Chapter 29 – Comfort Me

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As Nate, Hayley and Luke spent considerable time giving Dad the play by play of Keith's visit, I watched his face while I held my Mom's hand. His face dropped visibly four times until I don't think he could have looked any sadder, or older or more out of his depth. He rushed to Mom once they established Keith was drunk, angry and verbally abusive to her. He picked her up from the stool and held her to him while she sobbed into his shoulder. I felt so much better now Dad was here. He always makes everything better, I thought.

I looked at my brothers and Hayley and in a strange way I felt relieved for Nathan and Hayley. Because this had sure taken the heat off of their baby news. Dad seemed way more preoccupied with consoling Mom, at least in this moment he did.

'Oh Peachy, it will all be ok. It's all just a big mess. I am so sorry, it will all be ok though.' Dad whispered.

Peachy? What the hell? I had never heard that before.

'Mom?' I whispered softly, which broke up their moment.

'You can't go home now. You have to stay here.' I said seriously, 'I don't want you to be alone. He might come back and it doesn't seem safe right now.'

She quickly broke out of upset woman mode and flew back into completely invisible and capable Mom mode upon me expressing this.

'Oh, Sam, sweetie – I will be just fine. You have nothing to worry about.'

'She's right, Mom. You can't go home by yourself.' Lucas joined me.

'Sorry, Karen. I agree. I can't let you go home alone. Not considering what just happened and the fact that you're pregnant. You can't possibly be alone at the moment.' Dad spoke softly.

'Dan, I will be fine.'

'Karen, please.' Hayley even got involved, 'we'd all feel so much better if you weren't stubborn on this. Wait 'til things cool off. And until then, stay with your family. Please.'

She looked like she hadn't ever even been crying. She looked happy. She was so good at masking her emotions, it was incredible to witness it and know how many times over the years she had done exactly the same to protect Lucas and I.

She continued to look at us smiling, trying to convince us she was ok, 'I am a big girl, kids.'

'Mommy, just please. Stay the night here. Or we will come home with you if you insist on going home but I'll be scared. I'd rather stay here with Daddy. And you.' I tried again.

'Mom, you're not going home alone.' Luke seemed to have had enough, 'Just stop being stubborn and do as you're told.'

'Oh? Yes sir.' She laughed.

'Karen, you can sleep in with Sam. Just for the night, just until things simmer and you can talk to a reasonable Keith. We both know what he can be like when he is drunk. And angry. Just stay.' Dad looked so wounded. I felt heavy listening to the hurt in his voice. I was confused. Again.

'Ok, ok. Fine. You're right. I will stay here and go home tomorrow and sort this all out with Keith.' She nodded to herself, like she was trying to convince herself she could fix this as easily as she fixes us up dinners and cakes.

On hearing this, Dad sighed loudly and moved to the bench where he sat on a stool and covered his face with his hands. We all watched him.

'I'm feeling a bit tired all of the sudden.' Mom told us after Dad settled, 'I might go upstairs for a lay down.'

'Do you want me to come, Mom?' I asked.

'No, sweetie. I'll just have a quick rest and then might start dinner. Maybe you and Luke could get me some things from the store?'

'What do you want to cook?' I asked before quickly adding, 'we can cook tonight. Luke and I. You should rest.'

She smiled simply and disappeared out of our view. Luke stuck his head around the corner and must have made sure she was going up the stairs. He returned to us which signaled that she did.

We were all kind of standing around not knowing what to do with ourselves. Dad finally looked up and cleared his throat;

'So, Luke, Sam. Do you both want to go to the store please and get dinner.' He reached for his wallet out of his back pocket and handed Lucas some cash. I realised he was trying to get rid of us. Hayley looked scared as Nathan sat across the bench from Dad and pulled out a stool next to him for her to sit down.

'Can I have a word, Dad. Privately, before we go?' Lucas asked with a pensive squint. We all looked at him curiously. Including Dad.

'Can't it wait, Son? I really need to talk to Nathan and Hayley.' At this stage I wasn't sure if Dad knew we knew about the baby. It didn't seem like it.

'I think it is important, Dad.' Lucas insisted and I hoped this wasn't about Brooke or something. But I knew it wouldn't be. Lucas is never insensitive. Quite the opposite in fact.

Dad sighed, he was obviously annoyed by the interruption. I tried to gauge his mood but he just seemed blank. He followed Luke out the side door.

'Have I missed something? Surely nothing else has happened to make our family even more fucked up?' Nathan scoffed.

'I have no idea what that is about.' I snuck towards the door to try and figure it out.

'Samantha.' Hayley warned me sternly, 'Don't. Just leave them.'

'I wanna know what the hell could be so important.' I tried.

'Back away from the door.' She smiled.

'Are you guys nervous? I can't tell if he is mad or what? He doesn't look mad?' I moved back towards the bench and changed the subject.

'I'm not nervous.' Hayley smiled, 'I just want to get this over with so we can, kind of embrace this? So we can talk about it and plan it and be excited about our baby.' Hayley grabbed Nathan's hands and squeezed them, he didn't look so excited.

'I just don't want Dad to lose it.' Nathan said softly, 'and he will. He always loses it.'

'If he does, just stay calm, Nate. Because he will get over it and so just let him go.' I knew Dad well enough to know he would get over it. No matter how angry he gets, he gets over things quickly. Actually, the angry he gets, the quicker he gets over it. Because I think the guilt of losing it weighs on him.

'I don't know, Sam. I think he might see this as my biggest stuff up yet. I think this is different to the other stupid mistakes I've made. This changes everything.'

Nathan was definitely my insensitive brother and his comment seemed to at least slightly offend Hayley. He didn't notice.

'Sorry? I didn't realise we were such a stupid mistake?' She made him notice.

He realised, 'No, sorry Hayls. I didn't mean that! I just meant Dad is probably going to be angrier this time than…you know what I meant.'

She didn't look like she did but before Nathan could dig himself out of that one, Dad and Lucas reemerged from the side door. I again couldn't read Dad's face.

He sat at the bench again, facing Nate directly.

'Ready to roll?' Lucas appeared next to me while I was staring at Dad and trying to gauge him.

'Hang on.' I whispered and walked to Dad, who looked at me strangely as I stood in front of him.

'Daddy?'

'Yes, Sam?' He seemed curious. I wrapped my arms around his head and hugged him tight. He lifted me off the ground and sat me in his lap to hug me properly.

'I am so glad you're my Dad. I am so lucky.'

He looked like that was something he needed to hear, 'Thanks Sammy. That means a lot.' He smiled at me as we let go of our embrace.

'And I think the best part is that when you got both Mommy and Deb pregnant when you were all 18 – I bet not one person believed you'd be a good Dad. I bet everyone thought you'd messed up everything. And they were wrong. Because there isn't a man out there who is a better Dad than you. And we are all so lucky.'

He smiled bigger now, as he knew my intentions on this little speech. He hugged me again and whispered, 'You're too good to be true, Sam.' Before lifting me up off his lap and standing me back down on the ground. Nathan smiled at me too. He knew I was batting for him. Just as I went to leave with Luke, Dad spoke;

'Hang on!' We all stopped and looked at him.

'Obviously we all know?' He laughed, 'So I am the last to know? Fair enough. I just want to make something clear, before you two leave. I assume everyone kept it from me thinking I would blow up and kill Nate? For perhaps, and I say this lightly, 'repeating my mistakes?' or 'ruining your life and dreams'?

We kind of all nodded.

'I am not as excited as I wanted to be when I envisioned hearing I was going to be a grandpa, that is true. It feels premature. And I'm sorry my first reaction was to escape, I needed to take my intitial emotional reaction out of it – as I knew it wasn't going to be constructive to either of you right now. I am not angry with either of you. But I will be honest, I am scared for you both. And I feel a certain sadness at the idea of you not living the youth you both should. As I don't think either of you realise how much more difficult your lives are going to become. It won't be easy – chasing your dreams and growing up yourselves are what these years are for. I would have preferred you both did those things before having babies of your own. But on the other hand, I am proud of you both for being prepared to be responsible and for your commitment to each other. And for being so brave. I was a shit scared little kid when I found out I was going to be a Dad. I ran from it for months until I couldn't run anymore. You're already a better man and dad than what I started as, Nate.'

Nathan almost hesitantly smiled. He was in shock.

'But please understand I am confused. My whole world has kind of turned on its head recently. I miss Deb. I feel empty and like I've let down my family and now this makes that truth even more evident. I want to say I wanted more for you – for all of you. But that is premature too. And not necessarily true.' He sighed loudly.

'As I don't consider this ruining your lives or your dreams. But believe me, they just got a whole lot harder to chase and achieve. But I know you both so well and I know you're more than capable of both achieving your dreams as well as being great parents. When my Dad found out I was going to be a Dad at your age, he told me I'd fucked up my whole life and everything I worked for was over. And I believed him. And I never forgave him for his words, in those moments I needed him and his support more than anything and he let me down tremendously. And he was wrong. You guys were the best thing that ever happened to me. You MADE my life and me a better person and you made everything I have ever worked for worth it.'

This was certainly not what any of us expected and I felt so buzzed out while Dad spoke. Hayley gleamed with happiness and Nate was hanging off each word Dad said with tears in his eyes.

'So I wanted to you all know, I am not here to yell at you, ground you and be the bad guy. I am not here to make things harder for you. As your Dad it is my job to look out for you and make life as easy as I can for you while keeping you safe. I have always worked, with your Mother and Deb and Keith, to try and make you the best people you can be. And I think we've all done an incredible job to be honest.'

He turned to face Nathan; 'I support you both now, 100% and I always will because that is what you both need. I am here. I am proud of you and I love you. And I will continue to be here, be proud and love you. No matter what.'

Nathan got off his stool and walked around the bench and gave Dad the most powerful man hug I had ever seen. It was a pretty beautiful and special moment. I teared up to see the relief in Nate's face. Hayley then walked over and gave Dad a huge hug too.

'You're the best, Dad' Luke said from behind me, 'Sam was right, we are very lucky to have you.' I nodded and he smiled at us.

'Love you Lukey and Sam. And thanks for the pep talks, I appreciate you both looking out for your brother.' Dad said while still hugging Hayls. Of course that is what Lucas wanted to talk to Dad about. I bet he gave him a much more eloquent version of what I had tried to say. Lucas lead me by my shoulders out of the kitchen to let them discuss things and have their moment.

Once we got out the door, Lucas let out a huge grin. He was such a perplexing person.

'What the hell could you possibly be smiling at? Keith attacking Mom? You getting arrested? Dad telling Nate and Hayley how hard their lives will be once they have a baby – and he is right you know.' I followed him to the car and he laughed as I spoke.

'I am just happy that went so much better than any of us expected.' He smiled again, 'Dad was great. Nath and Hayls deserve that. It won't be easy – of course it won't. But it will be a hell of a lot easier with all of our support.'

He was right. And I felt happy for them too. I just was jumbled too. I felt sick about Mom still and Dad saying he felt empty and stuff. I hated hearing that. I just wanted us all to go back to normal. Deb to come home and hug me and be the Deb I love. And Keith to grumble about me not wearing a helmet and sneak me lollies after work. I just wanted my family back and intact. I didn't think I could take anymore drama. And it wasn't looking like easing yet.

Lucas got into Dad's SUV and turned to me as Frank Sinatra came on the speakers, 'Are you ok, Sam? You look awful pale?'

I burst into tears, 'I am not ok Luke! Everything is so messed up!' I sobbed.

He reached his arms out the best he could from the drivers seat and tried his usually smoothing shhhh noises but I was way past that. So he stoked my arm and held my hand and waited until I got myself together.

'Sam, look at me.' He said softly. 'Look at me.' I did.

'I PROMISE you and me and our family – will be ok. I PROMISE.' He emphasized his promise.

'How can you promise that? You don't know that. Everything is just fucked.' I almost started crying again but he squeezed my hand tightly and spoke again;

'I can promise you that our family will be ok. We always are Sam. Just have some faith. Mom, Dad, Nate and I love you more than anything and we will always be here for you and would do anything for you. So while I can't promise things will get fixed from here or that we won't continue to go through some rocky shit as a family – I can promise that no matter what you, have us and that will always be enough.'

It was enough. I stopped the meltdown and squeezed his hand back, he smiled and we headed towards the shops.

'One more thing though, watch your mouth please. You don't need to say 'fucked'. You have a huge vocabulary and could use it much better than that.'

I couldn't tell if he was serious or trying to crack a joke but I just looked at him strangely and said nothing. This seemed to satisfy him and he said no more on it and kept driving.

A few minutes in, I could tell we weren't going to the shops.

'Luke – where are we going?' I asked, annoyed. Because I already knew where we were going.

'Just do me a favour and be patient. And keep this between us.'

'Luke! Mom will be so mad, she told you that you weren't allowed to see Brooke!'

'Just relax, please. I need to sort things out with her, she is pissed at me.'

'Mom will be more pissed at you if she finds out we are going there when we are meant to be getting stuff for dinner!'

'Mom won't know.' He told me simply.

'Luke, you're bad today. You're not even close to the best kid.'

'I don't think I ever was the best kid, I just pull off my indiscretions more gracefully and privately than you too goons.' He laughed.

'Luke, what if they find out? Mom and Dad don't need any more crap.'

'Sam, shut up! This isn't a big deal. I am just picking Brooke up, I need to talk to her.'

'Picking her up? And taking her where?' He obviously had this all planned out.

'I was hoping to just a café to get a milkshake or something while you did the shopping?' He looked over at me with the pleading look.

'Yeah, fine. Happily in fact. Because if you get seen with her and that somehow gets back to Mom, you're in big trouble. And I'd rather not be associated with it.' I tell him matter of factly as we pull into Brooke's driveway. I take off my belt and get into the back.

He mock laughed at me, 'since when are you so concerned with getting into trouble? Hate to tell you but all you ever seem to do lately is disobey our parents. So don't get on your high horse now.' He was right. I shut up.

Brooke appeared nearly instantly, out her red door and seemed to almost skip to the car. She looked pretty happy to me.

'Hey boyfriend and boyfriend's sister.' She smiled her big smile as she got in. I started to think Luke was talking crap and just wanted to see her, she didn't seem angry at all. Although she didn't kiss him hello. So maybe she was mad.

'How are you, beautiful?' One guess.

'Ok. How are you?' She was mad after all.

'I will be better once we are better.' Lucas told her. He was such a suck. Seriously. Everyone thinks Nathan is more like Dad but I bet when Dad was knocking up women left right and center as a teenager, he was using loser lines like Lucas does.

'Is your Mom ok?' He'd obviously told her about the Keith incident.

'She is so hard to read, you know? She acts too tough all the time. So I want to say she is, but I don't think so.'

'So sad that something so silly has created such a huge drama. And not one she needs. Like they're finally having a baby for gods sake and now this!' Brooke was right. It did start over something stupid. But as time went on I was les and less sure it really was about that trigger at all.

'How was the party, Brooke? I heard things got a little crazy.' I tried to change the subject from the back.

'It was fun until it wasn't.' She turned and smiled at me, 'How was dinner with your parents? SO cute by the way.'

I laughed at her, 'Yeah, it was nice. But it was a bit weird. We went to this really expensive French restaurant. I felt a bit like Dad was taking Mom and her daughter on a date to impress them, or us as it is.' I tilted my head as I thought about it.

'Oh, I think it is so lovely your parents are still as close as they are. After all they have been through. It's nice.' She smiled again and turned back to the front.

'Yeah, it is.' I said softly as my mind wondered again.

'Lucas, what was with gumdrop this morning?' I asked curiously.

'What are you on about?'

'This morning. Dad called Mom gumdrop or something equally weird and cheesy!'

He sniggered, 'Peachy?'

'Yeah! What the hell is Peachy!'

'Peachy?' Brooke laughed, 'Wow. He definitely is your Dad. As pet names go – that is awfully lame.'

'What is a pet name? Isn't that a name for like, your lover?' It felt weird to say lover and I think I said it weird because Brooke cracked up laughing and started imitating me.

'Luvverr!' She laughed.

'Sam, you are a goose. No, not necessarily. It's just like a nickname, like used in fondness. Like when we call you Sammy or Sambo or Tootie.' Urgh Tootie was the worst.

'Peachy though? That was weird.' I again let my mind wander.

'He called her peachy in high school. A few years ago I was looking for my birth certificate in Mom's document folder thing in her room. I found all these love letters Dad wrote her when they were in school and he signed them all off something really dramatic like "I will love you forever, Peachy."'

Brooke again cracked up laughing and I pulled a disgusted face. Yuck.

'I think it would be so amazing if your parents did end up together.' Brooke suddenly said, quite seriously.

'Why?' I wasn't so sure.

'Because maybe they're the loves of each others lives and they are meant to be. And you know, they were kids when they made the decision to split and kids make lots of stupid decisions. Maybe they always have loved each other.'

Lucas frowned and sucked in his lips while he thought about it, 'It doesn't sound so crazy. Sam is living proof something was still there years later.'

I had such mixed feelings about even the idea of them together. I made me mad but also scared and sad. I loved Keith and Deb, why did they waste their time? They'd both be heartbroken. It will be like they got led on all these years. But I also have always almost dreamed I'd get my parents together – at the same time. I loved them both so much and it would have been easier from the start. But I guess then we might have Nathan, so it wouldn't have been worth it. My mind started racing.

'I think you have to be with the person you love, no matter what.' Brooke stated, 'No point being unhappy and having everyone else unhappy. You live once – true love should be paramount.' She smiled at Luke. Gross again. I gazed out the window with my thoughts. Peachy? Seriously?

Lucas pulled into a park and turned to me, 'Here is the money. Just maybe get some chicken and veggies? I don't know. Whatever you feel like cooking.'

'We should cook Mom's favourite, Luke.'

'Yeah, good idea. And get a big cob and we will make her amazing garlic bread too.'

I nodded and smiled.

'We will just be at the café on the corner with the red sign, yeah?'

'I won't take long though.' I told him. I just didn't want him to think he had all the time iin the world to fix things with Brooke. Because I'd have to stand around twiddling my thumbs.

'That's ok.' He told me and with that I jumped out of the car and headed to the store.

More to come soon. Deb will make a reappearance soon. As will Keith. Sam is back to school tomorrow. The Naley baby story line will only become more prominent now that Dan knows. And what about Dan and Karen? And what's the deal with Peyton? So much to come.