Roll credits….
Voiceover: Britain! Land of opportunities! Or is that land of rotten tulip leaves…I can never remember….
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Little Britain
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Chapter 1: Mr Mann Looks For A Suit But Then Ends Up Not Buying It
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Voiceover: It is seven past thirteen and Mr. Mann is looking to buy some clothes. Aren't clothes wonderful – come to think of it, where are mine? I'm sure I put some on this morning.
Mr Mann lowers in slowly through the ceiling, attached to a harness. Roy doesn't notice him until he reaches the ground.
Roy: "Oh, hello, can I help you?"
MM: "Yes."
Ten seconds tick by.
Roy: "Er…what is it that I can help you with?"
MM: "I thought you'd never ask. I would like to buy an item of clothing."
Roy: "Oh, well this is a clothes shop - we have plenty of clothes here. Is there anything in particular you'd like?"
MM: "No, not really. I was just wondering if you have any suits."
Roy picks up a suit in front of him.
MM: "In blue."
Roy picks up a blue suit.
MM: "Navy."
Roy picks up a navy blue suit.
MM: "With pinstripes."
Roy picks up a pinstripe navy blue suit.
MM: "On the left leg only."
Roy puts the suit down with a sigh and looks around the counter.
MM: "With a red design on the left breast pocket of two intertwined roses."
Roy: "Oh dear…I can't seem to see any here." He smiles apologetically. "One moment."
He takes a step back.
Roy: "Margaret! Margaret!"
Five seconds elapse.
MM: "Yes?"
Roy looks at Mr Mann in surprise.
Roy: "Oh, I was actually calling Margaret."
MM: "Yes, that is my first name."
They stare at each other. Roy looks at him uncertainly takes another step back.
Roy: "Margaret! Margaret!"
Seven seconds elapse. Roy nods at Mr Mann and he nods back.
Margaret: "Yes?"
Roy: "There's a gentleman here asking for a navy blue suit with pinstripe on the left leg only."
MM: "With a red design on the left breast pocket of two intertwined roses."
Roy: "With a red design on the left breast pocket of two intertwined roses."
Roy: "Do we have any upstairs?"
Margaret: "One moment."
Roy (to Mr Mann): "One moment."
Margaret: "No."
Roy (to Mr. Mann): "No."
MM: "Oh."
Roy (to Margaret): "Oh."
Margaret: "Oh, hang on a second."
Roy: "She says hang on a second."
They hang on a second.
Margaret: "There's a navy blue suit with pinstripe only on the left leg and a red design of a single rose on the left breast pocket if that would do?"
Roy: "She says there's a navy blue suit with pinstripe only on the left leg and a red design of a single rose on the left breast pocket if that would do."
MM: "Not really, I was rather hoping for the intertwined effect as I feel it adds a certain something to the overall look, if you see what I mean."
Roy (to Margaret): "No, he says he was rather hoping for the intertwined effect as I feel it adds a certain something to the overall look."
MM: "If you see what I mean."
Roy (to Margaret): "If you see what I mean."
Margaret: "Well let me see what I can do with my needle and thread. Give me a moment."
There is the sound of scuffling upstairs.
Mr. Mann and Roy stand and look at each other in complete silence for thirty minutes.
Suddenly, there is a thud at the bottom of the stairs. Roy jumps in surprise and bends down to retrieve a navy blue suit with pinstripe on one leg with a red design on the left breast pocket of two intertwined roses.
Roy: "Oh, my. It seems we do have what you're looking for after all. Margaret must have knocked this up just now. Does this seem alright?"
MM: "Oh, yes."
He makes no move to take the suit.
Roy: "Would you like to buy it?"
MM: "Could I ask the time, please?"
Roy: "Oh, certainly, it's one forty-five."
MM: "Oh dear."
Roy: "What's wrong?"
MM: "Well I was rather hoping to finish the purchase by one forty or thereabouts."
Roy: "Oh, I see." He looks at his watch. Well it isn't that far off. And Margaret did put a lot of effort into it."
MM: "Yes, she did, didn't she. Oh well, goodbye."
He tugs on the harness and is slowly raised up through the ceiling and out of view.
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