RESIDENT MOON

The sun rose slowly in the sky. Spring had sprung in Mineral Town. A small breeze wafted gently through the trees. The small woodland creatures wandered peacefully through the flowers; while the good folk of Mineral Town awoke to the sound of the birds singing sweetly, adding to the peacefulness of the morning.

All of which ended abruptly at the sound of a voice yelling, "What the hell!?"

Albert Wesker stood in the middle of a trashed field, hands on his hips, glaring down at Mayor Thomas.

"Ha ha! You believed that cheesy ad!"

Wesker's eyes began to glow behind his sunglasses, and he took a step forward. Claire Redfield quickly stepped in between the two men.

"Wesker! You can't punch the mayor!"

Wesker took a deep, calming breath. Of course, Claire was right. Besides, his days of punching random people who pissed him off were over. He was a changed man. He and Claire had run to Mineral Town to start their lives over, and he wasn't doing a very good job already.

"I'm very sorry," Mayor Thomas said, quickly. "It's just that this farm has been neglected for years. Every time someone comes to live here, they leave within a few days. No one else has the time to fix it up, and we need this farm. So, the realtor padded the description a little bit –"

"A little bit?!" Claire interrupted.

"Okay, a lot. But we were desperate. I know it looks awful now, but I'm sure you can bring this farm back to its former glory." He was practically begging them.

Claire and Wesker exchanged glances. They really did want to start a new life, and this seemed like a good place for it. They turned back to Mayor Thomas. "We'll do it," they said, in unison.

Thomas grinned. "Great! Now, if there is anything you need help with, don't hesitate to ask. Everyone will be eager to help. Oh, would you like to take a tour of Mineral Town?"

"No, thank you," Claire said. "We've been traveling for a few days, and we just want to get settled in."

Thomas left the farm, waving as he went. After he was gone, Claire and Wesker carried their belongings into the small house.

"We're going to need a bigger house," Wesker said, looking around.

"It'll have to do for now," Claire said, beginning to unpack. After a few moments of silence, she said, "We should think of a name for this farm."

Wesker, looking through the toolbox, threw out a couple of ideas. "Umbrella? No. Biohazard? No. T-Virus?"

He looked up and noticed the look Claire was giving him. "Sorry," he said, chagrined. "Old habits are hard to break.''

"Actually, I thought it was kind of funny," she said, grinning. "How about 'Capcom'?" she asked, suddenly.

"What does it mean?"

Claire shrugged. "I don't think it means anything. I saw it on the back of a video game case once. I think it's a company that makes survival horror video games."

"Capcom," Wesker said, testing it out. "I like it! 'Capcom Farm' it is!

"She did what!?" Chris Redfield shouted.

Jill Valentine handed him the letter that Claire had sent to them. "It looks like she ran away," she said. "With Wesker," she added.

Chris grabbed the letter from her hand.

Dear Chris and Jill,

I am sorry to do this to you, but I have run away. Wesker and I are in love and want to start a new life without yours or Umbrella's influence. I will not tell you where we are, but I will write from time to time to let you know that I am okay. Please don't try to find us.

Love,

Claire and Wesker

"I can't believe she had the nerve to do this! And she even signed his name! This can't be good. He must have kidnapped her. What could he be planning this time?"

"Somehow, I don't think he's planning anything. According to a contact of mine, he wrote a letter of resignation. " Jill grinned, thinking of the letter her contact had read to her.

Umbrella and other Evil Crime People I Have Been Affiliated With,

I am sending you my resignation, effective immediately. I have met a wonderful woman and we are moving as far away from you people as we can get. If you don't like it, bite me.

Wesker

"I don't see what's so funny," Chris said, glaring. "What if she's in danger? What if hurts her?" A look of horror crossed his face as he thought of something else. "What if they're sleeping together?!"

As a matter of fact, Claire and Wesker were sleeping together, only not in the way that Chris had feared. After all, there was only one bed. In fact, they had not slept together at all. Wesker wanted to wait until they were married. He just hadn't proposed yet, because, well, when one spends a long time of their life doing evil, they must prove to the woman they love that they have changed before they can get up the courage to propose.'

However, they both knew that having a life together with Chris and Umbrella in their lives would be difficult, so after reading an ad for a farm in Mineral Town, they decided to leave their old lives. Wesker resigned and they bought the farmland. Then, they had burned the newspaper. "That way," Claire had said, "it will take Chris longer to find us."

They both knew he would come looking for them, but for now, they would try to put the past behind them and make a new future.

A/N: And this, kids, is what happens when I have a severe allergy attack, I spend most of the night reading RE fanfics, and I get less than 3 hours sleep before going to work. I swear, I was almost falling asleep, when this idea came to me. It was almost like a little play in my head. Man, I am NEVER taking several kinds of allergy pills at one time again!

Anyway, I know that the RE characters, especially Wesker, are OOC, but they have to be for this to work as a humor/parody fic. I hope its okay and I won't blame anyone if they hate it. But, I did have fun writing it.

Also, I do not own Harvest Moon, Resident Evil, or Capcom.