit and talk."

She perked up at that. No one ever requested red bean paste and carrot. Ever. Tatsuki would on occasion ask for chocolate or strawberry, but that was about it. Contrary to popular belief, she was actually fully capable of making 'normal' foods, but where was the fun in that?

"Really? I kinda got the impression you didn't like it."

He rested his chin on her shoulder. "I wasn't sure if I did either, but a couple of days ago I had a weird craving for it."

She tilted her head to rest against his temple. "Well then, I'll make some tonight just for you."

And she did. After they took the scenic route to her apartment.

He had just finished his third slice and rested his head in his hand, supported by his elbow, watching her nonchalantly from across the table.

"I love you."

And those words coming from his mouth were a thousand times sweeter than her red bean paste and carrot cake.

But as much as she loved him too, she just bided her time.

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._

The third incident also took place at a table, but they weren't at Orihime's apartment. The pair were at the library, where they and the rest of their friends were meeting to finish school assignments.

Ichigo and herself had were the first to arrive.

"It's kinda dumb meeting here. Not really a great place to unwind and catch up." he unpacked a few of his books, talking low from his seat right beside Orihime.

She smiled. "I don't know. Some of the best times you and I have had were the quiet ones. And everyone had so many assignments it seemed the best way to get together."

Ichigo sighed. " - And it's hard being around our friends since we've been a couple. I have to constantly watch what I say."

"Well, not around Tatsuki-chan, at least." she supplemented.

Ichigo gave her an incredulous look. "What? You told Tatsuki?!" he forgot to keep his voice a soft murmur and the librarian shushed him loudly from behind the front desk.

Orihime shifted in her seat. "Not exactly. She knows me better than anyone. She uh, got a hunch. Something about you and me being three and a half years in the making." she said the last bit without thinking.

"Three and a half years?" his eyebrows quirked.

And at that moment, she felt the overwhelming urge to tell him everything. But as she opened her mouth, Keigo, Mizurio, Uryuu, Tatsuki and Chad entered the library and Orihime mashed her lips together and gave Ichigo an apologetic look as the group took their seats.

But she decided this couldn't wait.

"I love you."

Her voice was barely a whisper; only he could hear her confession, and the others were getting situated so no one was privy to the fact that they were even speaking.

But under the table she felt his hand travel to her inner thigh, giving the sensitive skin there a light, playful pinch.

Orihime reflexively jerked and banged her knee on the underside of the table.

Every head at the table shot up and zeroed in on her, and she could feel her face heat up to a fever pitch with embarrassment while Ichigo just turned to her, cool and feigning concern.

"You okay, Inoue?" he asked smoothly.

She nodded vigorously, having no choice but to play along. "Eh? O-oh, I'm fine, Kurosaki-kun!"

Tatsuki, with her insider information, had to put her head on the table, shoulders shaking with restrained laughter, while the others just looked confused and returned to their work, talking amongst themselves.

"That was for making me wait so long," Ichigo told her in his no-nonsense tone, but under the table his hand moved from her thigh and found her smaller one. He threaded their fingers together, and she released a breath she hadn't been aware she was holding.

The past didn't matter. The future didn't matter. Him, her, together in this moment; that was what mattered. And maybe she would tell him how long she had loved him, and how hard, and how she would gladly live five more lifetimes and choose him over and over again.

And maybe she wouldn't, because she decided she'd much rather spend their time together showing him.

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._

Just something that popped into my head. Thank you for reading, and I'd love to hear what you thought about this one, so drop a review if you feel up to it.

Howl happily, my haughty hamshanks.

-Sage